


Love Me Right

by Takujaepls



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Basically a oneshot where xiumin sexts drunk sehun turned into this, But also, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Im hopeless really, Lots of it?, M/M, Non AU, Relationship(s), Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-07 22:32:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 36
Words: 123,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5472962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Takujaepls/pseuds/Takujaepls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a night of too many drinks, and lowered inhibitions, Sehun and Xiumin blur the lines between band members and lovers. What follows is their journey from friends to lovers, while they try to navigate the rocky waters that come with their secret relationship. </p><p>Their sudden lust has them in a whirlpool of emotions, but will they end up circling the drain?</p><p> </p><p>Also: Kind of AU where Kris, Tao and Luhan never left, and the dorms are in the SM building. Each group gets a floor for their dorms and one floor has all of the practice rooms.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Love Me Right

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to take a moment to say something to those of you reading this. First, thank you! ^-^
> 
> Second, this fic was my first attempt at a serious/long fic. It started as a oneshot with Sehun getting mystery texts from an unknown number and ended with a blowjob but then I revised it to add the next morning and before I knew it it was a whole new story. It's messy and jumps around weird directions but that's to be expected when you're starting with writing and such XD
> 
> Anyways, rambling over. Thanks for taking the time to read! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally created a fanfic poster! XD  
> Viewed best on computer or rotating mobile device cause AO3 editing options are limited :p


	2. Crooked

Sweat was pouring down his face as he waved to the crowd. He threw his arm across Baekhyun's shoulders, the fans screaming in response. He smiled back. He couldn't actually hear what they were saying, voices overlapping in the deafening cheers but he nodded anyways.

They bowed and started leaving the stage, waving until they disappeared behind the heavy black, floor to ceiling curtain. He pulled his arm back and wiped the sweat from his brow. Baekhyun grabbed a towel for himself, throwing another one back at his face. He caught it and stuck his tongue out, Baekhyun returning the gesture. He brought the towel to his face and down behind his neck before ruffling it through his damp hair. He flicked his head, blowing his bangs out of his eyes. They stung a little from the mixture of the make-up and sweat leaking in during the past hour.

"Good job everyone!" Suho beamed at them. "This is our first show since the comeback but you all performed as if we've been on tour for months and I'm very proud of you!"

A chorus of congratulations and supportive comments were made, everyone taking part in a big group hug. He wrapped his arms around Kai in a bear hug and squeezed, lifting him off the ground.

Kai oofed, momentarily unbalanced when he returned him to his feet. "How are you so strong when you're so thin?" He rubbed at his ribs and made a mock sound of pain. "Seriously..."

The younger boy laughed, draping his arm across Kai's lower back, pulling him to his side. "Nah, you're just especially weak." Kai made a face.

"So rude to your hyung..." But his tone was light, teasing, and he smiled.

"You know you can't stay mad at your maknae." He fluttered his lashes and Kai laughed.

"No, I can't." He ruffled his hand through his hair and Sehun beamed in response as they made their way to their dressing rooms.

He threw the now slightly damp towel onto one of the vanities and grabbed his shower bag. The showers at the venue were just shower heads mounted on the wall every couple feet, spaced evenly apart with thin plastic curtains giving them barely any privacy. It didn't really bother him. He doubted there was any part of his body the other members hadn't seen at some point already.

He grabbed his body wash from the bag, placing it on the small shelf under the shower head. He stripped his clothes off and threw them on his bag behind him on the wooden bench. He turned the shower on, flinching back as he was hit with cold water. He waited for it to heat up before stepping back under it, tilting his head back, eyes closed.

The other members filed in slowly, grabbing stalls. There weren't enough for everyone so some people had to share. By now the members were mostly used to showering together, rarely having the luxury of a solo one. Baekhyun and him shared showers so often he didn't even open his eyes when he heard the curtain move, he knew it was Baekhyun. He grabbed his body wash and stepped out from under the water, Baekhyun taking his place.

"Ugh, I always forget how much my muscles ache after our first performance in a while." Baekhyun grabbed his shoulder, rubbing it. He nodded in agreement.

"It's different than when we train. Today wasn't so bad though. Suho was right, everyone did really well." He finished lathering himself up and nudged Baekhyun with his arm, motioning for him to step out of the water. Baekhyun moved and grabbed some body wash himself, rubbing it across his arms. He stepped back under the water and started rinsing the suds off.

"Yeah, and at least we don't have another show tomorrow so aside from practice we can relax. Wanna go shopping? There's a new video game I wanna buy."

He chuckled. "Didn't you just buy a new one?"

Baekhyun shook his head. "I didn't JUST buy one, that was a month ago. That's almost an eternity in gaming."

Sehun just shook his head and left the shower, closing the curtain behind him.  Grabbing a towel off the clean stack the venue had provided he wrapped it around his waist . He used another one on his hair, rubbing it against his platinum blonde locks. He shook his head, lowering it to one side and smacking against his ear, trying to knock the water out. He cried out as he felt a stinging pain on his lower back, spinning around to find the source. Chanyeol stood grinning, a wet towel twisted in his hands.

"Yah! What was that for?" He rubbed his lower back, sure that the skin was already red.

Chanyeol shrugged, still smiling. "For fun," he proclaimed as he brought the towel up and snapped it again.

Sehun barely managed jump back to avoid it. "Fun for who?" His back stung and he pouted his lips. "Why are you so mean, hyung?" Chanyeol just laughed, throwing his towel onto the bench before pulling on some fresh clothes. Sehun scowled and threw his own wet towel at him but the elder caught it before it hit him.

"You're so whiny when you don't get attention," Chanyeol chuckled.

He crossed his arms, huffing. "I am not."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. You're always whiny." Chanyeol ducked as he threw the towel that had been around his waist straight at his face.

"Yah, that's gross! I don't wanna touch the towel that was against your bits." He crinkled his nose in disgust, grabbing his bag and heading towards the door. He made a point of stepping around the towel on the floor like it was the plague.

"Don't be so whiny, hyung," he called out as Chanyeol left the room, completely ignoring him. Baekhyun pulled the curtain back and chuckled as he grabbed a fresh towel himself.

"You two, I swear you act like kids with crushes on each other."

"Don't be ridiculous Baekhyunnie, you know you're the only man for me." Baekhyun laughed as he made kissey noises to him.

"Hurry up Romeo. I'm already changed and you had a five minute start on me. If you're not by the van soon I'll tell them to leave without you." He leaned in. "I'm sure one of the fans would love to give you a ride." He shuddered at the thought of being stuck at the mercy of hundreds of fans. He'd be eaten alive. He yanked his pants on quickly, hopping on one leg to try to shove his foot through.

"I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying." Baekhyun's laughter echoed as he threw his backpack over his shoulder and turned to leave. He quickly buttoned his pants, stuffing his clothes into his own bag before following him.

He met the rest of the group by a secluded side door and waited for the security to give them the 'okay' to leave. They followed, one after the other, through the door to the waiting vans. Fans surrounded them, screaming loudly. Something was hurled towards his face and he flinched, waiting for it to hit his face before a hand shot out and caught it. He glanced over to see Xiumin smiling, offering the teddy bear to him. His cheeks reddened and he took it, ignoring Xiumin's laughter.

He climbed into the back seat of the van and looked down at the teddy bear. It had his name stitched into the belly with a heart around it. Xiumin sat down next to him, chuckling.

"Pretty terrifying, right?"

"I can't believe I just flinched from a teddy bear! Ugh," He dropped his head into his hands. "I'm never going to live that down. People already think I'm a baby." He groaned. The fans would have a field day with this. He cringed at the thought of his photo next to an article headline like " _Exo's youngest member afraid of stuffed animals??_ " Maybe they hadn't seen it, though. 

Lay turned around from the seat in front and blinked.

"Did you just say you were scared of a TEDDY BEAR?? " He glanced down and picked up the bear in question, laughing his ass off. "This thing? This adorable little thing scared you?!" He laughed heartily, doubling over and clutching his side. Chen, Xiumin and Kai joined in the laughter and even Suho couldn't keep a smile from appearing on his face. 

"I wasn't scared of the BEAR, I was scared at the blurry object some fan just threw at my head!" He huffed indignantly. Lay just wiped a tear away from his eye and threw the bear back at him. He grabbed it and stuck his tongue out before crossing his arms, feigning anger.

"Oh come one Sehunnie. It's funny, you have to admit it. You're so easy to spook."

"That's not true!"

"Yes, it is. You can't even sit through a scary movie without needing to sleep with the light on." Lay ducked as the teddy bear was hurled towards his head, bouncing off the back of the passenger seat instead.

"That was ONE time, and you were scared too!" Lay chuckled.

"Yeah but not as bad as you." He pouted and turned to Suho.

"Hyung, can I hit him?" Suho chuckled, pretending to debate it.

"No, even though he should be nicer." He looked pointedly at Lay. The latter sighed and turned to him.

"I'm sorry. Forgive me?"

"I'll think about it," but he smiled anyways. Lay sighed and threw his hands up in mock exasperation and everyone laughed.

"I'll forgive you if you agree to play a round of Mario Kart with me when we get back." Lay's eyes narrowed.

"You're on." Lay held his hand out and he shook it, twisting his arm so that Lay bent back over the seat.

"Yah! That hurts! No injuring me before the game!" He let go and Lay pulled his hand back, cradling it against his chest. Lay started at him with big eyes as he spoke. "You're a monster." He laughed, apologizing half-heartedly.

They fell into a comfortable groove as they joked and teased each other. It was always like this after a show. They were all tired and sore but the hum of a successful performance always put them in a good mood. They had grown incredibly close in Exo, both K and M. Even though they spent a lot of time apart promoting separately, they still felt like a family.

The van dropped them off at the back entrance of the dorms, more secluded and safer from fans. The fans acted like it was a full moon after a show, more frenzied than normal. He waited for the others to exit the van before getting up himself. He paused, looking down at the teddy bear once more. He leaned over and grabbed it, stuffing it in his backpack. It was still a gift from a fan and despite his embarrassment, the experience made him smile. 

As he jumped out, the second van's door opened and the rest of the band filed out. Lay was over and recounting what he called "The teddy bear fiasco" before D.O. even closed the door. They turned to him and he felt his cheeks redden. They started laughing.

"Hey, he's exaggerating. I wasn't scared, I was just startled."

"Either way it's hilarious." Chanyeol looked over the moon and he knew nobody was going to let this go for a while. Even Baekhyun couldn't control himself, hands on his knees as he barked loudly.

"I knew you were a scaredy cat but this is too much!" He wrapped his arm around Baekhyun's neck, trapping him in a head lock. Baekhyun was laughing so hard he didn't even try to escape. He rapped his hand against his scalp lightly.

"Be nice hyung." He let go of him and bumped his side, frowning. "I thought you'd be on my side." Baekhyun used the back of his hand to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He tried to regain his composure, not being able to wipe the smile off. Sehun grumbled and stalked towards the dorm, ignoring him as he called out.

They piled into the elevator and in no time his smile was returning, his good mood from the show winning out. They were still teasing him mercilessly but at least it seemed to be slowing down.

They filed through the front door and he threw his bag by the couch, immediately heading to the fridge to grab a drink.

"Anyone else want a drink?" He offered. Everyone's hand shot up at the same time and he smirked. "Unless I sprouted more arms after the show, I'm gonna need help." Suho joined him and helped hand out the drinks, Lay setting the game up in the meantime.

He plopped onto the couch and popped the lid off his beer, cheersing Suho, the bottles clinking against each other. He grabbed his controller, taking a swig of his drink.

"Ready to get wrecked?" Lay scoffed.

"In your dreams." 

"Just start the game," he chuckled and took another sip of his beer. He picked Yoshi and Lay chose Bowser. They played competitively, goading each other and trying to distract each other.

He won by 3 points, jumping up and hooting in victory. Baekhyun high fived him and he stuck his tongue out at Lay. He finished his beer and went to grab another.

Baekhyun blocked him before he could sit back down.

"I challenge you to a game of Mario Kart. If you're too scared I totally understand; My skills are really intimidating." He snorted.

"You're on. Get ready to cry yourself to sleep because I'm gonna destroy you."

"Oohs" and "Ahhs" sounded from the members as he trapped Baekhyun in another headlock.

"Aish! Let me go!" Baekhyun's whiny voice was drowned out as the other members laughed. He released him and shoved him back on the couch. Baekhyun hit with an "oof" and he threw a controller into his lap as he sat down next to him.

"You're too mean!" Baekhyun stuck his tongue out as he opened his beer, grinning and swigging some back.

"Don't pretend you don't love me." Baekhyun sighed.

"Unfortunately I do, which is why I feel so bad ruining your winning streak but there's nothing else to be done." He ignored Sehun's raised eyebrows.

"You know you have to beat him, right? He won't shut up for weeks unless you do." He nodded to Suho, his face full of mock determination.

"I will do well leader!" The other members laughed as Suho rubbed his head, Baekhyun sighing.

"Yah, yah, yah. Let your hands do the talking." Baekhyun started a new tournament, selecting Baby Mario. He always went straight for the fast characters. He snickered to himself. Baekhyun was terrible at turning and he knew this would come back to bite him. He chose Yoshi specifically because he had good rounded stats.

The first race began and a chorus of cheers surrounded him as the members cheered them on. Baekhyun liked to talk trash a lot but he ignored him, letting his skills speak for him. He narrowly beat him the first race, pulling just barely ahead at the last second.

"I love you Baekhyun but you're about to get your ass whooped,'" Lay spoke. "Sehun's Mario Kart skills are no joke." Chanyeol waved his words away.

"Baekhyun is just getting started. He'll win the next one!" And he actually did. He wasn't far behind but he still couldn't catch up in time. Smirking, Baekhyun looked back at Lay.

"What was it you said again?" Lay laughed and ruffled his hair.

"Let's just wait and see how the rest goes.

He took the time while Baekhyun teased Lay to grab himself another beer. 

The third race was the most intense yet, Baekhyun and him practically neck and neck the whole time. They crossed the line at almost exactly the same time but then Yoshi's face danced across the screen and he cheered. He downed the rest of his beer and was about to get up to grab another when Xiumin handed him one. He blinked.

"Thanks." Xiumin smiled in return.

"I wouldn't wanna break your lucky streak. I really wanna see Baekhyun lose. Good luck." He beamed.

"Nervous, Baekhyunnie?" His falsely sweet voice made Baekhyun scowl.

"It's not gonna be that easy. This is my best track." He ignored him and cracked his beer, taking a sip before grabbing the controller, leaning forward.

"Let's do this." Baekhyun got a perfect start and shot ahead of him. He couldn't catch up as easily, Baekhyun's speed working in his favor. There weren't as many sharp turns this map, meaning Baekhyun's handicap didn't apply as much. By the end of the second lap, he was almost caught up when a red shell came back at him, knocking his character into the air.

"Direct hit!" Baekhyun practically shouted. The red shell cost him valuable time and as they neared the finish line he knew he wouldn't catch up in time. As Baekhyun crossed the finish line, the scores came on the screen and they tied exactly. Chanyeol fist bumped Baekhyun, their hands opening as they made explosion noises.

He went to take another drink but realized his was empty. Xiumin held a new one out to him before he had even turned around. He winked and turned back, determined to beat Baekhyun. 

"They finished two and two. Tiebreaker?" Everyone nodded in Kai's direction. Baekhyun went to single race and clicked random, Sehun's eyes lighting up when he saw what it chose.

"Rainbow Road. You are so dead Baekhyunnie. You know this is my level!" Baekhyun's confidence seemed slightly less, his eyes narrowing a fraction before puffing his chest out.

"Gotta lose on it sometime."

"What do you guys say we make this interesting?" He waited for the others to looks his way before continuing. "Loser has to do a dare chosen by the whole group." Baekhyun looked like he might have said no if not for everyone else chanting their agreement.

"Fine." Baekhyun's shoulders slumped a little in defeat before he grabbed his own drink and chugged some back. He couldn't keep the satisfied smile off his face as they began. True to his words Baekhyun didn't make it easy. He stayed relatively close behind, falling off the edge a lot but catching up faster than he could have. He wouldn't have been falling off the edge in the first place though.

They started the third lap, Baekhyun trailing behind him. His tongue stuck out and he leaned further forward. He pulled off a sharp turn flawlessly but then another car hit him at just the right angle and he flew off the edge.

"Yah! Here comes Baekhyun!" He was bouncing his knees, tilting his controller with him as he turned.

He scowled. He was dropped back on the track and he wasted no time trying to catch back up. He bit his lip. There was a section of the track coming up that he could drive off of and, if he nailed it, land farther down on the track, bypassing two particularly bad hairpin turns. It wasn't easy to do, though. He had only ever managed it once.

The area was coming up and he realized that he couldn't catch up in time otherwise unless Baekhyun fell off again but he was doing much better on that front and he couldn't rely on it. Making up his mind, he drove straight off the edge.

"What are you doing?!" Lay's voice was frantic next to him. "You were catching up!" He lined his car up and he landed.. right on the track. He was right behind Baekhyun now and he shouted in triumph.

"Wow. I can't believe you made that." Suho sounded shocked and he heard some other voices murmur in agreement. His smile was ten mile wide.

"I told you guys, this my level." They swung around the last turn, the finish line right before them. He was gonna pass him, he was _so_ close but then Baekhyun used a boost he hadn't realized he'd had. Baekhyun shot across the line, him following right behind. It was silent for a second before Chanyeol boomed.

"That's my Baekhyun!" He jumped up and hugged him, the rest of the group either joining them or patting Sehun's back. He groaned.

"I almost had him. I was right _there_." He dropped his face into his hands.

"In the immortal words of Vin Diesel " _It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning._ " Chanyeol rubbed his head as he said it. "That being said, that was the most intense game of Mario Kart I've ever seen." The members agreed, Kai even going so far too say it could have been aired for entertainment.

"Yeah, it was a real underdog type of story; a rags to riches tale." Chen ignored his piercing glare.

He brought his beer to his lips, rolling his eyes before he tilted his drink up. After he had had a generous amount he got up to use the bathroom.

"Well, I'm done with that game for today." He flexed his fingers. "Anymore and I won't be able to move these."

"What do you guys wanna do now? It's not very late yet and I'm not tired." Kris gestured to the clock. It was shortly after midnight but practice didn't start until 10 am tomorrow so they still had some time.

"Well you guys figure that out while I'm gone." He turned towards the hallway.

"Hey!" Baekhyun grabbed his shoulder, yanking him back. He looked at back at him, confused.

"What?" The corner of Baekhyun's mouth tilted up as he smirked at him.

"You still have to do a dare from us." He groaned, shifting his weight onto one foot. "Don't think we'd forget that easily." He hadn't actually meant to be sneaky. He'd literally just forgotten.

"Can it wait? I really need to pee." He switched his weight to the other foot now, waiting for a response.

"No, come here." Baekhyun pulled him back to the others, pushing him in front of them.

"We need to give Sehun his dare."

"Can you guys hurry? Baekhyun won't let me use the bathroom first." He rolled his head back a bit, shifting his weight back and forth between his legs. He REALLY had to pee.

"We could make him dance to a female groups song," Chen suggested.

"No, make him do the Kiyomi dance," D.O. said. Baekhyun shook his head.

"That's the kind of stuff he'll probably have to do on a variety show eventually anyways. It's a waste of a good dare." He was getting irritated.

"Will you just pick something already?" He snapped.

"I dare you to kiss one of the members for 15 seconds." Everyone's head snapped to Luhan.

"That's it? Fine." Before anyone could respond, he turned to his left and grabbed the closest person to him which happened to be Xiumin. He pulled Xiumin's face into his hands and crushed his lips to the older boy's. Xiumin froze against him, not sure what to do.

He didn't falter. He didn't use his tongue but he wasn't tame either, moving his lips against Xiumin's with vigor. He vaguely noted the older boy tasted slightly fruity, like blueberries. He didn't let up until he counted to 15 in his head. He released him, looking back at Luhan.

"Good enough?" Nobody said a word, staring at him in shock. Xiumin still stood frozen, catching his breath. Finally, Luhan cracked a smile, almost ear to ear.

"I didn't think you'd actually do it!" He chuckled and some of the tension seemed to ease. "I didn't think you were drunk enough."

"Well I'm pretty drunk and I REALLY have to pee so if you'll excuse me." He turned around and padded down the hall, feeling slightly dizzy now that he was up and moving. How many beers did he have? Four? Or was it five? He shook his head and pushed the bathroom door open, locking it behind him. He hastily opened his fly and breathed a sigh of relief, tilting his head back.

When he was done he closed his fly and ran his hands under the faucet, shaking them off before he dried them on the hand towel. He opened the door with a second's difficulty, his hands pulling the doorknob the wrong direction for a second. 

He joined the others around the coffee table in the living room. He squished himself between Tao and Kai, sitting down and crossing his legs. He grabbed his beer from the table and looked around. Tao seemed slightly uncomfortable with him this close, as if he was afraid he would kiss him too.

"What are you looking at?" He sighed. "It was just a dare and I really needed to use the bathroom. I'm not gonna jump you." Tao blushed, looking away. He turned to Xiumin. "Are you uncomfortable now?" Xiumin tilted his head for a moment, thinking before looking back at him.

"No." He nodded and turned to the other members now.

"You guys aren't gonna make this weird, are you? You guys are the ones who made me do it." Baekhyun spoke first.

"Technically no one made you do it and even then, it was just Luhan," He corrected him. "That being said, it doesn't bother me." He looked around at the other members.

"What about you guys?" Most shrugged and let it go, the only members still seeming uncomfortable were Tao, Suho and D.O.

"It was strange but it doesn't mean anything so it will be okay." Suho nodded his head and the other agreed with him. 

"Problem solved. Moving on. What are we playing?"

"Poker." Tao frowned. "I don't know how to play." Tao looked back at him. "Do you?"

"Not only do I know how I happen to have the best poker face in the biz." Tao tilted his head.

"What does your face have to do with it? I thought this was a card game." They burst into laughter around the table. Kris just sighed at him. All the leftover tension from the kiss evaporated, everyone grinning. He put his arm around Tao, squeezing his shoulder lightly and looked at him seriously.

"Tao, I love you. Please don't ever change." Tao's puzzled expression deepened. "I'll explain it to you." He grabbed some cards and dealt him two, flipping them over to reveal an 8 of clubs and 2 of hearts.

"So everyone gets two cards and only you can look at them. This isn't a real round so it doesn't matter this time. After everyone looks at their hands they decide whether to bet, call, raise or check if no one has placed a bet yet."

"How do you know whether to bet or not?" He ran through all the winning hands briefly, explaining what beat what and that if no one had anything the high card would win. Tao nodded his head.

"So for example this isn't a good hand so I shouldn't bet, right?"

"Not necessarily." Luhan spoke up this time. "A big part of poker is bluffing. Since no one else can see your cards, they don't know what you have so it comes down a lot to how much you're willing to risk. That's what Sehun meant about the poker face. If you don't have a good poker face experienced players will crush you." Tao seemed slightly overwhelmed.

"Don't worry," Kris spoke from across the table. "It's easier to learn than it seems. Just remember the hands and you'll be fine." He smiled reassuringly. Tao nodded, smiling back.

"Okay. Sounds fun. Let's start."

He chugged the rest of his drink and pulled his lips off the bottle with a pop so audible everyone looked at him. He got up. "Who else wants another drink?" He moved without waiting for a response, stumbling a bit and stubbing his toe against the couch.

"Ahhh!" He hopped up, grabbing his foot and nearly falling over. Suho jumped up and put his arm on his shoulder, steadying him.

"Are you okay?" Suho's eyes searched his as he helped him to the couch to sit down. "Can you move it?" He curled his toes experimentally, gasping in pain but nodded.

Suho knelt down and pulled the sock off. Holding Sehun's toe in his hands, he examined it. "It's not broken. Just sore."

He tried to move it again and almost cursed. Suho just gave him a look before carefully putting his sock back on.

"Please be careful. Our comeback just started and we can't risk you not being able to perform." He looked down sheepishly.

"I'm sorry. I'll be more careful." Suho patted his back and smiled.

"It's okay. Just sit back down, I'll get you another drink." He nodded his thanks and hobbled back to where he was sitting. He couldn't really cross his legs so bent his knee up and stuck the leg with the sore toe under the table. D.O. was sitting across from him and he pointed at him.

"Watch your legs, got it," he warned jokingly. "I've gotta rest my injury." D.O. smiled, saluting him.

"Yes, sir!" His tongue poked out at D.O. and he returned the gesture. Suho was back and handed him his beer, cracking another himself. He took a long sip, the cold beverage helping him ignore the pain in his toe. He didn't feel dizzy so much anymore, more floaty and happy.

Suho dealt out everyone's cards, burning one before putting the deck down. He brought his cards up slightly, letting his eyes fall a bit. He sighed and threw his cards in the middle.

"I fold." His cards had actually been alright, but this was part of his strategy to check out the other players. He brought his drink to his lips and made a bit of a show of him taking a huge swig. He didn't have as much as he made it seem, his hand wrapped around the bottle blocking the amount left. He watched the others out of the corner of his eye, reading their facial expressions. He took note of every move he saw and noise he heard, filing it away.

Next round, after checking his cards, he called and threw some chips in. His hand WAS bad this time but he didn't plan on winning the hand anyways. He did his drink fake out again, managing a burp after. He giggled, and brought his hand up to his mouth.

"Sorry." Lay shook his head, Suho mirroring the gesture. Luhan just smiled. He knew Luhan didn't buy his act but he said nothing, watching to see how it would play out. Suho flipped the River, adding another card to the burn pile before turning to Chen.

"Check," he said as his knocked on the table.

"Raise." Kai threw in some chips.

"Hmm.. call." Sehun tossed in the same amount as Kai, grinning stupidly. He actually finished his drink now, shifting to get up before he hit his toe against the table. "Oww."

He grabbed his foot, frowning as he remembered he had hurt himself. Xiumin chuckled, getting up and returning with a beer for him.

"Thanks hyung!" He had some trouble with the S's and frowned. He must be drunker than he thought. He would sometimes use his lisp to make it seem he was drunker than he really was. He hadn't meant to this time though. Suho gave him a look.

"Maybe you should slow down. We still have practice tomorrow."

"Okay hyung. I'll stop after this one." He grinned lazily. The rest of the table had finished their bets and as the round continued he checked his cards again, forgetting what he had, nodding to himself. When they reached him again he promptly raised. He pushed in a sizable stack of chips. Tao folded and Xiumin whistled.

"I think I'll fold too."

Xiumin threw his cards in and turned to Luhan. Luhan stared straight at Sehun as he called. They continued around until Suho flipped the last card. He let a fleeting look of disappointment cross his face before it was blank again. "I fold,' he mumbled, shoving his cards into the discard pile.

Luhan ended up winning the round and his stack of chips became the biggest one. Losing the chips WAS part of his plan but he hadn't realized how far behind he was in chips until now. He bit his lip, tugging a bit before letting it go. He kept folding or betting low enough to make him seem like he was still and active player.

He was waiting for a good hand, something he could work out to his advantage. He finally got it in the from of the Ace of spades and jack of clubs. He kept his bets small until Suho flipped the River. A 10 of hearts, 9 of clubs and queen of diamonds. This was promising. Now it was time to put the final part of the plan in motion.

He yawned widely, rubbing his eyes before he called Kai's bet. Holding his breath, he waited, watching. Chen returned the yawn a couple seconds later. He bit his tongue to keep a straight face but he felt like smiling. His plan was working. Suho noticed their yawns and checked the time.

"We should probably go to sleep. It's late."

"Hyung!" He whined, letting his speech slur a bit. "We're not done yet! Can we at least finish this round?" He gave him his best puppy dog eyes, pouting his lips. Suho sighed. There wasn't a chance he could resist that face.

"Okay. Everyone place your last bets." He grinned at him goofily.

"Might as well go all in," Kris said, sliding his whole pile of chips into the middle pile. "Winner take all." Since it was the last round, no one argued. He beamed, pushing his small stack in with the rest.

All he needed was a king and he had it, unless someone else had something better but most of the members had just agreed to go all in because there was nothing to lose. He doubted they had very good hands. Suho burned one last card before flipping over a 7 of clubs and.. a king! He had it!

"Hah!" He flipped his cards over. "A straight. Beat that." His face was smug. Everyone groaned, flipping over their cards to reveal a pair or worse. "I thought so." He started pulling the chips to him before Luhan stopped him.

He tossed his cards down in front of him. 3 and 6 of clubs. Looking back at the other cards, he saw that the king was also clubs, giving Luhan...

"A flush." Luhan smirked. He leaned forward and pulled the chips to him, whistling while he did. Sehun frowned, disappointed his straight hadn't won.

"Aish. Okay, you win." He stood up suddenly and stumbled, the room spinning a bit. Xiumin grabbed his arm, holding him steady.

"You okay? Maybe you should sit for a bit." Xiumin led him to the couch and he plopped down heavily.

"Yeah, maybe I'll just sit for a bit. Just 'till everything stops spinning." He went to take a drink from his beer but Suho snatched it out of his hands before he could. He blinked, and looked up at Suho's face.

"You need to stop drinking. Have some water." Suho went to get him a glass and Xiumin just stood there awkwardly, looking at his feet. The other members shook their heads at him and made their way to their rooms until it was just Suho, Xiumin and him still in the living room. Technically Suho was in the kitchen though. He snorted to himself, earning a sideways glance from Xiumin. That reminded him..

"Thanks for not being weird about before. It was just a dare and I really had to pee." Xiumin chuckled.

"You already said that."

"I did?" He frowned. "When did I say that? I don't remember saying it." Xiumin sighed, shaking his head at him. Suho returned with some water and he gulped it down. Suho stopped him when it was halfway gone, taking the glass back.

"Careful, you'll upset your stomach more." Suho looked up at the clock and sighed. He turned to Xiumin. "I need to run an errand tomorrow before practice. I really need to get to sleep. Would you mind helping him to bed after he drinks some more water?" Xiumin glanced down at him as his eyes started to flutter a bit and he nodded.

"That shouldn't be a problem. Go." Suho thanked him and set the glass of water down on the table before he left for his room. Xiumin looked back at him, sighing. "What am I supposed to do with you now?" He sat next to him and shook his shoulder lightly.

"Hey, wake up. Come on." He groaned and leaned over, resting his head against Xiumin's shoulder. Xiumin put his hands on his shoulders and put him at arms length, shaking again. His eyes blinked open, looking at Xiumin.

"What?" He grumbled. His eyes started to droop again but Xiumin shook him again and they snapped back open. "I know you're tired but you need to drink some more water. You can sleep after." He blinked at him.

"Yah, yah, just give me the water." Xiumin handed the glass to him and he chugged it back again, water dribbling down his chin. He handed the glass back as he wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. He sighed and curled up against Xiumin's shoulder, wrapping his arm around his waist. He felt the older boy stiffen a bit before he lightly draped an arm across his back.

"I'm tired hyung..."

Xiumin chuckled, wrapping his arm around his shoulders and patting his back.

"I know. You've had quite an exciting day." He sighed and burrowed further into his shoulder. He didn't feel like getting up at all and he closed his eyes. Xiumin could just leave him in the couch. He'd probably only wake up Suho if he went back to the room anyway. He was gonna tell Xiumin that but then he wanted to just enjoy the quiet a bit longer and then he drifted off for a bit.

It wasn't long enough to dream but he thought he could remember the feeling of strong arms wrapped around his body and eating delicious, ripe blueberries. When his eyes slowly opened he realized he hadn't imagined the arms holding him. 

He was still on the couch, laying against Xiumin's shoulder, his arm across the boys stomach. His hand had come to rest on his hip, fingers brushing the skin above his pants where the shirt had bunched up a bit. He noted how soft it felt, and he fought the urge to push the shirt up higher to feel more of his skin.

He started to remember what had happened earlier on and the dare he had impulsively acted out. He felt his cheeks heat up. He was grateful he was looking down and Xiumin couldn't see either that he was blushing or that he was awake. He had no control when he drank. He always made decisions he regretted. 

Weirdly, he wasn't sure if he regretted it or not. It was definitely something he shouldn't have done and he was lucky that it hadn't caused any problems with the group. They easily could have been disgusted with him and he hated the thought of them avoiding him for it.

On the other hand he could still remember the feel of Xiumin's lips on his, soft and pliant under him. He hadn't exactly been controlled with the kiss, using an almost bruising force. His cheeks got hotter and he bit his lip.

He shouldn't be thinking about it like this but he couldn't get the taste of his lips out of his head. His tongue run across his bottom lip unconsciously, wanting more. He thought it had tasted like blueberries or something sweet but he couldn't remember anymore.

He shifted suddenly and raised his head up a bit, looking at Xiumin through half lidded eyes.

"You tasted like blueberries, I think."

Xiumin looked taken aback, eyes wide and mouth open. His lips were making a small 'o' shape and Sehun thought again of how nice those lips felt. Xiumin blushed a little, cheeks beautifully pink, and closed his mouth.

"I taste l-like blueberries?" He finally stuttered out.

With the alcohol still making his head buzz he made a decision. He moved up and pulled Xiumin's face to his, lips meeting as the boy's eyes went wide again. He closed his eyes and kissed him softly, threading his left hand into the back of Xiumin's hair. 

He pulled him closer, almost on top of him as he leaned back against the couch. Xiumin's hand shot out to the armrest, keeping him from falling onto him and effectively pinning him beneath the older boy. 

Xiumin didn't push him away immediately and he took it as a good sign. He ran his tongue across Xiumin's lip, savoring the way he tasted. His fingers tightened in Xiumin's hair and the hand on his hip pushed flat against his skin.

Xiumin gasped slightly against his mouth, lips parting slightly and he took the chance to explore more of his mouth. He stuck his tongue in a bit, running it across Xiumin's teeth before it met the others boys own tongue. He swirled it around Xiumin's before lightly sucking it into his own mouth. He felt Xiumin shudder.

His back dug into the armrest as Xiumin pushed back into him, the arm not holding him up coming to cup his cheek. He deepened the kiss but kept the pace slow. He didn't want to rush anything, he just wanted to enjoy the moment while it lasted. He suppressed a groan as Xiumin bit his lip gently, tugging it into his own mouth. 

He wasn't sure how long the kiss lasted. It could have been 30 seconds or 10 minutes, he didn't know. It was hard to think about anything else besides the very warm body pressed against him, lips moving earnestly against his now. He knew that if he didn't stop soon he might not be able to at all. He knew it had to, no matter how much he enjoyed it. 

He pulled back and their lips separated, a small string of saliva bridging between them before it broke. His hand left Xiumin's hair and he put his head back on his shoulder, pulling his other arm around the boys waist once again.

"Definitely like blueberries." He sighed and closed his eyes, ignoring the confused stare of the boy above him and let himself fall back into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I deleted my progress on this chapter multiple times and as a result it kinda sucks a little but I've literally written it 4 times and I just CANNOT bring myself to do it again so please forgive me.  
> Song by G-Dragon.


	3. Beautiful Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after is never as beautiful.

Bright light shone through his eyelids and he groaned, pulling the blanket over his face. He snuggled up tighter, pushing his face further into the pillow. His head was pounding and he felt like he'd been hit by a truck. He wanted to go back to sleep but he vaguely remembered they had dance practice this morning.

Grudgingly he reached out from underneath the blanket to grab his phone off the bedside stand. His fingers hit something hard and he fumbled, unable to pass the barrier. He peeked out from the blanket and saw a wall in front of him instead of the the table and lamp that should have been there. He blinked and rolled over.

Confused, he realized this wasn't his room. There were a couple teddy bears on the bed next to him and the decorations weren't his. He looked down and saw that it was not his blanket but a fuzzy one with a picture of a wolf he had cuddled with.

He sat up, looking for a clue as to why he was here. This was Xiumin's room, wasn't it? He was pretty sure it was. He remembered how excited the boy had been to get this blanket from a fan for his birthday. He scratched his head, trying to remember what happened last night. Before anything could come to mind the door opened.

Xiumin walked in with a glass of water and some pills, eyes widening as he saw him sitting up.

"You're up. I wast just about to wake you." He closed the door and came to stand awkwardly next to the bed. He glanced away when their eyes met, looking at the foot of the bed while he rocked his heels. 

"I brought you some pills. You probably have a bad headache." Sehun took them and swallowed them back with some water.

"Why am I in your room?" He yawned and stretched his arms out, twisting his body. " Did I drink that much last night?" He rubbed his eyes with his fist before taking another sip of water to soothe his sore throat. Xiumin still wouldn't look at him.

"Yeah, you were... umm... really drunk last night." Xiumin's eyes darted up to his but went back to the floor right away.

"What's up with you this morning?" He gave him a questioning look. "I didn't do anything, like, super embarrassing last night, did I?" Xiumin actually blushed, meeting his eyes fleetingly once more.

"Well you kinda... Umm... Kissed me." 

He thought back to last night and laughed as he remembered the dare. Xiumin's eyebrow quirked up.

"That's what your worried about? I was drunk. It's not a big deal, and it's not like the members were upset by it." Xiumin finally looked him in the eyes as he spoke.

"That's not the kiss I'm talking about." Sehun tilted his head, confused. He thought back. He had done the dare and kissed Xiumin, that he remembered. Then they had played poker and he was pretty sure he lost. He remembered stubbing his toe, although a quick curl of his toes assured him he was fine now. He frowned and looked back up at Xiumin.

"I don't get it... Is this a joke?" Xiumin's eyes seemed to darken for a moment before he responded.

"Do you think I'd joke about something like this?" He frowned again. Xiumin definitely wasn't the type to make jokes like that. He bit his lip, trying to remember whatever it was he had forgotten. He vaguely remembered being dizzy and falling onto the couch. That's right, Xiumin had given him some water and... Oh.

His eyes flew to Xiumin's as he remembered what had happened and the look Xiumin gave him had his cheeks flushing a dangerous shade. Now it was his turn to look down.

"Oh... That." Xiumin's face softened a bit.

"Yes, that." He looked back at him expectantly, but Sehun didn't know what to do. He fiddled with the edge of the blanket, ignoring Xiumin's gaze as he tried to figure out what to say.

"I.. Um... I'm sorry. I don't know what happened... I just... I don't know..." Xiumin sighed and he looked up.

"We both know what happened. What we don't know is _WHY_ it happened." He blushed again. His face felt like you could roast marshmallows off it.

"Umm.. because we were drunk?"

" _YOU_ were drunk. I was sober. Well, sort of sober but that's not the point. We can't just brush this off. If we don't talk about it, things could get bad for the group."

Sehun blanched. Shit why hadn't he thought of the group last night? What if Xiumin didn't wanna work with him anymore? He looked up, expecting to see a face full of disgust or anger. Instead, Xiumin's face had a look of understanding and kindness. He seemed to notice Sehun's apprehension.

"I'm not mad Sehun. I just want to figure this out. Why did you kiss me?" He tried to look down again but Xiumin scooted closer and brought his finger to his chin, forcing it up. He tried to look away but found himself drawn to those eyes that seemed to look right through him

"I... I don't know..." He admitted. His mouth suddenly felt really dry and he licked his lips. "I just wanted to... I don't know why." He felt ashamed and he looked back down.

"Sehun, look at me." Xiumin waited until their eyes met again before he continued. "You don't have anything to feel bad about. I'm just as much responsible for last night as you. I don't know why I kissed you back either but I did." His hand left his chin but lingered near his face before falling back down to his side. Neither of them spoke for a moment.

"Are you upset with me?" He was afraid of Xiumin's answer but he had to know. Xiumin sighed, a smile tugging at his lips.

"Yes, but not for what you think." He looked into his eyes. "I'm upset with you for making me so confused. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. I know that last night shouldn't of happened but still..." Sehun bit his lip, waiting for him to finish. Xiumin's eyes flickered to his mouth and he swallowed.

"But I'm kind of glad it did." He inhaled at Xiumin's revelation, confused but strangely satisfied.

"Wait. So you... you liked it?" Xiumin was quiet for a long time.

"Yes. I did. I don't really understand it but..." He looked him in the eyes again and swallowed, bringing his hand up to rub at the back of his neck. "As much as a I try to forget it, I can't stop thinking about it. Even now all I wanna do is reach out and feel those lips again." He blushed, turning his head to the side. Xiumin sighed.

"I... umm... I think I liked it too..." He couldn't bring himself to say anything else. He felt Xiumin's hand on his knee and looked back reluctantly.

"What does this mean?" Sehun bit his lip, debating.

"I don't really know," he admitted. "I think it means we... uhhh..." He swallowed. "That we, like, are attracted to each other." He watched Xiumin like a hawk, waiting for a reaction. All he did was nod his head.

"I think so too. But we need to decide what to do about it. We can't risk whatever _this_ ," Xiumin waved his arm between them, "messing up Exo." Sehun nodded. No matter what, Exo had to come first. 

"We can't let anybody else know. I don't know what would happen if they found out.." Xiumin nodded in agreement.

"It would definitely make things weird. So we agree to keep this to ourselves. What about the obvious... uh... attraction?" Xiumin's eyebrows raised and he smiled as Sehun blushed.

"What do you mean? We just... uh... ignore it. It's not like we could do anything anyways." Xiumin's eyes had a weird glint for a moment before his face returned to normal and he agreed. 

"Yeah, we probably shouldn't do anything to make things weirder. So from now on we just pretend it never happened, okay?" He nodded and Xiumin got up. "Oh, I told everyone you slept here so you didn't disturb Suho and I slept on the couch. Don't worry, I actually did." Xiumin hurriedly added the last part when Sehun's eyes shot up. He hadn't even questioned where Xiumin had slept while he was in his bed all night.

"So yeah, when I close this door I'm gonna pretend last night didn't happen and I hope you'll do the same. Hurry up." He looked down at his watch. "We need to leave for practice in ten minutes." He turned around and left.

He felt overwhelmed. He kept replaying the kiss over and over again in his head, remembered every little detail he'd wish he would forget. The feel of Xiumin's body pressed to his, his hand on his face as he kissed back enthusiastically or the way their lips matched each others perfectly... He shook his head and jumped out of bed. He paced in front of the door, hand raking through his hair as he breathed out slowly. He slapped his cheek lightly, shaking his head as he opened the door.

He ignored the looks of the others in the living room and kept his head down as he made his way down the hallway to his room. He didn't bother closing the door behind him and threw his shirt onto his bed before grabbing a random new one out of the closet. He changed into a pair of sweatpants before throwing another clean set of clothes into his dance bag and zipped it up. He slung the strap over his shoulder and left to join the others in the living room.

They looked up as he came in and Baekhyun jumped up, arm over his shoulder faster than humanly possible. 

"How's Sleeping Beauty?" He cringed away, covering his ear.

"Why are you being so loud?" He ducked under Baekhyun's arm and went to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water and ripping the lid off. He chugged back the whole bottle, wiping his mouth off after he emptied it. When he looked up every single member was looking at him.

"What?" They burst out laughing.

"Okay, Kai, you owe me ten bucks." Kris held his hand out and Kai grudgingly took his wallet out of his bag an opened it, passing Kris $10.

"Did you guys bet about how sick I'd be this morning?" He feigned a disgusted look, tossing his head up as he put his hands on his hips. "How rude." Kai got up and grabbed himself a bottle of water too, shoving him away from the fridge playfully.

"Too be fair, I bet you would be okay. I guess you don't know your limits." He snorted, thumping Kai's back.

"I know them, I just COMPLETELY ignore them." Everyone laughed, and he risked a glance at Xiumin. His face was perfectly composed, asides from the laughter escaping it. Suho looked at his watch and got up.

"Okay guys, time to go." Everyone moved to the door. He trailed along in the back, unable to muster the energy to play along with them much. He followed absent mindedly, not paying attention to what they said.

He was so tired and he was really upset with himself for drinking last night. Except he wasn't, because otherwise he never would have kissed Xiumin... He shook his head again. They had agreed to forget about it. He NEEDED to forget about it. But still, it was Xiumin on his mind as they entered the practice room. 

He threw his bag near the wall and started stretching. He pulled his arm behind his head and grabbed it with the other one, leaning left and right as he moved his muscles. He let go and rolled his shoulders before bending down to reach for his toes. 

Suho outlined their practice schedule for the day but he was only half listening. He stood in the back, his eyes darting to the back of Xiumin's head as the boy finished his stretches. He was wearing a white tank top and black, baggy sweats. His muscles stood out on his arms, flexing as he stretched his arms out over his head. 

He resisted the urge to drool and turned back to Suho. He still wasn't fully listening though, instead trying to figure out where this attraction to Xiumin came from out of nowhere. Obviously he was handsome, everyone agreed on that. He had just never been  _attracted_ to him before. He had never been remotely attracted to a man at all, for that matter. 

He'd had a couple girlfriends before he debuted. He'd been attracted to them too. Did this mean he was bisexual or was it specifically Xiumin he was attracted too? He looked forwards at Suho as he lead them through the steps and imagined kissing him. He cringed and had to look away. That was definitely not something he wanted.

Curious he looked at the other members and tried the same thing. They were all handsome guys but he just couldn't see it. It all felt wrong. They felt like his brothers. Hesitantly, he looked back at Xiumin. He thought back to their kiss and instantly felt his throat dry up. Okay, so he was pretty sure it was only Xiumin he was attracted to.

He went through practice in a daze, looking at Xiumin's constantly. He never turned back or looked at him in the mirror. He tried to focus on practice but his head felt heavy and he couldn't think properly. He kept messing up the steps and missing the timing. After an hour of it, Suho called a break. The other members grabbed some water and started chatting. Suho motioned him to follow as he went into the hallway. He closed the door behind him and waited for Suho to yell at him.

'What's wrong? You don't seem like yourself." Suho's voice was full of concern and he waited for him to answer.

"I'm just tired and not feeling well..." He trailed off and looked down. 

"Are you okay? Do you need to go to the hospital?" He shook his head and Suho sighed. "Well I think you should go back to the dorm for now and rest. You're not doing any good to anyone, including yourself, right now." He began to object but Suho just held his finger up. "Go." He gave him the 'I'm the leader and you better listen to me look' and he nodded, defeated. 

He shuffled back into the room, eyes down as he grabbed his bag. He didn't look back at anyone as he left, closing the door quietly behind him. He felt like a zombie walking back to the dorm. 

Him and Xiumin had agreed to not let this get in the way of Exo, yet here he was, kicked out of practice because he was being a disturbance. Xiumin had seemed fine, obviously handling this better than him.

Even though they both agreed to ignore it, he felt a little hurt by Xiumin's actions. He hadn't even acknowledged him once this morning after their talk. He knew he was being ridiculous but it bothered him. He didn't like feeling like the only one affected by what had happened. 

As soon as he entered the dorm he dropped his bag and went straight for the shower. He locked the door behind him in case someone came to check up on him and stripped his clothes quickly. He turned the shower on and stepped under the stream of hot water closing his eyes.

It felt soothing on his skin, and he turned the water up until it was so hot it was almost scalding. He just stood there for a long time, letting his mind go blank as his skin turned red. Eventually the water became cold. He still didn't move, shivering under the frigid water. When his head felt numb and he didn't think he could stand it any longer, he shut it off.

He got out and dried himself off hastily, his hands not responding properly. He gave up and threw the towel back on the rack. He pulled his clothes on over his still half wet body and trudged to the living room.

He grabbed the first movie he saw and threw it in, laying down on the couch and pulling a small blanket over him. It didn't quite cover him and his feet poked out but he was too lazy to move. He pressed play and stared blankly at the TV. He tried not to think about anything from the past 24 hours but he still felt empty, broken for some reason. He felt a tear roll down his face and he closed his eyes, focusing on the voices from the movie, laying his arm under his head.

He was still shivering and he pulled the blanket up to his chin and burrowed his face against it. Slowly he felt himself give in the the exhaustion and before long his body took over. He fell asleep easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but someone else's POV is next.  
> Song by B2ST.


	4. Baekhyun Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun worries about Sehun and apparently for good reason.

***Baekhyun's POV***

Baekhyun was the first person to grab his bag after practice ended and he bolted out the door. Something was off with Sehun and he wanted to go check up on him. He hadn't been his regular, cheery self. He knew what hungover Sehun was like and while he could be grouchy, he was never as withdrawn as he had been today.

He pressed the elevator button three times before he exhaled, tapping his foot while he waited for it to arrive. Chanyeol came up beside him and punched his shoulder lightly.

"What's up with you? You're acting weird."

"I just wanna check on Sehun. I think he's actually sick or something." Chanyeol frowned.

"Yeah, he seemed different today. Something is up for sure." The elevator dinged and he was inside before the doors even opened all the way. Chanyeol followed, Chen and Kai joining them. He stabbed at their floor button and crossed his arms, waiting for the doors to close.

"What's up with Baekhyun?" Chen asked.

"He's worried about Sehun." He nodded at Chanyeol, understanding on his features.

"I think he drank way too much last night. Xiumin said he had to sleep in his room so he didn't wake Suho." Kai sighed, shaking his head.

He ignored them, watching as they neared their floor. The doors began opening and he was off, at their front door before the others made it off the elevator. He opened the door and almost tripped over Sehun's bag laying right in front of the door. He grabbed the wall and caught himself, head scanning the dorm as he did so. He saw a movie playing on the TV but didn't see Sehun on the couch. He called Sehun's name but there was no answer.

He walked over and spotted a huddled shape on the couch. Sehun was laying down, soaking wet, seemingly asleep.

"Aish! What is he doing!?" He bent down and shook Sehun's shoulders. He just groaned and rolled over a bit, laying on his back. He was shivering a little and his face looked pale. His breath was more shallow than it should be and Baekhyun blanched.

"Guys, I think something's wrong with Sehun." His voice came out squeakier than he'd expected but it had the desired effect because the others rushed over.

"What is it?" Kai bent down and put the back of his hand against Sehun's forehead, exhaling heavily. "He's really cold. Chen, go get another blanket." Chen scurried away to find one as the other members filed in. Suho immediately realized something wasn't right and rushed to the couch.

"What's wrong?" He looked down at Sehun and furrowed his brow, mouth titling in a frown.

"I think he's sick. We came back and found him like this." Baekhyun moved over to make room for Suho as he knelt down and checked Sehun's temperature. "Chen is getting another blanket.

"Good." Suho pulled a clean towel out of his bag and brought it across Sehun's forehead, wiping away the moisture collecting there. By now the other members were crowding around, trying to figure out what was going on.

"Is Sehun okay?" Xiumin sounded really worried as he bit his lip, looking at Suho. Chen returned with another blanket and Suho took it, laying it across Sehun and tucking it in around him.

"I don't know. He might be sick."

"He seemed really off today during practice." Tao frowned, turning to Kris. "Do you think we should take him to the hospital?" Kris looked at Suho.

"I don't know. He said he wasn't feeling well before. I asked him if he needed to go to the hospital but he said he would be fine." Suho looked back down at Sehun and sighed. "He doesn't seem fine though."

"What's going on? What's wrong with Sehun? " Lay came around the side of the couch, looking between Suho and him, clearly confused.

"We don't know. He doesn't seem well."

"I was just using the bathroom. I noticed the tub was wet. Maybe he just took a shower." He pointed to Sehun's drenched body. His expression seemed hopeful but Baekhyun knew that even he didn't believe his words. Sehun looked worse than they'd ever seen.

"Still, his temperature is low and he's shivering a lot. It might just be a fever. I think we should take him to his bed and make sure he stays warm."

"I'll do it." Xiumin stepped up, worry etched over his features. Suho nodded and Xiumin knelt down, lowering his arms beneath Sehun before heaving him up, exhaling as he did so. Sehun's head lolled against Xiumin's chest and his arms hung limply at his sides.

He inhaled, following Xiumin as he brought Sehun to his and Suho's room. He laid him down gently on his bed, pulling his legs up as he brought the blanket over him. Sehun's head flopped to the side, a muted sigh escaping him. Suho laid another blanket over the first.

"Baekhyun, did Sehun mention anything to you today? Anything at all about how he was feeling?" He frowned.

"No, he barely spoke to me."

"What about you Xiumin? You were with him most of the night. Did you notice anything?"

Xiumin swallowed, a lump in his throat. He looked down at Sehun and bit his lip, tugging it between his teeth.

"No. Nothing that explains... this."

"Okay, stay and watch him. I need to talk to Kris." He nodded and Suho left, closing the door behind him. Only him and Xiumin were left now. Xiumin sat on the edge of the bed, glancing worriedly between him and Sehun.

"This is my fault isn't it?" Xiumin chewed his lip. Baekhyun leaned over and put his hand on Xiumin's shoulder.

"Hey, how could this be your fault? He's just sick." Xiumin shook his head, pulling away from him.

"I should have known something was wrong. He wasn't himself." He opened his eyes, laying his arm on Sehun's knee as he looked at his face. "I should have known."

He leaned over and wrapped his arms around Xiumin's shoulder, hugging him.

"It's not your fault. It's nobodies fault." Xiumin's eyes didn't leave Sehun's face.

"He'll be okay. He probably just has a fever. Him drinking last night just made it worse, that's all. Don't worry."

Xiumin nodded, rubbing Sehun's knee. Sehun shifted, rolling onto his side towards Xiumin. He was still shivering. Baekhyun tucked the blanket in underneath him and rubbed his back lightly. He didn't move again but he sighed and Baekhyun was just glad he was making any type of noise. He rubbed his back and Xiumin rubbed his knee, both of them sitting in silence.

After a while Suho came back in, along with Kris. Kris stood next to the bed while Suho took Sehun's temperature. He turned back to Kris.

"It's better now. I think he should be okay as long as he keeps the blankets on. As long as we don't leave him alone, I think we'll be okay without taking him to the hospital." Kris breathed a sigh of relief.

"Good." He turned to Baekhyun. "Stay with him in case something happens. Anything does and you get us right away, got it?" Baekhyun nodded. He turned to Xiumin.

"I'm not leaving." Xiumin spoke before any words could leave Kris's mouth.

"I wasn't going to ask you too. It's better to have two people. That way if somebody needs to get something for him or find us, he's not alone. Tell us if you need anything, okay?" They nodded and Kris left. Suho gave Sehun one last glance before he followed him out.

Neither of them said anything for a bit. They just sat there, waiting, hoping he would wake up soon. Xiumin's hand stopped moving but he didn't take it off Sehun's leg. He looked really tired. He was hunched over and he kept clenching his free hand.

"I'm gonna go get a cloth for his forehead. I'll be right back." He got up and Xiumin nodded his head once before he was still again. He shuffled across the room in a daze. He shut the door quietly behind him before leaving for the kitchen.

The other members were sitting in the living room and their heads shot up at his approach. He was immediately assaulted with questions, everyone hovering around him. Baekhyun held his arms out and waited for them to quiet down.

"He's still sleeping. Nothings changed yet, except his temperature is almost normal again." They sighed in relief and Kai practically collapsed onto the couch.

"What the heck is wrong with him?" He raked his hand through his hair, eyes closed. Chen put his hand on his shoulder in a comforting gesture but Kai just shook it off.

"If he was sick he should have said something! We could have taken him to the hospital!" He jumped up and Chen flinched. He ignored him and started pacing, wringing his hands. Baekhyun had never been afraid of Kai before but he'd also never seen him this upset. He seemed like he was one straw away from snapping.

"Calm down Kai. He'll be okay. He's already doing better." Suho tried to calm Kai down but he just pushed him away. Suho's face showed his irritation, at both the situation and Kai's behavior. "That's enough. You're not helping the situation at all by being like this!"

Kai clenched his fists, turning around to look at the wall. His knuckles were white and he growled, drawing his fist back before punching the wall hard. The drywall splintered and dust fell to the floor. Kai pulled his fist back and held it in his other hand as Suho grabbed him, turning him around. He completely ignored Suho.

"What is wrong with you Kai? You need to relax!" Everyone eyes bounced between Suho and Kai, the hole in the wall and Kris. Kris walked straight up to Kai and grabbed him, yanking him out of Suho's arms with enough force to make him stumble. If Kris hadn't still been holding his arm he would have fallen over.

"Get a grip, man. Sehun was stupid and didn't tell anyone he was sick but he'll be fine. Now you're the one who needs to get it together. Go down to the practice room. You need to work out your frustration. Lay go with him." Kai tried to protest but the look Kris gave him stopped him mid sentence. "We'll let you know right away if anything changes. Go."

Kai stood there for a moment, debating whether or not he should push it but he finally decided to listen. With something muttered under his breath he turned around, not bothering to grab his bag before storming out. Lay jogged after him, nodding to the other members before he closed the door behind him.

Suho rubbed his forehead, sighing heavily. Chanyeol pulled him into a hug and Baekhyun joined him. D.O. came next, followed by Tao. Soon they were all standing in front of the couch, huddled together as they comforted one another. Suho cleared his throat and spoke.

"Today has been a stressful day and we're all worried. Let's take care of each other and be strong. Okay?" Everyone voiced their agreement and the hug started to break apart. Chanyeol pulled away from Suho and gave him an apologetic look. Suho just smiled and ruffled his hair, exhaling as he went to talk to Kris. Both of them went into Kris's room and they closed the door.

"Well..." Baekhyun exhaled. "That was awkward." He heard scattered attempts at laughter but their hearts weren't really in it. He couldn't blame them.

He went into the kitchen and grabbed a cloth from the drawer and a bottle of water out of the fridge before heading back to Sehun's room.

As he opened the door, he saw Xiumin leaned over and brushing Sehun's hair away from his damp forehead. He stiffened and pulled back when he saw Baekhyun.

Baekhyun ignored it and put the bottle of water on Sehun's bedside table before he sat down next to his chest.

"Any change?" Xiumin shook his head.

"No, still just sleeping." He made a frustrated noise and rubbed his temples. "I wish he would just wake up already."

Baekhyun nodded as he leaned down and placed the cloth across Sehun's forehead. He brushed his hair further back and felt for his temperature. He was practically back to his normal temperature, which was warmer than most people.

"He's finally at a normal temperature again. I think we can take the second blanket off. If he's too warm it might not be good for him." He chuckled. "He's always so warm anyways. He'd probably be mad if he knew we had him under two blankets."

Xiumin laughed, an actual unforced laugh. He pulled the blanket off and tossed it onto Suho's bed as he smiled.

"Yeah, it's like he has a built in heater." Baekhyun felt himself return the smile and chuckled. Sehun stirred and their heads snapped back to him. He was licking his lips and his eyelids fluttered a bit.

"Should we wake him up?"

"No, let him wake up on his own. He needs to rest." Baekhyun turned back to Sehun and watched as he grumbled something unintelligible. He was so happy Sehun was like one of the living again. Seeing him so limp and out of it had been really hard. Now he was moving around and that was something.

Xiumin went around and sat on Sehun's other side. He reached out and stroked the boy's hair, tucking it behind his ear. Sehun made a content sigh. Xiumin smiled.

Baekhyun knew Xiumin was just trying to comfort Sehun but the gesture felt oddly intimate. He felt like he needed to look away or leave the room. He cleared his throat and reached for the bottle of water.

Xiumin blinked and looked up, pulling his hand back and blushing. Baekhyun swallowed and put the water back on the table, sighing.

"I'm relieved he's at least doing something. Hopefully he'll wake up soon. Thanks for helping out so much." Xiumin nodded, his hand rubbing the nape of his neck.

"I might not be the leader but I'm the oldest. It's my responsibility to take care of you guys too." He blushed, looking away again. Baekhyun leaned across and punched his arm playfully.

"Don't get so mushy on me, hyung. I might start to cry." Xiumin rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Wouldn't be the first time," He murmured.

"Yah, when did I cry? When?" Xiumin laughed, leaning back against the headboard.

"The question is when DIDN'T you cry?" Baekhyun moved to smack him but Xiumin caught his wrist, pushing him away. Sehun groaned, rolling over onto his back. Both boys froze again and looked down.

Sehun's eyes fluttered open and he sighed.

"Sehun, are you okay?" Baekhyun leaned in and brought his hand down to check his temperature. Sehun pushed his hand away and yawned.

"I'm fine," he croaked. He licked his lips and tried to sit up before Xiumin pushed his shoulder down. Sehun looked at him questioningly.

"You need to rest. How are you feeling?" He blinked and blew out a breath.

"I feel tired. Also kind of warm." He looked down. "Why do I have such a thick blanket on me? I'm sweating." Baekhyun and Xiumin chuckled as Sehun pushed the blanket off.

"Told you he'd be warm." Baekhyun smiled and passed him the water bottle, opening it for him. Sehun took it and tried to drink, spilling a bit with the awkward angle. He scooted up a bit so his back was against the headboard and tried again. He had a couple sips and passed it back to Baekhyun.

"I should go tell them you're awake." Xiumin got up and left, leaving the door open behind him. Sehun turned to him and titled his head.

"Why are you guys telling me to rest and watching me sleep?" He crinkled his nose. "It's creepy." Baekhyun laughed, too thankful he was finally awake to chastise him.

"We got back from practice and you were passed out on the couch. You were soaked and shivering. It was really scary."

Before Sehun could respond the other members burst through the door and crowded around the bed. They all started talking at once and Sehun looked back and forth, trying to figure out who to answer first. Suho cleared his throat loudly and everyone feel silent. He turned to Sehun.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling? What happened? We came back from practice and you were in really bad shape." Sehun blushed and bit his lip, turning away.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, looking back. "I'm okay now. I just wasn't feeling good before." Suho frowned at him, placing his hand on his forehead. Sehun tried to shake him off but Suho held his head firmly. He pulled back and sighed.

"You're at a safe temperature now so I think you're okay now. Why didn't you tell us you were feeling sick?" Sehun looked ashamed, his head down. Baekhyun put his arm on his shoulder to reassure him and he looked up, smiling. He turned to the other members and sighed.

"I didn't think I was sick. I'm sorry." He bowed a little and turned his head to the side, biting his lip before facing them again. "I'm sorry for having worried you." Suho ruffled his hair and smiled.

"I'm just happy you're okay now. Are you SURE you don't need to see a doctor?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I feel well rested. What time is it now?" Chen looked down at his watch.

"About 5 PM." Sehun frowned.

"Why did you let me sleep that long? I'm gonna be up all night."

"Well you weren't exactly in the position to be woken up. You needed to rest."

The door swung open and Kai ran in followed by a very exasperated Lay. Kai ran straight to Sehun's bedside and smiled.

"You're okay! You had us so worried." His smile turned to a frown. "Why did you pull a stunt like that? If you were that sick you should have said something!" Kai's voice had risen slightly and Sehun was about to respond before Suho cut him off.

We can get mad at him later. Right now he needs more rest." He got up and motioned for the others to follow. Kai hovered for a moment, apparently unsure if he should leave or stay with Sehun but Suho grabbed his arm and pulled him away.

"Okay." Sehun's eyes dropped. He tugged at the blanket and shrunk down. He avoided eye contact and Baekhyun broke.

"I'll stay. Just in case something happens." Kai seemed like he was about to argue but Suho just nodded and closed the door behind him and then it was just the two of them.

Baekhyun sat down next to Sehun and sighed, eyes feeling heavy.

"Are you really okay?" He eyed Sehun worriedly, afraid he would suddenly cry out in pain or pass out. Sehun shrugged.

"I feel okay, I think. I'm not nauseous and I don't have a headache. I don't feel warm or cold. I'm not shaking or anything. I think I'm fine." Sehun smiled but he knew it wasn't real.

"Sehunnie, what's really wrong? Please tell me. I'm so worried." He held Sehun's hand and looked straight into his eyes, waiting. Sehun blushed and looked away.

"I was just a little sick. I'm fine now, really." He gave the fake smile again and Baekhyun sighed.

"I know you're not really okay. You're just smiling to make me feel better. Don't do that. It's not working. If you're not really happy neither am I."

Sehun bit his lip and looked down, debating. Baekhyun waited patiently, hand rubbing slow circles on Sehun's palm. He didn't wanna push him. Finally Sehun looked up and Baekhyun saw a sadness in his eyes he'd never seen before.

"I don't know hyung. A part of me feels like I'm breaking and I don't know why." His voice broke on the last part and he looked away. His eyes fell on the wall and he bit his lip earnestly this time, almost drawing blood. Baekhyun reached out and touched his mouth, gently freeing his lip. Sehun looked back at him, tears in his eyes.

"Why?" Baekhyun's voice felt weak. He had never seen Sehun this way before. He felt like his heart broke into a million pieces when the tears welled up in Sehun's eyes. He had seen him cry out of happiness before but this was so very different...

Sehun tried to blink the tears away but one escaped and slid down his cheek, resting on the edge of his lips. Baekhyun reached out and brushed it away as Sehun turned away, head down. Baekhyun held the side of his face and brought it back to face him.

"You can tell me. What's wrong?" More tears fell from Sehun's face and it was like the dam broke. They slid down his face easily now and Sehun sniffled, bringing his sleeve up to wipe his face.

"I don't know..." He wiped his cheeks and dabbed at his eyes but it had no effect because the tears kept flowing.

"I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Am I Exo's maknae or Sehun or both? I don't feel like either right now." Baekhyun pulled Sehun against him and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Sehun finally let it all out, his tears dampening Baekhyun's shoulder as he cried.

He felt Sehun's racking breaths and shudders. He rubbed his back and pulled him as tight as he could. Sehun cried into his shoulder for a long time. Baekhyun didn't move or make any sign for Sehun to stop. He sat there and let Sehun cry until finally the tears dried up. He pulled back and cupped Sehun's chin.

"It's okay. I can't change the way you feel but I can tell you what I feel." Sehun blinked and looked up through puffy eyes. "To me, you're just Sehun. You're Sehun that is grumpy in the mornings when you wake up but is otherwise always cheerful. You're Sehun that is always afraid to mention you're problems to us because you don't want us to feel burdened but will always listen to us about our troubles. You're the Sehun that is always emotional at movies but never shows his true feeling. To me you are just Sehun; my friend." Baekhyun wiped Sehun's eyes with his sleeve and smiled.

Sehun gave a small smile and sniffled, drying his leftover tears with his hand.

"You're so nice to me hyung."He leaned against Baekhyun's shoulder and hugged him. Baekhyun hugged him back, squeezing him as tight as he dared. He pulled back and grinned.

"Now, what does my Sehun want to do?" Sehun sighed and leaned back against the headboard. His face was red and his nose was runny but at least he wasn't crying anymore.

"I'm tired. Will you stay and watch a movie with me?"

"Of course. But I get to pick." Sehun rolled his eyes but the effect was kind of ruined with how puffy they were. Baekhyun smiled and got up.

"I'll be right back. Want anything before I go?" Sehun shook his head and he left. He decided he would wait a little and give Sehun a chance to collect himself. He strolled into the living room where they were watching a TV drama.

He went through the movie shelf and decided on drama that he knew Sehun liked. He turned back to the other members and grabbed the remote, muting the TV. They protested and Baekhyun raised his hand. When they were silent he spoke.

"I'm gonna go in and watch a movie with Sehun. He's not feeling very good so let's just let him rest. I think he'll fall asleep before the movie ends so just don't disturb him. If he needs anything I'll get it so don't worry." The members nodded and he was satisfied. He turned and went back into the bedroom.

Sehun was laying there, staring at the wall. He still looked really sad and Baekhyun was determined to do anything he could to make him feel better. He skipped over to the bed and held the DVD behind his back.

"Sehunnie, I picked a good movie." He gave the brightest smile he could and Sehun returned it, albeit not nearly as convincing. He pointed to his laptop and Baekhyun flounced over, popping the movie in and bringing the laptop onto the bed.

He sat down against the headboard and pulled the blanket over both of them. He placed the computer on his lap as Sehun laid his head on his arm. He skipped through the previews and started the movie. Sehun still sniffled occasionally and Baekhyun pulled him against his chest and wrapped his arm around his shoulder.

Even though they didn't normally get this close, Sehun didn't pull away. Baekhyun knew that more than anything right now he just needed to be held. He didn't say a word and rubbed Sehun's back in small circles.

The movie started. Baekhyun felt exhausted but he forced his eyes open. He had to stay awake for Sehun. He couldn't leave him alone. He barely paid any attention to the movie, focusing instead on Sehun's breathing. It started to slow. He didn't stop rubbing Sehun's back even when he heard the younger members light snoring.

His eyes felt even heavier and he pulled Sehun closer to him, wrapping both arms around him. He leaned his head down to rest on Sehun's and let himself succumb to the exhaustion weighing at him. His last thought before he fell asleep was his hope that Sehun was gonna be okay. He held him closer and drifted off.


	5. La-La-La

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin just can't get Sehun out of his head.

***Xiumin's POV***

Xiumin sat on the floor, his arm across his propped up knee, leaning against the couch beneath Tao's crossed legs. He moved his fingers absent mindedly, playing to an invisible piano, eyes on the TV but thoughts far away.

It hadn't been long since Baekhyun came out to grab a movie and he wondered if anyone else had noticed the slight red look of his eyes. He wondered what him and Sehun had been talking about to make Baekhyun almost cry. He'd only been teasing before when he bugged Baekhyun. He really didn't cry that much. Whatever they were talking about was a little more serious than the weather.

He bit his lip, worrying. He knew he had no right to. Him and Sehun had agreed to put what happened between them in the past and start new, but even so practice had been torture. He'd had to fight not to glance at Sehun through the mirror, knowing he was right there moving his body just right.

He snuck a glance only once but Sehun's eyes had been on Kai, watching to improve his own technique. Xiumin had looked away quickly, afraid Sehun would feel his eyes on him.

When he left to talk to Suho, Xiumin had been worried. Did Suho know something? Or was that what Sehun was gonna tell him right now? Maybe he was uncomfortable being in the same room as Xiumin and wanted to practice separately.

Endless possibilities went through his head until they returned, and with a heavy heart he saw Sehun walk straight for his bag and leave without a word to anyone, eyes downcast. Suho just said he wasn't feeling well and was going to rest. He continued practice without another word but Xiumin felt restless. He debated going to check on Sehun but then people might think something was up.

As soon as practice ended Baekhyun shot out of there like a rocket to check on Sehun and Xiumin stilled himself, straining to keep his pace casual as they returned to the dorm.

Then they had found Sehun like that and Xiumin regretted his decision to not check in on him. He was so stupid. He watched the younger boy's slow breaths and felt like someone grabbed his heart and twisted it while it was still in his chest. He looked so vulnerable and Xiumin felt the need to protect him, to make him safe and take care of him, swell so big it felt like he would burst.

He hadn't left Sehun's side once until he had woken up. Only when he knew he was going to be okay did he find the strength to leave his side to inform the others. If Suho hadn't told them to let him rest he would have stayed but instead Baekhyun was the one in there, taking care of him. He clenched his fists.

Suho got up to make supper and Xiumin helped because he needed something to take his mind off of everything. He focused on the carrots he was cutting, spilling all his energy into making sure the cuts were exactly straight. Suho laughed and teased him, calling him a perfectionist. He smiled back and agreed. The reality was this was the only thing that kept him from marching into Sehun's bedroom and pushing Baekhyun out so he could take care of Sehun instead.

"Can you go get Baekhyun and Sehun? Supper's just about ready." Xiumin nodded from the sink where he had been washing the dishes they had made. He dried his hands on a towel and went down the hallway to Sehun's room. He hesitated, knocking lightly. When he received no reply he quietly opened the door and peeked in. His throat went dry and his heart dropped to his feet.

Baekhyun and Sehun lay intertwined on the bed, sleeping, the laptop across their legs. Sehun's head lay on Baekhyun's chest as the elder boy's arms were wrapped around him, head resting on Sehun's. There was no space between their bodies, pressed right against each other. Xiumin noted Sehun's leg wrapped up over Baekhyun's.

Sehun's face looked wet, like he'd been crying and even from here Xiumin could see his cheeks were puffy. His throat felt constricted and he just stood there for a moment, unable to move.

All he could think was that it should be him there, not Baekhyun. He should be the one holding Sehun against him, holding him while he cried and rocking him gently to sleep in his arms, kissing his head sweetly.

He took a tentative step forward before he stopped. He shook his head and backed out slowly, closing the door with a soft click behind him. He shuffled back into the kitchen.

"They're sleeping." Suho blinked in surprise, looking up at him.

"Both of them?" Xiumin nodded and Suho quirked his mouth to the side. "Well, I guess they were both tired then. Oh well, if they wake up later they can just warm something up. Help me set the table, okay? " Xiumin nodded again and quietly did as he was asked. Once he was done he helped bring the food to the middle and brought a jug of water.

Suho called the other members to eat and they replied enthusiastically. They all crowded around, filling their plates quickly. Xiumin waited until they were done before he added any to his own plate. He suddenly wasn't very hungry but didn't want to upset Suho. He ate quickly, making sure to thank Suho before telling them he was tired and left.

He locked his door behind him and sat on the bed. He looked down at the impression Sehun had left the night before. He remembered carrying Sehun bridal style to his bed, careful not to bang his head or legs on the doorway. As soon as he was on the bed Sehun had sighed and cuddled into it, legs curled up under him.

Xiumin just sat there for a long time, watching him sleep. He thought about the kiss, the way Sehun had felt beneath and against him. He felt a warming sensation in his stomach, looking down to see he was getting hard. He got up quickly, looking back nervously to make sure he hadn't woken the boy, and left.

He remembered how shocked he'd felt at being so aroused at the thought of Sehun. The more he thought about it the harder he got until it became almost painful. He wanted to relieve it but also felt weird because this was his band mate that he was thinking about.

He'd broken down and unbuckled his pants, reaching in to pull his erection free. He wrapped his fist around it, tugging on it slowly at first but building up a quicker rhythm soon. He thought he could still taste Sehun on him, sweet and light and delicious. A drop of precome squeezed out of his tip and he sped up, biting his lip to keep from crying out.

The image of Sehun beneath him, soft lip between his teeth, eyes heavy with arousal as he gave himself to Xiumin entered his head and it was all he needed. Two more pumps and he exploded, cum dripping down his hand and on his shirt. He hastily took it off, using it to clean his hand and body before balling it up and buckled his pants back up.

He creeped quietly back to his room and opened the door slowly, tiptoeing across the room to drop the shirt in his hamper before grabbing a clean one from his drawer.

He looked back at Sehun and felt his stomach knot up. He had just jerked off to his youngest band mate, who was completely unaware as he slept soundly in his bed. This was wrong, this was so wrong.

He snapped back to the present and squeezed his eyes shut, shaking the thoughts out of his head.

He couldn't let himself think like that. Sehun didn't want this. He had admitted he was attracted to Xiumin but that didn't mean he wanted to be with him in anyway. They were so cut off from normal romantic interaction that it was hard to know what was real and what was just their neglected hormones.

The right thing to do was just stop this before it started, push all thoughts of Sehun from his mind. He assumed Sehun was already doing the same regarding thoughts about him. Easier said than done, he thought, as he fell back on the bed, arms out.

He stared at the ceiling and ran his hand through his hair, sighing. Why did Sehun have to be so damn irresistible? He knew Sehun was popular along the fans, and he'd always recognized his attractive features, he'd just never been attracted to them personally. Now, though, now it was a whole other story...

His adorable nose which was pretty much the definition of "button nose," those deceptively seductive lips, the way his eyelashes fluttered when he blinked and don't even get him started on that ass. Sehun's ass was in a whole new league that even female idols couldn't compare to. The way it bounced when he walked... Xiumin bit his lip, looking down at the bulge in his pants. How did Sehun do this to him so easily?

He reached out tentatively, stroking himself through his pants. Despite everything he told himself, he didn't stop. He palmed himself harder, breath coming out a little shakier. He unbuckled his pants and pushed them down to his thighs, boxers with them.

He rubbed the edge where his foreskin met his shaft as beads of precome leaked out the tip. The cool air clashed with his warm, wet member but he enjoyed the sensation. He started stroking the shaft as he imagined Sehun doing it for him instead.

His breath hitched and he pumped himself faster, imaging Sehun between his legs, slender fingers wrapped around him. It elicited a low moan and he bit his lip, quelling any noises lest the members hear.

He kept working his cock in his hands, hips jerking up minutely as he squeezed himself, tugging harder. He was almost panting, eyes screwed shut as images of Sehun drifted through his mind.

Him crawling seductively on top of Xiumin, grinding against his swollen erection as he slid his fingers into his hair, devouring his mouth hungrily. Him groaning as Xiumin pushed back into him, head thrown back in ecstasy. Xiumin flipping him over, pinning him to the bed as he rutted against him with abandon, Sehun's back arching in pleasure.

His orgasm hit him hard. Bucking off the bed and biting his lip harder to keep from crying out, he kept jerking his cock until the last drops squirted out. He shirt had ridden up from his movements and a small puddle of cum lay on his bare stomach. He leaned over to grab a towel from the ground, wiping his stomach when he tasted something metallic.

He touched his lips with his fingers and brought them back to look. The blood was stark against his pale fingertips. He ran his tongue over his lip, wincing slightly when it touched the broken skin. He got up and checked the mirror, pulling his lip back to observe it. It stung a bit but it wasn't that big and it was hard to see unless you were looking for it. He ran his tongue back over it to remove the excess blood, checking to make sure it wasn't evident he'd just masturbated, and left the bedroom.

The bathroom was empty and he grabbed a towel before calling out to ask if anyone needed the bathroom. The members still awake called no from the living room and he closed the door, hanging his towel on the hook by the shower.

He leaned over and ran the water, checking the temperature with his hand. Once it was hot he put the plug in the tub. He turned back to the mirror and stared at his reflection.

The past 24 hours had felt so long and confusing he could hardly think anymore. He had now jerked off to Sehun, not once, but twice. He sighed and combed his fingers through his hair. This was so weird.

He turned back and squeezed some of his scented bubble bath into the tub, letting it mix before shutting the tap off. He stepped into the water, sliding down the tub until all but his head was submerged.

Whenever he was stressed he did this. He drew himself a hot bath and used his favourite bottle of bubble bath, hard to find in Korea, and soaked until his troubles fell away with the lavender scented bubbles.

He hummed lightly, a tune from a song he'd heard on the radio in the car. It was a light, hauntingly beautiful melody, helping to ease his mind. He tapped his fingers to the beat on the edge of the tub, singing the lyrics softly.

He was so absorbed in the song that he didn't hear the light tap at the door before it was opened. His head whipped to the side and he blinked in surprise as Sehun stood, half asleep in the doorway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Big Bang.


	6. Fantastic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun's resolve breaks and Xiumin's was never there to begin with.

Sehun felt warm arms wrapped around him and sighed contently, burrowing further into the shoulder beneath him. He brought his arms up to hold the others before he realized they were too thin. He looked up, Baekhyun's tranquil face greeting him, eyes closed. He felt a momentary shock as he remembered the night before.

He had not been well. He couldn't remember anything between falling asleep after practice to waking up in his own bed, Xiumin and Baekhyun watching him. He thought hard and remembered the other members surrounding his bed, berating him with questions. He knew they had been worried about him but unfortunately he had no answers for him.

He knew saying "heartbreak" would not only be an unbelievable answer for them, but even if they DID believe it he would have to explain what happened between Xiumin and him and he was not prepared to destroy Exo.  

He sighed, careful to not wake Baekhyun beside him as he scooted out from underneath him and got up. He quietly made his way out of the room and to the bathroom. Maybe he could take a shower and relax. Before he could open the door he swore he heard soft humming.

He stopped, listening intently as the humming turned to soft, melodic words. He froze, captivated by the words singing of lost love and regret. He knew the voice.

He knocked lightly, not receiving a reply. He opened the door. Xiumin's head snapped to him as he closed the door behind him, strolling to the sink. He ran the tap water, splashing the cold water on his face. Xiumin's eyes felt heavy on the back of his head, burning holes into him. 

He turned the tap off, reaching back for a towel. He dried his face before sitting down on the toilet lid, smiling at Xiumin's confused expression.

"That was a nice song. What was it?" 

Xiumin looked at him, cheeks blushing slightly before he responded.  

"It's a popular song on the radio. I just had it stuck in my head."

Sehun nodded. He looked at Xiumin in the tub, bubbles covering the waters surface and blushed when Xiumin caught his eyes. He looked back at the door for a minute, hands in his lap before he turned back.

"You sung it beautifully." Xiumin's head quirked to the side as he studied him and Sehun turned his head away again, embarrassed. He suddenly felt wide awake. Xiumin cleared his throat and Sehun looked back, cheeks warm.

"So are you feeling better?" Sehun nodded, looking down embarrassed.

"I'm fine. There wasn't any reason for everyone to be so worried." Silence followed and he chanced a look up to see Xiumin looking at him, disappointment or pity in his eyes, he couldn't tell.

"There was plenty reason for us to be worried Sehun." He frowned at him, eyes crinkling down. He stared at Sehun, waiting for his response.

"I'm sorry." Sehun bowed down a little, eyes against the tiled floor before he felt a finger against his chin, bringing his face back up again. Xiumin sat up and leaned closer, droplets of water running down his chest. Sehun swallowed. 

"Don't ever be sorry that you weren't okay. Your health is most important." His hand trailed down Sehun's jaw as he pulled back, eyes lingering a second longer before they met Sehun's again.

Neither said a word as they looked at each other. They just locked eyes. Sehun felt like there was an understanding there. Like he understood how Sehun could have felt so broken, falling to pieces. He himself looked like he could have been held together with glue. 

Sehun's skin felt warm where Xiumin had touched it and he blushed. He bit his lip and looked away, breaking eye contact.

"You have no idea what you look like when you do that, do you?" Xiumin's voice was quiet and low.

Sehun looked back at him and suppressed a shudder. Xiumin was leaning back against the tub, arms laying across the edge. He tilted his head and looked back at Sehun. He looked so amazing like that Sehun suddenly had a hard time remembering what he had said. He simultaneously wanted to reach out and touch him and to just sit there, enjoying the view. His ears felt warm and he cleared his throat.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

Xiumin chuckled. It sent vibrations through his chest and Sehun could see the muscles ripple underneath. He licked his lips unconsciously as Xiumin replied.

"I said," he leaned closer until his face was inches from Sehun's, "You have no idea how you look when you bite your lip like that." Xiumin's eyes traveled down his face, stopping on his mouth. 

Sehun swallowed again, mouth going dry. He didn't know how to respond. This close he could almost smell Xiumin's body, musky tones faint under the lavender bubble bath.

Xiumin smirked at his deer in the headlights expression but made no move to pull away. Sehun licked his lips and saw him stiffen, eyes widening a fraction. He exhaled and closed his eyes.

"You're making it very hard to resist you, Sehun." He opened his eyes. "That dammed mouth of yours..." His eyes lingered there before meeting Sehun's again.

Sehun was taken back. He thought Xiumin was over that. He hadn't mentioned what happened once since their talk. The look in his eyes now told him that he was far from it. He bit his lip, stopping himself when he saw Xiumin's eyes darken. He looked so damn sexy right now, wet hair pushed back and eyes burning holes into him.

He knew he shouldn't.  He knew this was a bad idea. He would probably regret this. He didn't care.

He leaned in, kissing Xiumin lightly. The other boy didn't even hesitate. He brought his wet hands up into Sehun's hair, pulling him close. Sehun kept the pace steady, scared and nervous but excited. Xiumin tasted so good and he pushed his tongue into his mouth, wanting more of the taste. 

Xiumin abided, opening his lips further to give him access. His fingers tightened in Sehun's hair as the other wrapped around his back, holding him there. Sehun relished the taste, tongue gliding around Xiumin's as he pushed deeper. He moaned lightly against Xiumin's mouth. He felt Xiumin's grip tighten and his urgency increased.

He took over the kiss, pushing Sehun's tongue out of his mouth with his own before plunging it into the younger boy's mouth. Every move, every sound he made pushed Sehun further. He could feel his erection straining against his pants and brought a hand down to push on it, moaning again in the process. 

Xiumin broke the kiss, eyes darting to the bulge in Sehun's pants as he let go. Sehun almost whined at the loss of contact. He was breathing heavy, mirroring the other boy. 

"I need to know, Sehun, how far you want this to go. If we do this, I don't think there's any going back." His eyes searched Sehun's, waiting for him to respond.

Sehun bit his lip, causing Xiumin to groan. He blushed and let his lip go, looking down to think. That didn't help because seeing his erection just made him think of Xiumin in front of him, naked and wet and delicious... He met Xiumin's eyes again and exhaled.

"Fuck it." His lips collided with Xiumin's and this time there was no hesitation in him. He kissed him hard, arms wrapped around his neck. Xiumin groaned against him, tongue lashing out frantically. His mouth consumed Sehun's. It was all he could do not to jump into the tub with him right there. 

He brought his hands down Xiumin's back, pulling lightly to get his point across. The other boy complied and broke the kiss, climbing out of the tub. He had barely stepped out before Sehun was up, locking his lips against his once more. He pressed his body against Xiumin's, wrapping his hands around his neck.

Xiumin groaned lowly when he pressed against his cock, fully hard against Sehun's thigh. His hands traveled down his back, resting on Sehun's ass. He squeezed and Sehun gasped, hips bucking forward into him. 

Xiumin pushed him back, pinning him against the wall. Despite the fact he was shorter, he was much stronger than Sehun. He moaned, driving his hips forward into Xiumin again. 

Xiumin pushed back, pinning Sehun's arms against the wall. He broke the kiss, eyes glimmering darkly. 

"Do you have any idea how many things I wanna do to you right now?" His voice was husky with desire and Sehun actually whimpered.

Xiumin leaned in slowly, nose trailing along Sehun's jaw. He bucked into him, yearning for friction. He tried to free his hands but Xiumin's grip on them tightened.

"What is it you want, Sehunnie?" His voice lilited and Sehun whined, frustrated. Xiumin chuckled against his skin and kissed his neck, sucking lightly at the skin.

He gasped and pushed his hips at Xiumin again. He ground his cock against him, craving,  _needing_ more. Xiumin continued to suck at Sehun's neck, unrelenting. He struggled in the older boy's grip, panting. 

"If you promise to be quiet, I'll let you go." Sehun nodded his head vigorously, biting his lip to keep from crying out. Xiumin released his hands and he clawed at his back, tugging him closer. 

Xiumin left his neck as he crushed his lips against Sehun's. His hands trailed down to Sehun's hips, sliding under his shirt to rest on bare skin. Sehun shuddered, his tongue skimming Xiumin's lip. He winced and Sehun froze, lips leaving the older boy's. 

"What's wrong?" Xiumin blushed. He couldn't believe it. Xiumin had just assaulted him, driving him wild with lust but no, him being hurt was what made him blush.

"It's nothing, I just bit my lip before. Don't worry." Sehun ignored him and held his lip, examining the wound. It really was just a small one but he was afraid to hurt him.

"Maybe we shouldn-" Xiumin kissed him again, not letting him finish as he ground his hips against Sehun. His breath hitched and his hips jerked forward automatically. Xiumin's hands slid up his shirt again, gliding across his stomach and chest. 

He brought his hands down to Xiumin's waist, jerking him forward, crushing their bodies together. Sehun's head was spinning. He was so hard he could barely stand it. The more he got from Xiumin the more he wanted.

His hands flew between them, fumbling with his belt. He grew frustrated when he couldn't open it and Xiumin chuckled against his mouth. His hands slid down and pushed Sehun's away, opening the belt with ease before making similarly short work of his pants.

He yanked them down before pausing, looking back at the door. He slid himself out of Sehun's grip and locked the door before standing in front of Sehun again.

He must have been a sight to see, panting and legs shaking so hard only leaning on the wall kept him upright. His boxers were still up and his cock pushed eagerly against them. Xiumin's eyes wandered over his body. He blushed and bit his lip, feeling self conscious. Xiumin pinned him to the wall again, arms on either side of his head.

"How is it even possible for someone to be this gorgeous?" He breathed out, kissing Sehun's neck and thrusting forward. Sehun gasped lightly, pushing back.

"You really have no idea how amazing you look like this. It's almost sinful." He punctuated the last word by thrusting again. Sehun threaded his hand into Xiumin's hair and yanked his head up to kiss him.

He opened his mouth, allowing the older boy to take control again. Xiumin did so gladly. His tongue slid across his lips, teasing before he returned the kiss earnestly. His hands slid down to Sehun's waist and he hooked a finger into his boxers. 

"All I wanna do is take care of you. Will you let me do that Sehun?" He nodded but Xiumin's hand slid out of his waistband. He whined.

"I need to hear you say it Sehun. Will you let me take care of you?" He practically growled the last part, his hand coming down to stroke Sehun through his boxers.

"Yes, yes. Please. Fuck- I don't- please." His words came out garbled and he hated how needy he sounded but he wanted it so bad. He jerked his hips forward, pushing his cock into Xiumin's hand roughly. 

"Good. You're mine now." He kissed Sehun aggressively as his hands yanked his boxers down. Xiumin's mouth swallowed the gasp that left Sehun. He pulled back, kissing his neck as he wrapped a hand around Sehun's aching cock. "Tell me you're mine now. I wanna hear you say it."

Sehun could hardly think straight, thrusting into Xiumin's hand but Xiumin held his hips still with his free hand. He whined, head back in frustration. 

"I'm yours. God just- please. I'm yours. Just don't stop." Xiumin throat made a low, rumbling noise and he brought his lips back to Sehun's as he began moving his hand.

Sehun's eyes rolled back and he felt like his body was on fire. Xiumin didn't tease him anymore. He stroked his cock at a steady rhythm, keeping his mouth against Sehun's to quiet his moans.

Sehun had never actually gotten a hand job before; he'd never gotten farther than making out with his past girlfriends. He didn't really have anything to compare this to but he had a hard time believing it could feel better. Xiumin's hand felt good against his skin and the way he pulled and twisted his cock made stars dance in front of his eyes.

Between his hand on his erection and his mouth on Sehun's, he was unrelenting. Sehun wrapped his arms around his neck, barely able to keep himself upright. He felt like his legs might give out beneath him any second but he was so close. Xiumin broke the kiss, trailing his lips down Sehun's jaw.

"God Xiumin. That's feels so- Fuck. I'm so close." His voice was uneven as he exhaled shakily. He leaned his head down, resting on Xiumin's shoulder. He moaned into his skin as Xiumin sped up even more. He turned his head and Sehun felt his hot breath on his ear.

"Cum for me Sehun." His voice was so seductive it pushed him over the edge. His nails dug into Xiumin's back as his hips bucked forward, head thrown back.

"Oh my god. Xiumin.." His words drifted off as he released himself all over Xiumin's hand and stomach. He bit his lip to keep from crying out but he couldn't suppress the guttural groan that came out. Xiumin didn't stop but he slowed down, helping Sehun ride out his orgasm. 

Spots danced across Sehun's vision and he swayed, collapsing against Xiumin's shoulder. His breath was shaky and he was drenched in sweat. Xiumin helped him sit down on the toilet seat, worry etched in his features. He had to hold Sehun upright.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?" 

"I'm fine, just... tired. That was..." He sighed. "That was amazing." He smiled but Xiumin still looked worried.

"We shouldn't have done that after what happened before. You still need to rest." Sehun shook his head and immidiately regretted it when the room kept spinning. 

"No, I'm glad we did it," he argued. "But you didn't get to..." He trailed off and looked down at Xiumin's still erect cock. Xiumin shook his head.

"No, don't worry about that. You need to go back and rest." Sehun frowned.

"But hyung-" Xiumin cut him off.

"No Sehun. Now let's get you cleaned up and back to bed." He helped Sehun up and grabbed him as he swayed again. He pulled Sehun's arm across his shoulder and led him to the tub. He pulled his shirt over his head and helped Sehun in, making sure he didn't slip. He wet a cloth and wiped at Sehun's back, scrubbing him clean.

Sehun was too tired to object and he didn't want to anyway. It felt nice to have Xiumin wash him. He sighed contently and closed his eyes. When Xiumin finished with his back he leaned Sehun's head back and dipped it into the water. He massaged his scalp lightly. 

Once he was clean Xiumin helped him out of the tub and wrapped him in a towel, seating him on the toilet seat once again. He dried his arms off one by on and then moved onto his legs.

Sehun didn't feel self conscious or shy. Normally he would have been too uncomfortable with someone touching him so intimately. With Xiumin, although he blushed lightly, he was okay. 

Xiumin smiled at him as he brought the towel up to his hair. Sehun returned it and yawned. His eyes felt so heavy. They drifted shut for a moment before he snapped them back open. Xiumin chuckled at him.

"I'm gonna go grab you some fresh clothes," he said as he pulled on a clean set for himself. "Just wait here, okay?"

Sehun nodded and leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes. He pulled the towel around him tighter. He must have drifted off because next thing he knew Xiumin was shaking him softly.

He blinked and yawned. Xiumin pulled the towel off his shoulders and slipped a clean tshirt over his arms. Sehun grabbed the underwear Xiumin handed him and pulled them on carelessly, ignoring his chuckle. His eyes felt heavy and he held onto Xiumin as he pulled on the sweatpants.

"I need to empty the tub. Just wait for a minute." He didn't respond. He just sat down and leaned his head against the wall again. His eyes closed and he fell back asleep.

He woke up, not to his own rooms familiar walls but to Xiumin's. The older boy was laying him down on his bed. He wrapped his arms around Xiumin's neck and pulled him down. He fell across Sehun with a shocked expression. 

"What are you doing?" He tried to pull away but Sehun held on tight, keeping him on his chest.

"Mmm... Don't go. Stay." He sighed and closed his eyes. He heard Xiumin chuckle and his hands pried Sehun's off of him. Sehun opened his eyes and huffed, pouting sleepily. 

"I'll stay but I need to fix the bed first." Sehun grinned and he watched as Xiumin pulled the blanket out from under him. He laid it across Sehun and got up, turning the light off. Sehun heard more than saw him as he sat down next to him.

"No, down here, with me." He pulled on Xiumin's arm. The other boy sighed and shimmied down, laying down next to him. Sehun smiled, though Xiumin couldn't see it, and laid his head down on his shoulder.

Xiumin brought his arms down and wrapped them around him. He rubbed his back softly and nestled his head against Sehun's. 

He felt so nice laying there with Xiumin. He felt sleep tug at him again but fought it a little longer. 

"Hyung?"

"Mmm?" Xiumin hummed blissfully.

"Thanks... for everything." Sehun was close to dozing off.

Xiumin embraced him tighter, kissing his head.

"I told you. I just want to take care of you." 

"Thanks," He mumbled as he finally succumbed to his exhaustion. Xiumin's arms still held him close as he nodded off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Henry.


	7. Black Pearl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun and Xiumin make a decision on their relationship but will it be that easy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank Xiukisses and Himekaouritsu for their kind comments tonight that inspired me to write more! It's a bit rushed but I hope they as well as everyone else will enjoy it!  
> Love you all! ♡

Sehun woke to an empty bed the next morning but a rather pleasant view in front him. Xiumin was getting dressed and he wiggled his hips as he pulled his jeans on. Sehun made an appreciative noise and Xiumin nearly jumped straight out of his pants. He whirled around, blushing when he saw Sehun staring. He hastily threw a shirt on before sitting on the edge of the bed.

"You're awake." He looked away awkwardly and Sehun chuckled.

"Yeah. Not a bad sight to wake up to," he commented sleepily. Xiumin blushed further and he grinned, stretching his arms.

"So, how did you sleep?"

"Beautifully, thanks for asking." He rubbed his eyes and sat up, yawning. Xiumin still didn't look at him and he frowned.

"What's wrong?" He bit his lip, worried he'd done something wrong. Maybe Xiumin had changed his mind since last night. The flash of something through his eyes had Sehun blushing, and he suddenly remembered what Xiumin thought about him biting his lip. He released it, looking sheepish.

"Sorry..." He trailed off blushing. Xiumin smirked and leaned over, ruffling his sleep mussed hair.

"Don't be. That's not a bad sight to wake up to either." He smiled nervously. Sehun sighed and swung his legs off the bed, stretching as he got up.

"But what about the members?" He frowned. "This is the second night in a row I slept in your bed. What will they think?" Xiumin shrugged.

"Well you fell asleep in the bathroom last night so I carried you here. I told them that I didn't wanna disturb Baekhyun and Suho and I was worried about leaving you alone so I slept on the floor. They seemed like they bought it." Sehun blushed.

"Well why would they expect anything else..." His voice dropped away as he furrowed his brow. Xiumin sensed his unease and patted the bed next to him. He grinned stupidly at Sehun and he couldn't help but return the smile.

"Listen, I know this is weird for both of us but I don't wanna back off. I wanna see this through and find out where it goes." 

Sehun blushed, gnawing on his lip. Xiumin's hand shot out and pulled his lip free, giving him an exasperated look.

"Unless you want me to jump you now, please make an effort to refrain from doing that around me." He smirked at Sehun's stunned face. 

"So, you really do- I mean..." Sehun swallowed. "You, uh, like me?" Xiumin laughed and Sehun thought it was probably the most beautiful sound in the world.

"Why else would I have done what I did last night? Of course I like you. I thought that had been pretty clear." Sehun felt like he would never stop blushing around Xiumin and cursed himself for feeling so silly. 

"I just wasn't sure if you had changed your mind since... you know." 

"If anything, that only further confirmed my feelings."

Xiumin leaned over and took Sehun's chin in his hand, tilting his head as he brought their lips together. He wasn't urgent or insisting. The kiss was soft and sweet, lingering for a few seconds before he pulled away. Sehun exhaled as Xiumin pulled away, missing the contact immediately.

"Have  _you_ changed your mind?" He shook his head, definitely still very much into the boy sitting in front of him. Xiumin beamed at him and Sehun was once again struck by how beautiful he was. 

"So then what else is there to think about?"

"What about the other members? I doubt they would approve." Xiumin waved the notion away, unbothered. 

"They don't need to know. I won't tell them if you don't." 

Sehun debated. He definitely didn't want to stop whatever  _this_ was with Xiumin but he couldn't deny it was risky. Then again, the thought of sneaking around behind the members backs, secret meetings in private places kind of excited him. 

"I guess we could for now... So long as we're careful. If something happens or anyone catches on we have to stop though," he added. Xiumin nodded and grabbed his hand.

"We can be careful." He smirked. "That is, if you can keep quiet." Sehun blushed, yanking his hand away as he looked down. 

"Don't tease me, hyung." Xiumin smiled and ruffled his hair.

"But you're so cute when you're embarrassed."

He pinched Sehun's cheeks playfully and laughed when Sehun batted his hands away. He got up and held his hand out to Sehun, drawing him close as he stood up. He kissed him again, as soft as before and Sehun's breath hitched in his throat. He pulled away reluctantly. 

"We're gonna have to be careful around everyone. We can't give them any clues so act normal, okay?" Sehun nodded breathlessly and Xiumin pecked his cheek before he let him go. He left with a cheeky glance over his shoulder.

Sehun ran his hand through his hair and sighed. What had he gotten himself into? He made his way to the kitchen, the members saying hello as he passed. Kai smiled at him and poured him a glass of water which he took gratefully. 

"You feeling better yet?" Kai's hand went to his forehead feeling for his temperature. Sehun shrugged him off and smiled.

"Yes, much. I feel fantastic." Kai beamed in response and shoveled some eggs onto a plate for him. He ate them hungrily, realizing he hadn't eaten in almost a full 24 hours. Kai laughed at him and filled his plate again. 

"I'm glad you're feeling better. You're appetite has certainly returned." He sat down across from him and began eating his own breakfast. He was about to look around for Xiumin before he stopped himself. It had only been five minutes and already he was missing his presence. He groaned and Kai looked up.

"You alright?" 

"I'm fine, just full." He pushed the plate away and was impressed with how easily the lie came to his lips. He leaned back and sighed. "Better go get ready for practice."

He left for his room, not bothering to knock. Suho sat cross legged on his bed, reading a Manga. He glanced up as Sehun approached and closed the book.

"You feeling better?" 

"Yes, I'm fine. Thank you for asking." Suho smiled and got up, pulling Sehun in for a hug.

"Good, but don't ever scare us like that again. Next time you're sick go to the hospital. "

"Yes, I'm sorry." Suho ruffled his hair and sat back down, opening his book to where he had left off. 

Sehun opened his dresser and rummaged through it, looking for something to wear. He debated wearing something to show his body off to tease Xiumin but then felt bad. He settled on a loose black hoodie over a white shirt and a pair of sweatpants. 

He changed right there, Suho not even looking up from his book. That was the nice thing about Suho. Everyone had seen just about everything from everyone. Suho was evidently used to it because he wasn't even phased when people changed in front of him anymore.

He joined the other members in the living room, squeezing in between Baekhyun and Chanyeol, earning a glare from the latter. He laughed and stuck his tongue out at him, throwing his arm around Baekhyun for show.

"Oh I'm sorry. Am I disturbing something?" Chanyeol sighed and shook his head in mock exasperation. 

"No, Chanyeol was just trying to convince me to say he was the most attractive next time a variety show asks." Baekhyun smirked.

"Yah! I was just saying if they asked me I would say you!" Sehun shook his head.

"We both know that if they asked he would choose me." Chanyeol huffed and Baekhyun hit his arm.

"Don't be so proud, Sehun! I said that once and I can still change my mind." He laughed, ignoring Baekhyun's chastising glare.

"Okay hyung, I'm sorry. I'll be better behaved from now on."

"You better be." Baekhyun's face was serious but his tone was joking. 

"Time to go guys. Come on." They followed Suho and left for practice. Baekhyun intertwined their arms and told him what he'd missed on the drama yesterday.

His good mood lasted all through practice and he nailed all his moves. When Suho called for a break, Kai high fived him, looking thoroughly impressed.

"You're killing it today Sehun."

"Thanks." He smiled.

"Where did all this energy come from and how can I get some?" Sehun blushed and grinned.

"I just got a lot of rest so I'm refreshed. Still not as good as you though," he pointed out. Kai waved the comment off.

"I've never seen you dance this well. Keep it up and you'll be better than me." He punched Sehun's shoulder teasingly and Sehun pretended to wince. 

"So strong for being so small..." Kai laughed as Sehun parroted his words back.

"Yeah, joke all you want but I bet you could easily keep up with me today. Try this." 

He backed up and stood legs apart. He pushed his hand out, grabbing at thin air as he rolled his hips, stepping to the side. His chest pushed out and he turned, sliding back as his arms moved gracefully. He stopped and turned to Sehun expectantly.

"Hyung, just because I remember our choreography doesn't mean I can do that." He felt his cheeks redden as some of the members paid attention, curious. 

"Just try it for me. Please?" Sehun sighed and moved beside him, copying Kai's starting position. He moved, trying his best to copy the rest of his movements. When he was done Kai's face showed both surprise and satisfaction. Everyone's eyes were on him now and they applauded. Kai came up and smacked his back. He looked down sheepishly.

"I told you you could do it! Here try this." Sehun looked at Suho desperately, silently begging him to end this but he seemed just as amused as everyone else.

He turned back and watched Kai, accepting his fate. Kai showed a slightly more complicated move but Sehun's eyes caught every movement and he readied himself to recreate it. 

His eyes fell in Xiumin's direction. He was watching Sehun intently, impressed. Sehun looked away before he could blush and repeated the moves, making sure he kept his own movements precise.

When he was done Kai pulled him in for a hug. Sehun stared imploring at Suho over his shoulder. He smiled and straightened his face before clearing his throat.

"Time to get back to practice guys. Let's go." Kai pulled away reluctantly and made a face before giving Sehun one last high five. They went back to practice and Sehun breathed a sigh of relief.

His eyes caught Xiumin's in the mirror and the older boy smirked. Sehun lifted his chin up and ignored him, focusing on the practice. Inside, though, he was proud to have impressed him. Xiumin was a pretty good dancer himself. Maybe some of that had rubbed off on him last night.

Kai was next to him after practice ended before he could even blink. He kept congratulating him on his performance today and praising how quickly he caught on.

He blushed, brushing it off on luck but Kai ignored it, deciding they should stay back and practice some moves. The smile on his face was so big Sehun couldn't turn him down so he reluctantly agreed.

His eyes caught Xiumin's in the mirror. Xiumin's eyes briefly darted between him and Kai before he followed Suho out. Before he could register what it had meant Kai turned on the stereo and began showing Sehun moves to try out. 

For the most part he nailed them. Occasionally he would need to see Kai do it once more but over all he was doing extremely well. Considering these were all freestyle moves Kai showed him and not parts from previous songs, he felt kind of proud. 

They strung them together and created a routine, moving in sync to the music. Kai was thoroughly impressed by how quick he caught on. 

"Wow, Sehun. I didn't know you had it in you. How about you start now and I'll follow you?" 

"Alright, but then I pick the music."

"Fair enough." He waited as Sehun scrolled through his MP3 player, picking a slower, more seductive song. The memory of last night was fresh in his mind and he felt inspired.

Kai watched as he found the beat, dancing precisely. The dance was more sexy than he normally would have done but he nailed the movements once again. When he was done he turned to Kai, eyes wide as Sehun approached him.

"I DEFINITELY didn't think you had THAT in you," Kai chuckled. Sehun's ears felt warm and he scratched the back of his neck. 

"I felt inspired I guess. You think you can follow?" Kai chuckled and nodded.

"I think so."

He started the song over and they began. Kai stayed in step with him perfectly, never missing a beat. When it was over Kai gave him a cheeky grin.

"Told you I had it."

"Yah, yah. Your dancing prowess goes unchallenged." He stuck his tongue out and Kai ruffled his hair. 

"Hey, you did well. Don't forget you made that dance up on the spot and remembered it perfectly the second time. That right there is the mark of a true dancer." He grinned at Sehun's shy smile and grabbed his MP3 player. "Now let's go, I could really use a shower."

Sehun chuckled and followed him. Kai wrapped his arm around their shoulder as they left and they fell into an easy rhythm as they made their way back. 

Kai opened the dorm door and pushed Sehun through, slapping his butt playfully to push him through.

"Our Sehun has been hiding some serious talent," he laughed as they entered the living room. The members turned around and Sehun blushed. 

"Yeah Sehun, you've been holding out on us. Where'd those skills come from?"

Sehun stuck his tongue out at Baekhyun as he grabbed a water bottle from the kitchen, guzzling it back thirstily. 

"Kai is just exaggerating. I wasn't that good."Kai scoffed.

"Not that good? He came up with a dance routine on the spot that was stage worthy."

The members turned to Sehun, curiosity evident on the features. Sehun groaned.

"It wasn't that good Kai. It was just freestyle moves."

"Freestyle moves my ass." He ignored the look Suho gave him and continued. "Show them and I guarantee you they'll agree with me."

"Yeah, show us Sehunnie." He blushed and looked away.

"I don't even remember it anymore." The skeptical looks on his members face told him they didn't believe him. He sighed. 

"If I do, will you let this go?"

"If they don't agree with me I will." Kai looked sincere and he sighed again.

"Fine, but I'm not doing it alone." He threw his bag down by the couch and waited for Kai. "Give me your MP3 player." He handed it to Sehun and waited as Sehun played the song. 

He pushed his embarrassment aside and began dancing, not looking at any of the members. He had never danced his own moves in front of the members and he was nervous but left it in the back of his mind, exuding confidence instead.

Kai danced next to him, falling into sync once again. It was weird to not try to match Kai for once. This time it was Kai's job to follow him. The song drew to a close and they finished, looking up slightly out of breath.

Almost every single member looked shocked. Their eyes flitted between Kai and Sehun and he gnawed his lip, uncomfortable. He stopped the song and grabbed his water, standing there awkwardly.

"I told you guys it wasn't that good."

"Are you kidding?" Lay looked at him incredulously. "You put that together on the spot?"

"Yeah, he did. He just played the song and did it. I was as surprised as you are." Kai crossed him arms and looked pointedly as Sehun.

"That was really good Sehun." Chen smiled warmly at him and the other members nodded, agreeing.

"It really was. Maybe we should incorporate it into our shows, a freestyle time for you?"

Sehun blanched. He held his hands up.

"No Suho, please don't.  That was just us messing around. I can't do that on stage."

"Why not?" 

"Because... Because I can't." Suho frowned but didn't push it.

"Well, they obviously agree with me. I told you they would." Sehun sighed, grabbing his water bottle and sitting down on the floor next to the couch.

"Fine, you win. Let's drop it, okay?" Kai grinned at him and sat down next to him, nudging his arm with his shoulder.

"Not a chance."

"Not even maybe." Baekhyun and Kai exchanged an evil look and he dropped his head into his hands, groaning.

"I'm never dancing again."

They all laughed at him and Kai ruffled his hair again. 

"It would be a crime to lock those moves away." He got up and ignored them. 

"I'm going to take a shower."

"I'll join you," Kai piped up. 

Sehun resisted the urge to object, glancing back at Xiumin. He sat tight lipped, fists clenching. He wanted to say no to Kai but he never had before and it would be weird if he did now.

"Then hurry. I'm tired and I don't want you hogging the water again."

He ignored Kai's pout and left, grabbing a towel before he entered the bathroom. He stripped quickly, actively ignoring yesterday's memories that had taken place in here.

He turned the water on, not waiting for it to heat up before stepping under. The cool water helped clear his head and he stepped out of the stream, grabbing his shampoo as Kai entered. He rubbed it through his hair as Kai also stripped. As Kai stepped in he pushed his head under the water and closed his eyes, head tilted back as he washed his hair. 

"Why are you so mean, hyung? You embarrassed me in front of the members." He opened his eyes as he switched places with Kai, careful to not touch bodies.

"What do you mean embarrassed? Did you not see how seriously impressed they all were? You practically blew their mind."

He grimaced and rubbed his conditioner in.

"But that dance wasn't meant for them. It was... it was something private I trusted you with. You know how uncomfortable I am doing that kind of stuff." They switched places again but this time Sehun felt Kai graze against his thighs as he passed. He turned away, uncomfortable.

 "I'm sorry. I just wanted them to know how well you did. Besides, you'd never know it made you uncomfortable watching you. You owned it." Sehun blushed, grateful he was turned away.

"That's not the point." He bit his lip, turning around. "Next time just don't do that, okay?" Kai smirked playfully.

"Does that mean there will be a next time?"

"If you don't make me regret it again, yes." He returned Kai's smirk. He finished washing the last of the soap out and they traded yet again. He grabbed his body wash and began cleaning himself, rubbing his muscles. 

"Well I'll hold you to that then. No backing out now." Kai washed his own shampoo out.

"Yah, yah. Whatever." He waited until Kai's hair was clean once again before taking his place. He let the water wash over him and rubbed his arms, the body wash running down his body in white streams. 

Once he was clean he stepped out, wrapping a towel over him as he dried off. Instead of putting his sweaty clothes back on he wrapped the towel around his waist.

He exited the bathroom and made his way to his bedroom, door already open. He closed it and locked it behind him, pulling his towel off and throwing it onto his bed. He stood shocked when the towel landed on Xiumin, waiting patiently on his bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Exo (DUH :p)


	8. Let Out the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin is not very happy with Sehun.
> 
> Just a short smut one XD  
> 

"What are you doing here?" Xiumin got off the bed and walked to him in an almost predatory way. Sehun shrunk back a bit, back against the door. Xiumin didnt respond, eyes not giving anything away as he grabbed Sehun's hand. He led him to the bed and pushed him down onto it. Sehun exhaled in shock when he landed, eyes wide in surprise and confusion.

"Xiumin...?" He crawled on top of Sehun, straddling his thighs, pushing his chest down. He pinned his arms above his head and looked him right in the eyes. Sehun's furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Did you have fun today? Did you enjoy the little show you put on?" 

"Wha-" he was cut off when Xiumin leaned down and kissed his neck, sucking the skin into his mouth. Sehun shuddered and tried again. He was relieved his voice didn't sound as shaky as he felt. "What are you talking about?" 

Xiumin released his neck and locked eyes with him once again, something dark there.

"I'm talking about that dammed dance you did in front of everyone." He leaned in close, face an inch from Sehun's. "Do you have any idea how hard I had to restrain myself to keep from taking you right there, right then? And then he joined you for a shower and I couldn't just sit there anymore."

Sehun swallowed, blinking a couple times before he found his words.

"I'm sorry. But why were you worried about the shower? We do that stuff all the time. Ahhh!" 

Xiumin's lips were on his nipple and he shivered, mouth hanging open. His tongue swirled around it, tracing the shape before he sucked it into his mouth. Sehun arched his back, his hips pushing into Xiumin.

He bit down lightly, tugging the soft nub in his teeth and Sehun moaned lowly. He released it and gave it one last soft lick before looking back up.

"I know you do that stuff all the time and that's why it's driving me nuts. You're mine," his hips grinding down on Sehun's growing erection as he said it, "and I wish they could know it." 

Sehun struggled to release his hands and Xiumin relented but brought his mouth down to Sehun's instead. The kiss was different than last time. It was a claiming kiss, his tongue tracing every inch of Sehun's mouth.

Sehun ran his hands down Xiumin's back, slipping under the hem of his shirt to feel bare skin. He felt hot under his fingers. 

He snagged the hem in his hands and pulled up, Xiumin breaking the kiss for long enough to yank the shirt over his arms before he claimed Sehun's mouth again. 

Xiumin's bare skin against him sent electric shocks where they touched. His hands ran across the planes of his back, the older boy's muscles flexing beneath his fingers. Sehun felt like an insignificant mortal, not deserving of the god above him. 

His hands wandered down onto Xiumin's ass and he yanked, crushing the boys hips into his. Xiumin groaned against his mouth, continuing the thrusts himself. Both boys were fully hard now and Sehun met his thrusts jerkily. 

Xiumin's elbows rested on either side of his head and he broke the kiss, catching his breath. His eyes were smoldering. Sehun realized suddenly that he would do anything Xiumin asked him to right now. The thought both scared him and excited him.

He pushed up hard, trying to quicken the pace. He groaned in frustration, clawing at Xiumin's back. The older boy, obeyed, pushing his hips into Sehun with renewed vigor. Sehun bit his lip to keep from crying out and threw his head back into the bed. Xiumin kissed down his neck, hand threaded into Sehun's hair to give himself better access. 

"I wish I could leave a mark here so everyone knew you weren't theirs; you're mine." He growled and rocked into Sehun harder. Sehun whimpered under him, pushing into the kisses. He was right, Sehun was his. He wanted Xiumin more than anything he'd ever dreamed of and he wanted Xiumin to have him too.

He reached in between them for Xiumin's pants, gasping and arching his back when he brushed his own cock. Xiumin's throat rumbled and he shifted, hips leaving Sehun's. He ignored the frustrated whine that left Sehun's face and pulled his sweats and boxers off with one hand, the other still holding him above Sehun. 

Sehun licked his lips hungrily as his hands trailed down Xiumin's body. Xiumin leaned over to pull the pants off around his feet and the reality of the situation hit Sehun. 

He'd never been this intimate with anyone before, he was still a virgin. His cheeks flushed and Xiumin kissed him lightly. 

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm,  umm... I've never... I mean, I'm still..." Xiumin nodded his understanding, eyes softening.

"You're still a virgin, you mean. I figured. It's okay Sehun, we don't need to have sex. We don't need to do anything you aren't comfortable with. I'll stop if you want."

Sehun looked into Xiumin's eyes and saw the truth. He really wouldn't push anything on Sehun and he was grateful. 

"No, don't stop. I'm just not ready for....  _that_ yet." His voice was almost a whisper. Xiumin nodded and leaned down, kissing him soft this time. He let Sehun decide the pace this time, still laying next to him, head propped up on his elbow.

Xiumin tasted so mouthwateringly delicious he couldn't stop. His arms wrapped around him and pulled him close, pressing their bodies together. His breath caught when Xiumin's thigh brushed his cock and he ground his hips up, moaning. 

Xiumin slid over until he was once again straddling Sehun, this time there was no clothing separating them. He bent down and sucked Sehun's lip lightly, nipping it lightly as his other hand slid down Sehun's chest. Sehun squirmed when he reached his stomach, anticipation driving him crazy.

Xiumin took his time, fingers trailing everywhere but his cock. He whined and reached down, grabbing Xiumin's erection in his hands, eliciting a moan from him. His resolve broke and he grabbed Sehun's cock and they started to jerk each other off.

The rhythm was jerky and kind of awkward, hands colliding sometimes. Neither boy cared. Everytime Xiumin made Sehun gasp or arch, he tugged more on Xiumin in response, getting a similar reaction from him.

Their lips connected sloppily, tongues dancing in each others mouths. It was a chorus of sucking, licking and biting. 

Sehun knew he was close and so was Xiumin. An idea entered his mind and he pulled back, lips connected by a small stream of saliva. Xiumin stopped, his hand leaving Sehun's cock. 

"What's wrong?" Sehun blushed.

"Umm, nothing I just... There's something I wanted to try." Xiumin quirked his eyebrow at him but nodded.

"What is it?" 

Instead of answering him Sehun pulled him down beside him, climbing on top of him on all fours. Xiumin looked up at him, surprised, as he crawled between his legs.

"I, ummm, I wanna try... to give you a, uh, blow job." 

Xiumin's mouth popped open and he swallowed, his cock twitching beneath Sehun. 

"Are you sure? You don't have to." Sehun nodded, enjoying the reaction Xiumin had to him. He was breathing hard and precome was smeared over his tip from Sehun's hand earlier. 

Sehun knelt down and took the base of his cock in his hand, staring down at his swollen head. He wet his lips and brought his head down, licking the tip.

Xiumin jerked beneath him, fingers knotted in the sheets. His eyes were watching Sehun intently but he didn't tell him to stop so he continued. 

He trailed his tongue down, licking around the tip as his lips closed around it. He sucked lightly, experimenting. Xiumin's back arched up and his eyes screwed shut. Encouraged, Sehun sucked harder and twisted his mouth. He took more of him into this mouth, running his tongue lightly around his cock while he alternated between sucking and lightly grazing it with his teeth.

Xiumin was quivering under him and one of his hands came to Sehun's head, encouraging him. Sehun loved seeing Xiumin like this, knowing he was the cause. He felt a rush and pressed on.

Hesitantly, he pulled Xiumin in as far as he could. He was expecting to gag when he reached the base but, much to his surprise, he didn't. He felt Xiumin's head pressed into the back of his throat and Xiumin cursed under his breath, eyes wide as Sehun pulled him all the way into his mouth. His fingers tugged in Sehun's hair and he got the message.

He started bobbing his head up and down quicker. He pulled his mouth off, tongue running down his shaft as he circled it. Xiumin groaned, hips jerking up to find his mouth. Sehun returned his cock to his mouth, sucking vigorously as he took him deep into his throat. Xiumin bucked beneath him, fingers tightening in his hair as he tried to pull him off.

"Sehun. Fuck. I'm going to- God." Sehun ignored him and sucked harder, pulling him deeper. 

"Holy shit." He felt Xiumin tense and then he was shooting his load inside Sehun's mouth. Sehun kept sucking, swallowing the salty liquid as he milked Xiumin dry. When Xiumin's hips stilled he sucked one last time, lips leaving Xiumin's cock with a pop. He wiped his mouth of with his hand and blushed as Xiumin stared at him, eyes wide.

"Holy shit," he repeated. "That was..." He exhaled, not able to find any words. Sehun just blushed again and suddenly felt very awkward. 

"So it was, uh, good?" Xiumin chuckled.

"It wasn't just good, it was amazing. Are you sure you've never done that before?"

"I think I would know if I'd sucked someone's dick before," he retorted. Xiumin laughed and sat up. He motioned for Sehun to come to him. He crawled over and sat in front of him, face still red.

"Now, what about you?" His hand reached out and wrapped around Sehun's still hard cock. He gasped, having been so turned on giving Xiumin pleasure he hadn't thought of himself. Xiumin leaned in and kissed him, ignoring the fact Sehun had just swallowed his cum. He found it strangely hot, knowing Xiumin could taste himself on his tongue. 

Xiumin fisted him roughly, not bothering to start slow. Sehun had been so turned on from blowing Xiumin that he was nearly there already. He groaned against Xiumin's mouth and jerked his hips up.

"Don't hold back Sehun. Cum for me." His hand sped up and Sehun threw his head back. 

"Fuck, Xiumin." He let go and came hard, squirting all over Xiumin's hand and his chest. Xiumin kissed his neck to his collarbone as he slowed down, squeezing the last drops out. When he was spent he fell back, arms splayed out. 

Xiumin grabbed the towel Sehun had used earlier and wiped his hand off. He sat down on the edge of the bed and cleaned Sehun off. He grinned lazily at Xiumin. 

"So, is this the part where we cuddle up and fall asleep?" Xiumin laughed, throwing the towel into the laundry hamper. 

"No this is the part where we get ourselves presentable because we're leaving for rehearsal in," he trailed off looking at his watch, "an hour." 

"Ugh, but I want to sleep." Xiumin leaned down and placed a tender kiss on his lips before getting up. 

"I know but the show is tonight. I'll go first. If anyone asks say we were just on the computer, watching videos. Wait a while before you come." He hesitated, turning back, a warm smile on his face. "That was amazing, and not just because of the sex stuff. Thank you for trusting me."

Sehun blinked, unsure of what to say. Xiumin gave one last smile and left. Sehun smiled at the spot Xiumin had been standing in a couple seconds before. Yeah, he could definitely get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Exo (AGAIN)


	9. Danger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes good days don't last but really when do they ever?

Sehun felt giddy the rest of the day. It felt good to finally just give in to his feelings. He hated thinking about Xiumin and immediately feeling guilty afterwards. That was no way to live your life he decided.

He still knew this wasn't a good idea and he was being kind of selfish, not putting the band's thoughts first but he decided he was allowed to be selfish sometimes.

After all, he joked and goofed off but when it came down to it, he was the youngest member and had to follow along with the decisions his hyungs made. He rarely complained and did what they told him to where Exo was concerned and it weighed on him sometimes.

Now, making this not-so-small decision himself was scary but also thrilling. He was taking charge of his own life. Kind of.

Technically nothing would change too much. He would still behave the same around the other members and I'm front of fans, either personally or in front of a lens. He still had to put on a good show, teasing the fans about him and the other members. Everyone had to do that. It wasn't expressly stated in their contract or anything but the company encouraged them to be charismatic and close with each other.

The difference being now those knowing glances directed at Xiumin would have meaning behind them. The light touches would feel heavier. He was gonna have to work hard not to blush. If the only person he ever blushed for was Xiumin that would definitely turn some heads.

Overall, he felt lighter. He flitted around the dorm as he got ready for the show, humming to himself. The other members mistook this for excitement for the show and he played along, saying he was excited to give the fans a good performance after feeling better.

"If you really wanna give them a good performance you should show them some of that dance." He grimaced at Kai, sighing. He really wouldn't let up about that stupid dance and Sehun wished he'd never done it. Although it had some desired effects on Xiumin...

"I told you I don't want to. Why are you so burdensome?" Kai ruffled his hair and he huffed in annoyance.

"Because you said you wanted to give them a good show. I'm just saying that would help." He grinned cheekily and left Sehun with his bag as they approached the vans taking them to the venue.

Sehun changed the topic, turning to Baekhyun and asking him a question about that video game he had wanted as they got into the vehicle. This set Baekhyun off and he began rambling about the map generator and how smooth the controls were. He smiled at how easy it was to get Baekhyun going.

He talked almost the whole ride to the concert, Chanyeol jumping in to argue when Baekhyun wouldn't stop praising the game. Sehun laughed and goaded them on, making small remarks or questions where he could as they bickered. They were too heated to realize Sehun was playing both sides and Suho shook his head when he noticed but he smirked anyways. Sehun grinned ear to ear and made a small OK gesture to him when the pair weren't looking.

"Yah but Baekhyun, graphics aren't everything! Who cares if it looks pretty when it sucks!" Baekhyun sucked in a breath, offended.

"It doesn't suck, you just have to be good at the game which you're clearly not!"

"I think it is a bit hard," Sehun piped in as Chanyeol gave him a toothy grin. "But it's also really pretty and sometimes that makes up for the difficulty. Who cares if you're not good as long as you can have fun playing around."

It was Baekhyun's turn to grin triumphantly and he turned back to his other side to stick his tongue out at Chanyeol. The latter sulked and cross his arms. Sehun laughed and reached over Baekhyun, shoving Chanyeol's shoulder playfully.

"Don't be so upset hyung. I'm only teasing you."

"I'm your hyung, you should be nicer to me!" Sehun sighed and leaned his head back, giving him his best kicked puppy dog face. Chanyeol's eyes softened slightly but he kept the rest of his face still.

"I'm sorry hyung. Please don't be mad." He fluttered his eyelashes and stuck his bottom lip out, giving Chanyeol his best pout. Chanyeol didn't have a chance.

"Yah, you act all cute but you're devious, you know that?"His lips quirked up in a smile as he uncrossed his arms, leaning over to ruffle Sehun's hair. Sehun cocked his head to the side and flashed him a big smile.

"I don't act cute, I am cute." He brought his hand up to his cheek to emphasize his point before Chanyeol made a gagging sound. He frowned and huffed, turning to the back seat as he rested his chin on the headrest.

"I'm cute, right hyungs?" He almost blushed when he realized Xiumin was sitting behind him. He hadn't noticed him enter the van. On the surface he looked amused but Sehun thought he saw something else in his eyes. Kai laughed and leaned forward, tousling his hair.

"Of course you're cute. You're our maknae. Chanyeol is just jealous." Chanyeol stuck his tongue at Kai.

"I am not jealous. We all know I'm the most handsome." Kai shook his head, eyes crinkling at the corners as he smirked.

"So confident. Last I checked I had more fans in my cafe than you." Chanyeol looked like he was gonna respond but they were pulling in at the venue now and Suho told them that was enough.

Sehun glanced at Xiumin's face once more before turning around and grabbing his bag. He felt kind of guilty for the whole scene but knew he shouldn't. This was how he normally acted and Xiumin knew that. He hadn't seemed mad but there was something he wasn't showing, Sehun could tell.

He pushed those thoughts out of his mind as they pulled up outside the building, driver stopping the van next to a guest entrance. They filed out and quickly made their way through the door, fans already swarming the alley. The members from the second van were right behind them and they followed their manager through the winding linoleum halls.

He didn't have any time to linger on what Xiumin was thinking because their manager immediately ushered them to the stage to start sound check. They checked the mics and the lighting, going through the set list and coordinating their performance.

All the checks went through without a hitch and he took it as a good sign. He had high spirits and felt his good mood from before returning. The incident in the car almost forgotten, he was practically jumping up and down with joy. His good mood was contagious and the others joined in.

Once the staff was sure the equipment was functioning properly they were dismissed to get ready. Kai hung back, talking to the manager off stage. Sehun couldn't hear what they were talking about from where he was. He considered staying back and waiting for him but the staff was urging him along with the rest of the group. He shrugged, deciding to ask Kai when he came to the dressing room.

He got changed into his outfit quickly. It was a simple blazer with slacks. Tonight's concept was simple and sophisticated. Everyone had some little accessory to set them apart and his was a studded patch on the chest of his jacket. He slipped his dress shoes on and laced them, straightening his jacket as he stood.

He sat on the bench as he waited for an available make-up artist and pulled his phone out. He scrolled through the SNS comments about tonight's concert. The fans were anticipating it well. He felt more confident after seeing their encouraging words. Someone sat down next to him and he looked up, nodding to Kai.

"What were you talking to the manager about?" He leaned over and tucked his phone into his bag.

"Just confirming some of the dance stuff. No big deal. Gotta make sure everything goes well, especially this early in our comeback. We have to give our best, don't you think?"

"Of course," he nodded and Kai smirked, eyes glinting mischievously.

"Glad to hear it." He clapped his hand down on Sehun's knee and patted it before he got up to change. Sehun tilted his head as he watched him go. Kai was so weird sometimes.

Just then a chair cleared and he sat down as the make-up artist began working on his face and someone else began his hair. He sat still, eyes closed, and hummed the music for their opening track. He made mental notes at his parts, running through them one last time.

When the artist finished he thanked her and bowed, getting up so Kris could take his place. He wandered over to where Tao was sitting, playing a game on his phone.

He took a seat next to him and looked over his shoulder. He was playing some fighting game he'd never seen that looked like it was in Chinese.

"What's that word mean?" He pointed to the pop-up that appeared when he landed a successful combo.

"Strong," Tao mumbled as he landed another combo.

"Oh, like you hyung." He bumped Tao's shoulder with his.

"Exactly," Tao responded with a genuine smile. He was so easy to please. His character did some spinning kick thing and the other character fell over, stars circling his head. "Yes!" He pumped his fist and brought his hand up for a high five that Sehun returned. Sehun chuckled and got up, too excited to sit still.

He paced around the room until his manager told him to go to the hallway and stop getting in their way. He apologized and bowed respectfully. The hallway was mostly empty with only some people wearing headsets and holding clipboards checking last minute preparations off.

He passed them and settled against the wall a couple feet away. He ran through his vocal exercises, opening his mouth wide and stretching the muscles. He didn't like to go on stage unprepared.

When he finished that he practiced some of the key dance moves. He was impatient. He wanted to go on stage already. He had a really good feeling about tonight and his excitement thrummed in his veins.

"You planning on doing a one man show tonight?" He smirked at Lay.

"And deprive the fans of your killer moves? Never." Lay rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall next to him. Sehun felt him watching as he stumbled on one of the trickier moves. He sighed, about to rake his hand through his hair before he remembered it had just been styled. Lay came off the wall and stood next to him.

"You're just thinking too much. You're too focused on the first part. You don't give yourself enough time to start the spin. Try again, like this."

He watched as Lay demonstrated, executing it perfectly. He nodded and took a deep breath before trying again. This time he stopped following through with his hand as far before spinning. He landed perfectly and smiled. Lay patted his shoulder and smiled back.

"See, you just need to relax a bit."

"Thanks hyung. I will."

One of the staff approached then and told them it was time to get ready. The members followed her to the backstage area, the noise getting louder the closer they got. They had sold out the arena and it was obvious the fans had remembered their voices.

The anticipation was high and everyone was practicing. He stretched and made sure he could move freely. The suit was kind of tight but not enough to impact the choreography. The stage manager signaled to get into position and they lined up before they began filing on stage.

The cheers became almost deafening as they walked across the platform. He waved at the crowd, smile plastered across his face.

They launched into the first song and Sehun went into performance mode. All that mattered was making sure he didn't mess up. His energy came in handy and he got through the first song easily.

The rest of the show followed suit. They laughed and joked around in between songs when they spoke to the fans. The crowd went nuts whenever any of the members got close to each other or made little gestures. It was easy to do this stuff like it was second nature to him.

The concert was nearing an end and although he was soaked in sweat his spirits remained high. They finished the second last song and he chugged some water before they started their goodbyes.

"Have you enjoyed the show well?" Suho's voice boomed through the arena and was immediately drowned out by enthusiastic screaming. They took turns thanking the fans and making little speeches. When they were all done Kai spoke.

"We have one last thing before we do the last song. Are you excited?" The fans response was loud.

The stage manager had mentioned Kai had something planned before the last song and it had been approved by their manager. That had explained why he was talking to him earlier but he hadn't had a chance to ask him before the show started.

"Me and another member prepared a special performance just for you guys!" He felt a lump rise in his throat and had a sneaking suspicion he was not gonna be happy with what Kai said next.

"Sehun choreographed this and I'd love him to help me show you guys! Do you want to see it?"

The crowd began chanting Sehun and Kai's names. He kept his face controlled, not letting his surprise and irritation show. The other members were clearly surprised but went along with it, assuming they had both known and kept it a secret.

Baekhyun shot him a quick questioning glance but he couldn't respond without the fans seeing so he smiled and bowed, walking across the stage to join Kai. There was no way to get out of this now without disappointing the fans so he accepted his fate and got into position.

Kai had even gotten them to play the song he'd paired it with and he mentally rolled his eyes. He was gonna kill him when they got back to the dorm. Right now, though, there was nothing he could do but follow through with Kai's master plan and Kai knew it. His smile was wide before he switched it to one of his smoldering "for the fans" looks.

Sehun was surprised he remembered it as well as he did. The movements came easy and he executed them perfectly, although it was easy when he was the one that had created them. The fans screams were the loudest yet and he bit his lip to keep a blush from spreading across his cheeks.

They danced in perfect harmony, Kai always matching his speed and energy the whole time. It didn't scream sex or anything but it had a sensual vibe and he wasn't used to exuding that to the fans. There was just him and Kai this time, no other members to switch with or hide behind.

When it finished there was a cacophony of sounds, screams and shouted words unintelligible across the stadium. He bowed and nervously returned to where he had been standing. Kai spoke into the mic again.

"Clearly Sehun has been hiding the extent of his skills from us." The crowd echoed his laugh and he turned to Sehun. "Maybe we'll have to work together for the next music video." Sehun did blush a bit now and he chuckled to cover it up.

"Thank you, I'll look forward to it." The crowd ate it up. Their last song was a ballad and they walked freely around the stage, interacting with each other and closing the concert on a good note.

The fans screamed when Kai threw his arms around Sehun's shoulders, the song drawing to a close. They all smiled and waved, saying goodbye one last time before exiting the stage.

The second they were out of view of fans he shrugged Kai's arm off, walking ahead to the dressing room. He knew better than to snap here when there was so many staff around. He would have to wait until they were back in the privacy of the dorm. He ran through his argument in his head, trying not to look worked up.

When Kai made to approach him he threw his arm across Chen's shoulder and complimented him on his performance, turning his back to Kai. He didn't acknowledge Kai the rest of the time while they changed or when he went to shower.

Sehun had waited for Baekhyun specifically so that Kai couldn't assault him in the shower. Baekhyun raved about how well he'd done with his dance and how happy he was Sehun had decided to do it. He didn't wanna start anything here so he just nodded in response and changed the subject.

He stuck close to Baekhyun's side as they left for the dorm. When Kai entered the first van he made a beeline straight for the second one, dragging Baekhyun with him. He almost felt guilty when he saw the hurt on Kai's face. Almost.

He mumbled something about being tired and popped his headphones in, not wanting to make conversation on the way back. He stared out the window and fumed.

It wasn't about the dance so much as how Kai had gone against his wishes so boldly. That dance had originally supposed to stay in the practice room but then Kai had made him show the members and, okay, he didn't want to but he did it because they were his hyungs and he always did what his hyungs wanted. But that was supposed to be it.

It felt so personal. He hadn't been ready to share that yet. It had been inspired by Xiumin getting him off, for goodness sake. He obviously couldn't tell anybody that which was annoying because without being able to give a valid reason he was uncomfortable he didn't have much an an argument. He sighed, rubbing his eyes in frustration. He saw Baekhyun glance at him out of the corner of his eyes but he just leaned his head against the glass and closed his eyes.

When they pulled back into the dorm parking lot he turned his MP3 off and shoved it into his pocket. His frustration grew when he saw Kai waiting as the van doors opened, the first van already pulling away. He didn't even look at Kai as he shoved past him, stomping to the dorm. Kai trailed after him but he ignored that to.

He skipped the elevator and took the stairs, not wanting to get trapped with Kai. He reached the dorm before the elevator and he stormed through the front door, throwing his bag onto the couch. He was slightly out of breath from taking so many flights of stairs. He wrenched the fridge door open and yanked out a bottle of water, slamming the door closed again before guzzling some back.

The other members were coming in now and he made a beeline straight for Kai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by BTS.


	10. Trouble Maker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun doesn't feel like putting up with Kai's shit but has no problem with Xiumin's.

"What the hell Kai!?" Sehun got right in Kai's face, the older boy backing up against the wall. His hands came up defensively and his eyes were wide while he struggled for words.

"Whoa! What's going on here?" Suho came to stand next to them, hand on Sehun's shoulder pushing him back slightly.

"What's going on is Kai pulled a dirty, underhanded trick tonight!" 

Suho's face wasn't the only one looking shocked. The other members surrounded them, looking back and forth between Sehun, Kai, and Suho. Kris came to stand next to Suho, the leaders trying to act as buffers.

"What are you talking about? Does this have something to do with the dance from earlier?" Kris directed the question at Sehun but his eyes moved to Kai. Kai for his part looked pretty nervous as his mouth moved, words fumbled before he could get them out.

"You're damn straight it does." Sehun's voice was harsh, even to his own ears. He clenched his fists and bared his teeth, satisfied when Kai's eyes widened. "We never planned shit! He snuck off behind my back and set this up. I didn't find out until he announced it in front of all the damned fans!" Suho turned to Kai, disappointment evident on his face.

"Is that true Kai? Did you set him up?" 

"No! Well yes, but it's not like that!" He swallowed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I knew Sehun would be too nervous to do it otherwise and it was really good and I figured he'd thank me later..." Kai's ramblings came to a halt when Sehun gave him a look that must have been daggers.

"It wasn't YOUR decision Kai! Did you ever once consider there was a reason I didn't wanna do it!? That maybe there are things about me you don't know because it's MY FUCKING LIFE!? All I ever do is what you guys want me to and for once can you stop making my decisions for me!?"

The room was silent. There were 11 sets of eyes on him, all wide. Nobody knew how to react, probably because he'd never once gotten more than sulky or whiny. He'd never snapped before. Suho cleared his throat and turned to Baekhyun.

"Take him to our room."

Baekhyun wasted no time grabbing Sehun's arm and pulling him to his and Suho's room. Sehun didn't fight it. He was seething and his body was shaking with anger. If he stayed there any longer he might do something he'd regret. More than yelling and swearing in front of all the members, that is.

Baekhyun shoved him into the room, closing and locking the door behind him. Sehun expected him to turn around and start yelling but instead he just sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to him for Sehun.

"I don't want to sit." Sehun paced around, knuckles white as he grit his teeth. Baekhyun just got up and grabbed his arms, yanking him around to face him. He held Sehun's shoulders and pushed him to sit down on the bed. Normally Sehun wouldn't have budged but he was so shocked he didn't react right away. Baekhyun kept his hands on his shoulder, bending over until their eyes were at the same level. He looked at him straight in the eyes as he spoke.

"Sehun, what is going on with you?" 

"Nothing, I'm just pissed Kai went behind my back." He tried to get up but was pushed back down right away.

"No Sehun, don't lie to me. In the entire time I've known you I have never, not once, seen you get mad and yell at someone. Let alone an elder. Don't tell me nothing's wrong." Sehun looked away, unable to meet his eyes. He was still pissed but also kind of ashamed now. Baekhyun shook his shoulders, drawing his attention back. 

"I don't know. I just... He has no idea what that meant to me and he didn't ask and sometimes I get so sick of having my choices made for me and..."

He trailed off, sighing. He still felt wound up but the anger was slowly switching to exhaustion and his body suddenly felt very heavy. His shoulders slumped and he looked at the floor. Baekhyun knelt down in front of him, sliding his hands down to grab Sehun's. 

"Whatever's going on you need to tell me. It's tearing you apart." 

Sehun's avoided his gaze and stared at a spot on the floor next to his foot. How could he tell Baekhyun anything? If anyone knew they would be outraged, not to mention disgusted. Baekhyun would probably be mad. They'd had showers together. He'd probably assume Sehun had spent the whole time checking him out. 

"Please Sehun, talk to me."

"I can't, I'm sorry." Baekhyun tried to grab his face but he pulled away, turning to look at the wall. He heard him sigh in frustration before he jumped up.

"I thought we were friends Sehun! Why don't you trust me?" Sehun turned back, a frown tugging at his mouth.

"We ARE friends Baekhyun but this is just something I need to keep to myself." Sehun winced when he threw his hands up in frustration, storming for the door. He unlocked it and wrenched it open, turning back.

"Fine, keep it all to yourself but you better get this shit sorted before it effects Exo!"

He slammed the door behind him. Sehun fell back on the bed. He stared blankly at the ceiling and waited. He didn't know what for. He just waited.

Eventually the door opened and he felt the bed dip. He didn't look to see who it was, just waited for them to speak. They cleared their throat. So Suho then.

"Sehun, what happened back there?"

He shrugged, eyes still on the ceiling. 

"I understand being upset with Kai but you went too far. I think you need to apologize."

Sehun chuckled, a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes tugging at his lips.

"Of course because I'm the youngest so I always have to do what I'm told." Suho grabbed his arm and pulled him up, a stern expression on his face.

"Quit throwing a fit. Maybe if you didn't act like a child we wouldn't have to decide things for you!" 

Sehun flinched like he'd been slapped. That was a low blow. The one time he threw a fit Suho pulled that. Suho's eyes softened and he might have felt bad but he didn't take it back.

"Kai shouldn't have done that but if you had just talked to him like we are now then maybe we could have avoided a whole screaming match."

"I told him I didn't want to do it. Why should my reasons matter? He should have just respected what I said."

"I agree with that Sehun but that doesn't mean you can snap on him like that. Do you have any idea how bad he feels rights now? He had no idea it would bother you that much. He wanted to come right here and apologize but I told him to wait for you to cool down." 

Suho looked at him imploringly and he sighed. It was so unfair. He was right and Sehun knew that but he was so sick of doing things for everyone despite whether he wanted to or not.

He knew Kai was sorry. He knew that he hadn't meant to upset him so much. He knew Kai had his best interests at heart in the end. Knowing all that didn't make it any easier. 

"I know he feels bad. I'm just sick of having nothing to myself anymore." He looked away and blinked back the tears forming. Suho pulled him in and hugged him. 

"I understand," he spoke into Sehun's shoulder. "But you need to tell us if something's bothering you so we can fix it. You can't wait until it gets this bad." He pulled away and gave him a reassuring smile. Sehun tried to return it but failed, an almost grimace coming out instead. 

"Are you good to talk to Kai? He's waiting outside." Sehun nodded and went to sit back against his pillows as Suho left, Kai replacing him. He looked hesitant, assessing Sehun's mood.

"I'm still mad at you but I'm sorry for losing it. I don't know why I snapped." 

Kai sat down on the foot of the bed. He looked upset but when he took in Sehun's red eyes and sniffling nose his face fell even more.

"I'm so so sorry Sehun. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Of course you didn't but that's why you can't just DO stuff like that." Sehun looked away, playing with his hands in his lap. Kai scooted up so that he was sitting next to Sehun's waist and put his hand on his shoulder. Sehun didn't look back at him, working instead to control his emotions. God, why was he crying so much lately?

"What I did was wrong. I'm sorry. I should have listened when you said you didn't wanna do it. It was stupid of me. All i did was make you hate me." He sighed and drew his hand back, running it through his messy curls. Sehun turned back, a small smile playing on his lips.

"I don't hate you. I'm just royally pissed." His smile fell away and he looked down. "It's not really your fault. I mean you did a shitty thing, but it's my own problems that made me react as bad as I did."

He bit his lip and shook his head. It wasn't fair to put all the blame on Kai. If it had just been any run of the mill routine he put together it wouldn't have been the same. He still would've been upset with Kai but not nearly as much.

No, it was only because of the  _why_ of the dance he had gotten so pissed. It was like a physical representation of how he felt. The want, the anticipation, the hesitancy, the confusion and the attraction all turned into movements. He felt vulnerable having that part of him exposed. He finally looked back up and Kai was studying him. 

"What was it about that dance that was so personal to you?" Sehun blushed and looked away. 

"Just... It just was." Kai didn't look satisfied with the answer but didn't push it. At least he was trying to make up for earlier. Sehun gave him a thankful smile. 

"So are we good?" 

"As long as you can forgive me, yeah, we're good." Sehun nodded and Kai flashed him a big smile before he hopped off the bed.

"Awesome. I'll let you, uhh, relax, I guess." 

"Yeah, sounds good, except I have an apology to make first." Kai laughed and left, Sehun following him. He hesitantly walked to the living room where most of the members were sitting. He cleared his throat and they looked up.

"I'm sorry about before. I didn't mean to snap. I guess I just got stressed but that's no excuse. Please forgive me."

Baekhyun crossed his arms and left, slamming the door to his room behind him. He sighed. He was gonna have to figure out what to say to him. He turned back to the other members, gnawing his lip.

Xiumin's eyes met his across the room and he couldn't quite tell what he saw in them. Over all he thought it was a worried one but maybe not because he also looked kind of irritated. Had Xiumin been disappointed with his childish behavior? What if it had turned him off and now he was trying to figure out how to tell Sehun he wasn't interested anymore?

"It's okay, we forgive you." Tao's voice snapped him out of his reverie.

"Yeah, I mean you guys both kinda messed up so as long as you forgive each other that's all that matters." D.O. smiled at him and he returned it, relieved.

"Thanks guys. It won't happen again. I don't know what came over me."

"We all make mistakes. Just learn from it." He nodded solemnly to Kris.

"I will." 

He wasn't sure what to else there was to say so he dismissed himself to bed. He wasn't really tired but it was kinda awkward in there. It would just take time. Give it a couple days and things would be back to normal. He hoped, at least. 

He pulled his shirt off and dropped it next to the bed, switching his sweats for a lighter pair of cotton sleep pants. Climbing under his blanket and resting his head on his pillow, he sighed. It was hard to believe that only three days ago they had come back from a show just like tonight to relax, have some drinks and then everything had changed. Now with everything between him and Xiumin, days felt like they were much longer.

It was finally starting to sink in. He was into a  _guy_. Not just any guy but his eldest group member. Did that make him a reverse cougar? He chuckled quietly to himself. No, technically Xiumin was the cougar here.

He frowned, remembering Xiumin's expression from earlier. What had he been thinking? He would go ask him right now but if they spent too much time together suddenly people might notice, especially since they already thought he was acting weird. But he really wanted to know what Xiumin was thinking, not just about the argument but about what happened in the car before too. He hadn't had a chance to talk about that either. 

He groaned in frustration. They lived in the same building, bedrooms 20 feet away. Why was it so hard to have some freaking privacy? Suddenly he had an idea.

He got up and went over to Suho's desk, rummaging through the drawer for the small, black book. When he found it he flipped it open, leafing through the pages for the address book. He found it and scrolled down the page, stopping when he found Xiumin's name.

He unlocked his phone and hastily added the number to his contacts. He returned the book and went back to his own bed. He sat cross legged, phone open to a blank message and stared. what should he say? He chewed his lip and sat there for five minutes, just trying to figure out what to type. He settled on something simple.

**sooo.. what are u doing? - S**

He was surprised when he received a reply almost instantly. 

**X: nothing. are u ok?**

**S: yeah. im sorry i freaked out.**

**X: its ok.**

**S: so are u mad at me?**

**X: why would i be mad?**

**S: idk. u seemed off**

**X: i'm not mad.**

**S: what about what happnd in the car?**

**X: again, not mad. jealous, maybe...**

Sehun's heart soared. So he wasn't regretting it. His fingers flew across the keys.

**S: so my childish behavior didnt discourage u? ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ**

He could practically feel Xiumin's smirk when he read his reply.

**X: u cant get rid of me that easy (¬‿¬)**

**S: who says im trying? myb its all part of my devious plan to seduce u further ಠ◡ಠ**

**X: who says u have to try? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)**

Oh.. Sehun felt his erection stir in his cotton sleep pants. 

**S: see, my plan worked already (ง ͠° ͟ل͜ ͡°)ง**

**X: is that all there is to ur so called devious plan? im disappointed**

**S: i cant divulge that to you, its need to kno**

**X: is that a challenge? i _love_ challenges (¬‿¬)**

He exhaled. There was a silent promise in there and he was getting turned on.

**S: oh i just bet u do. to bad you'll be disappointed**

**X: are u so sure about that? i have my ways**

**S: who says theyll work on me?**

**X: i'm pretty sure they already did ;)**

His pants were starting to feel uncomfortably tight. He inched back, leaning against the headboard, and pulled his blanket over his lap. He didn't want Suho to walk in suddenly and see him touching himself. It had happened, but it was still awkward. He rubbed his palm slowly over his half hard cock and used his other hand to reply back.

**S: ur awfully cocky arent u?**

**X: isnt that the way u like it?**

Oh, did he ever. He slipped his hand under his waistband, taking his cock into his hands and tugging on it. He was almost fully hard and he felt anticipation along with a warm feeling low in his stomach.

**S: what makes u think u know what i like?**

**X: oh i think i have a very good idea ;)**

**S: and what might that be?**

His cock twitched in his hands as he stroked it slowly, savoring the moment. He'd never done anything naughty over text, even with his past girlfriends. He'd never really done much of anything with anyone before. He supposed that's why it was so easy to turn him on. Everything was  _new_.

He heard Suho's voice down the hallway, calling out goodnight and yanked his hands out of his pants, drawing his knees up to hide his erection. Just in time as Suho opened the door and entered the room. Sehun nodded at him, pretending to be looking at something on his phone. Suho yanked on some pajamas, turning his lamp on before shutting the main light off. He collapsed in his bed. 

"Man, today was a long day." He nodded, ignoring the vibration of his phone as a text came in. 

"Yeah, feeling pretty tired myself." He lay down on his side, facing away from Suho as he hunched up, bringing his knees up to hide the bulge in the blanket. 

"I'm just gonna read a chapter of my manga before I go to sleep. Will the light bother you?"

"No, it's fine." He cursed under his breath. He unlocked his phone and checked his texts. 

**X: its not any fun to tell u, i have to show u**

His erection strained painfully in his underpants but he couldn't touch it without making it obvious. 

**S: sounds like an excuse XD**

**X: is that so?**

**X: Picture MSG: Click to open**

oh. My. GOD. Did he..? Sehun lowered the phone to make sure it was hidden by his body. His finger hovered over the button. He gulped and clicked it.

Holy mother of mercy. Xiumin sat on his bed, wearing nothing but his boxers and hand slipped underneath. The bulge was _very_ visible. The photo cut off at his chest but he could see the light shine off his muscular skin. His cock twitched and he suppressed the urge to groan. He bit his lip instead as he typed a response.

**S: i hate u**

**X: what? worried Suho will see?**

**S: u knew he was in here?? nd u still sent that. ur an evil bastard**

**X: Picture MSG: Click to open**

Sehun was gonna kill him. The temptation to open it was too much and he clicked the button, immediately regretting it. Xiumin had pulled the boxers down just far enough to free his cock, his hand around it. The sight was mouthwatering. 

**S: do u enjoy torturing me?**

**X: a little ;)**

**S: ur too cruel**

**X: i'll make up for it**

He was so hard it hurt. All he wanted to do was shove his hands down his pants and jerk his cock to the sinful pictures Xiumin was sending. He heard movement and exited his messages, opening a game casually. Suho had put his book down and leaned over, shutting the lamp off. 

"Good night." He mumbled a good night back, afraid to use his voice too much. He was pretty sure it would crack on him. He was lucky Suho usually fell asleep pretty quick. He texted back while he waited, making sure the brightness was down so he wouldn't disturb his roommate.

**S: u better. hes finally falling asleep**

**X; good**

**X: Picture MSG: Click to open**

He slowly reached a hand down to rub his erection as the image loaded. Xiumin was still stroking his cock, only this time he'd taken it from an upward angle so his face was in the shot too. He looked up, lip between his teeth and had one of the sexiest looks Sehun had ever seen. His cock twitched and he reached his hand under, pausing to listen for Suho's breathing. It was quiet and slow, almost asleep. As long as he was quiet he would be okay. 

**S: fuck. why are u doing this to me?**

**X: because i know you want it**

He forced himself to keep his movements slow. He couldn't risk waking Suho before he even fell asleep. His cock was pulsing in his hand and he felt his hips jerk a little when he brushed across the head. 

**S: fuck Xiumin this isnt fair**

**X: why not?**

**S: because i cant even properly jerk off, Suho's still awake!**

**X: so you _are_ touching yourself?**

**S: how could i not when u look so fucking hot**

**X: mmm now thats something id like to see**

Sehun grinned, a wicked idea forming. He pulled the blanket over his head and tucked it in around him. It was thick enough to block the light of his flash. Besides, Suho was probably in the early phases of sleep by now. He pulled his pants down to his thighs and grabbed his cock. Positioning his phone right, he snapped a pic, flash going off as he did. He checked the photo. It wasn't great quality, a little blurry, but the angle was flattering for him. Without pausing to think, he hit send.

**S: Picture MSG: Click to open**

**X: holy shit Sehun. fuck. im gonna cum**

Sehun licked his lips and imagined Xiumin's reaction to the picture, hand quickening as he neared orgasm. Sehun himself was pretty close and he reached his hand out next to the bed, grabbing his shirt from before. He opened the picture of Xiumin one last time as he pumped hard and fast. He held his breath as he exploded into the shirt, hips jerking. The release after so much teasing was intense and his toes curled.  He did his best to be quiet despite the fact he wanted to moan Xiumin's name so much.

When he finally stopped leaking, he rubbed himself down and dropped the shirt back on the floor, pushing it under the bed a bit.  

**S: that was intense ;)**

**X: was it good for u? ;D**

**S: i'll let you know once my legs stop being jelly**

**X: Goodnight, Sehun :3**

**S: Goodnight Xiumin ^^**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trouble Maker by Troublemaker ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	11. Mirotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun is embarrassed and Xiumin is jealous.

Suho woke him early the next morning. He grumbled "five more minutes" before going back to sleep. More shaking and telling him to get up followed before he groaned.

"Fine, fine. I'm getting up."

He pushed the blanket off, eyes still closed as he stretched his arms above his head, back curving as he yawned. He blinked his eyes open and startled when he saw it was not Suho waking him up now but Kai. He was staring at Sehun strangely but smiled when he saw Sehun was awake.

"Get up sleepy head. We got a busy day ahead of us."

Shit, that was right. Today was their last show in Korea before they moved on with the tour. They also had an interview and practice and he would have to pack because he had totally forgotten to do that because he'd been so scatter brained lately. He rolled over and groaned,  hiding his face in his pillow.

"Ugh, I forgot to pack." Kai laughed at his muffled words. He poked Sehun's shoulder, ignoring Sehun trying to wriggle away.

"So you should definitely get up. We have practice in ten." Sehun jumped up, eyes wide.

"Practice is in ten?! Why didn't anyone wake me earlier?" He scrambled out of bed, ignoring Kai's laughter as he tore open his dresser drawer. He grabbed the first shirt he could and threw it on.

"We tried." 

Sehun turned to face him as he yanked his pants off, tossing them at Kai's face as he pulled on a pair of basketball shorts.

"You know I'm hard to wake sometimes! You should have tried harder!"

Kai immediately reached for the pajamas, a weird look on his face when he grabbed them. He looked at Sehun, then back to the pants and sniffed. His eyes were wide as he looked at Sehun before he broke out into laughter, dropping the pants to clutch at his side. Sehun was confused.

"What?"

Kai looked up at him, wiping a tear from his eyes.

"Did you jerk off last night? You're pants REEK of sex!" Sehun blushed. He opened and closed his mouth. No words came out. Kai's smirk grew even bigger. 

"Holy shit, you actually did! Oh man, wait until I tell Chanyeol. He's so going to love this."

"Hey, stop! Don't tell them!" He whined while he chased after Kai, trying to stop him before he told everyone.

Kai burst into the kitchen and ran around the island counter, keeping it between him and Sehun as he grinned. He turned to the members sitting there, dodging Sehun as he lurched to grab him.

"Our Sehunnie had himself a good time last night." Sehun blushed, gritting his teeth as he tried to catch Kai. Chen and Luhan turned to look at him, amused smiles on their faces.

"Shut up Kai. I swear I will kill you." Kai stuck his tongue out and dodged Sehun once again. 

"What's this all about?" Luhan was watching their exchange with interest, grinning at Sehun's failed attempts to catch Kai. 

"Why don't you ask him?" Kai sniggered.

Sehun growled, feigning a left movement before leaping up and sliding across the counter. Kai froze and Sehun took his opportunity. He reached over and clamped Kai's mouth with his hand. He turned to the guys and shrugged. 

"Nothing. It's nothing. Right Kai?" Kai's eyes were crinkled as he grinned in Sehun's hand. He felt something wet on his hand and pulled back, exclaiming in disgust. He looked at the wet spot on his palm in shock. "Did you just LICK me?"

Kai, Chen and Luhan burst into laughter. He groaned, rubbing his hand off on Kai's shirt.

"That's gross."

"But what was that about anyway?" Kai looked at Sehun but spoke to Chen.

"Sehun is embarrassed because he masturbated last night and I know." 

He blushed and smacked the back of Kai's head. Kai winced but was still smiling when he looked back up. 

"Wait, but how do you know?" Chen looked curiously at Kai.

"Because I smelled it when I woke him up." He chuckled when Sehun hit him again. 

"How hard did you go for him to smell it?" Luhan smirked when Sehun's blush deepened. 

"Can we please stop talking about this now?" Kai and Luhan exchanged a look.

"Not a chance," They said in unison. Chen gave him a sympathetic look while he shrugged. 

"Sorry Sehun, but it is pretty funny." Sehun huffed and grabbed a water bottle, walking away.

"I'm going to practice," he announced. "Anything to get out of here," he added under his breath. He didn't even bother grabbing a towel before he almost slammed the door behind him. Today was going to be a long day. 

The first thing he did when he entered the practice room was to turn the stereo on. He switched the track until he found the one he was having most trouble with choreography wise. He listened, finding the beat as he began dancing.

He kept dancing when the other members shuffled in, ignoring them. He only stopped when Chanyeol came up next to him, smirk on his face, handing him a towel. He took it warily.

"Figured you'd need one of these, ya know, working up a sweat." Sehun rolled his eyes.

"Get it out of your system."

"Like you did last night?" He dodged Sehun's towel and sauntered away, laughing. 

"Kai, just so you know, I'm going to destroy you. Just so you're ready."

Kai laughed and stuck his tongue out. He lunged, chasing Kai around the group in the middle. Kai goaded him on, grinning as he spun out of Sehun's grasp.

"At least they're back to normal," Lay said.

"Yeah, although I'm not sure if this is better or worse." Laughter echoed in the room while Kai once again evaded him. 

He sighed, pretending to give up in frustration. Kai stopped running and grinned in victory. It was short lived. 

Sehun spun around and moved faster than he knew he was capable of. Kai barely had a moment to register it before he had grabbed him and tackled him to the ground. 

Sehun grinned down at Kai as he pinned him to the ground, legs straddling his waist. Kai blinked up at him.

"I'll let you up if you promise to shut up about my sex life which is very much none of your business."

Kai squirmed under him but Sehun didn't let him up. He looked at the other members for help but no one offered.

"You brought it on yourself Kai. Maybe you should just do what he says," Luhan smirked.

Kai looked back at him and exhaled. 

"I'm sorry, I'll shut up." He heard snickers and smirked, getting up. He offered Kai a hand which he took reluctantly. He smacked Kai's back and laughed.

"Looks like we've reached an agreement." Kai rolled his eyes before his lips quirked into a smile. 

"I could have taken you, you know. I just didn't wanna disturb this newfound confidence thing you got going on." 

"I am Sehun, hear me roar," he spoke as the group burst into laughter. Kai shook his head, chuckling, and walked away. 

"Okay guys, fun over. Time to start practice; we've got a busy day." Suho herded them to the front of the room. He caught Xiumin's eyes as they gathered and immediately regretted his interaction with Kai.

He blushed and bit his lip, looking away. He still felt Xiumin's eyes on him and he shuffled nervously, shoe scuffing on the hardwood as Suho began speaking

"So we're gonna have a short practice today. We'll do quick run throughs for our set and then we need to leave for the interview. Let's start with the opening song and move on from there." 

Music flooded the room and he gave a small, apologetic smile to Xiumin before they moved into positions. Surprisingly Xiumin smiled back, although it was more a smirk than anything. At least he wasn't upset.

Other than the fact that Baekhyun was still upset with him practice went well. It was more to keep them from getting lazy than to reinforce the moves because, at this point, everyone knew them off by heart.

When Suho dismissed them, he grabbed his towel and cornered Baekhyun. He crossed his arms while he waited for the boy to acknowledge him. Baekhyun sighed and looked up.

"What is it Sehun?"

"What do you mean what is it? When are you gonna stop being upset with me?" He frowed when Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

"I'm not. I just wish you'd talk to me."

"I do. The past couple days I've just been stressed and with being sick and everything I just wasn't myself." Baekhyun softened when he said it, worry starting to cloud his eyes.

"You're not still sick, are you?"

"No," Sehun hurriedly quelled his worry. "I'm fine now." The worry on Baekhyun's face eased,.

"Good," he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry about yesterday okay? I just worry about you is all. Promise you'll talk to me if you need to?" Sehun nodded and relief flooded through him when Baekhyun smiled.

"Okay, good. Now let's go get this interview over with. I still haven't packed." 

"Neither have I," Sehun admitted. Chanyeol came up between them and threw his arms around their shoulders. 

"You're such a bad influence Baekhyun. You're his hyung, you should be more responsible." He ignored Baekhyun's scoff.

"Are you all packed up then?" Chanyeol's face was smug.

"Finished last night." Baekhyun scowled at him and Sehun laughed as they tried to squeeze through the door three at a time.

"You guys bicker so much."

"You're one to talk," Chanyeol replied haughtily. Sehun ducked out from his arm and stuck his tongue out.

They joined D.O. in the elevator and Sehun hid behind him to avoid Chanyeol smacking him.

"Hyung protect me." D.O. chuckled and turned to face Chanyeol. 

"What are you terrorizing him for now?"

"Yah, you know as well as I do he started it." D.O. paused, tilting his head.

"Yeah, probably." Sehun pouted and D.O. tousled his hair. "You're such a trouble maker." 

The elevator dinged and and they exited onto their floor.

"I am not," he pouted further.

"Yes," Baekhyun spoke matter of factly, "you are."

"Are what?" Xiumin chirped in from in front of them. Sehun's eyebrows raised in surprise before he smiled.

"They think I'm a trouble maker. I'm not, am I hyung?" Xiumin didn't even blink.

"Absolutely." His face fell as Baekhyun and Chanyeol burst into laughter. "Without a doubt you are the biggest trouble maker I've ever met." He smirked at Sehun.

"So mean to me," he muttered before he crossed his arms. Xiumin, much to his shock, stood on his other side and threw his arm around him.

"Don't pout. That's why we love you, right guys?" Sehun's ears were red.

"Right." Baekhyun punched his shoulder lightly before him and Chanyeol walked, arm in arm, through the front door. D.O. followed, leaving him and Xiumin by themselves in the hallway. 

Before he could process what was happening he was against the wall and Xiumin was crushing their lips together. His mouth opened in surprise and Xiumin's tongue was in this mouth instantaneously. 

He kissed him hard, taking Sehun's breath away. His hands held Sehun's down at his side and his knee slid between his legs, grazing Sehun's inner thigh. He gasped and Xiumin pulled back. 

 "What," he panted, "was that for?"

"Just reminding you who you belong to." Xiumin walked away without another word and left Sehun, confused and breathing heavily, in the hallway alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by TVXQ!


	12. Baby Don't Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun kind of kisses someone else and then has to go to the hospital so it's not his best day.

Sehun spent most of the ride to the interview hiding his half-boner with his backpack. Xiumin, who was apparently more evil than a Disney villain, sat next to him. Every time he had it almost under control he'd look up to see a positively sinful look from Xiumin, eyes  _knowing a_ nd there it was again.

When they were only a couple minutes away and he once again glanced up at Xiumin, blushing and looking away, Xiumin took pity on him and started a conversation with Lay instead. Sehun breathed a silent sigh or relief and tried to think about dead puppies and math homework. Anything that would help get rid of his problem.

Thankfully, when they pulled into the station his sort-of erection was gone and he could think clearly. He made a point of not staring at Xiumin's ass as he left the vehicle because he'd just gotten it under control and he was not going there again. He absent mindedly realized he needed to work on his self control issues.

The interview was pleasant enough. They asked the typical questions: How they felt about their comeback, what they had been doing to prepare, how they felt about the fans; the usual. 

Nearing the end the host suggested a game. They couldn't exactly say no so they agreed enthusiastically. They were split up into Exo-K and Exo-M, the host standing between them.

Sehun figured it was just telephone charades or something so he was mildly intrigued when someone handed the host a bowl of see through papers. His intrigue turned to dread when the host started explaining the game, holding the kiss shaped plastic pieces up. 

They were supposed to pass the papers from member to member with their mouths and see how many they could get in a minute. The winning team would get to hit the losers in the head with a plastic hammer toy.

He would gladly forfeit and take the hit instead of playing this embarrassing game. He pretended to look at the other group as if challenging them but really he was just doing it to make eye contact with Xiumin. He gave him a small reassuring smile before the host asked each team to choose a captain.

Their group chose Kai since he was the only one who actually seemed excited about the game. From Exo-M Luhan was chosen. They each spoke a little for their team, assuring their own victory before they shook hands and returned to their teams.

Exo-K's lineup was Suho, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, D.O., Kai, and Sehun last. Exo-M's was Kris, Lay, Luhan, Xiumin, Tao and Chen. Someone stood with a bowl next to each last member for their "kisses." 

They got ready, leaning close to each other as the host counted down. Sehun tensed. The host shouted go and the teams were off. Suho brought his lips to a piece of paper and sucked, turning to Chanyeol. Their lips met on either side of the paper and Chanyeol sucked, as Suho let go, before turning to Baekhyun. When their lips met Baekhyun cracked and smiled, the paper floating to the ground as Suho grabbed a new piece.

Kai scolded Baekhyun as Suho gave Chanyeol another piece. This time Baekhyun didn't laugh and successfully got the paper to D.O., his eyes scrunched up as he turned to Kai. Sehun looked over at the other team and saw they already had one in their bowl. When Kai turned to him he puckered his lips out, sucking the paper away expertly before dropping it in their bowl.

"Come on guys!" The other members picked up the pace, embarrassed by how easily they had been outdone. They didn't drop this piece and Sehun successfully dropped it in their bowl again. They had two more in the bowl before the host announced they had 30 seconds left.

Both teams sped up, Exo-M dropping their next paper in their haste. Kai turned to him, hand on his shoulder as Sehun sucked on the paper. He swiveled around and added it to the bowl, high fiving Kai as Suho began the pattern again.

Sehun cheered his team on as they dropped another paper in their bowl. He hadn't looked at the other teams bowl again so he had no idea who was winning. He rocked on the balls of his feet while he waited for his team to bring him another paper.

Kai took the paper from D.O. and turned to Sehun. He grabbed Sehun's neck and pulled him in. Sehun began sucking but Kai stopped too early and the paper dropped, their lips meeting instead. It only lasted a split second before Kai let go as they jumped back from each other.

Everyone was laughing as Sehun blushed, wiping his mouth off and hiding his head in his elbow. Kai was blushing too, hand covering his eyes as he laughed in embarrassment. The host playfully chastised them as he reminded them this was a family program. Sehun laughed now too and made a show of swatting at Kai, telling him off. Kai chuckled and pushed him back, blaming him.

The host called for a count of the "kisses" and they all waited tensely, Sehun pushing Kai away playfully. A staff member gave the host a paper and he opened it as he widened his eyes. 

"Whoa, really? Okay. The winning team is... Exo-K!" 

They cheered and whooped, Kai pumping his fist into the air as his face lit up, smiling ear to ear.

"Congratulations! Now it is time for the losers to receive punishment. Please line up here and lower your heads."

The M members lined up, bowing down so their heads were lowered as a staff member handed hammers out to the winng team. Sehun grabbed his and grinned, joining the other members as they stood above the M members. He stood above Lay and made a show of practicing his swing. Lay flinched and gripped his hand behind his back tighter. He chuckled and waited for the host.

"Okay. Ready, go!"

A flurry of yellow plastic came down as the hammers hit their targets. Lay winced and snapped up, bringing his hands up to rub at the tender spot. Sehun burst into laughter, mouth wide as Lay grabbed the hammer from him. Sehun's hand flew up to his head as Lay hit him playfully, an expression of mock annoyance on his face. 

They finished up the interview and, after thanking the staff and host, left. As expected the second they were in the van Baekhyun started teasing him about the "kiss." He wasn't sure if Kai had taken the other van out of embarrassment or not but that left him as the only target for Baekhyun's jokes. 

"Did you have fun Sehun?  I had  _lots_ of fun." Sehun stuck his tongue out at Baekhyun. "What's the matter? You didn't have fun?"

"Oh no, I had a lot of fun. Come here, let's have more fun." He leaned in as he said it and laughed when Baekhyun shrunk away. 

"That's not my idea of a fun time." He flicked Sehun's forehead and grinned. Sehun pulled back in fake outrage.

"Yah, are you saying I'm not fun?"

"No, just kissing you isn't." 

Sehun rolled his eyes but smiled none the less. They switched topics and started talking about the rest of the tour.

It was going to be busy. They weren't going to be spending longer then two days in one place and Sehun was dreading it. He hated extensive traveling and it always drained him. He got grumpy easily on tour. 

They were leaving directly after the concert so they only had an hour at the dorm to pack and get ready before they had to leave. He watched as they pulled in, fans screaming and holding up signs. The security stood ready as they began exiting the vans, holding fans back as others ushered the members into the building.

He was the last member and jumped out, walking forward as soon as his feet hit the ground. A fan broke out and made a grab for him. Her hand clasped around his backpack and she pulled. He was yanked back and lost his balance, falling to the ground. His hands reached out to break the fall and he flinched as they hit the rough pavement, something in his wrist cracking. More security guards quickly surrounded him and helped him up.

He held his wrist against his chest, wincing every time it moved. He was led into the building and around the corner, into a small office. They helped him cautiously into a chair. He felt tears at his eyes and closed them, exhaling in pain. He grit his teeth and rocked forward, cradling his wrist gently. 

There were voices everywhere, calling for a paramedic and their manager, giving orders and he tuned them out. Someone handed him an ice pack which he took gratefully, cringing when he wrapped it around his wrist. He saw the members through the door and tried his best to look okay but failed when someone accidentally jostled the chair. He hissed, doubling in on himself as he brought his arm to his lap.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Kai knelt down in front of him, eyeing his now red and slightly swollen wrist carefully. 

"I don't know. Someone grabbed me and I fell. It really fucking hurts," he hissed through his teeth, shoulders hunching in. Kai's eyes narrowed, his muscles tightening as he clenched his fists. Suho knelt down beside them and placed his arm on Sehun's uninjured one.

"They've got a paramedic coming. They're gonna check you out and find out what's wrong. Until they get here, they said it's best you try not to move it and wait for them. Can you do that?"

"I think so. Hurts like hell when I move it so not really planning on it," he panted out. His attempt at humor had no effect on either of them. Suho nodded and got up while Kai looked like he had no intent to leave Sehun's side. He heard Suho speaking, he assumed to the other members, that they needed to back off right now and wait for the paramedic. 

He glanced up, eyes half closed in pain and met Xiumin's. He was rigid, hands clenched tightly at his sides as he watched Sehun. His lips were shut so tight they were barely visible. Sehun tried to smile but assumed it was unsuccessful when Xiumin's face contorted, grimacing as if he was the one in pain. Xiumin stepped forward as if to go to him when Kai reach out and rubbed Sehun's arm. He looked back, taking in Kai's worried expression before looking back. Xiumin stood still, eyes pained as he watched. 

"Can I get you something?" He looked at Kai and frowned.

"Unless you can fix this, I don't think so." 

Kai reached out tentatively and placed his hand on Sehun's, careful not to apply enough pressure to hurt his wrist.

"I wish I could," Kai half whispered, eyes boring into Sehun's. He almost pulled away before he felt the piercing pain shoot through him and he swayed in the chair. He felt the blood rush from his face and he leaned back, head tipping back as he exhaled. 

He'd never felt pain this bad his whole life. His entire body felt like shaking and he was sweating. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on keeping his breathing steady. He barely moved when he felt something soft on his forehead as someone dabbed it with a cold cloth. He opened his eyes weakly and saw Kai hovering above him, bottom lip pulled between his teeth. Sehun tried to smile but his lips barely pulled up. Kai looked down at him, eyes clouded with sympathy, worry, pain; he wasn't sure.

Just then there was a commotion outside and everyone cleared the doorway as two paramedics rushed in. A girl with black hair, pulled back, and a short man knelt in front of him. Kai moved to stand next to him, hand on his shoulder as he gently squeezed.

"Sehun, right? How are you? May I examine your wrist?" Her eyes were soft as she reached out, waiting for him. He sat up, sucking in a breath as he gingerly held his wrist out. She carefully took it in her hands and inspected it's appearance.

"I'm gonna need to check the movement. This might hurt Sehun, so I need you to tell me what it feels like okay? Don't worry, I'll be careful." The kindness in her eyes stilled Sehun's doubt and he nodded. The man put on a stethoscope and pulled Sehun's shirt down, checking his heartbeat while she started moving his wrist. He cried out, pain shooting through his arm. She stilled, waiting for Sehun to speak.

"It feels like someone is stabbing me with a hot knife," he grit out. She nodded and waited for him to recover.

After he took a couple deep breaths she moved it again, tilting his hand up this time. He almost screamed, arm jerking in her hands. Tears flowed down his face freely now.

"It's... it's the worst thing I've ever felt. Like the bones are breaking and the slivers are tearing me apart."

She carefully lay his wrist back down on his lap.

"Okay Sehun, I'm done for now. We need to take you to this hospital, okay?" Sehun nodded weakly, biting his lip as the aftershocks of the pain wracked through him. She grabbed what looked like some type of sling from her bag and carefully placed it around his neck.

"You need to put your arm in here but be careful. This is to keep it still until we get to the hospital." He bit down on his lip hard as he slowly maneuvered his arm into it. He tasted blood but it momentarily distracted him from the other pain and he found himself biting down harder. He winced involuntarily as the paramedics flipped open a stretcher. They helped him up and slowly lay him down on the stretcher. 

They began wheeling him to the doors, ambulance waiting outside. He noticed the security guards creating a barrier outside, keeping the fans away. That reminded him; what about the concert? He blinked, looking back at the members, searching for Suho.

"Suho," he spoke weakly. Suho edged through D.O. and Chen before coming up next to him. 

"We don't have time to wait here. Would you like to come with him?" The kind eyed girl spoke to Suho. He nodded and turned back, calling to Kris. He mumbled something Sehun couldn't hear but Kris nodded and went back to the members, watching as they left. 

They loaded the stretcher into the back of the ambulance. The short man went up front to drive while the kind eyed girl and Suho sat in the back with him. He looked up as the girl began setting an I.V. up.

"What's your name?" She looked almost shocked before she continued with the I.V., piercing the needle into his veins.

"Eun Nari."

"Thank you." He gave her a small smile before turning to Suho.

"What about the concert? You need to go back, you need to..." Suho shushed him.

"The manager is cancelling tonight's concert." He gave Sehun a stern look when he tried to interrupt. "Just for tonight. We'll see about the rest of the tour after we make sure you're okay." 

"You should really rest a bit," Eun Nari said.

He turned away from Suho and instead looked at the roof of the vehicle. He felt horrible that they had cancelled the concert because of him but he also knew why. There was no way he could perform tonight and they couldn't rework the choreography and songs with such short notice. It didn't make it any easier for him and he thought of the thousands of fans who were looking forward to tonight. He had no doubt their tickets would be refunded but he felt bad for letting them down. 

When they reached the hospital the short man from before opened the doors and helped Eun Nari bring the stretcher and I.V. down. They led him through the emergency doors and through a hallway before wheeling him into a small room.

They carefully moved him from the stretcher to a bed but he still cringed at the movement. His wrist was much redder by now and swollen to almost the size of a golf ball. Suho stood next to him and held his other hand, gripping tightly to his fingers. They waited as the paramedics spoke to a nurse as another examined him. 

The first nurse left once she was done with the paramedics. The second finished checking Sehun's vitals before she too left. It was only Sehun and Suho left now. The pain hadn't lessened, if it was possible it had gotten worse. He closed his eyes and squeezed Suho's hand.

"I'm sorry." 

"For what?" Suho's voice was full of nothing but kindness and worry. It didn't ease the guilt Sehun felt.

"It's my fault the concert was cancelled. Everyone worked so hard and the fans are gonna be so disappointed." He felt Suho grip his hand tighter and he peeked up at him. 

"It's not your fault Sehun. I think the fans would be even more disappointed if you pushed yourself too hard." He smiled softly down at Sehun. They stayed silent for a while, whether it was for Sehun's benefit or because Suho wasn't sure what else to say he didn't know. After a little while the doctor came in, nodding to Suho before he came to stand at Sehun's side. 

"Hi Sehun, I'm Doctor Ji Hoon. We're gonna need to take you in for some X-rays so we can find out what's wrong." He nodded and the doctor stepped into the hallway, motioning someone forward.  Some nurses came in and began moving the bed. Suho didn't leave his side until they reached a set of doors and the nurses told him he couldn't follow. He gave his best reassuring smile before they led him through the doors into a big room. 

He had to get off the bed and he moved slowly, trying not to jar his arm too much. They draped a big, heavy apron over him before asking him to hold his arm out inside of a strange, metal machine. It was round with a hole in the middle where they directed his arm. They told him to stay still as they left him alone in the room. 

The machine made loud noises as lights flashed. He felt his arm tire quickly and he counted the seconds until they told him he could lower his arm. The strain from holding it up had him tired and he swayed a little, head dizzy. The nurses rushed in and helped him back into his bed. The second they wheeled him out Suho was there, asking how he was. He smiled lazily, eyes feeling heavy, and muttered out an "okay." When they reached the room again the doctor joined them, clipboard in hand.

"We won't know anything else until we get the X-rays back. In the meantime, we're gonna take some blood tests to be sure." He turned to Sehun. "Until we get the results back, it's best for you to rest. We're gonna give you some morphine to help with the pain." Sehun nodded weakly. He felt exhausted but the pain kept thrumming steadily in his wrist. The doctor left, replaced by some nurses.

"We're gonna give you a painkiller now, but it's mixed with a sedative to help you rest. Is that okay?" He nodded and grimaced when she stuck the needle into his arm. Almost immediately he felt lighter. He barely noticed the other nurses drawing blood as his eyes started to feel heavy. The nurses left and he yawned, eyes starting to drift closed. He vaguely noted the outlines of more people at his door before his eyes fell shut. He felt hands on his legs and head, rubbing reassuringly and he smiled before he slipped under.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took so long. I've been working every day and have been busy.  
> Song by Exo


	13. I Need U

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Sehun wakes he's given good/not good news but he's not alone.

Sehun wasn't sure how long he slept for. He drifted in and out. Sometimes he would hear voices or feel people touching him, sometimes cold metal against his chest. He didn't fight the sleep and was grateful when he fell back into it.

Most of the time he could feel someone holding his hand. Sometimes the hand was soft and small, slim fingers wrapped around him and sometimes the hand was tough, calloused fingers rubbing against him. 

One of the times he drifted back into sort-of consciousness he felt the tough hand on his again and a soft voice whispering.

" _I'm sorry Sehun. You have to be okay, okay? You_ have  _to. You just have to."_

Another hand pushed his bangs out of his face, fingers trailing softly across his skin. The hand came down to stroke his cheek. Then there was movement and a head came down to rest against Sehun's, their forehead on his temple. He felt warm breath as something wet hit his cheek. Then their lips pressed lightly to his forehead, more wetness falling. Before he could question it the drugs started pulling him back under. He sighed, turning his head into the other as he slipped away again. 

 

When he finally started to really wake up again there were multiple voices in the room. This time they weren't whispering. He tried to distinguish the words but his head felt muddled. His eyes twitched and the voices stopped. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking as he adjusted to the brightness. He saw fuzzy shapes of people around him. He brought his hand up to rub at his eyes before he cringed, pain hitting him like a truck. Someone reached out and held his arm down lightly as someone else shone a flashlight in his eyes.

"Sehun, it's Dr. Ji Hoon. Do you remember why you're here?"

He blinked at him as he wracked his brain, events slowly coming to him.

"I- I fell, right? And then you brought me here?" The doctor held a finger up and Sehun tried to follow through the bright light. He brought his finger down and scribbled something in his clipboard.

"Yes. We did some X-rays and we know what's wrong now. I've already spoken to your manager and friends." He gestured up and Sehun's eyes followed. He almost laughed at the sight of all 11 members crammed into the small room, watching him.

"You guys comfortable?" He sounded croaky and he swallowed, trying to fight the dryness. Kai was sitting right next to him and quickly poured him a glass of water. He helped Sehun sit up so he was leaning against the back of the bed and brought the glass to his mouth, tipping it back as Sehun eagerly drank from it. He smiled when he took the glass back but Sehun noticed it didn't reach his eyes. 

He looked back at the other members and saw the same thing. They were all smiling but none of them looked real. They looked exhausted and sleepy, hair messed up and clothes wrinkled. He looked back at the doctor.

"How-" He cleared his throat and tried again. "How long have I been here?"

"About six hours. We just got the results of your x-rays and blood tests back." He looked at the members and cleared his throat. Reluctantly they slowly left the room. Xiumin was last and Sehun had never seen him look so sad. His eyes pierced Sehun's and then he turned away, closing the door behind him, head down.

Kai still sat next to him, eyes solemn, and suddenly he was worried. What was wrong with him that had everyone so upset? He looked back at the doctor, forehead crinkled as he tried to find the words.

"It's bad, isn't it?" The doctors eyes softened as he looked down at him.

"Yes and no. When you fell part of your wrist shattered. We can fix most of it with surgery but we can't guarantee it will be completely fixed. The fall caused a lot of damage." 

Sehun bit his lip and looked at Kai, confused.

"There's more." He turned back as Dr. Ji Hoon sighed.

"Normally the fall wouldn't have caused that much damage but it seems you had an infection that made its way into your bones. It weakened them enough to cause the shatter. We've started antibiotics for the infection but it's gonna take a while and you'll need to start treatment to strengthen the bones again."

He just stared, trying to process the information. He looked at Kai and back to the doctor.

"But- But I wasn't sick. I felt fine. I mean I had a fever a couple days ago but it was only one day and I was fine." He knew he sounded frantic but he couldn't understand. 

"It's not a common infection. It happens rarely and doesn't have very many warning signs in he beginning. It sounds odd but you're lucky you fell. If you had gone another couple months without the infection being found it would have rapidly degenerated your bones. We found it early enough to prevent much permanent damage."

"Much permanent damage? There's gonna- there's gonna be permanent damage?" He felt a hand squeeze his arm and he turned to Kai. Kai's eyes were slightly red and he felt tears in his own. He bit his lip and held his breath while he waited for the doctor to continue.

"We'll, we can fight the infection and work to re-strengthen the bones but the shatter in your wrist is what worries me. We've scheduled the surgery for tomorrow morning. Until then we're gonna keep giving you the antibiotics and hope the infection clears quickly."

Sehun shook his head, tears hitting the blanket. 

"No, this doesn't... It doesn't make sense. If I was sick why didn't I know?" He looked back and forth between Kai and the doctor as tears streamed down his face. 

"I'm sorry Sehun. For now I suggest trying to rest. I promise you we'll do everything we can to make sure you're taken care of, okay?" He nodded once at him and Kai before leaving and closing the door behind him.

"Sehun..." Kai's voice was rough. He turned to him to see tears rolling down his cheeks. He leaned over and hugged Sehun, careful not to put an pressure on his injured arm. "I'm sorry."

Sehun didn't bother trying to stop the tears that flowed out. He pushed his head into the crook of Kai's neck and cried. Kai rubbed his back gently, holding him tight as he sobbed. His chest heaved and his breath came short. He cried and cried. Kai never pulled away or stopped rubbing his back. He sat patiently as Sehun let it all out. When the tears dried up and his sobbing turned into choked breaths Kai pulled back and looked at him.

"I know. It's okay Sehun. You're going to be okay. I promise you." He reached a hand up and wiped Sehun's cheeks, grinning at him. Sehun's shoulders moved up and down as he tried to calm his breathing. He took a deep breath in, hiccuping as he released it. 

"Could you- could you..." 

"Anything. What is it?" Kai held his arm as he waited for Sehun to finish.

"Can you... ask Xiumin to come talk to me? If he's still here I mean..." Kai's face fell for a moment before he continued. "I just need to talk to him about... something." 

Kai nodded and got up, face blank as he left. Sehun sniffled and looked around for some tissues. There were some on the counter against the wall. He swung his legs off the bed, grabbing onto the edge to steady himself. He realized at the last second that he'd used both hands. He hissed out in pain and stumbled as the door opened. 

He started falling and then hands wrapped around his waist, steadying him. He looked up and met Xiumin's eyes. Their faces were mere inches apart and he held his breath. He could feel Xiumin's body pressed to his. Xiumin returned his gaze for a moment before he nudged Sehun back slightly, helping him back into his bed. He walked over to the counter and handed Sehun the tissues before sitting down next to the bed.

"Thanks," Sehun mumbled as he blew his nose. "How did you know that's what I was trying to get?" Xiumin's lips twitched, hiding a smile.

"You had snot all over your face. What else would you want?" Sehun blushed. He grabbed a new tissue and wiped his eyes. The tissues might as well have been sandpaper for how raw he felt. He sniffled and looked up to see Xiumin watching him.

"Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Sort of. I don't know. Not really." Xiumin leaned in and stroked his cheek, thumb rubbing lightly against his jaw. He instinctively titled his head into the touch. Xiumin smiled. 

"I understand. It's okay for you to not be okay." He sighed and leaned over, careful not to move his arm, as he leaned his head on Xiumin's shoulder. 

"Is it just me or do I have a habit of getting hurt more than you guys?" He felt Xiumin smirk aginst his hair.

"Unfortunately you do." Xiumin shifted under him and sat on the bed, pulling Sehun against his chest as he leaned back. Sehun carefully lay his injured arm down on Xiumin's waist and snuggled his head into his chest. The rise and fall of his chest as he breathed calmed Sehun. 

"It's not like it's my fault," he muttered. Xiumin chuckled and he felt the vibrations beneath him. Xiumin's arms wrapped around him as he pulled him closer.

"It's not. But that why I'm going to protect you." Xiumin's voice was low as his hand tightened on his shoulder. Sehun drew in a breath sharply. He slowly looked up at Xiumin, bangs hiding his eyes. Xiumin met his gaze and Sehun was shocked to see the determination in his eyes. He had no doubt that Xiumin meant every word he said. Xiumin reached out and gently brushed the hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear. 

"You really care about me, don't you?" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them and he held his breath, waiting for a response. Xiumin smiled and brought his hand down to cup Sehun's cheek.

"Yes, I do." He tilted his head down slowly, giving Sehun time to pull away if he wanted to. He didn't. Their lips met softly. Xiumin's hand moved to Sehun's neck as he held him close. Sehun closed his eyes as Xiumin moved his lips against his. He forgot about being in the hospital and his hand. All he cared about in that moment was those lips moving tenderly aginst his. All too soon Xiumin pulled away. Sehun opened his eyes. The way Xiumin looked down at him, almost reverently, made him blush as he looked down. He tucked his head under Xiumin's chin and sighed.

"I think... that I really care about you too." Xiumin kissed his head and nuzzled his cheek against it. 

"I'm glad." 

They sat in silence for a while before Sehun spoke.

"I'm scared." Xiumin rubbed Sehun's arm lightly.

"I know."

"I've never had surgery before. What if something goes wrong?" He swallowed hard as he thought about the possibilities. What if he was allergic to the anesthesia or somebody messed up? 

"Nothings going to go wrong, okay? They're gonna fix your wrist and you're gonna be okay?" He pulled Sehun against him protectively as he chuckled. "Besides, you think any of those doctors wanna be the one responsible for messing up Exo's treasured maknae? They're too scared of the public to do anything other than their absolute best." Sehun smiled, rolling his eyes.

"I'm not that special."  

"I disagree. Everyone loves you Sehun. It's impossible not to. And not just because you're in Exo," he added, trailing his fingers across Sehun's side. "It's just you that's so irresistible and people see it. You have a way of drawing attention to you even when you don't do anything. You're positively captivating." Sehun felt his cheeks warm and he pushed his face into Xiumin's chest.

 "You're just flattering me," he mumbled against the material of Xiumin's shirt. 

"Doesn't mean it's not true." Sehun could hear the smirk in his voice and he sighed. 

"I think you're just infatuated with me and it's clouding your judgement."

"I doubt that very much. I am infatuated with you, make no mistake." Sehun bit his lip, avoiding Xiumin's eyes as he ran his hand through Sehun's hair. "But these were things I felt before I was attracted to you romantically. You've always been special, whether you want to accept it or not."

Sehun wasn't sure what to say. He was embarrassed at having all these things said to him but at the same time his heart was swelling inside his chest. Xiumin thought he was special,  _really_ believed it. He repeated it over and over in his head.

He was used to getting attention since joining Exo but this felt different. He felt like Xiumin was really seeing him, not the Exo member but the shy kid that had grown up with a lisp. The kid that had been so nervous talking to SM representatives that he ran away and hid for half an hour. 

There was noise outside and they broke apart quickly as Xiumin stood next to the bed and Sehun leaned back against the pillows. The door opened and the doctor walked back in followed by a nurse.

"Okay Sehun. Everything has been scheduled for the surgery. All we need is for you to sign these papers." He handed Sehun a clipboard and pen.  

"Good thing it wasn't my right hand, I guess." Sehun placed the clipboard against his knees and signed the paper, signature a bit jerky as he couldn't hold the board down. He handed it back to the doctor.

"Wonderful. Now, visiting hours are over so unfortunately your friend is gonna have to leave." Sehun turned to Xiumin and frowned. He didn't wanna be alone.

"It's okay. It's getting late and you should rest before tomorrow." Xiumin smiled at him. "Besides, we'll be back tomorrow morning bright and early before the surgery, okay?" Sehun nodded and watched as Xiumin left, wishing he could have at least kissed him goodnight. 

"We've removed the sedative from your I.V. Will you be able to sleep normally?"

"I think so." 

"Good. If you have any trouble just press the buzzer and the nurse will come in and give you some, just in case. Good night." He nodded at Sehun and left.

He was alone now. He shuffled down and pulled the blanket over him. He was getting sick of having to be so careful with his wrist. He sighed in annoyance before he stared up at the ceiling. He missed Xiumin already.

There was something about the way he held him that Sehun couldn't get enough of. He felt like the only person in Xiumin's world when they were together and Xiumin was the only one in his. They fit together. He couldn't explain it but something felt right.

Sehun had never been in love before but he wondered if that was what this was. The thought terrified him. It had been less than a week since he had first kissed Xiumin but somehow he had made his way into Sehun's heart. He wasn't sure what to make of it exactly but he knew without a doubt that whatever him and Xiumin had was real. It wouldn't be easily pushed away and he didn't want it to be.

With thoughts of Xiumin still strong in his mind he closed his eyes and let sleep take him once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by BTS


	14. Oh Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surgery is a scary thing.

Sehun woke to nurses milling around his bedside. They checked his I.V. and his vitals, eyes flitting to his charts. His stomach rolled as they prepped everything before the surgery. Xiumin's words the night before were reassuring and despite how nervous he was now he would probably have been hyperventilating otherwise.

One of the nurses started discussing the procedure with him. Once she'd explained the actual procedure (which was mostly medical nonsense he didn't really understand) she started listing the possible side effects. He paled noticeably as she talked about nerve damage and infections. He swallowed and nodded, looking away as he bit his lip.

He felt ridiculous. This wasn't even major surgery. It was just a "simple procedure" as they'd said. Go in, fix the bones and close back up. Simple. So why did he feel like throwing up? His stomach was painfully empty and he felt acid burn up his throat. He swallowed it back as Suho's face popped into the doorway. He smiled when he saw Sehun was awake and strolled in, followed by the other members. They waited patiently as the nurse continued her discussion with Sehun.

"There's also a small risk of cardiac arrest as with most surgical procedures. The surgical staff are well prepared should anything happen so please don't worry." 

"Right, just possible death. No big deal."

The bile rose in his throat and he couldn't hold it back any longer. He half retched, hand over his mouth as the nurse quickly handed him a bucket. He held it with one hand as he threw up. He leaned forward as he threw up again, chest heaving. He screwed his eyes shut and puked until there was nothing left. He dry heaved into the bucket, sweating profusely. His hands were shaking and he felt something hanging from his mouth when the nurse took the bucket away. She handed him a cloth and he used it to wipe his mouth as he fell back against the pillows. He felt the eyes of the other members watching him worriedly but he couldn't bring himself to care much.

He felt weak as the members approached his beside. The nurses had finished up and granted him some time to speak to them before the surgery. They spilled around him surrounding the bed. He knew his face was pale but he smiled anyways.

"Miss me much?" His voice was rough after throwing up so much. He cleared his throat and winced when it burned. Chen handed him a water bottle and he gratefully took it. It didn't help with the taste in his mouth but it did ease the discomfort some.

"Of course. It's so quiet without you." Baekhyun's voice was lighter than usual and worry was obvious on his face. Sehun tried to smile without opening his mouth but water ended up leaking out anyways. He half laughed/half choked as he swallowed.

"I guess you'll just have to be loud enough for the both of us until I get out of here."

"Baekhyun louder than normal? Aish." Chanyeol laughed and Sehun was grateful he was helping to lighten the mood. Overall the mood was still morose but Sehun plastered his face with a smile before he spoke.

"Yeah, that does sound kind of scary." A couple solitary chuckles left them. Suho cleared his throat and looked down at his shoes. 

"So, we're all gonna be waiting for you after the surgery. We'll be right outside the whole time."

"Does that mean more of the tour is cancelled?" He frowned.

"They've decided to cancel the next week of the tour. After that we'll go on without you." He gave Sehun an apologetic glance. 

"That's okay. You guys will do fine without me. I bet Chanyeol is excited to take over my parts." He smiled teasingly at Chanyeol as the older boy looked insulted.

"Hey! You make me sound like a vulture!"

"Sorry," Sehun sniggered, "but isn't it true?" 

"Aish. What to do with you..." He shook his head. Sehun giggled but winced when he moved to cover his mouth with his hand. He gave a frustrated sigh. 

"This is so annoying! Seriously! I can't do anything." Sehun pouted and started moving his arm again before gasping. "See? I was gonna cross my arms but I can't!"

They chuckled at him as Kai came around to ruffle his hair.

"Is this affecting your tantrums? Oh no." He stuck his tongue out at Kai who returned the gesture.

A nurse peeked in and told them it was time to go. Sehun's heart started to speed up, a fact that he couldn't hide as the monitor next to him followed suit. Damn. He couldn't even pretend he was brave. Humor it was.

"Off to the gallows..." He laughed weakly. He received disappointed looks in response and a couple glares, Xiumin included. "What? Just trying to lighten the mood," he mumbled as the nurses came to move him.

"Just go and get better. We'll be waiting." Suho smiled reassuringly and everyone else followed suit. His cheeks reddened at their concern. He really did have the nicest hyungs.

"Yah, just have some bubble tea ready for me!" He craned his neck back as the nurses wheeled him away. "Chocolate please!" He heard the chuckles as he was pulled into the hallway. 

He was wheeled through the hallway and into the elevator. The nurses were quiet but gave him kind smiles as they led him to the O.R. One nurse in particular kept blushing whenever they made eye contact. She was probably an Exo fan. He smiled at her, happy when she returned it nervously. Normally he would've been embarrassed to be seen without any make-up on but considering what else they'd seen, and probably would see, he dispelled it easily. It was actually kind of nice. He held his hand out shyly to her. Her eyebrows raised slightly but she took it, blushing. Sehun followed suit but continued to grip her hand. At least he wasn't alone, even if this person saw him as "Exo Sehun." It was familiar and therefore comforting. They led him into a small glass room connected to a larger room full of surgical equipment and tools. He felt his heart rate speed up once again and gripped the nurses hand tighter.

"It's okay," she replied as they rolled him into the larger room. "We're gonna anesthetize you before we start. You'll fall asleep and by the time you wake up it will all be over. Don't worry. "

"Worry? Who's worried?" He exhaled heavily and she laughed softly. 

"The surgeon is very skilled, one of the best in the country. You're in very capable hands." She smiled reassuringly, one that reached her eyes. He couldn't help but relax a bit. The nurses were working diligently around them. He was struck by how focused they were. It was like when he had a performance, although people's lives didn't depend on him not messing up a step.

"Don't you have stuff to do too? I don't wanna keep you." He looked up sheepishly. She smiled warmly back at him.

"My job is just to make sure you're calm and alright. Monitor your vitals during and all that fun stuff. So you're not keeping me from my job; you  _are_ my job." She chuckled.

"Oh. Okay." He looked around awkwardly as he waited. He pulled his lip between his teeth and gnawed on it. He wasn't sure what to do now. He looked back up suddenly.

"What's your name? I mean, just so I know since you're, like, taking care of me and stuff..." He trailed off quietly, a blush spreading across his cheeks. To her credit she didn't laugh as she met his eyes thoughtfully.

"Young-Hee." He nodded in response.

"I'm Sehun but you probably already knew that, what with me being your patient and all." She giggled and rolled her eyes.

"Also, you know, you're part of the most popular group in Korea so I might of heard it in passing." 

"Yeah, I guess." He brought his unharmed hand up to rub at the back of his neck while he looked down.

"You're much more charming in person." She blushed, looking away quickly. "I mean, you're not stuck up or anything and you're very nice." He chuckled lowly at her embarrassment, not because he thought it was funny but because it was kind of adorable.

"Thanks. My hyungs make sure that nothing goes to my head too much. They smack it so much my ego just poofs away before it can start." She broke into laughter, hand flying to her mouth to cover it. One of the other nurses gave her a look and she apologized sheepishly. 

"I've got to go scrub in with the others. I'll be back." He nodded, hiding the spike in his anxiety. She left and he was alone in the room. It felt much bigger with no one else there. He tried to swallow the lump in his throat to no success. He listened to the steady hum of the machines along with his own breathing. It wasn't more than two minutes when he heard the doors open and he looked to see nurses and doctors walking in. They were wearing paper smocks and face masks, paper things resembling bandannas on their heads. Sehun couldn't remember what they were called. 

His heart hammered against his chest as he tried to slow his breaths. Someone came to his side and gripped his hand. He studied the eyes and realized it was the nurse from earlier. Her eyes crinkled and he could tell she was smiling beneath the mask. He returned it nervously. 

"Okay Sehun, we're gonna apply the anesthesia now okay?"

His jaw quivered as he nodded, unable to find words. They began readying a tank attached to a face mask and he blanched. 

"Would you... would you sing something to me Young-Hee?" He stared at her through eyes wide with fear. 

"Of course." She began humming lowly as they placed the mask over his mouth and nose. As they turned the nozzle Young-Hee's soft voice reached him. He realized it was the same song Xiumin had been singing the other day in the tub and he relaxed. Whether it was because of the anesthesia, her voice or being reminded of Xiumin, he was unsure. He closed his eyes and imagined it was Xiumin serenading him as his consciousness slipped away and things went dark. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the update took so long and is so short. More soon!  
> Song by Beast


	15. Exodus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun's one in a million and it sucks but at least the hospital food isn't crappy.

Things were hazy. It was like being held underwater and hearing voices above the surface, muddled and indistinct. He tried to open his eyes but found he didn't have the strength. The voices kept going and he heard machinery beeping next to him.

He tried to move but his body wouldn't respond. It wasn't like his limbs were heavy but instead as if he were trapped in concrete. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't move. It was like his brain thought the motion but it was swept away the second it started travelling to his body. He panicked. Where was he now? Was the surgery over? What was going on.

He felt something cold on his wrist and tried to look down. His head didn't move. He felt something uncomfortable in his throat. He could feel saliva collecting in his mouth but he couldn't even swallow. 

Then there was pressure on his wrist and he tried to cry out as the pain followed. His skin was pulled open and he struggled against his invisible bonds. His heart rate didn't pick up despite the fact that he was thrashing inside his mind, prisoner in his body. He realized what was happening. This was the surgery. Why was he awake? He was supposed to be put under. Why couldn't he move? Why didn't anyone notice what was going on? He tried, he tried  _so hard_ , to make a sound. If he could only make a sound or move, maybe they would notice and stop.

He couldn't even distinguish what they were doing to him anymore. It was just white hot, crippling pain. He couldn't focus on anything. Every movement sent a new jolt of pain through him, combining inside of him until he felt he would burst. It was unfathomable. The pain he'd felt before had been nothing compared to this. This was surely the most pain someone was capable of feeling. No matter how hard he struggled he still couldn't move but he didn't give up. He knew it wasn't going to work but anything to distract him from the pain, however small. 

He lost all track of time. He didn't know how long it went on for. The pain never lessened, he just lost the energy to fight it. He just lay there and took it, unable to do anything. The seconds bled into minutes that bled into hours that bled into days. Eternity. 

He felt something wet on his lashes. It pooled in the corner of his eye before it broke off, rolling down his cheek. Someone touched the wet trail, saying something to the doctor. They spoke again, closer to Sehun this time. The words weren't clear and they spoke again, closer and more urgently. He struggled to hear the words but the pain was so intense it was hard. Whatever they were saying, they were saying it to Sehun. Did they know he was awake? Another tear slid down his face and he heard the whoosh of their breath as they exhaled.

Suddenly the voices were loud and flurried, chaotic in his ears. People were talking to him but he couldn't respond. They had stopped touching his wrist now and the pain lessened slightly. The voices above him were hard to follow. They were too fast and hushed. He strained his ears but still nothing. 

He felt something sharp on his other arm. A needle? What were they doing? Then he felt the familiar effects of the drug creep up his body and trickle through him. The morphine helped some with the pain but his arm was still on fire. Something creeped at the back of his mind, threatening to pull him under. Sehun had never been happier. He clawed at it, trying to reach it. Anything to escape. It crashed over him and he let himself fall into it, grateful.

 

* * *

 

The next time he woke up it was to warmth all around him. He was groggy and tired but in almost no pain and he exhaled in relief. Wait, he exhaled. He gasped, tentatively trying to move his fingertips. He felt them wiggle and cried out in relief. He could move again. It was over. He opened his eyes slowly, tears forming. He blinked as his vision cleared. 

The first thing he saw was Kai sitting in the chair next to him.  He was slumped over, one hand under his head while the other held Sehun's own. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. Sehun surveyed the rest of the room, noting with dissapointment it was empty. He turned back to Kai, not wanting to wake him yet. He needed a moment to collect his own thoughts.

So he'd been awake during surgery but unable to move. The doctors had noticed and knocked him out with something else he guessed. But why was he awake in the first place and why had the second thing they used worked and the first not? He cringed when he remembered the pain.

Kai stirred. He sighed and opened his eyes lazily. When he saw Sehun was awake he snapped up so quickly you wouldn't have known he had been asleep not two seconds earlier.

"You're awake! Thank god you're awake! How are you? Are you okay? Do you need some water? Should I get the doctor?" Sehun groaned as he was assaulted with questions so early.

"Whoa, slow down please. I just got up; talk slower." Kai grinned at him, gripping his hand tighter.

"I'm sorry, just we were all so worried. I'm so happy you're up. Really though, how are you feeling?"

Sehun bit his lip, gnawing on it thoughtfully. His head hurt a little but he assumed that was natural considering all he had gone through. He looked down at his wrist, covered in a white bandage. There was some sort of brace on it. He didn't dare try to move it. For now, the pain was dull and he planned on keeping it that way.

"Good, I think." Kai beamed in response before he scurried up to get Sehun some water. "Thanks," he said as he took the glass. It was warm but he didn't care. He drank the whole thing without stopping, relishing in the feel of it against his dry throat. Kai watched him nervously, eyes guarded.

"I should, uh, go get the doctor. I'll be back." He quietly got up and left, leaving the door open behind him. He spoke to someone outside briefly before Sehun heard  _squeeling_ and then Baekhyun was rushing in, followed by the other members. Kai turned down the hallway and out of sight.

"You're awake! We were so worried! How are you?" He chuckled at Baekhyun. The older boy was so excited he didn't even notice.

"I'm good."

"Good. The doctor wouldn't let me bring you any bubble tea," Baekhyun pouted. Sehun burst out into laughter. Baekhyun looked confused and Sehun laughed even harder. 

"I was kidding Baek." He grinned through his laughter. Baekhyun crossed his arms, looking very much like he'd like to hit the back of Sehun's head if it weren't for him being in the hospital.

"Yah, how was I supposed to know?"

"I told you he was kidding. You should have listened to me." Baekhyun stuck his tongue out at Chanyeol before storming away from the bed to stand near the wall.

"Ah come on Baekhyun. I appreciate it, really. Thanks anyways." Baekhyun's lips twitched but he just nodded. Sehun sighed and shook his head before turning to the other members.

"So, how long was I out? It's not like three years later and you guys have moved on without me, right?" 

"No," Suho said through chuckles. "It's not. The surgery was earlier today. It's only been one day." Sehun sighed in relief before he smiled.

"Good. I don't think I'm ready for a solo career." Suho rolled his eyes but stepped forward to put his hand on Sehun's shoulder. 

"I'm glad you're okay Sehun."

"Me too." Kris stepped forward and put his hand on Sehun's other shoulder.

"Me three." Tao followed and soon everyone was standing around him, hands on whatever part they could reach as they patted him reassuringly.

"Okay, okay. I get it. Now get off me. I know the fans dream of this but I'm good without your hands all over me." He hissed when D.O. flicked his forehead. He was saved from further punishment as the doctor walked in, Kai following behind. The members moved away and waited by the wall as he checked through Sehun's sheet.

"Sehun, how are you feeling?" He peered down at him through his glasses and waited for an answer. 

"Okay, I think." The doctor nodded and closed the clipboard, placing it on the bed as he pulled out a small flashlight.

"Okay, follow my finger." He held his finger up as his other hand shone the light. Sehun followed it as he moved and the doctor gave a small satisfied nod.

"So Sehun, we need to discuss what happened in the surgery. You were awake, weren't you?" Sehun squirmed under the intense looks from his members, ignoring their confused and shocked looks.

"Yeah, for a bit. I don't understand. Does that happen a lot?" His voice was small as he asked the last part. 

"No, it doesn't.  What happened to you is about a 0.1% chance." Sehun nodded.

"So I'm just lucky then?" He laughed awkwardly and the doctor smiled warmly at him.

"I guess. I'm sorry Sehun."

"But why did the second thing you guys gave me work?" He tilted his head questioningly.

"It seems your reaction was due to the anesthesia. Sort of like an allergy, just different effects. The second thing was an incredibly strong sedative. It gave your body the extra push it needed for you to go under."

"Wait, what are you guys talking about? What happened?" Suho stepped up, looking back and forth between Sehun and the doctor nervously. The doctor turned to him and spoke professionally.

"During the surgery Sehun had what's called Unintended Intraoperative Awareness, or Anesthesia Awareness. It's when a patient wake up under the anesthesia." 

Suho's eyes were wide as all the members looked at Sehun. He bit his lip, looking away nervously under their stares as the doctor continued.

"Each case varies from person to person but Sehun's involved the anesthesia failing but the paralytic to keep him still still in effect. To put it bluntly he was awake but he couldn't move."

None of the members spoke for a second as they stared at Sehun. It was making him uncomfortable and he glanced down at his blanket. After a moment Suho cleared his throat and Sehun looked back up.

"Is that true Sehun? You were- You were awake during it?"

"Uh, sort of. Just for a little. It's not a big deal. They got it under control."

"Not a big deal? Sehun: they were cutting into you and you were AWAKE." Kai looked at him incredulously and he blushed.

"It's very rare and there isn't really any way to know when it happens. Sehun is lucky. A nurse noticed his tears and alerted us. If Sehun hadn't been crying we would have never known." He blushed deeper and looked down at his feet 

"I wasn't crying," he mumbled. "What about my wrist?" He looked back up, wanting to change the subject. 

"That's much better news. The surgery went well as far as the reconstruction. The damage wasn't as extensive as we anticipated. You'll have to wear this brace for a couple months to support the healing and you'll need to see a physiotherapist afterwards to regain the movement but it looks good. If everything goes well it should be almost as good as new. You probably won't ever have full movement again," he added giving Sehun an apologetic smile.

"That's okay. More excuses for them," he gestured his head to the members, "to do stuff for me." He grinned. The doctor nodded, smiling and got up.

"Well, I'll give you some time to talk. We'll keep you in overnight for observation but tomorrow you can go home. You'll need to come back for checkups every two weeks but other than that you're free as a bird." 

He left and Sehun wished he hadn't. He felt small under the gazes of the others. He shifted nervously, not meeting their eyes.

"So, guess I'll get that bubble tea tomorrow after all." He smiled weakly. 

"Why didn't you tell us about the anesthesia?"

"Its no big deal, really. I'm fine now so that's all that that matters."

"Wow Sehun, you're more of a bad ass than I thought." Luhan smirked at him from across the room, arms crossed as he leaned against the wall.

"Thank you. It's kinda cool, isn't it?" He looked around at them. "I can say I was awake during surgery. Who else can say that?" 

"Apparently.0.1% of the population," Chanyeol grumbled.

"Guys, I'm fine, really. I just wanna forget about it. I'm getting discharged tomorrow so please stop treating me like I'm made of glass."

"Fine." Baekhyun waltzed up to him and smacked the back of his head. He hissed in pain and rubbed at it, glaring at Baekhyun.

"What was that for?"

"For not telling us. If the doctor hadn't mentioned it neither would you." Sehun looked down sheepishly.

"I would have told you... eventually," he mumbled, still rubbing his head. Baekhyun sighed.

"Yeah, whatever. Either way you better not keep anything else from us." He resisted the urge to look at Xiumin and swallowed.

"Yeah, of course. Anyways, I'm starving. What do I gotta do to get some food?"

"There's a cafeteria downstairs. I'll grab you something." He grinned at D.O.

"Thanks Hyunggggg." He dragged the last part on and D.O. chuckled before turning to leave.

"Wait up. I'm hungry too." Chen spoke up.

"Me too," Kris agreed.

"Did you guys not eat yet?" Sehun shook his head, sighing. "You guys fall apart when I'm not around." 

"Yah, we were waiting for you to wake up!"

"You could have waited in the cafeteria. Don't blame me for your problems Chanyeol." 

"Why you..." Baekhyun hooked his arm into Chanyeol's and dragged him away, muttering under his breath. 

"Bring me back something good," he called out as the members left for the hospital cafeteria. Xiumin hung back, leaning aginst the wall.

"You're not hungry?"

"Nah, it can wait. You just woke up. I've been deprived of your annoying habits for too long." Sehun stuck his tongue out and Xiumin chuckled. "See what I mean?"

"I'm not annoying," Sehun huffed. Xiumin pushed off the wall and came to sit next to Sehun's bed.

"Yeah, you are actually, but it's part of your charm." Xiumin leaned forward and placed his hand under his chin, propping his face up as he looked at Sehun.

"Everything about me is charming." He grinned cheekily.

"Including your modesty?"

"Of course. I'm nothing if not modest."

"A true saint." Xiumin smirked and Sehun returned it.

"One of a kind really." 

"That I do agree with." He smiled at Sehun and winked. Sehun's cheeks warmed and he reached out, knocking Xiumin's arm away as his head fell.

"Stop it. They're gonna be back soon. They'll know something's up if I'm always blushing when we talk!" He leaned back and chuckled at Sehun.

"Fine but do you have any idea how much the last day and a half have sucked? I was so worried and... I missed you." He exhaled a low breath and rubbed the back of his neck, lips pursing. Sehun threw his pillow at him. He brought his arms up to block and stared incredulously at Sehun. "What?"

"You're making me blush again. Stop. And I missed you too," he added hastily before yanking the pillow back. He shoved it roughly behind him before leaning back again. Xiumin grinned at him and Sehun couldn't stop his own grin from appearing. He chuckled lowly and Xiumin joined. It turned into full blown laughter as the members walked in, trays in hand. Sehun bit his lip to stifle it as D.O. set a tray down in front of him.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing," Sehun and Xiumin said at the same time. They looked at each other and burst out laughing again. D.O. just shook his head, smile tinging at his lips as he began munching on a muffin. Sehun's laughter eased and he began eating his food. It was difficult with so many people in such a small room and soon Sehun's legs were surrounded by trays as people sat next to the bed. They talked and ate and laughed and it felt good to be back to normal. At least, as normal as they usually were.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Exo.


	16. View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun finally get's to leave the hospital and it's about damn time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wrote a longer chapter to make up for not posting as much lately. It's 5AM and I work why do I do this??

Sehun barely slept all night. It wasn't because he was in pain, which he still was but considerably less than before, but because the next morning he got to  _leave_. It had only been two days but the bland walls and clean surfaces were starting to get to him. Being stuck in that small and impersonal room any longer made Sehun cringe. He was starting to feel trapped so when the nurse finished her exam and deemed him able to leave he was excited. He was signing his discharge papers when a pair of brown eyes popped around the door frame. Young-Hee, the shy nurse, smiled at him.

"Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to say goodbye before you left." Sehun grinned and put the now-signed papers on his lap.

"You're not disturbing me. I'm glad you stopped by. I actually wanted to see you before I left. Now I don't have to try to track you down," he chuckled. Young-Hee's eyes widened as she pointed to herself.

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Are you gonna come in?" She looked around nervously as she shuffled into the room, stopping at the foot of his bed.

"I wanted to say thank you for everything. You were really nice and if it wasn't for you I probably would have freaked out. I'm not exactly what you'd call brave," he chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. 

"I think you are. What you went through in the OR..." She looked away. "That's something only a brave person can go through." She met his eyes again and Sehun blushed. He laughed to hide his embarrassment.

"Well I couldn't exactly move so what else could I do?" 

"No, that's not true," she shook her head as she spoke. "You felt the pain which means you could have gone into cardiac arrest or shock. You didn't. Most cases of Anesthesia Awareness just have people wake up but still not be able to feel anything so there isn't a lot of information on cases like yours but it has happened."

"Really?" He swallowed. Okay so maybe it had been a bigger deal than he thought. Shit, the members would freak if they knew.

"You didn't tell the other guys that, did you?" She blinked in confusion.

"No. Why?" He sighed in relief.

"They would freak out. I don't wanna worry them. I'm fine now so they don't need to know." She stared at him through her long eyelashes and it felt like her eyes went straight through him.

"You really care about them don't you? Almost more than yourself." She sighed and shook her head. Sehun thought she was mad until she grinned. "You're something else, Oh Sehun. Take care of yourself." She grabbed the papers Sehun had sighed and left, laughing under her breath. She got to the door and hesitated, turning around. This time she looked sincerely at him.

"And don't worry. I won't mention anything to anyone about you. Your secrets safe with me." She winked and then she was gone. He grinned and shook his head. First she was too shy to talk to him and now she was winking at him. Girls were weird.

"Secret? What secret?" He looked up in shock as Kai walked in, grinning toothily.

"Nothing! It was nothing," he stammered. Kai smirked and plopped down next to him on the bed. He brought his arms up behind his head, laying his legs across Sehun's.

"Sounded like something to me. Did you get her number?" Kai asked, smirking. Sehun scoffed.

"No, I didn't. Don't be stupid."

"What? She was totally into you." Kai nudged his shoulder against Sehun's and waggled his eyebrows. Sehun laughed and nudged him back, almost knocking Kai off the bed. He cackled as Kai's arms flailed, grabbing the nightstand at the last second. 

"Yah! What was that for?"

"Just for being you." He stuck his tongue out. Kai smirked and threw his arm around Sehun's shoulders. 

"If I wasn't me would you still love me?"

"More, I'd say." Kai frowned and stuck his lower lip out. Just then Suho entered the room. 

"Let him breathe Kai." Sehun grinned and nodded at Suho.

"Thank goodness you got here. I was beginning to think Kai was the only one coming to pick me up." Suho sat down by Sehun's feet and shrugged.

"It is just us. They didn't want everyone going because they're trying to keep it low key." Sehun frowned.

"They haven't told anyone what happened?"

"They issued a statement that you had fallen and were getting checked out. They haven't said anything else. The media is camped outside the building, waiting for you." He groaned. He didn't feel like dealing with them right now. Suho smiled.

"Relax, they closed off the parking garage. The van's waiting. Won't have to deal with them here. The ones at the dorm though," he chuckled. "Those we can't hide from."

"Ugh. Let's just get it over with. I wanna go home," he exhaled. He wanted his own bed and his own clothes and hopefully he could convince D.O. to make him something yummy. 

"Uh Kai? You need to get off me."

"Wha- Oh yeah. Sorry." He smiled sheepishly and jumped up. Sehun grinned and followed.

"You guys brought me some clothes, right? As much as the media would love a picture of my ass I don't really wanna show them." Kai burst out laughing. Suho grimaced and reached into his bag, handing Sehun a stack of neatly folded clothes. 

"Sorry Suho." He just sighed and left, Kai following. He closed the door behind him and Sehun began changing. It was harder than he'd expected one handed. He got his boxers on easily and the sweats were no problem but then he got to his shirt. He looked down, trying to figure out how to best approach this. At least they'd gotten him a baggy one. He gingerly pulled it over his brace, careful to not snag the sleeve. The rest was easy. He pulled the neck over his head and grinned. This wasn't so bad. He could survive until his wrist healed. There was a knock at the door.

"Yeah, come in," he called out, grabbing his shoes. Kai and Suho walked in as he sat down on the bed. He struggled a little trying to pull his shoe onto his foot. He sighed and started pulling at the laces with his good hand, holding the shoe between his knees. 

"Need help?" He shook his head and continued.

"I'm gonna have to get used to this." He tugged the laces loose and slid his shoe into the foot. He smiled up at them. "See? I got this."

"How are you planning on retying them?" Kai watched him in amusement. 

"Oh." He looked down at his shoe and back to Kai, frowning. "I hadn't thought about that." Kai shook his head, sniggering, and bent down in front of him. He took the laces and tied them tightly before he grabbed Sehun's other shoe. 

"I can do it!" Kai ignored him and slipped the shoe onto his foot, tying it as tightly as the other. He got up and dusted his knees off.

"Sure you could. Come on." He handed Sehun a sweater. Sehun looked down at it and grimaced. 

"Long sleeves, we meet again." He sighed and bunched the left sleeve up, carefully sliding his hand through. It caught a little and he cursed before he pulled it up to his shoulder. He reached behind him and yanked on the other side, shoving his arm through. He zipped it and threw the hood up.

"Alright, let's go." Suho got up from the chair he'd been sitting on and they followed him out. Sehun was careful to let the sleeve of his sweater cover the brace. If any of the media had snuck into the hospital he wanted it hidden from view.

They took the elevator down to the underground parking garage. Before they got out Suho grabbed a hat from his bag and handed it to him.

"Just in case. You're not looking so hot right now." Sehun scoffed and grabbed the hat.

"Thanks hyung." He slipped the hat on anyways, pulling the hood over it. 

The bell dinged and the doors opened. Sehun kept his head down as they walked to the van. It was parked next to the elevator but you never knew. Suho opened the door for him and he got it in, grateful he didn't have to climb to the back. Suho closed it and sat in the passenger seat. Kai climbed in from the other side and took the seat next to Sehun.

Once they began moving he breathed a silent sigh of relief. He was happy to finally leave the hospital and even happier to be going home. One of the hospital staff nodded at them and opened the door to the garage. As soon as they started pulling out there were camera flashes everywhere. They had blacked out windows but even so Sehun hunched down, making sure his hood covered his face. The reporters followed them all the way down the driveway until they pulled onto the street.

"Wow, you weren't kidding. There's so many of them." 

"You have no idea," Suho called over his shoulder. "After you fell word spread fast online. The building been crawling with people ever since. It's been nuts."

"Sorry." Kai looked over, grinning.

"Don't be. It's not your fault. Besides, we're leaving for tour in a couple days. We won't have to deal with it then."

" _You're_ leaving for tour. I'm still gonna have to deal with it," He grumbled. Suho turned back to look at him, quirking up an eyebrow.

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't do the tour. You guys are going to do it without me." Suho and Kai looked at each other and laughed. Suho turned back to him and grinned.

"You can't  _perform_. That doesn't mean you're not coming with us. You think we'd leave you behind?" 

Sehun opened his mouth to say something but closed it again. He had thought that actually. He'd been dreading being stuck at the dorm by himself for two months. 

"Maybe." 

"Not a chance. I'd miss you too much." Kai leaned over and squeezed his knee reassuringly. He smiled, relieved he was not in fact going to be left by himself. 

"Maybe I can still come out and do a couple songs with you guys." Suho looked back towards the front and shrugged.

"Maybe. We'll have to wait for the company to decide. They're having a press conference today to let people know what happened." 

"At least I don't have to be there. I just wanna go home and relax. Is everyone else at the dorm?"

"Yeah. They wanted to go all together to pick you up but the managers said that would cause too much commotion so they're waiting."

"Think I can convince D.O. to make kimchi spaghetti?" Him and Kai exchanged a look and suddenly he was really hungry.

"Probably. If you beg."

"I'm not above begging." Sehun spent the rest of the ride trying not to drool over the thought of his hyungs food.

When they turned the corner for the SM building Sehun had to blink to confirm what he was seeing was real. He had never seen the building so surrounded. There were reporters and fans  _everywhere_.

"They're all here because of what happened to  _me_?"

"Of course. You're Exo's maknae. You're practically a national treasure." He rolled his eyes at Kai as they pulled up front to the building. Security had a difficult time pushing everyone back enough to get the vehicle in. They had at least 15-20 people around the van, holding their arms out to block everyone. Suho turned back and blew out a breath.

"You ready?"

"Not really but oh well. Let's go." Suho nodded and got out. Sehun opened the door with his right hand and climbed out next to Suho. He shut the door and kept his head down, ignoring the screams and camera flashes. Suho walked next to him, blocking him from part of the crowd. Kai joined them at the door and they slid through it, walking quickly. They didn't slow down until they had turned the corner and were out of sight.

"Wow."

"Pretty much." Kai moved to his left side and threw his arm around Sehun's shoulder. "Told you; you're very loved."

They got into the elevator and hit the button for their floor. He was so excited to be back. Not only did he get to sleep in his own bed and do pretty much whatever he wanted but it would be much easier to see Xiumin now. He'd barely had any time with him in the past couple days. The time he did have was brief and not that private.

He skipped out of the elevator and made straight for the door, leaving Kai and Suho behind. They chuckled as he yanked the door open and burst into the door.

"Honey, I'm home!" Baekhyun,  who'd been sitting on the arm of the couch, jumped up and ran to hug him. Sehun held his injured arm up and out of the way as Baekhyun pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. 

"Baek, I can't breathe." Baekhyun let go and pulled back, beaming at him. "You saw me yesterday."

"I know but I'm excited you're back!"

"Let him relax Baekhyun. Come sit Sehun." 

The other members were sitting in the living room and Sehun went to join them. He sat on the edge of the couch, placing his arm on the armrest. Baekhyun scooted in between him and Tao. Tao scowled as Baekhyun scooched him over.

"Man, it is  _good_ to be back." He glanced briefly at Xiumin as he said it, not missing the slight tilt of his lips as he hid his smile.

"We were just discussing lunch. Since its your first day back you choose." Kris nodded at him and he grinned, turning to D.O.

"Hyung, can you make kimchi spaghetti?" He looked at Sehun in surprise. 

"You get exclusive rights to choose lunch for all of us and you choose kimchi spaghetti?"

" _Your_ kimchi spaghetti," Sehun corrected. He smiled and shook his head.

"If that's what you want," he said, getting up.

"Yes! Thanks hyung!" D.O. left to start making lunch. 

"So," he said, turning back to everyone else. "What are we doing?" 

"Well, I suggest a movie. There's a new action one that just came out that's supposed to be really good." Everyone, Sehun included, groaned at Tao.

"All you ever wanna do is watch action movies. Even  _I'm_ getting sick of them."

"Hey, they're interesting!" Baekhyun waved his hand at Tao, dismissing him.

"But they're not the only movies we wanna watch."

Everyone started arguing about what movie to watch and Sehun was getting annoyed.

"Okay!" He shouted over them and waited for them to quiet down. "Seriously? I just got back and I wanna relax. You guys arguing isn't helping. I'm getting a headache." He sighed and closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

"Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Look, I'm tired. I'm just gonna go take a nap okay? I didn't get much sleep last night. Wake me up for lunch."

He got up and shuffled to his bedroom, not waiting for an answer. He closed the door behind him and sighed. He hadn't lied. He  _did_ have a headache and he  _was_ tired but he also didn't feel like dealing with everyone right at this moment. His excitement had washed away and exhaustion was taking its place. He wasn't sure he would be able to keep up with everyone running at half steam as he was.

He crawled into his bed and tried to get comfortable. It wasn't easy with his wrist. The only thing that worked was laying on his back. He looked up at the ceiling and yawned. Yeah, he could  _definitely_ use a nap right now. He'd wanted to talk to Xiumin but that could wait until Sehun could properly function.

* * *

Suho woke him up 40 minutes later, according to the time on his phone. He was still tired but the promise of kimchi spaghetti was enough to get him up. He stretched and swung his legs out of bed. 

"Thanks," he mumbled sleepily, getting up.

"No problem. Did you rest well?"

"Yeah. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight." Suho chuckled at him.

"Who would have thought you'd ever say that. It only took a broken wrist and surgery." 

"I go to sleep early. Sometimes."

"Well I'm glad you're not ignoring your rest. You're gonna need it." Suho left to help D.O. set the table.

Sehun unzipped his sweater and carefully pulled it off before throwing it on the bed. He probably should have taken it off before he went to sleep. He was warm now. He rummaged through his drawer for a pair of shorts. He switched them for his sweats before going to join everyone else for lunch.

 He grinned when D.O. set the plate down in front of him.

"Enjoy."

"Oh, I will." He wasted no time digging in. It tasted like heaven and he groaned in appreciation. Luhan snorted at him from across the table.

"You act like you haven't eaten in days."

"I haven't. Well, not much anyways and hospital food can't even compare to D.O.'s cooking."

"What do you mean you haven't eaten much? Were they not feeding you properly?" Sehun washed his food down with some water before replying to Xiumin.

"It's not like that. Just the evening I got there they gave me a sedative for the pain so I slept through most of the evening and night and then in the morning was my surgery so I wasn't supposed to eat. I ate when you guys came by after. This morning I was too excited to leave so I forgot." He took another bite of his spaghetti and didn't immediately notice everyone staring at him. He looked up, mouth full of spaghetti. "What?"

"You've only eaten  _once_ in the past almost 72 hours?" He swallowed his food.

"Yeah. There was a lot going on," he said as he shrugged.

"Yeah, that's not happening." D.O. walked over to him and dropped more spaghetti onto his plate. It was almost falling off the sides it was so full.

"What the- I can't eat all that!" D.O. shrugged and went back to the kitchen.

"You're gotta make up for missed time," he called out. 

"D.O.'s right Sehun. You should have eaten more." Sehun rolled his eyes at Lay and sighed.

"Seriously, I can't eat all that." He stared down at his plate. It was daunting.

"You're not leaving this table until you're so full we have to carry you away. Doctor's orders."

"Yah, like you could carry me Baekhyun."

"I've got backup." Chanyeol brought his arms up in a body building pose and flexed. 

"Okay, I'll eat it. Just promise me you'll stop doing that." Chaneyol stuck his tongue out at him. Sehun ignored him and went back to devouring his food. True to his word he wasn't even halfway through when he started getting full. 

"I'll just eat the rest later. If I eat anymore I'll probably throw up and then it was all just a waste."

"Don't mention that while I'm eating please." Chen made a face at him.

"Sorry." He got up and tried to grab his plate before Kai swatted his hand away.

"I've got it. Just go sit down and rest."

"Thanks," he said as he smiled at him. He strolled over to the couch and plopped down, pulling his legs up onto the cushion. 

"I'm done too." Xiumin put his plate in the dishwasher and, much to Sehun's inner delight, sat down next to him on the couch. "Wanna watch TV?

"Sure." Sehun kept his voice neutral as Xiumin leaned over to grab the remote off the coffee table. When he came back he was a couple inches closer to Sehun. Not enough for anyone to notice except for him. He suppressed a grin and saw Xiumin roll his eyes as he flicked through stations. Xiumin settled on some TV movie about a single mom whose kids are getting involved in shady things. Boring but Sehun wasn't gonna complain when this was the closest they'd been able to get in a while. Everyone was done eating by now and either cleaning up or going off to do their own thing. Luhan and Lay joined them in the living room.

Sehun sighed and stretched his legs out, laying them across Xiumin's lap. He took extra care to make sure he slid down enough that his ass was pressed against Xiumin's thighs.

"Do you mind, hyung?" His voice was perfectly controlled as he gave Xiumin an innocent look. Xiumin's expression didn't falter as he gave him a somewhat disinterested look.

"No, it's fine." Luhan, who was sitting on Xiumin's other side sighed in exasperation. 

"Yeah, don't bother asking me, I'm cool with your stinky feet in my lap." Sehun stuck his tongue out at him. 

"Then move." 

"This movie's boring anyways." Luhan got up and left for his room.

"Yeah, it's not really my type of movie. I think I'm gonna go read. I need to brush up on some stuff anyways." Lay nodded as he followed after Luhan. It was just him and Xiumin left now. Sehun sighed.

"That was easier than expected." Xiumin glanced down at him.

"What was?"

"Getting time alone with you." Sehun grinned up at him and grabbed his hand, locking their fingers together. Xiumin chuckled and glanced around before bringing Sehun's hand to his mouth and kissing it softly. Sehun's breath hitched and he blushed.

"I missed you."

"I missed you too."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Shinee.


	17. Just One Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who said you never enjoy your first time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a chapter of bad smut.  
> Also true story but when I started this fic and had Xiumin taste like blueberries I actually had no idea that was his favorite flavor in real life. I only found out recently. Idk maybe it's fate? XD  
> Song by BTS

Sehun and Xiumin spent the whole movie holding hands. Sehun wasn't really paying much attention to the TV at all. Watching Xiumin was much more interesting. He liked the way Xiumin's eyes would crinkle when he laughed at one of the terrible jokes. His mouth would split into a sloppy grin that made Sehun's chest tighten. He thought it was cute when his mouth would form a tight line during the serious parts, as if he felt every emotion the actors did. His face was very descriptive during movies. He couldn't hide his reactions at all. 

Xiumin would periodically reach his free hand down and rub Sehun's leg, tracing patterns against his skin. He didn't even seem to realize he was doing it. His hand would just drift down, eyes still glued to the screen. Sehun decided then that he'd make an effort to watch more movies with Xiumin. He was learning a lot about him this way. When the movie ended Xiumin grinned down at him.

"Did you like it?"

"Oh, yeah. It was good." Xiumin looked like a kid at Christmas.

"Really?! I'm glad you liked it. Most people don't wanna watch these movies with me." He looked away sheepishly. Sehun tugged on Xiumin's hand, drawing his attention back.

"Well I'll watch with you anytime." The look of pure happiness of Xiumin's face was more than enough for Sehun. He doubted there was anything he wouldn't do to see that face again. Xiumin was normally smiling but this was something all together different. This was pure, unbridled joy. He looked so beautiful like this. He was so beautiful Sehun felt the urge to reach out and touch him to confirm this was real and not a dream. How could someone this beautiful even exist? 

Sehun was suddenly struck with a feeling so intense it felt like he couldn't breathe. He looked up at Xiumin and suddenly images flashed across his mind. He saw cherry blossom trees and calm rivers. He saw autumn leaves falling while they danced beneath them. He saw them curled up in bed on a rainy day, keeping each other warm. Suddenly he couldn't imagine the future without Xiumin there. Every thought he had for his future included him.

It was so strong he thought it would burst from beneath his skin. His pulse was racing to the beat of an imaginary drum. It kept beating, harder and harder until Sehun thought it would never stop. His throat felt dry as he met Xiumin's eyes.

He didn't even know how but he  _knew_. He  _knew_ Xiumin was seeing the same things. Nothing had changed and yet everything had. They were still sitting together. They hadn't moved but yet, somehow, they were closer. Something between them had shifted and broke away. The space between them that had been full of uncertainty and fear was wiped away. There was nothing to hold them back anymore.

Xiumin leaned down, slowly, eyes never leaving Sehun's as he brought their lips together. He didn't care that the dorm was still full of people and someone could walk in any second and catch them. It didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Xiumin. 

He pressed his lips softly against Xiumin's. Their chests pressed together and he could feel their hearts beat together, perfectly in sync. As their lips moved Sehun knew with more certainty than he'd ever felt before in his life that he was falling in love. It was scary and exciting and he couldn't get enough.

He let all the hesitation he'd had fall away as he molded his body to Xiumin's. They fit so perfectly they must have been made for each other. Xiumin's strong torso fit his lean frame exactly. Xiumin's tilted his body so that he was almost laying on top of him, the hand on Sehun's leg coming down to cup his cheek instead. The kiss was full of so much tenderness and passion, things Sehun had never felt before. His head was spinning and he could barely control himself. Xiumin pulled away, face still inches from Sehun's. He didn't speak at first. He just looked down at him, affection so clear in his eyes that Sehun knew then and there that he would never stop loving him.

"I don't know how I spent so long next to you and never actually saw you." Sehun brought his good hand up and stroked his fingers against Xiumin's cheek.

"Me either." They stayed like that for a while, unmoving. They just looked at each other. It didn't feel awkward or uncomfortable. Sehun had nothing to hide from Xiumin anymore. He wanted Xiumin to see all that he was, flaws and all. He wanted Xiumin to have all of him.

"Can we go to your room?" Sehun's voice was quiet. Xiumin's eyes filled with understanding and he nodded. He got up and held his hand out to Sehun, helping him up. They walked closely together, not holding hands in case anyone came out. Xiumin held the door to his room open for Sehun. He walked in hesitantly as Xiumin closed it and locked it behind him. 

Sehun stood there nervously, arm wrapped around his chest. He wanted this but at the same time he was scared to death. Xiumin sensed his hesitancy and came to stand in front of him. He reached out slowly, placing his hand on Sehun's side.

"We don't have to do this. We can wait." It was the look in his eyes when he said it that pushed Sehun over the edge.

"I trust you. I want to do this." He stepped forward, shortening the distance between them. "I want it to be you." Their eyes locked and Sehun tried to convey how utterly sure he was. He held Xiumin's hand and gently pulled him over to the bed. Xiumin let himself be pulled, too afraid too scare Sehun off to do anything else. Sehun sat down and pulled Xiumin next to him.

"Are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel pressured; I'm fine waiting." Sehun grinned wryly at him.

"It's because you waited. I know you're fine waiting. That's why I'm ready. I know this is  _my_ decision. I'm choosing this." He leaned forward until their lips were almost touching. "I'm ready Xiumin."

He closed the distance and pressed his lips against Xiumin's. His hand slid up his back and came to rest on the back of his neck. He pulled Xiumin against him as he threw away all reservations.

Xiumin kissed him back, lips parting slightly as his tongue flicked out across Sehun's bottom lip. With his tongue came the familiar taste of blueberries and Sehun opened his mouth, allowing more access. He groaned when he felt Xiumin's tongue swirl around his, tracing the inside of his mouth. Xiumin's hand was resting above his knee and Sehun felt his cock twitching, half-hard in his shorts. 

Xiumin pulled away, lips kissing softly on his jaw. He trailed feather light kisses down across his neck, sucking lightly on his skin. He nipped at the skin delicately before running his tongue over the area soothingly. Sehun gasped beneath him, eyes snapping shut at the sensations. He could feel Xiumin's lips smile against him before he pulled away. Sehun opened his eyes and took a deep breath as Xiumin looked into his eyes tenderly.

"What?" He asked somewhat breathlessly.

"Are you absolutely sure you want this to be your first time?" Sehun didn't even hesitate.

"Yes, I'm sure. I told you; I trust you." Xiumin nodded and pressed his lips to Sehun's again, gently pushing Sehun back against the bed. Sehun complied, letting Xiumin direct him. He knew Xiumin wouldn't hurt him.

Xiumin's lips pushed against his passionately but softly. He knelt above Sehun, knees straddling his thighs. The only parts of their bodies that were touching were their mouths. Sehun wanted more and tugged on Xiumin's shirt, urging him down. Xiumin chuckled against his mouth, warm breath dusting his lips as he broke away.

"We don't have to rush this."

"But I want it," Sehun half panted, breathing hard from the kiss. Xiumin nuzzled his nose against Sehun's cheek.

"Me too but we have to be careful. I don't wanna hurt you."

"You won't, I promise," Sehun insisted. "You could never hurt me." Xiumin looked down at him, something similar to wonder on his features.

"I don't know how I got so lucky," he breathed out, a hand coming down to caress Sehun's cheek. He smiled when Sehun blushed.

"Stop stalling. Please Xiumin." He tried to convey the need he felt in his eyes. 

"Okay. Come here."

He got off of Sehun and pulled him to the middle of the bed, fingers curling around the hem of his shirt. Sehun held his arms up and he didn't even have to say anything about his arm. Xiumin was pulling the shirt off carefully, leaving his injured hand last as he pulled the fabric around the brace softly. Sehun didn't even wince once. He dropped the shirt on the bed next to them and turned back to Sehun. 

He blushed under Xiumin's gaze, gnawing his lip nervously. Xiumin's hands were on his hips as their lips met once again. His lips moved more urgently against Sehun's now. He sucked Sehun's lip as he slowly brought him down against the bed. 

Xiumin was straddling him again as his hands slid across Sehun's chest. Sehun shuddered beneath him and deepened the kiss, sucking Xiumin's tongue into his mouth. Xiumin's hips came down in response and Sehun moaned against him as their hips met. He ground upwards, seeking more friction. He could feel Xiumin's erection pressing into his thigh. Xiumin placed his arms on either side of his head, holding himself up as he rolled his hips down into Sehun. 

He bit down on Xiumin's lip and bucked his hips up, urging him on. Xiumin groaned in appreciation and rolled his hips forward again. He set a steady pace as they grinded against one another, tongues invading each others mouths. Xiumin's self control seemed to have waivered some as he devoured Sehun's mouth hungrily. He swallowed Sehun's moans with his own mouth as he continued his relentless assault. Sehun didn't know how much longer he could take this. His body was on fire and he wanted Xiumin  _bad._

"Please," Sehun gasped out as Xiumin's lips mouthed against his collarbone. He groaned into Xiumin's shoulder as those hips rolled against him again. "Please."

Xiumin held himself up on his elbows, watching Sehun as he drove his hips into Sehun again. Sehun moaned, head pushing back into the pillow. He grabbed the bottom of Xiumin's shirt and yanked hastily, trying to pull it off. Xiumin leaned back on his knees, pulling the shirt over his head. Sehun watched as the muscles moved beneath his skin, tightening and flexing. Xiumin looked down at him, eyes hungry and Sehun couldn't wait any longer.

"Please," he whimpered. Whatever control Xiumin had was lost and he kissed Sehun hard, hand reaching down to rub him through his shorts. Sehun whined and bucked his hips up. Xiumin's hands slipped into the waistband of his shorts and he hooked his finger around them, tugging. Sehun lifted his hips and Xiumin wrenched them down, boxers and all. Sehun kicked them off his feet before grabbing Xiumin's pants and pushing them down his hips. 

"Um, I've never... Obviously I haven't but, uh, what do we do now?" He blushed as he looked at Xiumin. At least Xiumin looked equally nervous. 

"Well I haven't either but I, uh... I looked it up on the Internet so I think I know what to do." He flushed and rubbed the back of his neck before he leaned over to his bedside table, rummaging through the drawer. It was such a drastic change of pace Sehun wasn't sure what to do. They'd been humping each other like animals and now they were all blushing and awkward smiles. 

Xiumin found what he was looking for and pulled back, holding a condom and a small tube of something, lube he assumed. He grinned sheepishly at Sehun before he spoke.

"I, uh, just wanted to be ready. Just in case. Not that I was expecting it or anything," he hurriedly added. Sehun grinned at him. Only he could manage to go from apparant sex god to bashful, blushing mess in 5 seconds.

"Its okay hyung, I'm glad you were prepared." Xiumin leaned down beside him and kissed him softly before pulling away.

"So what do you want to do?" Sehun blinked at him.

"You're asking me?"

"It's your first time; you should choose."

Sehun was taken back. He had assumed that given their prior....  _activities,_ Xiumin would be the one to have sex with him. He hadn't even considered the choice would be up to him.

"You would... let me, ya know...?" He trailed off, looking at Xiumin.

"If that's what you want," Xiumin said without a moments hesitation. Sehun searched his eyes for any sign he was uncomfortable but they were resolute as he waited for Sehun. Holy shit, Sehun thought. He really would let him do it. 

"Why would you... I mean..." He struggled for the right words to phrase it. 

"Let you have sex with me?" Xiumin's eyebrow quirked up at him and he blushed, looking away. He heard him chuckle.

"If you wanted it I'd do it. I told you," he leaned in close as he spoke the next words, breath hot on Sehun's ear, "I would take care of you, whatever you need." 

Sehun swallowed at the husky tone of his voice. How he could ever want anything other than that voice in his ear as he fucked him, he didn't know. Sehun was sure that was what he wanted right now.

"You... You can..." He swallowed again and gestured down, words failing him.

"Are you sure?" Sehun just nodded, holding his breath. His heart was racing and he was pretty sure his anticipation would kill him if they didn't get on with it soon. 

"It's okay, relax Sehun. I promise to be gentle." His hand came up to brush Sehun's hair off his damp forehead as he leaned in, kissing Sehun tenderly. Sehun melted against him, focusing on the kiss as he slowly relaxed. 

Xiumin's mouth didn't leave his but he heard the pop of the tube being flicked open. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of Xiumin's lips, his tongue teasing at Sehun's mouth. He sucked on it, enjoying the way Xiumin moaned into him. He felt Xiumin's hand gently pull his legs open. His hand gripped Xiumin's shoulder tighter as he felt something cold and wet against his entrance. 

"It's okay," Xiumin whispered against his lips. "Just keep kissing me." 

Sehun did as we was told and deepened the kiss, ignoring the small pressure of Xiumin at his entrance. He pushed in slightly and Sehun gasped lowly, breath speeding up. Xiumin parted his lips, beckoning Sehun's tongue in. Sehun feverently pushed his tongue in, losing himself in the kiss.

Xiumin slowly pushed more of his finger in, pausing to give Sehun time to adjust. It was a really weird feeling. It didn't hurt quite as much as when he first pushed it in but it wasn't pleasant either. When Sehun nodded against Xiumin's mouth he pushed the rest of his finger in. Sehun hissed, fighting the urge to clench down on the invading finger.

"Are you okay?" Xiumin eyed him worriedly, not moving his finger for fear of hurting him. Sehun shut his eyes and nodded.

"It's just weird. I'm fine." He took a couple deep breaths. When he felt his muscles relax a bit he exhaled. "I'm good."

Xiumin started to slowly work his finger in and out, kissing Sehun's neck as he did so. The stretching feeling started to lessen and Sehun felt his breathing slow down. Xiumin noticed and pulled his finger back, pressing a second one to his entrance. Sehun nodded and then he was pressing into him. Sehun made a point of breathing evenly, focusing on Xiumin's lips against his jaw. When both fingers were in Xiumin captured Sehun's lips as he began slowly thrusting them inside him. 

"Fuck," Sehun moaned against him when Xiumin brushed against something that sent a wave of pleasure through him. Xiumin brushed his fingers against it again and smiled when he felt Sehun's cock twitch against his thigh. He stretched his fingers out inside him, making sure to brush against that spot every so often. Sehun was panting against Xiumin's mouth now, hips jerking back against his hand.

He felt a third finger enter precisely as Xiumin hit that spot again and he whimpered. He was thrusting against Xiumin's hand as he fucked him with his fingers. Xiumin looked down at Sehun and bit his lip.

"You have no idea how good you look right now." He hit that spot again and Sehun groaned, eyes equeezing shut as he leaned his head into Xiumin's shoulder. His fingers wrapped into Xiumin's hair as he kissed his neck sloppily. Xiumin's fingers were thrusting earnestly now and Sehun bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out.

"Fuck," Xiumin exhaled and Sehun felt precum on his leg as Xiumin pushed into it. He withdrew his fingers and Sehun whined before Xiumin crushed his lips against his. He climbed on top of Sehun and positioned himself between his legs. 

"Are you ready?" His lips were swollen and red from their kiss and his eyes were dark with lust. He looked so damn good. Sehun couldn't believe this was really happening. 

"Yes." His voice came out as nothing more than a whisper.

Xiumin nodded and ripped open the condom, rolling it down his shaft. He drizzled a generous amount of lube on in his hand before stroking it across his cock, making sure it was suitably slick. He spread some on Sehun's entrance too, his breath hitching when Xiumin's finger slipped in a little.

He spread Sehun's legs so that they were around his stomach. He positioned himself at the entrance and leaned down, holding himself up on his elbow as he brushed his lips across Sehun's. He pushed the tip in slowly and held still, waiting for Sehun to adjust.

Sehun gasped when Xiumin entered him. His cock hadn't seemed that much bigger than Xiumin's fingers but oh, how he'd been wrong. It burned a little at first but Xiumin's gentle kisses helped distract from the pain. When the pain eased he nodded and Xiumin moved forward, pushing deeper into him. It didn't hurt as bad as the initial penetration and Sehun breathed a sigh of relief. Xiumin never went farther until Sehun gave him the okay. When he nodded for the last time Xiumin pushed in all the way and exhaled heavily against Sehun's shoulder.  

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"Not much," Sehun grunted as he willed his muscles to relax. He was glad Xiumin had used as much lube as he had. It probably could have been worse. Xiumin kissed his neck, collarbone, shoulder, whatever parts he could reach. They stayed like that for a minute until Sehun was sure he could move without hurting. 

"Okay, I think I'm good." Xiumin pulled up and kissed him tenderly, leaning his forehead against Sehun's. He slowly pulled his hips back before pushing forwards, back into him. His breath caught as he repeated the motion, eyes watching Sehun to make sure he didn't hurt him. 

Sehun was still adjusting but Xiumin was being gentle enough it didn't cause him any pain. He was slowly starting to enjoy the feeling and started rocking his hips up to meet Xiumin's. Xiumin groaned and shut his eyes, increasing his speed slightly. Sehun's cock rubbed against Xiumin's stomach and he exhaled, thrusting back harder against Xiumin.

"God Sehun, you feel so good." He nibbled on Sehun's lower lip, sucking it into his mouth. Sehun hummed in appreciation as Xiumin hips sped up. He was thrusting much quicker now. He brought his legs up to wrap around Xiumin's waist and moaned when Xiumin finally hit that spot again. His arm clawed at Xiumin's back as he pulled him closer.

"Fuck, yes, right there." Xiumin groaned and rolled his hips back, thrusting forward hard. Sehun dug his nails into Xiumin's back, biting his lip to keep from screaming out. Xiumin tilted his hips, penetrating him deeper as he cursed.

"Fuck Sehun," he murmured against his shoulder, slamming into him again. Sehun's back arched and he lost the ability to form coherent words as his eyes screwed shut. It was all he could do to keep quiet. 

He reached between them and wrapped his hand around his cock, groaning lowly. He tugged on it desperately. He could feel his stomach tighten and he knew he was close.

"Xiumin..." He broke off, back arching as Xiumin began sucking on his neck, nibbling lightly on his skin. Xiumin thrust harder, breathing roughly in Sehun's ear.

"I love it when you moan my name. You're mine and no one else's." He drove his hips forward sharply and Sehun felt his cock twitch in his hands, leaking against Xiumin's stomach.

"Fuck Xiumin." He nibbled on Sehun's earlobe before he whispered into his ear.

"That's right, keep saying my name."  He pulled back and thrust quickly into Sehun, hitting that spot everytime. It was too much. Sehun came undone as his orgasm hit him. Xiumin's mouth consumed his, swallowing his moans as his tongue swirled around Sehuns. He rocked into Sehun hard, causing the most intense orgasm he'd ever had in his life.

He exploded across his hand and Xiumin's stomach, whimpering as Xiumin's groaned into him. He quickened his pace and thrust deep into Sehun one last time, stiffening against him as he came. His hands came down on Sehun's shoulders and pushed him tighter to him. His head buried into Sehun's neck and Sehun could have sworn he mumbled his name but his head was so dizzy he couldn't be sure. 

They didn't move for a minute, catching their breath. Xiumin finally pushed himself up, staring down at Sehun, breath coming in short gasps. Sehun met his gaze but didn't say anything. He was still riding the high from his orgasm and he wasn't sure he could speak. 

Xiumin leaned back and carefully slid out of Sehun. He pulled the condom off, wrapping it up in some tissue before dropping it in the waste basket next to the bed. Sehun winced slightly when the bed dipped beneath Xiumin's movements. Shit, he was sore.

"Are you okay? I hurt you, didn't I?" Xiumin cursed under his breath, regarding Sehun worriedly.

"No, I'm okay," he rasped out. He cleared his throat and smiled up at him. "Really, just a little tender."

"Are you sure? Be honest." Sehun pulled Xiumin down onto the bed and snuggled up to his side, careful not to move too quickly. Xiumin's arm wrapped around his shoulder and he sighed contently.

"Really." He could hear Xiumin's heart beating quickly in his chest and he grinned. "Better than fine, actually. I'm fan-fucking-tastic." 

Xiumin chuckled and Sehun felt the vibrations against his face. Xiumin shifted slightly and pulled Sehun closer, kissing his head softly as he wrapped his arms around him. 

"We really should clean up but that means letting go of you and I don't think I can do that."

Sehun smirked against his chest, careful not to let his brace touch the rapidly cooling pile of cum above Xiumin's belly button.

"How long do you plan on lying there covered in my cum?" He'd meant it as a joke but the look Xiumin gave him had him swallowing, the slightest twitch in his now softening cock. Xiumin smirked at him and licked his lips suggestively. 

"Stop it," Sehun mumbled as he looked away, hiding his blush. 

"Why," Xiumin questioned lowly, "Is it giving you  _ideas_?" 

"I swear Xiumin, you get off on annoying me." Xiumin was kissing his ear now, chuckling lightly.

"I get off on anything involving you, doesn't matter what it is."

"Okay, that's enough." He tried to pull away but Xiumin tightened his grip. He looked down at Sehun, frowning slightly.

"Am I actually bothering you?" He looked like a sad puppy; it was ridiculously cute. Sehun sighed and tilted his head as he looked up.

"No, not really." Xiumin smiled, reassured and Sehun continued. "But we really do need to clean ourselves off. We need to get back before anyone notices anything." Xiumin's frown returned but he released Sehun.

"Fine. We should probably go seperately. You can go first. I'll wait a while." Sehun nodded and sat up, turning away to hide his wince. Xiumin sat up, tugging on Sehun's shoulder. He looked back, grinning but Xiumin didn't buy it.

"It hurts doesn't it?" Sehun shrugged.

"It's unavoidable right? I'll be fine. Not like I have any practices or anything." He leaned back and kissed him, ignoring his slight frown.

"Really," he said as he pulled back. "I'll be fine. Besides, it was  _so_ worth it." Xiumin blushed but his lips quirked up into a smile.

Sehun grabbed his shirt but Xiumin took it from his hands. He was about to ask when Xiumin carefully slid it onto his arms, tugging it over Sehun's head.

"I know.  _You can dress yourself._ " He smirked and moved past Sehun, getting off the bed and padding to his hamper. He pulled a shirt out and wiped his stomach off lazily, throwing the shirt back and turning around. He chuckled when Sehun tore his eyes away, embarrassed to be caught staring at his ass.

"You don't have to be embarrassed anymore, you know that right?" He threw on a clean pair of boxers and strolled over to Sehun, holding his hand out. Sehun took it and Xiumin pulled him into his arms.

"I wasn't embarrassed," Sehun mumbled. Xiumin laughed and leaned forward, brushing his lips against Sehun's briefly before pulling back.

"Sure you weren't. You're adorable." Sehun blushed but choose not to respond. Xiumin stared at him, face turning serious. "I'm serious. You don't have to be embarrassed anymore. There's nothing you're not entitled to have. Ask and it's yours." 

"Oh..." He wasn't sure what else to say. He felt slightly uncomfortable with how Xiumin looked at him sometimes, as if he was the most amazing thing imaginable. He wasn't the amazing one, Xiumin was. Anybody with half a brain could see that.

"You know, same goes for you." He felt himself blush but ignored it. "If there's anything you, uh, want or whatever just tell me." Xiumin looked delighted and leaned in to kiss Sehun one more time. It only lasted for a moment before he pulled away and sighed.

"You'd better go before I really decide not to let you go." He nuzzled Sehun's cheek and let go, turning to grab his pants off the bed. Sehun knew Xiumin was right. He didn't wanna go but if they stayed in here much longer they night as well announce their relationship.

He grabbed his pants and yanked them up, not bothering to fix the waistband. His shirt covered it anyways. He looked in the mirror and ran his hand through his hair, trying to tame it slightly. Once it was presentable he gave Xiumin one last kiss before unlocking the door, closing it quietly behind him. He went straight to his room, relieved to find Suho wasn't in there. He quickly grabbed a clean set of clothes, stopping to grab a plastic bag from the kitchen to cover his brace, and stepped into the bathroom. 

* * *

 

Luhan watched through the crack of his door as Sehun quietly left Xiumin's room, clothing disheveled and hair mussed up. He went straight to his room and closed his door.

Well, wasn't this quite the interesting turn of events? Luhan grinned to himself before shutting his door.


	18. Symptoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When did days start getting so long?

Sehun felt fine when he woke up the next day. Well, until he moved, that is. A jolt of pain shot through him when he shifted under the covers. He groaned into his pillow and did his best to keep very, very still. He had expected to be sore but apparently he greatly underestimated just how much.

"Are you okay?" Suho eyed him worriedly over his manga from across the room. He nodded, wincing as he rolled over.

"Just my wrist. I'm good." Suho gave him an sympathetic smile before returning to his book.

Sehun exhaled and stared up at the ceiling. If rolling over hurt, how would walking be? He wondered how long he could put off getting up. He wasn't tired so it's not like he could just go back to sleep. Suho would chastise him for staying in bed too long, broken wrist or not. Wait, why was Suho even here?

"Hey," Sehun said, confusion clouding his features as he turned to his roommate. Suho's eyes flicked back up to him. "Shouldn't you be at practice?" Suho chuckled and shook his head.

"Practice was over hours ago. It's one o'clock sleepy head." Sehun shot up and winced, immediately regretting the action. 

"Seriously?" He grabbed his phone from beside him on the bed and checked the time. Sure enough the display read 1:09. "Why did you let me sleep so long?"

"You needed the rest." Suho shrugged at him before turning his attention back to his manga once again. 

He couldn't argue with that. He hadn't gotten a restful sleep since the fall. He'd been asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow last night. That probably had something to with the mind blowing sex he'd had with Xiumin though. He got up quickly, wincing again, and faced his dresser to hide his blush. Moving did indeed suck. Sehun did his best to act normal as he changed into some clean clothes before heading out to grab some food. He couldn't help the slight limp as he walked. He hoped no one would notice.

There was no one in the kitchen thankfully. He didn't feel like making anything so he settled on some cereal. He grimaced when he reached up for the box before slamming the cabinet door shut.

"Long night?" He jumped, almost dropping the box. He turned around to see Luhan leaning against the wall, smirking.

"Just didn't sleep right. It's hard cause my wrist, you know." He shrugged before pouring some cereal into his bowl.

"Yeah, I bet." Sehun ignored him, grabbing the milk from the fridge before sitting down at the counter. Fuck, it hurt. Luhan's grin widened as he sat down across from Sehun, watching him in amusement.

"What?" 

"Nothing," Luhan replied, still grinning at him like an idiot. 

"Seriously, what is up with you?" He shook his head and began eating his cereal. 

"Maybe I just need a good fuck." Sehun almost choked on his cereal, coughing up milk.

"What?"

"Maybe I just need to fuck someone, maybe that's why I'm acting weird." Sehun blushed and looked down at his cereal, scooping up another spoonful.

"You're always so vulgar," he muttered before chewing on his corn flakes. Luhan chuckled and shrugged his shoulders.

"I tell it like it is. Wouldn't you like a little action?" Sehun's ears burned and he shoved another spoonful in his mouth to give himself time to think. 

"Not everyone is as sex hungry as you," he managed out through a half chewed bite.

"True," Luhan assented, "but that doesn't mean  _you_ aren't." He grinned and shoved his hands into his pockets before strolling away. 

That was fucking weird. Luhan was fucking weird. 

 

* * *

 

Sehun didn't see Xiumin again until shortly before dinner. He spent the whole day holed up in his room, afraid to face the older boy. He _wanted_  to see him, he was just afraid the second he saw him everyone would be able to read what happened on his face. He couldn't go five seconds without thinking about it and blushing. 

Sehun had always heard your first time was painful and hard to enjoy. Well, at least for girls anyway. He figured it would be the same for him since it was him that had been fucked, not the other way around, but he'd been wrong. Yeah, it hurt now but at the time it had been amazing. Like  _really_ fucking amazing. 

Sehun knew Xiumin hadn't been a virgin. He'd had sex with one of his girlfriends back during his training days. He'd mentioned it during one of their drunken truth or dare games a couple months back. Sehun hadn't been surprised. Xiumin was attractive and he'd already been older than Sehun when he started training so it made sense. He just hadn't expected the difference it would make when  _they_ had sex. Most of the time Xiumin was relatively reserved and quiet but in the bedroom... Well that was a whole other story. 

Sehun had noticed it, the change in Xiumin's behavior whenever they were alone. He was possessive and domineering, taking control of the situation. It was a big difference from his behavior otherwise. It sent a shudder down his spine every time. Not because it was scary, because it's Xiumin we're talking about and he was like the nicest guy on the planet. No, it was because it was hot. Definitely hot.

Sehun couldn't explain it but he liked the way Xiumin changed in those moments. Normally he hated his decisions being made for him. His freak out a couple days ago proved that. With Xiumin, though, he was perfectly content to let him make all the decisions. He was just lucky enough to be along for the ride. His cock stirred in his pants and he sighed. Yeah, he was hooked. The door opened and he looked up to see Suho standing in the doorway.

"The managers just called me about the press conference. We're having a meeting in the living room. Come on." His face didn't reveal any emotions as he turned around and left.

Sehun sighed and got up, following him. He was pretty sure he knew more or less what they had decided. He padded into the living room and searched for an available seat. Tao patted a spot next to him and he smiled at him as he took it.

"Thanks for saving me a seat hyung." Tao grinned at him before turning to where Suho and Kris stood. Sehun's eyes flicked over to Xiumin's briefly, the latter giving him a reassuring smile before also turning to the leaders. Sehun followed and tensed, waiting for the hammer to drop. Suho cleared his throat and spoke.

"So yesterday SM released their official statement about Sehun's injury. They admitted he had broken it and went into surgery but was on his way to recovery. As far as the tour, it will continue starting next week."

Sehun grimaced at the thought of all fuss he'd created. He felt ashamed. Now they'd have to rework all the choreography with such short notice. Tao wrapped his arm around his shoulder and squeezed, pulling him into his side.

"Sehun, however, will still perform." Sehun's head snapped up to Kris, confused. He felt Tao's arm freeze around his shoulder in matching confusion. He must not have heard that right. Kris must have been joking. His face was serious. Sehun blinked incredulously at him.

"You're messing with me. How can I perform?"

"The choreography will be reworked for your parts. You'll spend most of the songs in one spot. Everyone's aware of your wrist. They're not gonna have a reason to complain that you're not moving around as much as everyone." Kris shrugged, apparently trusting the companies decision. Suho crossed his arms and looked away, a sour look on his face. Sehun guessed he didn't agree with the idea. Neither did the other members apparently.

"You can't be serious," Kai bit out as he jumped to his feet. "His wrist was fucking  _shattered_ and they still expect him to perform!?" 

"He's not going to have to dance. He'll be there only as a vocalist." Baekhyun scoffed at Kris from the other side of the couch.

"As if we buy that. There's no way they're not gonna want him to do at least a couple things and with his wrist the way it is even a couple things could fuck it up more." Xiumin stood up and crossed his arms.

"I have to agree with them. If Sehun is gonna heal properly he can't stress his wrist and this would definitely end up doing just that. Did they even consult a physician before deciding on this? Did anyone bother to make sure that this was actually okay for him? Nobody even bothered to  _ask_ him if this is what he wanted! Do they even care if he gets damaged as long as he keeps earning them their fucking money?" His voice kept getting louder until he was practically shouting the last part.

"Xiumin, it's okay. Stop." Sehun's voice was quiet and for a second the younger boy thought he hadn't heard him. Then slowly Xiumin exhaled and turned to him, fingers clutching his arms so hard they were turning white. Everyone was staring at Xiumin in shock. He'd never lost his cool before. He'd also never swore in front of them, leaders especially. Sehun cleared his throat and spoke again.

"I told Suho I still wanted to perform. Granted I thought it would only be one or two songs but still. They said I wouldn't have much choreography anyway. I'll be fine." Xiumin looked like he wanted to argue before Suho spoke up.

"I also disagreed but they seemed pretty set on it. I couldn't sway them. And," he added turning to Xiumin, "they  _did_ check with a doctor. He said so long as Sehun wears a proper brace and checks in with medic often it should be okay."

Xiumin shook his head and fell back on the couch, seething. Luhan was watching Sehun, eyes darting between him and Xiumin with a curious expression. Sehun made a mental note to speak to Xiumin about his restraint in private. It wasn't that hard to believe he could just be worried about a fellow band mate but they needed to be more cautious anyway. 

"But what about reworking the choreography?" Kai didn't look convinced as he questioned the leaders. "We only have one week. The rest of us would have to anyways but how can we know Sehun's not gonna injure himself worse trying to learn his new parts so quickly?"

"They're gonna incorporate props and stuff to make as little work for Sehun as possible. Mostly he'll be standing in one spot or walking around." 

"Guys, seriously, stop talking about me like I'm not here." Sehun sighed and stood up, moving to stand next to the leaders as he addressed the group. " Look, I'm not stupid. I know better than anyone what movements hurt my wrist by now. I won't do anything that will hurt and I'll tell them that. What harm can it do? If it's too much or something happens then I'll stop and you guys can continue with just you. Let's just give it a shot. I was really disappointed I couldn't go on tour with you guys and now I can.  _Please._ " He whined the last part and stuck his bottom lip out for good measure. He could see the members were still reluctant but felt their resistance start to crumble. They still looked upset about it, Xiumin looked almost murderous, but they seemed to accept his reassurances he would be careful.

"You swear the second something hurts or feels wrong you'll tell us and back off?" He nodded eagerly at Suho. "Well if Sehun's okay with it there isn't much we can do about it. It's between him and the company."

Sehun grinned and pulled Suho in for a one armed hug before moving to Kris. Kris stiffened, patting his back awkwardly before pulling out of the embrace. He cleared his throat.

"So that's that. Let's all work well together and take care of each other. Might as well make the best of it." The members mumbled to each other before  grudgingly agreeing. Sehun tried his best to give them a genuine grin and quell any unease.

"C'mon guys. Anyone would think you're disappointed to be on stage with me," he joked. Kai sighed, walking towards him.

"We're just worried for you is all." He smirked and put his hand on Sehun's shoulder. "You better be as careful as you say or else."

"Oh, I'm shaking in my brace," Sehun mocked. 

"Ah, seriously. This kid," he muttered to no one in particular as he sat back down on the couch, arms crossed.

"Okay, so it's settled. I'm performing and I'll be careful and it's gonna be awesome." Sehun grinned at them as he took his own spot back. "Seriously, you guys have no idea how much I was dreading watching you guys on stage without me. Way too much free time. I was debating taking up something to pass the time like knitting or crossword puzzles." His nose scrunched up in disgust as the thought. Suddenly the room burst into laughter. Sehun frowned, confused.

"What?"

Baekhyun had fallen onto the ground and was rolling around, clutching his side and laughing uncontrollably.

"Just the thought of you knitting," he choked out. 

"Or doing a crossword puzzle. I don't think I've ever even seen you read a book." Chanyeol was doubled over, tearing up he was laughing so hard.

"Hey," Sehun huffed indignantly, "I'll have you know I was reading above my grade's level when I was scouted!"

"And did you stay there?" Chanyeol ducked the water bottle Sehun threw at him and laughed even harder.

"Yah, like you ever read either Chanyeol!"

"I saw him reading a magazine once," Lay snickered. "It wasn't a magazine well know for its articles as much as its  _pictorials._ "

The look Chanyeol gave Lay had him up and running before Chanyeol could even stand up.

"Yah, that was your magazine! Get back here traitor!" He ran after Lay and the group dissolved into laughter once again. After nearly a minute of Chanyeol chasing and unsuccessfully capturing Lay he slumped tiredly down on the couch.

"Well that was entertaining." D.O. smirked at Chanyeol's glare and stuck his tongue out.

"Agreed," said Kai. He was wiping a tear from his eye as he grinned.

"Guys, you realise that this is probably the last free time we'll have for a while, right? Tomorrow we have to start working on the new choreography if we wanna be ready in time." 

"Chen's right," answered Suho. "Tomorrow, bright and early, we're figuring out a new routine and we'll probably be practicing all day."

"We should do something together to commemorate tonight," Baekhyun piped up. "Let's have some fun before the hell starts." 

Everyone voiced their agreement and they began suggesting things to do. Luhan suggested Karaoke but Suho said they weren't supposed to leave the dorm. Baekhyun suggested a Mortal Kombat tournament until Kai reminded him Sehun would be left out. He'd said he was cool watching but they refused, stating it had to be something they could all do. 

"Ooohhh! That new horror movie just came out! Remember, that one where the family moves into the house haunted by that evil spirit and stuff?" D.O. was almost jumping up and down in excitement while the others groaned.

"I'm down." D.O. grinned at him and turned to the others.

"See, Sehun thinks it'll be fun. Come on guys. We  _never_ watch horror movies."

"That's because  _some_ of us have to sleep with the lights on afterwards." Baekhyun nodded not-so-subtly to Tao as he said it. 

"Then sleep with the lights on! Think of it as bonding through traumatic times or something." 

D.O. rarely got this excited and Sehun knew it wouldn't be long until the other members caved. He himself had agreed because he seemed to recall a certain hyung who didn't handle horror movies well. He peeked nonchalantly at Xiumin and saw the older boy fidgeting in his seat. He was too cute. Looking at the others he saw Xiumin wasn't the only one nervous. Tao looked like he was gonna shit himself already, Suho seemed to be more upset at the possibility of gross scenes than a murderous spirit and Chen was making D.O. promise not to scare him during the movie.

"I'm gonna go make some popcorn," Sehun announced as he got up. Xiumin frowned at him.

"You shouldn't do that. You need to rest. I'll do it." 

"It's just popcorn. I'll be fine." Xiumin ignored him, heading to the kitchen. "Hyung! Ugh. At least let me help," he called out, chasing after him.

Xiumin was already in the kitchen, standing on his tiptoes to reach the upper cabinet the popcorn was in. Sehun couldn't help but chuckle. Xiumin turned back to glare at him but stopped when he saw that Sehun was standing right behind him, so close their chests were almost touching. Sehun could smell the faint hint of his shampoo tinged with sweat from practice earlier. His back was to the group and he took the opportunity to lick his lips suggestively before tugging his lip between his teeth. Xiumin's eyes narrowed a fraction, lips pulled into a tight line. Sehun smirked and reached up, grabbing the box with ease and holding it out for Xiumin. He winked and stepped back, leaning against the counter.

"We should really keep that on a lower shelf." Xiumin ignored him, ripping open a package of popcorn before shoving it in the microwave. He hit the popcorn button and the microwave began humming. He stood still for a moment, exhaling before he turned to face Sehun. His face was annoyed but Sehun saw the spark in his eyes, the same spark in his eyes whenever they were fooling around. Sehun's smile widened. Xiumin shook his head and sighed, speaking quietly so that only Sehun could hear him.

"Oh Sehun, what am I gonna do with you? Or should that be  _to_ you?" Sehun's breath hitched automatically at the low tone in his voice and suggestive words. Xiumin grinned and tilted his head. "Not so cocky now, are you?" 

The microwave beeped and a Xiumin took the popcorn out, emptying it into a bowl and throwing another bag in. He handed Sehun the bowl, giving him a smug expression before shooing him back into the living room. Sehun agreed it was probably best he got out of there before he popped a boner. That would be fun to explain to everyone. He joined the others in the midst of everyone rearranging their seats. Apparently no one wanted the seats closer to the TV because they were all arguing over the back couch. Sehun shrugged and sat down on the love seat. These movies weren't scary anyways. Who cares how close to the TV you were? 

"Ah, Sehun, apparently we are the only men amongst all these children." Kai sat down next to him and threw his arm around Sehun's shoulder.

"Surely these peasants should bow in the presence of such courage." 

"Yes, we will show them what a real man looks like." Kai grabbed a handful of popcorn from the bowl on Sehun's lap and threw a piece into the air, catching it in his mouth. Sehun high fived him and tried next but failed, the popcorn kernel hitting his nose and bouncing off instead. Kai laughed and held a piece up.

"You can't just try to throw it up, you have to try to catch it with your mouth. Like this." He threw up another piece and caught it, grinning as he chewed it.

"Yah, that's cause you've got a freaky huge mouth." He ducked his head to avoid Kai's hand.

"Hey, stop flirting and let's start the movie!" Kai grinned and pulled Sehun closer.

"Jealous much Baekhyun?" Baekhyun rolled his eyes and grabbed the remote, searching the list of PayPerView movies. Kai hadn't let go of Sehun yet and he cleared his throat, pulling out of Kai's embrace. 

"Oh, sorry." Kai let him go and scooted over, laughing awkwardly. 

It was then that Sehun noticed Xiumin standing at the back of the room, popcorn bowl in hand, frowning in his direction. Sehun scooted a bit further from Kai and leaned against the back of the couch, putting his hands in his lap. Xiumin sat down next to Luhan on the love seat across from his but he didn't look at Sehun. He put the bowl on the coffee table and turned to the TV as Baekhyun started the movie. 

Sehun had never noticed how often the members got close before him and Xiumin started... started doing whatever they were doing. It had never meant anything and everyone did it to everyone. It hadn't bothered him before but it was starting to. Him and Xiumin hadn't discussed anything about their relationship yet. Were they dating? He assumed that it was an exclusive thing, like they wouldn't do anything with other people. Did this stuff with his band mates count? Was he crossing a line?

Sehun was lost in thought as the movie began. He paid no attention to the beginning and was only brought back to the present when he felt Kai's finger tap his shoulder. He turned around and gave him a questioning look.

"Do you know why that creepy guy was in the garden?" Sehun shook his head at Kai.

"I wasn't paying attention," he whispered back. 

"Hey, stop talking. You're ruining the atmosphere!" D.O. threw a piece of popcorn at him from his seat at the couch.

"He was asking a question," Sehun hissed. He turned back to the TV and leaned forward, placing his chin on the armrest as he tried to understand what was going on. He really shouldn't have paid so little attention. He had no idea why the little girl was afraid to go into her bedroom or why the parents were fighting so much. 

About halfway through the little girl was playing by herself in the living room when the basement door creaked open. Curious, she got up and peered in. Stupid kid, Sehun thought. She's gonna get herself killed. It was pitch black and quiet and the girl took a step forward. Suddenly the sound of someone running up the stairs was heard and right as it got close to the girl the door slammed shut. Kai jumped so hard Sehun felt the cushions move. When Sehun turned back he saw Kai clutching his knees tight to his chest, eyes wide. Sehun chuckled to himself and turned back to the movie. 

The next time the 'spirit' made an appearance Kai buried his face into the couch behind him. Sehun turned around, poking his shoulder. Kai jumped and cursed as everyone laughed.

"Geez Kai, since when are you scared of horror movies?" 

"I'm not. I mean normally. Something about this movie is freaking me out." He eyed the TV warily, afraid something would pop out again. 

"Hey, what happened to being real men?" Sehun nudged Kai with his shoulder, teasing him. Kai swallowed and nodded, releasing his knees.

"Yeah. It's just a movie anyways. It's not so bad." He gave Sehun a small smile but the fear was still hiding in his eyes. 

Ten minutes later shit got real. The spirit had the family trapped and was possessing the little girl. Even Sehun had to admit it was unsettling. He chanced a glance at Xiumin to see him cowering against the back of the couch, hand half covering his eyes. Luhan was holding his other hand and sitting much too close to him for Sehun's liking. He pursed his lips and turned back to the TV right as the spirit contorted the girls face into this freaky scream. Kai shrieked and grabbed Sehun, burying his head into Sehun's neck and trapping Sehun's arms at his side. 

"Kai? I can't breathe," Sehun huffed out. Kai didn't let go of him. Sehun tried to look down but he couldn't see anything other than his hair. Kai sniffed and looked up but he didn't let go of Sehun. His face was inches from Sehun's and it was then that he noticed Kai's eyes were red.

"Kai? Are you okay?" Kai shook his head but didn't speak. "Hey, it's okay. It's gone now." Kai's face was white as a sheet. Sehun had never seen him so scared before. 

"I can't," he whispered. "I can't,  I can't, I can't." He kept repeating it in a whisper.

"Shhh, it's ok. It's fine. Let's go to the kitchen and get some water. We don't need to finish it."

The other members were watching but Sehun sent them a look to keep them quiet. Whatever was going on with Kai, he would hate if everyone fussed over him. Kai nodded and let go of Sehun enough for them to get up and Sehun led them to the kitchen. Kai held onto his arm like a lost puppy. Sehun could still hear the intense music as the movie drew to a close and decided maybe Kai's bedroom, away from the noise, would be better. He grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and pulled Kai down the hallway to his bedroom. He closed the door behind them and brought Kai over to the bed, sitting next to him. 

"What's wrong? I know you. A movie wouldn't scare you this bad." Kai shook his head, looking down at the ground.

"It's not the movie..." His shoulders were shaking and Sehun was getting seriously worried. He leaned in, rubbing Kai's back.

"Then what is it?" Kai shook his head again, more vigorously. 

"No, I can't." 

"You can talk to me Kai. Please, I'm getting worried." He tried to push Kai's bangs out of his eyes but the other boy flinched, pulling his head away. Sehun paused, unsure of what to do. Kai's voice was so quiet he almost didn't hear him when he spoke.

"You wouldn't believe me anyways."

"I would. I promise I would." He grabbed Kai's hand and squeezed it reassuringly. He waited in silence for Kai to continue. When he finally spoke his voice was rough.

"When I was young my family moved around a lot. We didn't spend very long in one place for a couple years. We moved into this one old house-" He sniffled and wiped a sleeve across his face and took a deep breath before he continued.

"This house was old. Like 100 years or something. My mom thought it was one of the most beautiful houses she'd ever seen and my dad bought it on the spot for her. We moved in and everything was fine for like two weeks. Then I started having these dreams... Awful dreams, every night like clockwork. I couldn't remember what they were, I would just wake up screaming, feeling more terrified than I ever had. Nothing my parents did could stop it. I started falling asleep at school during class. The school was worried so they called my parents. They decided to bring me to the hospital and to observe me over night." It was like once Kai started the dam broke and he couldn't stop. Sehun just listened.

"They put all these wires on my head and strapped on this thing to monitor brain waves and stuff. They were gonna see which areas of my brain lit up when I had one of the nightmares. They told me to just go to sleep so I did but I slept through the whole night without a nightmare. It was the first time in two weeks since they started. My parents were happy. They thought it was over. The doctor said it was probably psychological and to take me home but to come back if it happened again." Kai was staring at the wall but his eyes were far away. He didn't speak again for a while, chewing his lip.

"Did it?" Kai grimaced, hand running across his arm.

"Worse than before. After that I could _remember_ them." He shuddered and shook his head again, taking a deep breath. "That face... It was like the face I saw. Every night. They brought me back to the doctor but I never had a nightmare at the hospital. I never had them anywhere but at that house. I began begging my parents to leave me at the hospital for night. That's when we decided to move again. We packed up and stayed in a hotel until we found another house." 

Sehun didn't know what to say. He'd known Kai for years and he had never once mentioned this. 

"Why haven't you ever talked about this before?" 

"Because I worked very hard to forget it," Kai exhaled. "When I talk about it... They don't come back, not the same at least, but when I talk about it I see that face again in my dreams. It's more like a memory, like when you see something bad and dream about it. The only reason I told you was because I already know I'm gonna dream about it again tonight anyway. I just wanted somebody to know in case... I don't know. Just in case." He swallowed and met Sehun's eyes. "Do you think I'm crazy?"

"Of course not," Sehun replied softly. "You're not crazy Kai. Weird shit happens all the time, all over the world; weirder shit than this. I believe you." Kai sighed in relief, closing his eyes. 

"Thank you. You're the first person. To believe me, I mean, other than my family," he said as he exhaled again. 

"So you're gonna... see it again tonight?" Kai nodded, falling back on his bed and putting his arms behind his head.

"Pretty sure. I'm normally pretty good at guessing whether or not it will happen. I guess you could say I've got it down to a science," He laughed bitterly.

"Is there anything I can do? Any way to stop it?" Kai shook his head.

"No, if it's coming it's coming. Just gotta get through tonight. If I'm lucky we'll be so busy the next couple days I'll forget."

"I don't accept that." Kai turned to Sehun, expression grim.

"Neither did I. I've tried everything, Sehun. Nothings worked."

"Have you ever tried sleeping with someone?" Kai blinked at him, eyebrow up and Sehun blushed. "I meant like someone sleeping next to you so you're not alone. Get your mind out of the gutter!" Kai managed a half smile and sighed. 

"No but I doubt that would help."

"You don't know until you try. So that's settled. D.O. can sleep in my room tonight. I'm staying in here with you." Kai turned to him,  his face a mixture between shock and curiosity. 

"You'd do that?" Sehun rolled his eyes and fell back on the bed next to Kai, turning to him and grinning.

"Of course. We can talk about girls and have pillow fights and relay all the hottest gossip." He fluttered his eyelashes and Kai laughed. 

"Okay, sounds like a plan. But, uh... I don't want everyone else to know about what I told you."

"These lips are sealed." Sehun locked them shut and threw away the key. Kai rolled his eyes but smiled none the less.

There was a knock at the door then. Kai wiped his eyes one last time, cleared his throat and called them in. The door opened and D.O. popped his head in hesitantly.

"Sorry, just we we're ordering food and wanted to know what you wanted." Kai immediately shouted chicken and D.O. rolled his eyes. "Sehun?"

"Whatever, I don't care so long as there's lots of it." D.O. nodded and turned to leave when Sehun called him back. "Wait." He nodded to Kai and got up, shooing D.O. into the hallway. He shut the door behind him and pulled his confused band mate to the end of the hall, away from the living room.

"So, I wanna switch rooms tonight."

"With me?" He shot Sehun a questioning look.

"Yes. I can't talk about it but basically I need to be in there tonight. Just trust me. I promised not to say anything so I can't explain any further." D.O.'s brow furrowed.

"Is he okay?"

"Sort of but that's not the point. He doesn't wanna talk about it so don't mention anything. So will you switch?" D.O. shrugged.

"I guess. What do I tell everyone else?"

"Nothing. Just tell them Kai's fine and not to bring it up. Don't act weird either. If you guys do it'll make things worse for him. Let's just forget it and eat supper." He nodded at Sehun and left. Sehun went back to Kai's room and grinned.

"Everything's all set. Let's have a sleepover!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by SHINee.


	19. Playboy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin goes for round two and Sehun makes a startling revelation.

To say Xiumin was upset was an understatement. 

He had managed to have a moment alone together in his room under the guise of changing his bandage. When he'd explained the plan to Xiumin he'd been met with an incredulous expression.

"You're going to spend the night with Kai?"

"Not like that! He just needs somebody tonight." 

"And you have to be that 'somebody'?" Xiumin frowned, furrowing his eyebrows as he finished wrapping a new bandage around Sehun's wrist.

"Kind of. Look, I can't really explain," Sehun sighed, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "He just needs a friend."

"Why can't D.O. be that friend?" 

"Because D.O. doesn't know what I do. Kai opened up to me so obviously he trusts me. I can't leave him alone tonight. I just can't."

Xiumin sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the wall. Sehun knew he was upset by this but he couldn't just leave Kai to fend for himself. Kai had trusted him and he wasn't about to ruin that by backing out now.

"I don't like this," Xiumin stated as he met Sehun's eyes. He shook his head and looked down at his feet.  "I know you're just trying to be there for him but I don't like you two being alone together for night. I hate myself for saying it. I know it's selfish. It's stupid." He kicked at the ground before walking forward, pacing as his hand rubbed the back of his neck. Sehun reached out and grabbed his arm, stopping him as he closed the distance. 

"You don't have to worry," he said as he leaned down, nuzzling his nose into Xiumin's hair. "I'm just his friend, nothing else." Xiumin leaned into him, arms wrapping around Sehun's waist.

"We were just friends too," he mumbled into Sehun's chest. Sehun chuckled and pulled back, staring into Xiumin's eyes.

"We're not anymore though. You trust me, right?" He leaned in, capturing Xiumin's lips in his as he kissed him passionately.

Xiumin responded immediately, pulling Sehun tighter to him as their mouths moved. His fingers ran over Sehun's lower back as his other hand trailed up to wrap around Sehun's neck. He held him tight, molding their bodies together like he was afraid Sehun would push him away. As if that would ever be possible. Sehun melted against him, hand gripping his shoulder as Xiumin's tongue teased at his mouth. How could he ever want anything else?

Xiumin broke away first. He gazed at Sehun with eyes so intense he was sure he would buckle beneath the weight of them. As it was, he was spared the embarrassment as Xiumin pushed him back onto the bed before his knees could actually give way. His breath caught in his throat as he stared up at Xiumin. He was looking at Sehun like he was afraid to lose him, worry hidden behind his calculating eyes.

"Xiumin-" He was silenced as the older boy held up a finger. His hands went to his shirt, slowly undoing the top button. Sehun swallowed, his train of thought suddenly derailing. Xiumin's fingers moved gracefully as he went from button to button, a trail of skin showing between the white fabric. Sehun's mouth was practically watering at the sight and he licked his lips. He wanted to reach out and touch that skin, feel it smooth beneath his fingers. Xiumin undid the last button, eyes glued to Sehun as he did. His shirt hung open, his abs catching the light as he advanced. He stood between Sehun's legs, eyes raking over his still clothed form on the bed.

Sehun gulped as he leaned down, placing his knee between Sehun's thighs as he crawled on top of him. He held himself up, watching Sehun with a hungry expression. Sehun didn't move, frozen beneath his gaze. Xiumin's eyes were different. If Sehun had the breath in him to curse he would because holy fuck, the look Xiumin was giving him was so hot Sehun could feel his cock stiffen in his pants.

Xiumin leaned back, sitting on his pelvis and Sehun groaned. Slowly, tortuously, his hands moved down to Sehun's waist, sliding beneath his sweater and pulling it up to his chest. Sehun's breath was heavy and he watched in anticipation as Xiumin leaned forward, tongue sliding across his skin as his hips pushed back into Sehun. He moaned, pushing back against him as Xiumin's tongue slid across his chest. 

He licked a trail around his nipple, sucking the skin next to it into his mouth softly. Sehun moaned and thrust into him, eyes screwed shut. Xiumin's mouth felt so good on him. His hand slid beneath Xiumin's shirt, pulling him closer as Xiumin's tongue flicked his nipple. His hips thrust forward reflexively as Xiumin circled his nub before he pulled it into his mouth. He sucked it, tongue darting out and making Sehun shudder. 

Xiumin's hips ground sensually into his as he teased Sehun. He bit Sehun's nipple playfully and grinned against his skin when Sehun whined. Sehun's hand clawed at Xiumin's back, urging him up. Xiumin complied, kissing and sucking his way up across Sehun's skin. His breath was hot against him as his mouth moved up, nibbling on his earlobe and Sehun shuddered.

"You taste so good," Xiumin mused as his tongue slid down his jawbone. Sehun bit his lip, rocking up into Xiumin while he mouthed against Sehun's jaw.

"Please," he whimpered, tugging on Xiumin's shirt. He groaned in frustration when Xiumin lifted his hips, one hand coming down to hold Sehun down as he continued torturing him.

"Please what?" Xiumin's tongue ran across his neck and he gasped.

"Xiumin, please. Fuck, touch me, please." He struggled against Xiumin's hand, hips bucking up. Xiumin chuckled, warm breath ghosting against him as his hand slid down.

"Well, since you asked so nicely." His palm grazed Sehun's erection and he moaned, pushing up into him. 

"Fuck," Sehun groaned, hand sliding down Xiumin's back to his waist. His hand slid down to Xiumin's ass, pulling him down roughly. He thrust up into Xiumin's hand shamelessly, whimpering into Xiumin's ear. Xiumin rolled his head back as he looked down at him, eyes hungry.

"What do you want, Sehun? Tell me," He licked his lips as he palmed Sehun through his jeans. 

"Fuck me, please Xiumin." He cursed when Xiumin pushed his hips forward, forcing his hand down hard against Sehun. He reached down and undid his belt, bucking against Xiumin as he hastily pulled his jeans off. Xiumin groaned and leaned back, helping him tear of his jeans. 

He got up, making short work of his own pants before fumbling through his drawer for a condom and lube. Standing there in nothing but an open dress shirt, he looked absolutely delicious and Sehun couldn't stop himself as he got up, coming up behind him and wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Fuck you're hot," Sehun whispered as he kissed at Xiumin's neck. Xiumin groaned, hand coming up to grip Sehun's forearm as he kissed down to his shoulder blade. He bit down on the collar of Xiumin's shirt and pulled down, exposing his smooth skin. He growled and grabbed the sleeves, pulling them down as he mouthed at Xiumin's back. His tongue ran across the smooth muscles as he reached forward, fisiting Xiumin's cock. He moaned and bucked forward, head rolling back against Sehun's shoulder. 

Sehun whipped him around as he claimed Xiumin's mouth hungrily. He ran his tongue across Xiumin's lips, nipping at them before he pulled back. He pushed Xiumin back against the bed and crawled on top of him, overcome with want. Xiumin groaned into him and pulled Sehun closer, fingers intertwining into his hair as his other hand kneaded against Sehun's ass. He flipped Sehun over so that he was on top of him and kissed him hard, tongue swirling inside his mouth. 

"You're so fucking amazing," he breathed as he pulled away, eyes trailing down Sehun's half naked body. His fingers trailed across Sehun's hips and he whimpered, gripping at Xiumin's hair. 

"Please," his hand flew down to Xiumin's cock, wrapping around it. "I don't wanna wait anymore." Xiumin bit his lip as he rocked into Sehun's hand. He bowed his head and they locked eyes. Xiumin's hand came down and pulled Sehun's away as he sat up. He grabbed the bottle of lube and opened it, squirting some into his hand. 

Sehun's stomach knotted in anticipation as Xiumin rubbed it over his fingers, eyeing Sehun the whole time. He grabbed Sehun's hips and pulled him to the edge of the bed, spreading his legs over his shoulders. 

"Shit," Sehun muttered as Xiumin's finger brushed against his opening. He pushed in slowly, watching Sehun's reactions. He wasn't met with as much resistance as yesterday and easily fit a whole finger in, kissing along Sehun's thigh as he did so. 

"That's good baby, you're doing so well." He placed a second finger at the entrance, giving Sehun a chance to prepare as he pushed in. Sehun gasped, fingers gripping the sheets as he adjusted. Xiumin swirled the fingers around, stretching him open slowly. 

It didn't take Sehun long to relax and then Xiumin brushed against  _that_ spot and he gasped, back arching off the bed. He ground back against Xiumin's hand as he added a third finger. His eyes rolled back into his head as Xiumin's finger rubbed against him and he bit his lip to supress a moan. 

"I don't think you're gonna be able to keep quiet baby. If you can't keep quiet we have to stop." He pushed his fingers into that spot again and Sehun groaned, fingers gripping the bed so tightly they were white.

"Please," he whimpered, pushing back against Xiumin's fingers. He felt Xiumin chuckle against his thigh before moving up to stand above him, fingers still thrusting into Sehun. 

"You need to stay quiet, okay? Do you trust me?" Sehun whimpered and nodded, thrusting back against him. Xiumin reached down and grabbed his shirt, folding it lazily in one hand before holding it above him. 

"Open your mouth," he instructed. Sehun did so without hesitation and Xiumin shoved the material into his mouth. He groaned again as Xiumin hit that spot, sound muffled through the fabric.

"That's good baby." Xiumin leaned down to kiss his forehead before he pulled his fingers out. "Are you ready?"

Sehun nodded and sat up, watching as Xiumin rolled a condom on. His mind felt hazy with lust and he grew impatient as Xiumin drizzled the lube onto his cock. Sehun reached out and rubbed it across Xiumin's cock hastily, reveling in the grunt he received. Once Xiumin was slicked up he pulled him down, eager to feel him inside him. 

Xiumin's hand was beside his head as he steadied himself, lining up with Sehun's entrance. He moved too slowly and Sehun groaned, pushing back against him. He gasped as his head slipped inside Sehun, the tight hole squeezing around him.

"Shit Sehun, slow down." Sehun closed his eyes and waited as Xiumin adjusted, pushing in farther. It only stung for a little and then Sehun was moaning as Xiumin stretched him open. He pushed back into him, relishing the way Xiumin moaned into his neck. His legs came up to wrap around Xiumin's waist and he pulled him in deeper.

"For fucks sake, Sehun," he groaned as he seated himself all the way inside of Sehun. He pulled back slowly before thrusting forward, mouthing against Sehun's neck. Sehun arched into him, hips snapping impatiently as he quickened the pace. His hand raked across Xiumin's back, nails digging into him as he pulled Xiumin closer.

Xiumin cursed against him and thrust forward quickly, driving his hips into Sehun. His moans were swallowed by Xiumin's shirt. If the first time was good, this was definitely amazing. He locked his ankles around Xiumin's waist as he urged him deeper, grunting into his makeshift gag. Xiumin's head came down to Sehun's chest as he kissed him lightly. Sehun could feel Xiumin's legs shaking as he barreled into him. His placed his hand on Xiumin's chest, pushing back lightly to stop him. Xiumin stopped immediately, pulling out of him and Sehun whined. That's not what he wanted. Xiumin eyed him worriedly, biting his lip.

"Did I hurt you?" Sehun shook his head and sat back, pulling Xiumin onto the bed. Xiumin allowed himself to be pulled, watching Sehun curiously as he pulled the shirt out of his mouth.

"No," he breathed before pulling him in for a sloppy kiss. He pulled away, glancing down at Xiumin's cock and licked his lips. He looked back up, Xiumin watching him with a mix of hunger and curiosity. He turned around on his knees as he held himself up awkwardly, ass in the air. He heard Xiumin groan and Sehun turned back, lip between his teeth.

"Fuck me, hyung." Xiumin groaned and moved forward, lining himself up with Sehun's entrance and thrusted in quickly. Sehun half gasped, arching back as Xiumin shoved the shirt back into his mouth. Xiumin fucked him hard, one hand gripping his hips as the other lay flat on his back. Sehun shuddered, his arm shaking with the force of Xiumin's thrusts. He fell forward, head resting on the bed and his knees shook. The change in angle had Xiumin thrusting against his prostate and he gasped into the shirt, hips jerking back automatically.

"Fuck, you like that don't you?" Sehun moaned into his gag and Xiumin sped up, thighs slapping against him as he fucked him. Sehun whimpered, pushing his hips back to meet Xiumin's thrusts. His hand gripped the sheet next to him tightly as Xiumin pounded into him, hitting his prostate relentlessly. Fuck, he was getting close.

"You're so good Sehun. Your ass fits me perfectly. Fuck." He thrust faster and Sehun jerked back against him, breath coming short as he neared his orgasm. He reached down to fist his cock but Xiumin smacked his hand away. His fingers wrapped around Sehun as he leaned forward, breath hot on Sehun neck.

"Mmm, are you close? Then cum for me Sehun." He bit Sehun's shoulder as he thrust forward and Sehun's eyes fluttered closed. His hips pumped quickly into Xiumin's hand as he rocked against Sehun's prostate and if it weren't for Xiumin's shirt he probably would have screamed loud enough for the whole dorm to hear him. He came hard in Xiumin's hand, spraying the sheet with spurts of cum as Xiumin stiffened against him. He thrust forward hard, hitting Sehun's prostate one last time and stars danced in his eyes as Xiumin bit down on his neck, groaning his release.

Sehun slumped forward, knees buckling beneath him and closed his eyes. Xiumin rested above him, arm holding him from crushing Sehun as he slowly pulled out. Sehun groaned and Xiumin kissed his back softly before he nuzzled into Sehun's hair, kissing him sweetly.

"I don't know how you do it," he muttered against Sehun's skin before he rolled over, yanking the condom off and throwing it into the trash can. Sehun opened his mouth, dropping the shirt next to him on the bed.

"Do what," he murmured, face half buried in Xiumin's pillow. He felt the bed dip as Xiumin got up but Sehun was too lazy to open his eyes. 

"Make me lose all restraint. It's frightening." His voice was close and a second later the bed dipped again as Xiumin crawled in next to him. He rolled Sehun gently onto his back and wiped something across his stomach. 

"Dunno, don't try," he responded, yawning as he opened his eyes a crack. Xiumin loomed over him, chuckling as he wiped the cum off of Sehun's stomach.

"I know. That's why it's frightening," he grinned down at him. His skin was flushed and there was a sheen of sweat across his body. Sehun's eyes followed it down to his lean torso and back up. His hair was sticking out messily, clumped together with sweat and his cheeks were tinged pink.

"Hmm, you look good," Sehun muttered, closing his eyes again as Xiumin wiped the last bit of his stomach clean. He heard Xiumin chuckle as he lay down next to Sehun.

"You only think that because you can't see how good you look right now," he said as he pulled Sehun to his chest. Sehun shimmied into his arms, wincing a little at how sore he felt.

"Don't even start," Sehun warned, opening his eyes to see Xiumin's mouth frozen open. "I'm not in the mood for the "guilty because you're hurt" thing. It's normal to be sore after mind-blowingly awesome sex so drop it." Xiumin closed his mouth, laughing under his breath as he pulled Sehun closer.

"How would you know what's normal after sex? You've only done it twice," he teased. 

"Because it's common sense to be sore when someone fucks you so hard you see stars." He grinned at the blush spreading across Xiumin's cheeks and leaned up to kiss him.

It was a languid kiss, Sehun too tired for anything else. He sighed contently against Xiumin's lips, hints of blueberry making their way into his mouth.

"I have to go." Xiumin frowned when he pulled away but didn't stop him as he got up.

"I know," he sighed as he sat up. "I wish you didn't have to though." Sehun smiled as he pulled his pants up, doing them up pretty quickly considering he could only use one hand.

"I'm sorry but Kai needs me." Xiumin sighed and nodded, getting off the bed.

"I know." Xiumin grabbed his clothes off the floor, blushing when Sehun's eyes lingered on his ass as he bent over. Sehun smirked and leaned over, pecking Xiumin's cheek before straightening his hair in the mirror.

"Maybe we'll get lucky and room together for the tour." Sehun's eyes lit up at the possibilities. Him and Xiumin alone in a room with a bed and shower, no reason to leave all night and no reason to be disturbed. Xiumin chuckled and snapped his fingers, breaking Sehun's daze.

"I'm pretty sure I know  _exactly_ what you were thinking and I will thank whatever powers above if that actually happens but even if we don't room together we'll figure it out." He came up behind Sehun, craning on his tiptoes so he could rest his chin on Sehun's shoulder as he wrapped his arms around him. He looked adorably small and nothing like the guy who'd just whispered debauching things to him in the throes of passion. Sehun grinned at him through the mirror.

"Well we can always  _hope..._ " He trailed off, quirking his eyebrow up and Xiumin laughed. 

"Well either way I'm just glad you're coming with for the tour. Not so happy you're performing though."

"About that," Sehun said as he turned around to look down at Xiumin. "We need to be careful. You can't act like you care so much around everyone." Xiumin frowned, pulling Sehun tighter.

"But I do care."

"That's not the point. If they find out I don't even wanna think about what would happen." He sighed, resting his cheek on Xiumin's head. 

"Hey," Xiumin said as he shrugged Sehun's cheek off to meet his eyes. "Don't worry. I'll be more careful so relax. Just do me a favor and try not to get yourself into any situations that will make me wanna jump in to protect you." He smirked playfully at him and Sehun blushed.

"You make me sound like a damsel in distress," he mumbled, lips pouting. 

"Well if you're the damsel then I guess I'm the knight," he muzed, nuzzling Sehun's jaw up and placing a soft kiss on his neck. Sehun's stomach fluttered as he smiled weakly back. _Shit, get it together Sehun_ , he thought. He's just joking, there's no need for your heart to speed up like this. 

"I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow morning, Kay?" He pulled out of Xiumin's arms, hesitating before quickly pecking Xiumin's cheek. He left quickly, afraid Xiumin would question him otherwise. When he was in the hall he sighed, leaning against the wall as he shook his head. 

It's not like he enjoyed being compared to a girl but the connotations of Xiumin being his 'knight' weren't bad. They still hadn't talked about what they 'were' yet. Sehun was too nervous to bring it up. He knew Xiumin cared but that didn't mean he wanted to be Sehun's  _boyfriend._ They were band mates after all; of course Xiumin cared about him. That didn't mean he was in love with Sehun too.

"Shit," Sehun cursed.

He was in love with Xiumin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Exo.


	20. I'm a Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy's Law seems to apply specifically to Sehun.

Sehun's head was still reeling when he entered Kai's room, pillow and pajamas in hand. Kai was sitting on his bed, knee bouncing up and down as he chewed at his finger nail. He jumped when the door opened, blushing at Sehun in embarrassment.

"I wasn't sure if you'd really come," he said sheepishly as he stared at his feet. Sehun tossed his stuff onto D.O.'s empty bed before joining Kai on his.

"Such little faith." Sehun grinned, pushing his internal freak out to the back of his mind. He had plenty of time to sort though his thoughts tomorrow; tonight he needed to support Kai. 

"Well I really appreciate it," Kai said as he rubbed the back of his head. "I feel stupid. This is silly."

"Nah, it's not. I'm glad you were honest with me." Sehun put his hand on Kai's knee and gave his best reassuring smile. Kai grinned, staring back at his feet when he started to blush. Sehun decided it was time to start cheering him up.

"So," Sehun began as he got up. "What's the plan? I've never done a 'stop a nightmare' sleepover before. What should we do?" 

Kai bit his lip, taking a deep breath before releasing it slowly.

"Neither have I. I don't know what to do either." Sehun nodded as he grabbed his pajama pants.

"So I guess we just, I don't know, hang out?" Kai nodded stiffly, turning away as Sehun began changing. It still took him a bit longer than it used to but he was getting the hang of using one hand. He snapped the waistband of his bottoms and grinned when Kai jumped. 

"You're jumpy tonight. Don't worry, I'll keep you so preoccupied you won't even have a chance to think about the dream." Kai nodded and swallowed, eyes lingering on him for a moment before quickly looking away as Sehun began pulling his shirt off. 

He preferred sleeping in a tank top most of the time since he always got so hot at night. Plus it was easier to put on with his wrist so that was a bonus. As he was pulling it on, though, the hem snagged on his brace. He cursed, fumbling to fix it despite the material covering his face. He winced when his hand knocked against his wrist. He heard a sharp intake of breath from Kai before the sound of footsteps stopped in front of him.

"Are you okay?" Kai was right in front of him now.

"Stupid shirt. It's snagged on my brace." He waited for a response. After a couple seconds he sighed. "Are you gonna help me get it off?" 

"Uh, yeah! Sorry." He felt Kai's fingers against his arm as he unhooked the fabric, sliding it back until it was clear of the brace. Sehun flexed his shoulders, pulling the tank top down to free his face. Kai was watching him, breath held as Sehun pulled the shirt all the way down.

"Kai," Sehun said as he sighed. "I'm fine."

Kai blinked and shook his head, stepping back, giving his signature smirk as he did so.

"Yeah, okay. Sorry." He blushed and bit his lip, turning away to kick at the ground.

"Seriously Kai. Besides, tonight is about making you feel better." He threw his arm around Kai's shoulder, nudging him with his hip. Kai chuckled, shaking his head.

"Whatever you say." When he didn't say anything else Sehun cleared his throat, stepping forward to the middle of the room. 

"So, let's get this party started?"

 

* * *

 

Sehun wasn't sure what to do to entertain Kai enough for him to forget about the nightmares. He figured it was better safe than sorry, though, so he pulled out all the stops. 

They watched funny YouTube videos together, laying on the bed and laughing at all the stupid fail videos they found. They started watching a show but Kai kept fidgeting next to him and Sehun quickly changed the activity. If Kai was bored enough to fidget then Sehun wasn't doing his job right. 

They played Kai's latest computer game, working together to blow up aliens. Sehun held half the controller and moved their character while Kai did all of the shooting. It was awkward and hard to control but by the end Kai was laughing and his smile reached his eyes so Sehun considered it a success.

"Shit," Sehun said, noticing the time. "We're gonna have to go to bed. I'm guessing tomorrow is gonna be a nightmare." Kai sighed and nodded, crawling into his bed.

"Probably." He rubbed his eyes, groaning.

"I guess worse for you since you have to help rework the choreography. All the better reason for you to get a good night's rest!" Kai chuckled as he settled himself beneath his covers.

"Are you filming a CF for sleep medicine?"

"Yes. Oh Sehun brand sleep aids! For when nothing else works!" He gave him a cheesy grin and a thumbs up as he climbed into his own bed. Kai burst into laughter, turning towards Sehun as he held his side.

"You night wanna try a different slogan," he spoke, eyes crinkling at the corners. Sehun smiled, glad to see Kai lightening up. Tonight had gone pretty well in in his opinion. 

"I'll remember that when I go public." He smirked and lay down, reaching over to turn the lamp off. He fumbled with the switch since it was different then the one in his room. He turned it the other way and the room went dark, the only light filtering through the blinds of the one small window. 

He got comfortable, squirming a bit to find the right position. D.O. was much shorter than him and that translated into the slight groove in the mattress from the older boy. Eventually he ended up laying on his back, hands on his chest.

He missed being able to sleep on his left side. During the night he would normally switch sides a lot. If he lay on one side too long it began to feel uncomfortable. With his wrist. Lately he had been limited to sleeping on his back or, if he was careful, his right side. 

"Sehun?" Kai's voice was soft in the dark room and he blinked, eyes adjusting as he stared at the dark silhouette across from him.

"Yeah?" He waited for Kai to speak. For a while all he heard was the older boy's breathing and Sehun wondered if he'd fallen asleep. When he finally spoke Sehun had to lift his head off the pillow and tilt it to catch what he said.

"I'm scared." He heard the older boy swallow from across the room, breath coming out shakily. He got up wordlessly as he crossed the room, sitting down on the edge of Kai's bed. He felt more than saw, although his eyesight was beginning to adjust to the dark, Kai staring at him wide eyes. He placed his arm on Kai's, squeezing reassuringly.

"It's okay. Do you want me to stay here until you fall asleep?" Kai shook his head, light catching his eyes as he did so.

"You need to sleep too. You need rest more than I do."

"Don't be ridiculous," Sehun scoffed. "You're working with the managers to rework the choreography. I'll barely have to do anything."

"But you need rest to recover regardless," Kai insisted. Sehun sighed, looking down at the dark figure beneath him.

"Then what should I do? I don't want to leave you by yourself." He waited in silence until Kai finally spoke, voice unsure.

"Would you... I mean, can you just lie here, with me?" Kai swallowed audibly, arms tense beneath Sehun.

He bit his lip, debating. He wouldn't have thought twice about complying before if it meant making his hyung feel better. It's not like it meant anything, after all. It was just comforting a friend. 

Things how they were with Xiumin changed that. Even though he knew he wasn't doing anything wrong he felt guilty. Xiumin would be unhappy if he spent the night with someone else, even if it was just sleeping in the same bed. 

But could he really say no? Kai was laying there, so vulnerable in front of Sehun. He'd shared something so personal with him; something he hadn't told anyone else. He obviously trusted Sehun deeply. He couldn't just disregard that trust because Xiumin would be a little jealous. He wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Okay. If it will help I'll sleep here. Hold on." Sehun got up and grabbed his pillow off of the other bed, placing it next to Kai's. Kai watched him nervously, gnawing on his lip as he watched over the covers.

"You'll have to move over if you expect me to fit on there," he joked as he nudged Kai's arm with his finger. Kai scurried over pressing himself to the wall as Sehun slid into the bed. 

It was a tight squeeze, their shoulders pressed to each other as Sehun pulled the blanket to his chest. He felt Kai hold his breath next to him, chest unmoving as he stared straight up.

"Is this okay?" Kai nodded at Sehun, exhaling before he spoke.

"It's fine." He shifted, pushing himself further to the wall.

Sehun lay his arm across his stomach to avoid hitting it accidentally. They lay in silence for a while, neither speaking. Sehun wasn't sure what Kai was thinking but he could still feel him tense beside him. He thought over the best way to approach the subject, deciding to forgo humor and take a more serious path.

"Are you okay? Are you still scared?" Kai's arm flexed against his, an audible gulp escaping the boy.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Maybe. I don't know. It's been years. I don't think I can deal with it again. I thought it was over."

Sehun rolled over, watching Kai with concerned eyes. Through the dim light he could see Kai clenching his teeth, adams apple bobbing as if he was trying to swallow back the fear.

Sehun couldn't stand seeing Kai this way. He was normally so confident. Sure, he still got shy sometimes or was uncomfortable in certain situations but he always retained an aura of being relatively calm and collected. He didn't look like that now. He was slightly pale, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead. 

"Hey, relax. I'm here. You're not alone." He leaned in, resting his head next to Kai's in a show of support. Kai exhaled, chest rising and falling slowly as he steadied his breathing.

"I know. I just..."

"You don't have to say it. Just close your eyes and relax. I'll be right here if you need me."

"Okay." Kai closed his eyes, continuing his deep breaths to calm himself.

Sehun kept one eye open to stay awake despite the exhaustion wearing at him. He refused to go to sleep before Kai in case the older boy needed him. He waited patiently as Kai's breath slowed, body relaxing against Sehun's. Eventually his breaths became deeper, a familiar whistling noise from his throat signaling he was finally asleep.

Sehun sighed in relief, carefully rolling onto his back so as to not wake Kai. It was late and Sehun knew he should also be falling asleep but his thoughts felt heavier than his eyelids. 

So much had happened today, going along with the recurring theme in his life lately. Days seemed to last much longer recently. His life was turning into a drama. It was ridiculous. Life used to be so easy. Perform, practice, do whatever activities the company had planned for them. It was cut and dry. Ever since the night he'd first kissed Xiumin his routine had exploded to pieces in front of him. He was going to get old before his time if this kept up.

And now he was pretty sure he was in love with Xiumin. 

Fuck.

It's not that he was appalled by the idea. The opposite. He very much liked the idea of being with Xiumin in an actual relationship. He genuinely enjoyed his company and missed him when he was gone. Xiumin wasn't the type to speak a lot but somehow he perfectly filled the silence when they were together, whether with a soft touch or a quiet chuckle. Despite Sehun naturally being a bit loud and boisterous, he felt calm in the older boy's presence. It felt like a dream he was afraid to wake from. He could hardly believe it was real. 

Xiumin wanted him.  _Him,_ of all people. This absolutely amazing and perfect human being actually decided Sehun was good enough for him. Somehow he'd managed to make his way, however small, into Xiumin's heart. 

He should probably feel afraid. Love was scary, the one thing that could break people beyond anything else. Allowing someone into your heart, letting them past the walls you build to defend yourself; that was the bravest thing you could do. Maybe it was because he'd never been hurt that way before that he was so willing. How could he be afraid of something he'd never experienced? 

Besides, he couldn't even imagine Xiumin hurting him. He never felt anything less than safe with him. He could be free with Xiumin. He always knew the right thing to say to make Sehun smile or feel better. It was like he was tuned into Sehun's wavelength, picking up his signals as he thought them. 

Geez, what was happening to him? He'd never been a sappy person. He'd cringed at the over done scenes of dramas and never understood the feeling behind romantic ballads. Never the less, here he was, heart fluttering as the thought of Xiumin as slow songs played in his head. 

He sighed, exhaling heavily as he cleared his mind. He needed to sleep. He wasn't quite sure what to do with today's sudden revelation but that was a problem for another day. Right now he would just settle for sleep.

 

* * *

 

He woke to a shivering Kai, body jerking as he mumbled fearfully. His eyes twitched beneath his lids, darting back and forth as his body shook. Sehun instinctively reached out, wrapping his arm around Kai as he hushed him.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's just a dream Kai. Wake up."

Kai thrashed beneath him, arms struggling to break free as if Sehun was the thing of his nightmares. Sehun winced as his wrist was jarred but he grit his teeth, holding Kai tighter as he spoke to him. 

"Kai, it's me. You're okay. It's just a dream." He repeated these words over and over, speaking softly to Kai as he attempted to relax him. Kai whimpered beneath him, chest shuddering as he began to sob. Sehun propped himself up, pulling Kai to his chest as he softly stroked his hair. His wrist was throbbing but he bit his lip, holding back the pain as he attended to Kai.

"Shhh. I'm here, Kai. It's okay. Just relax." He held Kai tightly to his chest, ignoring the tears leaking against him as Kai cried into him. He was awake now, fingers knotting into Sehun's shirt as his shoulders wracked from the weight of his sobs. Sehun whispered softly to him, shushing him and reminding him where he was.

"She- She- was there and I couldn't- she wouldn't let me- I tried" Kai blubbered unintelligibly through his sobs, gripping Sehun tightly.

"She's gone now, okay? It's just us now, just us." He rubbed Kai's head slowly with his injured arm as the other held him close, stroking his back. Kai buried his face into Sehun's chest as he let loose. Sehun continued whispering softly as Kai cried, comforting him as his body began to still and his sobs turned to deep breaths.

"There, see? You're okay." Kai shuddered against him, hiccuping as he tried to calm his breathing. 

"She... She..." Sehun shushed him, holding him tighter. His wrist was on fire but he ignored it, focusing on Kai instead.

"She can't hurt you here. It's okay." Kai sniffled against him, breath slowly evening. Sehun kept his arms around Kai, pushing the pain away. His wrist mattered little to him when Kai was so broken. He wouldn't let go until he was 100% certain Kai was okay.

"Go to sleep Kai. I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you." 

Kai whimpered, drawing closer to Sehun's chest as his leg wrapped around Sehun's. He held onto him tightly, shaking against the younger boy. Sehun kept rubbing his back in small circles as he hummed into Kai's hair.

Eventually Kai stopped shaking, body stilling against Sehun's as he relaxed. His breath slowed and soon he was asleep again, head resting on Sehun's chest.

Sehun waited a couple minutes to make sure he was really asleep before he carefully slid his arm out from underneath Kai. Gingerly laying him down back onto his pillow, Sehun got up. He snuck out quietly and made his way to the bathroom. 

Once inside and the door was locked he sighed, holding his wrist to his chest. It was throbbing in pain. He walked to the mirror and undid the straps of his brace before slowly sliding it off. There was a bright red spot forming under his bandage.

He pulled the tape off and peeked beneath the bandage, grimacing at the blood flowing there. He swallowed and pulled the bandage off. He took the first aid box out of the drawer and fumbled through it.

He eyed his wrist warily, realizing his fears had been true. The stitches had opened partially, explaining the amount of blood. It was streaming down his arm, dripping into the sink. He cursed to himself as he yanked some toilet paper off the roll, holding it against his skin. He held it there for a couple minutes, switching for a fresh bunch when the first became soaked.

The bleeding wasn't stopping despite him holding pressure against his wrist. He bit his lip, debating what to do. If he went and woke Suho he would no doubt rush Sehun to the emergency room, effectively ruining his chance of performing with them on tour. On the other hand if he ignored it he could cause serious damage to his wrist which could be even worse for Exo in the long run. But he was starting to feel light headed and he wasn't sure what to do.

Fuck. He leaned back against the door, closing his eyes as he tried to decide what to do. He had only just found out that day he could go on tour and now the chance was being taken away. He groaned in frustration and threw his head back, barely registering the pain as it connected with the door.

There was a quiet knock at the door and Sehun jumped, backing away. He looked down at his still bleeding wrist and backed up, clearing his throat before he spoke.

"Yeah?"

"Sehun? You okay?" It was Luhan's voice and he panicked, eyes darting around to find something to cover his wrist. He grabbed a hand towel and quickly threw it over his wrist before unlocking the door. He peeked out, hiding his body behind the door as he met Luhan's eyes.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Do you need the bathroom?" Luhan eyed him suspiciously, looking over Sehun's shoulder into the bathroom. Sehun moved forward to hide the first aid kit but it was too late. Luhan saw it, looking back at Sehun expectantly.

He swallowed before backing away, pulling Luhan into the bathroom and locking the door once again. Luhan watched him curiously. Sehun exhaled heavily, closing his eyes as he spoke.

"I have a problem."

"Okay? What's the deal?" Sehun sighed and opened his eyes, pulling the towel off his wrist as he held it out to Luhan. The boy's eyes widened slightly as he looked down at the bloody mess of toilet paper Sehun held against him.

"What- Why is it...?" He ripped off some clean toilet paper and carefully switched it for the soiled mess on Sehun's wrist, careful not to hurt him. He grimaced at the trails of blood across Sehun's arm, eyes darting up worriedly.

"The stitches opened," Sehun sighed. 

"Why aren't you going to the hospital?"

"Because if I do there's no way they'll let me perform." Luhan scoffed, tossing the bloody mess of paper into the toilet. 

"Seriously? That's what you're worried about right now? You need to see a doctor."

"Why? They'll just restitch it and tell me I can't perform."

"For good reason!" Sehun shushed Luhan, bringing up a finger to his lips to quiet the older boy. He felt slightly dizzy at the movement but ignored it, blinking up at Luhan.

"Once the bleeding stops I can put on a new bandage and I'll be fine." Luhan glared at him, arms crossing as he scowled.

"You must be some type of stupid if you think I'm not gonna go tell Suho regardless." He moved to open the door but Sehun blocked him, eyes pleading.

"Don't, please. I need to go on tour with everyone." Sehun bit his lip, pleading with him. He rolled his eyes, sighing heavily at Sehun.

 "You're in deeper than I thought." 

Sehun frowned, staring at Luhan in confusion as he tried to decipher the comment. He wasn't sure if what Luhan said actually made no sense or if he felt that way because his head was fuzzy. 

"What?" 

"Nothing. Look, I appreciate what you're trying to do for the group but you can't. It would be irresponsible not to go get it checked out. I'm willing to be the bad guy if it means you're okay in the long run. SUHO!" 

Sehun jumped forward to cover his mouth but Luhan moved back, calling for the leader again. Sehun stumbled, grabbing the towel rack to steady himself and immediately letting go, pain shooting through his wrist.

Luhan grabbed him before he could fall over, holding him to his chest as he shouted more urgently. Sehun tried to push himself away but stopped when his head began to spin. He really didn't feel good.

He lurched into Luhan, barely moving his head in time to avoid throwing up on him. He heaved onto the tiled floor, emptying the contents of his stomach. There was frantic knocking at the door and Suho was shouting.

"Hold on," Luhan yelled as Sehun threw up again, body retracting in on himself. Luhan grabbed the hand towel and held it to Sehun's wrist, trying to stop the bleeding and deal with his vomiting at the same time. "Shit, call 119! Sehun needs to go to the hospital!" 

Luhan lowered him down, cradling Sehun's head as he vomited, not bothering to move him to the toilet. He'd already made a mess on the floor. 

"No," Sehun half screamed between wretches. "I don't wanna-" He broke off as he vomited again, choking on the bile in his throat. He vaguely realized his throw up was darker than it should be. He couldn't stop, retching violently.

"Suho, he's throwing up blood!" There was a loud noise and then the door was open, Suho bursting in, hunching down behind Sehun.

"Baekhyun is calling the ambulance. What the fuck happened?!" 

Suho had just swore. In all the years he'd known him he never once heard him swear before. Sehun chuckled before gagging, flecks of red falling into the pool beneath him. Luhan ignored Suho's outburst entirely, rubbing Sehun's back gently.

"His wrist... The stitches broke and he was bleeding and then he just started throwing up out of nowhere." 

Sehun's eyes closed, head falling forward as his strength failed him. He leaned into Luhan, resting his body against him. His throat felt unbelievably raw and he swallowed roughly, whining as pain shot through him.

"What's wrong with Sehun?" 

His eyes snapped open despite the nausea and he tried to turn and face the voice. Luhan held him still, leaning down to quietly whisper in his ear.

"It's okay, I'll talk to Xiumin." 

Sehun struggled, not satisfied. His body felt so heavy. He tried to turn over but found his limbs wouldn't respond. He panicked, gasping into Luhan's chest.

"What wrong?" Xiumin's voice was right next to him, full of worry. He struggled harder, trying to move so he could see Xiumin's face.

"Can't... Move..." He began hyperventilating, his lungs the only thing that seemed to respond to him. He couldn't move his head from Luhan's stomach. He heard voices whispering close by and then Xiumin was moving in front of him, completely ignoring his pile of throw up as he held onto Sehun.

"The paramedics say this is just a side effect of the infection in your bones. It's gonna be okay; you'll be fine. You just need to relax, okay? Take slow, deep breaths." 

Sehun gasped desperately, trying to suck air into his unresponsive lungs. Xiumin pulled him onto his lap, fingers replacing Luhan's on his wrist as he whispered quietly to him. Sehun didn't know what he said but Luhan got up, leaving them behind. He heard voices off to the side, arguing before they faded away.

"It's alright Sehun. Just focus on my voice, okay? Just focus on me."

He closed his eyes, laying his head in Xiumin's lap as he tried to calm his breathing. Xiumin's hand stroked his hair softly, calming him.

"What...?" He heard Suho question, confused. 

He knew, Sehun thought. He knew and he was gonna talk to the company and ruin everything. Sehun wasn't ready to let go of Xiumin yet. His heart was beating hard in his chest as his breathing once again sped up. 

"Shhh, Sehun, it's okay. I promise you, it's gonna be okay. Trust me, okay?"

Sehun wanted to argue but he still couldn't move and his lips felt heavy. He focused instead on Xiumin's hand in his hair, running softly through his hairline. Xiumin's presence helped him relax and soon his breath returned to an almost normal pace. Xiumin asked someone, Suho he assumed, for a clean towel. Soon Xiumin pulled the now damp-feeling hand towel off his wrist as he swapped it for the clean one.

He was starting to drift away, eyes fluttering under Xiumin's soft touches. He sighed, slipping into unconsciousness as Xiumin continued to gently stoke his head. The last thing he felt before he finally slipped away was a soft kiss against his head as unintelligible words were muttered into his hair. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First time the song isn't Kpop!  
> Song by Ed Sheeran.


	21. Gotta Go To Work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun fucked up but maybe luck will be on his side this one time. Hey, he could hope, right?

Sehun felt like he had a gold card to the hospital. He seemed to be here more often than his own dorm lately. He felt like their sponsor. _Maybe they should pay him for all this advertising,_ he thought.

He'd woken to a very worried group of members. They swarmed around him, talking all at once in a flurry of voices, ranging from concerned to pissed. He blinked at them, trying to differentiate between the voices. He'd really messed up this time.

"Uh hi," he said awkwardly, voice raspy from sleep.

Suho cleared his throat and the room fell silent. Kris stood next to Sehun's bedside, arms crossed as he looked down at him. Sehun automatically shrunk back, trying to avoid the daggers in his eyes.

"Oh Sehun, you better have a damn good explanation for last night," he growled, looming over Sehun. "Luhan told me you weren't even planning on going to the hospital."

Sehun shot Luhan a murderous glare, the latter shrugging it off. He shouldn't have expected Luhan to keep his mouth shut. To be fair, he understood why Luhan had ratted him out, he just wasn't expecting to have to defend himself so soon. He thought he would have time to properly come up with an excuse.

"That's not entirely true," Sehun admitted. He swallowed, avoiding everyone's eyes as he wracked his brain for something the group would accept. 

"Not good enough. Why the hell didn't you wake up one of us if you're wrist was so bad?"

"He was afraid he wouldn't be able to go on tour."

He would kill Luhan, he swore it. The boy gave Sehun an exasperated look, rolling his eyes at Sehun's frustration. Kris cursed, drawing Sehun's attention back to him.

"Is the tour that much more important than yourself? You promised us you would be careful. It took you one day to injure yourself again. Seriously, it's like you're a magnet for danger." 

Sehun frowned, staring down at his blanket. He hadn't meant for any of this to happen. He had tried to be careful and not be a burden but he'd failed spectacularly. Kris was right. All he seemed to do lately was disrupt the group's activities. The group was the one suffering because of his wrist, not him. 

"That's a hit harsh, Kris. It's not his fault." Suho stepped up, sighing as he looked down at Sehun. He looked tired, dark circles under his eyes peeking out through his make-up. Despite how haggard he looked he still smiled down at Sehun, eyes full of sincerity as if Sehun was the one who needed reassurance right now. He was gonna work himself into the ground at this rate.

"I'm sorry." Sehun bit his lip, clutching his fist tightly to his side. "I really am and I  _would_ have gone to the hospital, just everything happened so fast."

Kris sighed, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly. There were dark circles forming there too. Sehun looked around, noting little things on all the members proving how exhausted they were. Crinkled and hastily thrown together outfits, make-up applied sloppily or not at all. Xiumin had done the latter, not even attempting to hide the purple beneath his eyes. Before he could see him properly Kris sighed, laying a hand on his shoulder as Sehun turned to look at him again.

"I know. Just, you need to be more careful."

"Since you were yelling at me then it must not look too bad," he joked, glancing at the members. "Did the doctor come yet?" 

He looked back at Xiumin, standing at the back of the room, arms crossed and leaning against the wall. He was gnawing thoughtfully on his lip, eyes on Sehun but somehow much farther away. His posture looked relaxed but Sehun could see how tense he really was. He was trying to restrain himself, from what Sehun didn't know. He swallowed his own unease and turned to Suho as he spoke.

"Yeah, he was here. He didn't tell us much, just that you're okay for the most part. That," he pointed down to Sehun's wrist, "is another story."

Sehun frowned and looked down. There was a fresh bandage wrapped around his wrist but no brace. He could feel the distant throb of pain there, skirting on the edge of his senses. It wasn't nearly as bad as before though. Weird, he didn't feel heavy under the effects of morphine. Why didn't it hurt? He wiggled his fingers, brow furrowing when they barely moved. He reached out and poked his palm lightly. He barely registered the feeling.

"They numbed you beneath the elbow," Baekhyun stated as he plopped down on the bed by Sehun's feet. "Said it would be best so you didn't move around too much."

"Numbed? How?" 

Baekhyun shrugged, leaning back on his hands. _Well that was helpful_ , Sehun thought. At least he couldn't feel anything. He sighed, turning back to the members.

"Okay, so what are you all doing here? What time is it? You should either be sleeping or practicing." He looked at them, realizing for the first time someone was missing. "Where's Kai?" 

D.O. sighed, hand raking through his hair. 

"He said he couldn't be here. Something about this being his fault." Everyone turned curiously to D.O. when he said this, Sehun included. "Is that true? What happened last night?" 

"That's crazy. This isn't Kai's fault," Sehun scoffed. "My stitches opened. That's not his fault." D.O. pursed his lips, a dangerous glint in his eyes as he chose his next words.

"He said you were sleeping together and he was too rough and must have tore them open." Sehun blanched as everyone's heads whipped to him in shock. 

"No, no, not like that!" He held his palm up defensively, shaking his head vigorously. The groups eyes were on him, confused and taken back. Xiumin's face was the worst. His jaw was set and Sehun could see the muscles in his neck straining. Shit, he would have to fix this quickly. 

"It's not like that! We just slept in the same bed. Why did you have to word it like that!?" D.O. smirked, delighted to have ruffled his feathers so much.

"So you  _did_ sleep with him? I was just guessing." Sehun blushed, mouth opening and closing as he tried to speak. He glared at D.O. and exhaled through clenched teeth.

"D.O., you without a doubt heave earned the title of SatanSoo. If I wasn't crippled right now I would strangle you. You're turning everything around. That's not what happened."

"So what did happen?" Chanyeol watched him in amusement, as happy as D.O. that he was in this position. He didn't like being ganged up on, especially not by two of the most devious members. 

"I can't say. I promised Kai. He just needed a friend, that's all. We slept in the same bed so he wouldn't be alone. He definitely had nothing to do with this," Sehun added, pointing to his wrist. 

That was a lie. He knew the stitches tore when Kai was freaking out but he wasn't going to tell anyone that. Kai would feel too guilty. He knew at the time it wasn't gonna be a good outcome on that front but he chose to help Kai regardless. The blame was his.

"But yeah, there was zero "roughness"," he made air quotes around the word, "or anything else. None. Just sleeping."

He glanced around the room, making sure to look at everyone and not just Xiumin, though his eyes might have lingered on him a second longer than everyone else. He was looking at Sehun with sad eyes, shoulders slumped against the wall. Sehun wanted nothing more than to get up and hold him, hug him tightly until that sad look went away. He was with everyone though, and that was not an option.

Glancing at the other members he felt like he was the brunt of some inside joke. Baekhyun was exchanging a look with D.O. and Chanyeol, Chen was holding a hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter, Luhan was smirking at the back. Poor Tao and Lay looked so confused. Thankfully Suho stepped in, clearing his throat as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Of course. I'm sure it's all just a misunderstanding. But to answer your earlier question, we won't be here for much longer. We just came to stop by before practice. We won't have any time later on."

"I guess I'm lucky I get to relax," Sehun joked, kicking his feet up into Baekhyun's lap to make his point. Baekhyun rolled his eyes, flicking Sehun's foot. Sehun stuck his tongue out, poking his hyungs side with his foot. Baekhyun squirmed, pushing Sehun away with a huff. 

"Well, it's about time for us to leave anyway. You should get more rest. We'll come see you tomorrow if we can."

"Don't worry," Sehun said. "I'll be fine. You guys should focus on practice. You'll have to work hard to make up for my absence." 

Suho nodded, leaning down to give him a half hug before pulling away.

"Alright guys, let's go." 

The members said their goodbyes and followed Suho out the door. Xiumin held back, waiting until everyone else was done before walking slowly to Sehun's bed.

"Xiumin," he started but the older boy shushed him. He stood hands in his pockets, shoulders slumped and gave Sehun a small smile.

"It's okay. You said nothing happened so nothing happened. I've got to go. I'll text you when I have time, okay?" He gripped Sehun's hand, squeezing lightly and giving him a reassuring smile before letting go. He turned around, walking towards the door before Sehun called out, stopping him. He looked back, waiting as Sehun blushed.

"Thanks for being there for me. I'll explain everything to you yet, I promise. Just for now trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about." Xiumin nodded, eyes sad for a moment before his lips lifted to smile once more.

"Okay."

He turned and walked away. Sehun watched him walk away, all the way down the hall and around the corner. He was hoping he'd look back but he kept walking, disappearing down the corridor. 

Sehun sighed and looked around the room. There was TV but he couldn't see a remote anywhere. He could get up and look but didn't wanna risk it in case he felt sick again. At least someone had been nice enough to bring his phone and charger. They even left them on his right side, easily accessible. He pushed the home button but the screen stayed black. He tried again and sighed in frustration. He hadn't charged it since he'd gotten back from the hospital the first time. He grabbed the charger, searching around his bed for an outlet. 

"Back already?"

He looked up, grinning when he saw Young Hee standing in the doorway. At least something was going his way if she was his nurse again. She smiled back, walking over to pick up Sehun's chart. 

"Yeah, guess I angered the powers that be because I can't seem to catch a break."

He chuckled, resuming his search for an outlet. He found one behind the night stand and he leaned over, trying to plug his charger in. Since he couldn't use his other hand to to hold onto the bed he had to balance awkwardly to avoid falling off. He did it though, smiling in satisfaction back at Young Hee. She shook her head, laughing under her breath.

"You must have," she began as she put Sehun's chart back. "Or maybe you just need to be more careful." Sehun made a face, eliciting another laugh from her.

"Seriously, I  _am_ careful. Well, okay, maybe I could have been a little bit  _more_ careful," he relented, sighing at Young Hee. "After this, though, I'll be 100% careful! I'll be like those parents that baby proof their houses like crazy. Taping padding onto all the corners and sharp edges; the whole nine yards." 

"Sounds like a plan," she chuckled. "You can go on stage in one of those giant bubbles."

Sehun smiled slightly at the thought before sighing, lips turning down to frown. He was pretty sure SM had announced his removal from the tour by now. 

"I won't be going on stage for a while. Not after this."

Young Hee gave him a sympathetic smile as she sat down on the edge of the bed. Sehun couldn't explain why but he felt comfortable with her. Maybe it was because she'd already been through so much with him. Maybe it was the warmth in her eyes that made her seem sincere. Either way, he trusted her, to an extent.

"Can I be honest with you?" She nodded, waiting intently for Sehun to speak. He sighed, running his hand through his hair.

"The stitches opening is sort of my fault. I was doing something that I knew would probably open them but if I stopped then I would have let down one of the other members. I didn't think all  _this,_ " he gestured around at the room, "would happen."

She nodded, chewing thoughtfully on her lip before responding.

"I see where you're coming from," she said softly, tilting her head, deep in thought. 

"Being considerate of other is good but you shouldn't let it bring you down also. The thing is, if you wear yourself thin taking care of everyone else then you leave no other option except for them to have to take care of you also. You don't strike me as the type to like to be coddled or fussed over constantly."

"Nope. Definitely not," Sehun agreed. "I get what you're saying. I wish it was that easy." 

"Me too," Young Hee chuckled. "You're the youngest and yet you act like it's your responsibility to take care of them. You're an odd one." 

Sehun blushed, looking away. Young Hee's gaze was too heavy, too  _knowing_. He barely knew this girl yet she had a way of making him talk intimately. That was dangerous. He couldn't get too comfortable and let anything about Xiumin slip. He didn't think she would repeat anything he said but this was too important a secret to simply trust his intuition.

"Uh,well they're my hyungs," he murmured. "Of course I care about them." 

She gave him a " _Yeah, okay, that's what it is"_ and he cleared his throat. 

"So where's the doctor," he asked to change the subject. "I haven't seen him yet since I woke up."

"I'll let him know you're up. As soon as he finishes with his other patients he'll be here." She got up, hesitating before turning back to Sehun.

"Look, I know it's not my place to say this but you need to hear it. I know you wanna help where possible but you need to think of yourself first. If you're not careful your wrist will never heal. That's not an exaggeration so take care of yourself." She nodded, turning around and walking out.

Sehun wasn't sure what to say so he said nothing as she left. He knew she was right but he still couldn't bring himself to regret what he did. Kai had  _really_ needed him.  _It had been an exceptional situation,_ he reasoned. Desperate cases called for desperate measures, right?

 

* * *

 

 

The doctor had come back right as the numbness in Sehun's arm started creeping away. After he had checked Sehun over, making sure he wasn't nauseous or dizzy, he sat down and explained what happened to Sehun.

"Bone infections can cause paralysis?" 

Sehun's breath hitched, fear shooting through his veins. He could become paralyzed from this? The doctor noticed his reaction, placing a hand on his knee as he calmed him down.

"Temporary paralysis," he corrected.

 _Great,_ Sehun thought,  _Just_ temporarily  _lose control of your body._

"It's okay, we cleared out the last of the infection. You should be fine now." Sehun exhaled, heart slowing from the hammering just previously.

"Couldn't you have led with that?" Dr. Ji Hoon chuckled, nodding at Sehun.

"Perhaps I should have. Sorry. Your body still went through a lot last night, though," He added, looking back down at Sehun's chart. 

"The blood loss combined with the infection put your body into shock. That's why you vomited and why your limbs locked. It was your body's fight or flight instinct. It was trying to expel the invading cells. Sometimes infections and diseases can be very good at disguising themselves and confuse your body."

"Oh, so it was normal? I didn't do any more damage? " He looked at the doctor hopefully. If it was normal he could go home, right? His face crumpled when he saw the doctor sigh, face tight.

"Not entirely normal, no. Vomiting is but vomiting blood is not. We did some tests when you came in and I think I know what it is but I'll need to perform a test to confirm. If I'm right, it's Acute Gastritis. It mean there's swelling in your stomach lining. There are a number of causes including high stress, medications, infections, all of which you've encountered recently. It makes sense. If the test is negative we'll start looking at other causes."

Sehun felt like his head was gonna explode. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. He sighed, trying to wrap his head around what the doctor was saying.

"So if it's this Gastritis thing, that's good? That's not serious, right?" He nodded at Sehun.

"If that's the case we can probably just treat it with medication as opposed to surgery but we won't know until we confirm it and see the severity"

"Oh, great," Sehun chuckled sarcastically. "More surgery. Don't forget to stamp my card so I can get that free thermos." 

The doctor shook his head, smiling despite his disapproval. He placed Sehun's chart in the tray by the foot of his bed.

"We'll do the test this afternoon. Don't worry, it's not so bad. Do you know what an EGD is?"

Sehun blinked at him, face blank. He chuckled, sitting back down on the bed.

"It's when we take a small camera and look inside your stomach. We place it through your esophagus and snake it down to where we need to see. It's not nearly as bad as it sounds. We'll numb your throat so you shouldn't feel any discomfort."

Sehun fought the urge to remind him what happened last time they said that. It hadn't been the doctor's fault he had some freak reaction to the medication. He wasn't gonna make him feel bad about it.

"Okay, so basically your shoving a long tube through my mouth to my stomach?"

"In layman's terms, yes."

"Okay. That's not as bad as it could be. I can deal with that."

"Great. Then I'll let you know when we have the results." He got up, closing the door behind him as he left the room.

Sehun sighed, shaking his head to help clear his mind. He instinctively wanted to freak out but he bit the feeling back. The doctor said the test was no big deal and hopefully they'd find their answer quickly. The sooner he was out of here the sooner he could go back to the members. A sudden thought hit him. If this stomach thing wasn't figured out by the end of the week he wouldn't even be able to go with the group on tour at all.

The tour was gonna be six months long, with promotions in between the concerts. What if they didn't let him go at all and he had to spend the whole time by himself in the dorm? 

He knew he would miss everyone but his heart ached a little harder at the thought of being away from Xiumin for six whole months. He already missed him and he'd seen him less than three hours ago. No, six months wouldn't be possible. 

He grabbed his phone, now fully charged, and unplugged it from the cord. He knew Xiumin was busy with practice but his nerves were rattled. Even one text, just a hello from Xiumin was all he needed. He just wanted to know the older boy was thinking of him, even if that was because Sehun had texted him. 

**11:16 am**

_hey hows practice going?_

He opened a game to distract himself but was surprised when he got a text back not three minutes later.

**11:18 am**

_good. dont worry, everyone is catching on quick. How r u?_

**11:18 am**

_good. talked to the doctor. he thinks he knows whats wrong with my stomach. they're gonna shove a camera down my throat to check :/_

**11:19 am**

_good thing ur okay with things down your throat! ~.- have to go back. ill txt you after K? call me if anything happns :3_

**11:19 am**

_okay bye._

__How was he supposed to talk to Xiumin when they were practicing 24/7 and he was stuck here.

**11:19 am**

_miss you. stop being grumpy nd smile! K rlly have to go bye_

Sehun did smile. He grinned down stupidly at his phone, imagining Xiumin hastily sending the last text as Suho chastised him for taking too long.

He didn't even bother wondering how Xiumin had known he was sad. He was pretty sure Xiumin had 'Sehun Sense' or something. He just knew. He took it as a sign from the universe that him and Xiumin weren't a mistake. That's how he was gonna see it, anyway.

**11:20 am**

_miss you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by B2ST.


	22. Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin decides honesty is the best policy. Well, sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I KNOW I promised an update days ago but a ton of people quit all at once where I work and it has been absolute chaos and I'm so sorry!  
> I love this story so rather than hammer out a chapter in an hour I'd rather take longer and do it justice, you know?  
> Anyways, sorry and please forgive me! It's a bit short again but I'll start the next one and get it up soon(??) 
> 
> Rambling over! Enjoy!

***Xiumin's POV***

 

He knew Suho well enough to know that there would be questions about what had happened between him and Sehun. It was too much to brush off as a simple interaction between friends, especially considering him and Sehun had never been super close. At least, until recently, that is, but that was still unknown to the other members. So Xiumin waited back at the dorm for Suho to return from the hospital and debated what to say. 

As far as he could see there was only one way to keep Sehun out of trouble and unaware. It was risky, very risky. It would all depend on Suho's reaction. Whether he accepted it or tossed Xiumin out on his ass: both were possible. He just had to hope Suho would listen to him as a friend and not as leader of Exo. 

It was nearly an hour before Suho returned, head down as he kicked his shoes off. He looked tired and worn out. Xiumin couldn't blame him. He felt just as exhausted as him. Xiumin might be the one in love with Sehun but Suho was their leader and that level of responsibility came at a price. Of course, Kris was also a leader but Suho's compassionate nature often had him bearing the weight of problems himself. 

Suho shuffled into the living room, stopping and looking up when he saw Xiumin leaning against the couch, waiting for him.

"Can we talk?" Suho nodded, eyeing Xiumin thoughtfully. He motioned for him to wait and disappeared into the kitchen, returning with two water bottles. He led Xiumin to his room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Xiumin looked down at Sehun's bed, guilt weighing heavily on him. Sehun should be there sleeping, not in the hospital. He told Sehun he would take care of him but he'd failed and now Sehun had to pay the price. The best he could do now was make sure Sehun was taken care of at least in this. Suho cleared his throat and he turned, meeting his eyes. Suho handed him a bottle before sitting down on his bed. Xiumin hesitated before joining him. Now or never.

"So," Suho began. "What's up?"

"Before I say anything I need you to promise me you'll let me explain it all before you say anything, okay?" 

He nodded at Xiumin, straightening his shoulders as he went into his "listening mode." Xiumin sighed, unscrewing the lid of his water and taking a generous sip. It did nothing to soothe the ache in his stomach but he hadn't expected it to. That ache grew as he looked back at Sehun's bed. 

"It started that night we played truth or dare."

Xiumin spoke slowly, voice deceptively quiet compared to how loud it felt in his head. Once he told Suho he wouldn't be able to go back. He swallowed and took a deep breath before he continued. He didn't look at Suho. If he did he would lose his nerve. He kept his gaze locked on Sehun's bed instead, drawing comfort from the thought of him.

"Me and Sehun were never really close. We didn't spend a lot of time together. You know how it is. So when Luhan dared him to, well, kiss someone I was shocked when he kissed me. He was so drunk I think he just picked whoever was closest. I don't know."

Xiumin sighed, pushing his hair out of his face. Suho didn't say anything, just waited for Xiumin to continue. 

"The next day, uh, well that night really... It was weird. I kept thinking about it which is normal I guess because it's weird when your friend randomly kisses you. At least, that's how I justified it but then Sehun got sick and something didn't feel right."

He looked down at his feet, kicking at the floor. He was pretty sure Suho knew where this was going but he couldn't stop now. 

"I was worried, more than I would normally be. I didn't really understand at first but as the time passed by it became clear."

He took another sip of his water to quell his suddenly dry throat. He was pretty sure his face was red from embarrassment. He blew out a breath, drawing in another to calm himself. Maybe it would be better to just rip off the band-aid and get this over with quickly. He turned to Suho and blurted it out quickly while he still had his nerve.

"I like Sehun.  _Like_ like."

Xiumin was pretty sure in the entire time he'd known Suho he'd never seen him look more shocked. His mouth was hanging open in surprise and his eyes almost looked bigger than Xiumin's. It would have been kind of funny in another situation. As it was it was actually kind of terrifying for Xiumin as he waited for a response.

Suho blinked a couple times, sucking in a breath. He leaned back against the wall, staring at Xiumin in disbelief. 

"I wanna ask if your joking but it's you so your probably not." Xiumin shook his head, chewing his lip nervously.

"I'm not."

Suho nodded, looking away to absorb the information. The silence stretched across the room, becoming so heavy Xiumin felt like it was physically pushing against him. Maybe this had been a mistake. Maybe Suho hadn't actually expected anything and wouldn't have looked into it. Those chances were slim, though, and he couldn't have risked this coming back to Sehun. When Suho finally disturbed the silence Xiumin almost jumped. He hadn't realized how tense he was.

"So you're attracted to him as more than a friend?" He said it like a question but he seemed to be already expecting the answer.

"Yes. That's why tonight... Why I did what I did."

Suho exhaled, running his hand through his hair. He was taking this remarkably well so far. Despite how kind he was, he was also very...  _traditional._ He wasn't homophobic or anything but he had certainly expressed his discomfort about the issue before. Xiumin was pretty sure he was making an effort only because it was someone close to him and he appreciated it.

"Does he like you back?"

This was the part where he had to lie. If Suho knew the truth things would get messy. Suho would have no choice but to hold a group meeting because his first responsibility was Exo and he didn't take that lightly. Then the company would get involved and most likely either kick one of them out or maybe both or who knows. 

Not to mention what it could do to Sehun. He was under too much stress already. Tonight clearly proved he wasn't taking care of himself as well as he should. He was too focused on other people's problems even when his own were running rampent in front of him. No, he needed to rest and get well. He couldn't know anything about this. So Xiumin gave Suho the story he had been practicing all night.

"No, he doesn't. He doesn't even know and I don't want him to so please don't say anything. I'll deal with this on my own." Suho frowned, shaking his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said, crossing his arms in front of him, reminding Xiumin very much of when his father used to lecture him. Suho was the mother hen, after all. "You should talk to Sehun."

"That will make things more complicated. It's easier to just keep this secret. Imagine what the members would think. They'd be uncomfortable around me and I don't want that, especially not with all this other stuff going on. There's aleady too much for us to handle."

He hoped Suho would take the bait but he could be pretty stubborn when it came to issues with the group. He would play mediator between members or speak to the company on their behalf often. It was part of what made him such a good leader. On that front, him and Kris made the perfect pairing for leaders. Suho kept the members communicating and getting along and Kris kept them in line, not afraid to make unpopular decisions for the sake of group. They were like Yin & Yang and Xiumin was thankful he was dealing with the Yin tonight. It was far less terrifying. Still terrifying but  _less_ and he would take what he could get.

"I don't really agree but I feel like this is your decision more than mine." 

Oh, so it worked? Xiumin gave him a cautious look as he tried to gauge whether or not he was being serious. It wasn't like Suho to joke in situations like this but it was hard to believe he'd agreed so quickly.

"So long as you can promise this won't end up making trouble," he added, giving Xiumin a serious look.

"Of course," Xiumin hurriedly agreed. He hadn't really expected it to be this easy. He was relieved to have it work out so well in his, and ultimately Sehun's, favor.

"But, I have to ask. Is this Sehun thing like a one time deal or do you... Have you liked a guy... before?"

Xiumin couldn't believe he was having this conversation with Suho. It was awkward. He could tell Suho felt the same from the blush creeping across his cheeks. 

"A one time thing. I've never, you know, liked a guy before this... It's not like I'm  _gay,_ at least I don't think I am. I mean, I still think girls are attractive so not gay? I don't know; It's confusing. Oh, I'm rambling."

Xiumin clamped his mouth shut. He hadn't really thought about what to say after promising Suho to secrecy. He'd shared a lot with the group before but nothing ever this personal and intimate. He suddenly felt very small under Suho's gaze, fidgeting awkwardly as he tried to figure out what to do next.

Suho seemed to sense this because he sighed, leaning forward. He placed his hand on Xiumin's knee, hesitating when he jerked at the touch. He settled for a pat before pulling his hand away. He rubbed the back of his neck and exhaled heavily before he met Xiumin's eyes.

"Look, you haven't figured it out yet. It's okay. I can't say I understand because I don't but that's okay too. If this is who you are then you shouldn't try to be someone different. It's gonna take a little while for me to wrap my head around this but give it time. I'm really glad you had the courage to tell me about this. Thank you for trusting me."

Those words brought a flood of relief so intense he felt like crying. He let go a breath he hadn't known he was holding.

"So you're not repulsed by me?" The words spilled out before he could stop them. He hadn't meant to reveal how afraid he was of the possibility. Suho frowned, grabbing Xiumin's hand and squeezing tightly. He looked him straight in the eyes as he spoke.

"Xiumin: listen to me. You are my friend, more than a friend; you're family. We've all been through so much together. How could you ever think I would feel that way?"

Xiumin shook his head, blinking his eyes at the sudden wet feeling. He didn't wanna cry but he had not expected this, hadn't expected Suho to not only keep his secret but to make him feel like it was  _okay,_ that he didn't need to be guilty. When he was with Sehun he knew it was right, that it was where he was meant to be. 

"I just... I didn't expect you to be so... so okay with it."

He didn't argue as Suho pulled him into his arms, hugging him tight. He fell into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Suho's shoulders. The weight lifted off of him at sharing even a little of what was going on felt amazing. Suho squeezed him, warm breath on his ear as he spoke.

"I'm sorry you had to deal with this on your own," he whispered. "I'm sorry but now you can talk to me. I'll try to understand."

The fact that Suho was willing to do this much for him made it impossible to stop the tears anymore. They slid down his face, staining Suho's shoulder with wet spots. The arms around him tightened, holding him closer. He let the walls fall down, let himself bury his face in the crook of Suho's neck as the sobs began.

It hadn't been long since the night when Sehun came to him in the bathroom and everything really started. He'd told Sehun he wanted to take care of him and he meant it. He spent every moment tuned in to Sehun, reading his emotions and reactions so he could give him what he needed. He'd learned easily how to do just that.

He knew when his brow furrowed or his eyes focused off to the side, mind far away. He would need reassurance, soft words and a gentle kiss. When the beginnings of a blush crept over his face and he was nervous or awkward Xiumin would say something that he knew Sehun would react to. Sehun would shoot out a sarcastic response or snippy comment, drawing him out of his inner shell. Sehun was easy for him to read, and so he gave Sehun what he needed. He spent so much time focusing on what Sehun needed that sometimes he forgot everything else, as long as Sehun was satisfied.

So it was strange to be here, being taken care of instead of doing the caring himself. Strange but nice. He relaxed into Suho, drawing comfort in the warmth of his arms. Sehun's would feel better but he didn't want him to see himself like this. He had to be strong for Sehun but here, now, in front of Suho he could let go.

Suho rubbed his back in small circles, humming lightly into Xiumin's hair. He didn't say anything or try to make Xiumin stop crying. He just held him until Xiumin's tears finally dried up. When they did he pulled back, hands on Xiumin's shoulders as he smiled at him. He reached up, wiping the tears of his cheeks and chuckling when Xiumin blushed and swatted his hands away. 

"Feel better?"

Xiumin nodded, wiping his face with his sweater sleeve. He was embarrassed to be crying in front of his younger but Suho seemed a lot older than he really was. He fit the role of eldest better than Xiumin. Suho laughed when Xiumin said this.

"You're only one year older than me; It's not that much of a difference."

"Well thank you. Seriously. It felt good to... well, talk." 

Suho smiled, leaning over to ruffle his hair. Xiumin huffed, pushing his hands away, making Suho laugh again. 

"You're welcome. You should get some rest. We have to get up earlier if we wanna go see Sehun before practice."

Suho looked like he wanted to say something else but stayed silent. Xiumin poked him, nodding in his direction. Suho bit his lip, exhaling as he looked back at Xiumin.

"I get your confused right now and I don't wanna rush you but you know you have to be careful right? There's a lot of media around because of his wrist and people are watching like hawks."

"I know. I'll be careful, don't worry."

Suho still seemed worried but he nodded, accepting the answer for the time being. Xiumin got up, thanking Suho one last time before leaving. He closed the door behind him and crept back to his room. He didn't wanna wake the others if they'd managed to fall asleep. He himself couldn't. He kept seeing the same thing over and over.

 

Sehun on the bathroom floor, bleeding and laying in his own vomit. It had been absolutely terrifying. He hadn't even cared about the mess underneath him when he knelt down in front of Sehun. All that mattered was he was there and Sehun needed him.

Luhan hadn't argued with him when he told him to get the members away and give them some privacy. Suho stayed but Xiumin ignored him, focusing on calming Sehun down. It hadn't taken him long to slow his breathing, relaxing into Xiumin's lap. 

When he passed out Xiumin freaked out. He knew Sehun had lost a lot of blood already. He was pretty sure it wasn't enough to be lethal but that didn't stop him from scrambling for a fresh towel, holding it tight around Sehun's wound. He stayed until the paramedics arrived, quickly being ushered out as they took over.

He stood in the hall frozen, watching through the doorway. Suho stood next to him, tugging on his sleeve and telling him he needed to change but Xiumin ignored him. He watched as they prepared Sehun to leave, watched as they pulled the stretcher down the hallway, watched as they wheeled him through the door. He continued staring at the door until someone tugged on his sleeve again, snapping him from his reverie.

He let Luhan drag him to his room, helping Xiumin out of his filthy clothes. There was blood and vomit all over his jeans and shirt. He cringed at the sight, turning away from the brutal reminder. Luhan noticed and threw them into the laundry hamper, covering them with something else. He muttered his thanks as Luhan handed him some clean clothes. He was about to take then when he saw his hands. There was blood all over them, still fresh and sticky. He blanched, squeezing his eyes shut. Luhan cursed and sighed in front of him.

"You need to get cleaned up. We both do, actually."

Xiumin opened his eyes, careful to keep his hands out of sight as he examined Luhan. He'd changed his clothes from earlier but Xiumin could still see small spots of dried blood on his arm. 

"I don't think I can go back in there and see all...  _that._ " 

"You don't have to. Kris was going to clean it up. It'll be gone when we get there."

He'd been apprehensive but allowed Luhan to tug him back to the bathroom, after throwing on a robe, of course. He wasn't going to walk half naked and covered in blood through the dorm. The bathroom was, thankfully, cleaned. Kris hadn't left any trace of what had happened aside from the lack of towels on the rack. Luhan turned the shower on, checking the temperature with his hand and adjusting the knob. The room began to fill with steam and Luhan straightened up.

"Get in. I'll go get towels."

Xiumin didn't argue, eager to allow the hot water to soothe his body. He stood under the water, scrubbing furiously at his hands with a loofah before he did anything else. Having Sehun's blood on him was just too much. He could deal with what happened if he could just get  _clean._ He hadn't heard Luhan come back in so when the shower curtain moved he jumped, grateful they had a mat to prevent slips in the tub. 

"Sorry,' Luhan hastily apologized, climbing into the shower with him. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's fine," he mumbled, turning back to continue scrubbing his hands. Luhan didn't rush him, even after the blood was gone and he kept scrubbing. His skin was red and felt raw when Luhan finally stopped him. He placed his arm on Xiumin's elbow gently, taking the loofah from his hands.

"It's gone. You're gonna hurt yourself."

Xiumin sighed and stepped out from the water, moving around Luhan to give him some time before all the hot water ran out.

"I know. I'm sorry. I could just still feel it, you know?" Luhan nodded as he began to scrub his own arms clean. 

"I do know." 

They didn't say a word to each other for the rest of the shower. As soon as Xiumin had properly washed himself off he stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist. He'd retreated to his room, calling Suho immediately to check in at the hospital. Suho knew very little, just that he was stable for now and the doctors weren't very worried. 

He returned to the present, sighing when he saw the time. They had to be up in four hours. He had to get at least some sleep. If he looked like complete crap tomorrow then Sehun would only worry. Now that Xiumin had dealt with the Suho problem it would make things at least slightly easier. 

He lay down and chased sleep, willing himself to relax because the sooner he slept the sooner it was tomorrow and he could see Sehun. Eventually, after a lot of tossing and turning, he finally fell asleep. If it took hugging his pillow and pretending it was his favorite maknae, then so be it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know that homosexuality is still taboo in Korea and in wanting this to be sort of realistic I couldn't just have Suho be totally on board but he's not judging super hard either. Suho seems like the type that can be uncomfortable with a lot of things but still be respectful in others decisions.  
> So yeah.  
> Song by SHINee


	23. Freeze

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun surprises Xiumin but so does Luhan, sort of. What the fuck is going on?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's short but I just wanted to put something up! I'll start the next chapter tomorrow. ^^

Sehun really wasn't worried about the EGD. Sure, he had been but after a quick Google search he quelled his fears. The doctor had been telling the truth when he said it wasn't a big deal. The only reason they even used a numbing spray was to prevent the recipients body from gagging or coughing on the camera. He could deal with that, he reasoned. It was the hours he had to wait that were stressing him. He wanted to get this over with so he could get back to his life. The sooner they figured out what was wrong with his stomach the sooner he could join everyone (and by extension Xiumin) on tour.

Sehun squirmed in his bed, checking his phone constantly for new messages despite the fact his ringer was turned fully up. He knew Xiumin was busy keeping up with practice but that didn't stop him from willing a message to appear on his screen. After a while he scowled, dropping his phone to his lap and squeezing his eyes shut.

What was wrong with him? He wasn't the type to watch his phone so intently, waiting for a call or message or anything. He couldn't really explain why the absence of anything from Xiumin bothered him so much. He knew that it was unreasonable to expect Xiumin to wait at his beck and call. He needed to work as hard as everyone else to prepare for the tour since Sehun had messed everything up.

He cringed inwardly at the thought of everyone working themselves so hard to learn new choreography. Kai and Lay were probably working themselves to the bone to help teach everyone the new steps. They always felt the responsibility as they were Exo's best dancers. They were always the first to enter the practice room and the last to leave. Sehun wondered how much longer they would be in there because of him now. His thoughts were interrupted as a nurse strolled through the door. She smiled at Sehun as she came to stand next to him.

"Hello, Sehun. We're going to proceed with the EGD now. Are you ready?"

Sehun blinked and nodded up at her. Despite him knowing this was a harmless procedure he couldn't help but feel a ball of fear in his stomach. It wasn't the procedure but the possible results that scared him. He was hoping the doctor was right and it would be something easily fixable but the lump in his throat stayed regardless.

"Don't worry," she said as she checked Sehun's monitors, recording his stats. "It will be over soon and we can get you better."

"I'm not worried," he replied, resisting the urge to bite his lip. It was only a half lie. The procedure wasn't worrying him nearly as much as what would come after. His stomach knotted up in anticipation as the nurse prepared everything. He sent a silent prayer that things would be okay and he could finally stop visiting this dammed hospital.

 

 

***Xiumin's POV***

 

He suppressed a grin as he locked his phone and threw it in his bag. Suho gave him an annoyed look as he jogged up to them, taking his place in the routine. He shrugged, giving Suho a sheepish smile. Suho shook his head but said nothing, instead turning to the choreographer as they began practice again.

They'd been ruthlessly going through all the new arrangements until they could pull it off without any mistakes. Most of it was the same as before. There were just small adjustments here and there to fill Sehun's spots. It was because they had learned the previous choreography so well that they had problems. For more than a few of them muscle memory kicked in and they would accidentally do the old moves. The choreographer would sigh and stop them, pointing out to whoever messed up that they had done the old routine and they'd begin again.

He wasn't really that bothered. He wasn't one of the main dancers but he was definitely good. He'd never had a problem learning the moves before and he was determined to keep that going. It was some of the others that were having difficulty. He felt bad for Chanyeol. The poor guy had just gotten the old moves down and was struggling with the changes.

Lay and Kai did their part, helping out with pointers here and there for all the members. Despite the stress, everyone was working very hard. By the end of practice they'd managed to complete three songs to the choreographers satisfaction. When he ended the practice for the day relief flooded through the room. They had spent most of the day there, ordering in lunch and dinner, and everyone was ready to go home and rest.

Xiumin accepted the towel Chen handed him with a smile and rubbed at the back of his neck. Practice had been brutal, even if he was picking the moves up well. They'd rarely had practices this long; not since their trainee days, anyways. He was grateful he'd been making an effort to take care of his body more lately. It meant he could could keep up as well as all the youngins.

He grabbed his phone, checking for any messages from Sehun. There were two and he quickly checked them, worried he might have missed something important. He sighed in relief when he saw it was nothing urgent. Good news, actually.

**2:07pm**

_done. waiting 4 results :S_

**2:46pm**

_thank GOD they said it's oK! I get to come home tonight_

His shoulders sagged in relief. He had been so worried. The managers had spoken to Suho and Kris this morning but hadn't given much information other than they were running tests on his stomach. It wasn't fair, Xiumin thought. Poor Sehun had one thing after another happening to him and Xiumin couldn't do a damned thing about any of it. It set his teeth on edge to be so helpless.

He had no idea why he felt so strongly about Sehun. Never before in his life had he felt such a powerful drive to protect someone. It was foreign to him. He wasn't used to one person occupying his thoughts so heavily, especially not a guy. It confused him to no end when he tried to figure it out. There was only one thing he'd managed to decide on: Sehun was important to him. Very important. While he knew he would have to figure it all out eventually, for now that was enough.

"Hey guys," he called out to the members getting their stuff together. "Sehun says he's coming home tonight." Those that hadn't been paying attention before were now. He didn't miss Kai freeze, hand still on the zipper of his bag as he rifled through it.

Xiumin wasn't an idiot; something was going on with Kai where Sehun was concerned. He'd never paid much attention before but now he saw it. The way Kai stared at Sehun just a little too long sometimes, how his face changed when Sehun entered the room. Kai definitely had feelings for Sehun. It explained why he'd felt so bad after the previous night.

Xiumin wasn't sure how to react to it. He was pretty sure Sehun had no idea. He was pretty oblivious most of the time. After all, Xiumin had jerked him off in the bathroom and spent the night with him and Sehun had still asked if Xiumin liked him. That boy had all the sense of a tree trunk. Still, Kai didn't seem to be doing anything so maybe it wasn't Xiumin's place to say anything. He trusted Sehun enough to know even if Kai did confess, nothing would happen between them. At least, that's what he kept telling himself. He didn't trust Kai, to be honest.

"Really?"

He blinked and was pulled back to the present by Tao's voice. He was smiling wide, as were most of the members.

"Yeah, don't know when though."

He quickly replied to Sehun's text, asking him when he'd be back. The news had perked everyone up and the exhaustion from practice dwindled a bit as excitement took its place. He could feel it buzz through them as they made their way back to the dorm.

Xiumin wasn't the first person to enter the dorm so he was surprised when he heard Baekhyun's excited squeal followed by the breath being knocked out of someone. His heart hammered louder in his chest as he passed the threshold and threatened to burst out of his chest when he saw Sehun squished between Baekhyun's arms as the older boy crushed him in a hug. Sehun's eyes darted briefly to Xiumin's as he chuckled, one arm wrapping back around Baekhyun.

"Missed you too, Baekhyunnie." Sehun looked down at Baekhyun and grinned, ruffling his hair. Baekhyun was too happy to even care as he released Sehun.

"Oh my gosh, so you're okay? You're back?" Sehun smiled and held up his wrist, swaddled by a cast.

"Yup. Gotta keep this cast on for a while and take some pills but other than that I'm good."

Sehun glanced at Xiumin again, a genuinely happy expression on his face as he turned to the other members. He blushed when he spotted Kai, looking away immediately, turning to grin at Baekhyun instead. Xiumin was gonna have to ask what exactly happened between them. It might not have been romantic but Kai had done something that had sent Sehun to the hospital and Xiumin wanted to know what. For now, he would leave it. Sehun had just gotten back. He didn't need to be interrogated the second he returned.

"So what happened?" It was Kris's voice that spoke next. He walked forward, leaning against the couch as he watched Sehun expectantly. Sehun's cheeks flushed and he looked down. Why did he always look so guilty whenever his health was brought up?

"It was nothing. Just a bad coincidence is all. The stitches opened, obviously, and I got this stomach thing. The doctor said it wasn't anything serious, caused by stress and the surgery and stuff. I got some pills to get rid of it. I'll be fine." Sehun looked up, grinning awkwardly as he shuffled his feet. Damn, he looked adorable. Xiumin wanted to march up to him and take him into his arms but everyone was there so the most he could do was smile supportively. Sehun returned his smile, cheeks tinged a beautiful shade of pink as he looked away. Seriously? This was not helping Xiumin's resolve, not at all.

"Well, glad to have you back. Be more careful from now on."

Kris gave him a meaningful look as he got up and left for the shower. Tao trailed after him, not so casually asking if it would be cool if he also showered. It was almost funny how Tao hated to shower alone. Almost. There had been more than one time where Tao had peeked around the curtain, terrifying Xiumin as he asked to join.

Xiumin turned his thoughts back to Sehun as he watched him from afar. Everyone was so happy to have him back. They swarmed around him, asking about what had happened and what the doctor said. Sehun seemed uncomfortable with the attention but answered all their questions regardless.

"Wait, they shoved a camera down your throat?" Chen recoiled at the thought, making a face. Sehun laughed at him, eyes crinkling at the corners. God, he had a beautiful laugh.

"It's not as bad as it sounds. They numb your throat. I didn't even feel it."

"Still." Chen cringed, shaking his head. Sehun laughed again, grinning at Chen's discomfort.

"It's not that bad. You know they do that same thing... through the other end?" He raised an eyebrow at Chen as he waited for him to understand.

"Oh god," Chen whispered, looking absolutely repulsed. He shook his head as if that would remove the thought from his head. "I didn't need to... No. I'm going to shower." He left looking considerably paler.

Baekhyun sniggered and high fived Sehun before following Chen, asking him if he thought they numbed you for that too. Poor Chen looked like he wanted to throw up. Xiumin chuckled and joined the group around Sehun. He saw the younger boy tense slightly as he took Baekhyun's spot next to him. He shot him a smirk before turning to the group.

"$10 says Chen doesn't even get in the shower before he bails."

"I take that bet." Luhan held his hand up as he clasped Xiumin's. "Chen's not that much of a pussy."

Xiumin smirked at him but said nothing. Lo and behold, not even a minute later Chen strode down the hallway, fully clothed and dry, and went straight to his room. Xiumin held his hand out as Luhan smacked some money into his palm.

"Shit," he cursed as he glared at Chen's closed door.

"What was that you were saying about him..?" Xiumin trailed off and smirked at Luhan triumphantly. Luhan sighed and turned around.

"That boy needs to get his shit together," he muttered as he retreated to his room. Xiumin turned back to the others as he pocketed his winnings.

"That boy," he said pointing to Luhan, "needs to learn to read people." Chanyeol guffawed and threw his arm around Xiumin's shoulder.

"Who knew you could be so fun, Xiumin?" He squeezed Xiumin's arm and grinned toothily down at him.

"It's not my fault I never had the chance to bet on someone's discomfort involving anal procedures before now." He chuckled at the shocked looks on his members faces. "What? It's not like I'm a saint."

"No," Chanyeol watched him in shock before he split into a grin. "You're definitely not. Why did it take you so long to open up?" He smacked Xiumin's back playfully as he pulled Xiumin closer.

"Pssh," he exhaled. "I've always been here. You just didn't notice." He pushed at Chanyeol's side as he removed himself from his grip. He didn't wait for a response as he left for the kitchen. Seeing Sehun was definitely good but so was water. He grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and leaned against the counter, unscrewing the lid. He took a small sip as he stared at the whitewashed wall in front of him.

Sehun had said he was coming home but he wasn't expecting such good news. He was so relieved he was actually gonna be okay.The cast on Sehun's wrist did a lot to reassure him. He'd researched a bit and knew casts were risky when there was an incision as they couldn't monitor for infection but it was nice to know Sehun's wrist would be properly supported.

Clearly he hadn't been careful enough before. The urge to question Sehun about what happened was strong but he didn't wanna pressure him. Sehun would tell him when he was ready. Well, he hoped, at least. He hadn't given Sehun that chance to explain yet.

He looked up as Luhan strolled into the kitchen, clad in cotton sleep pants and a black t-shirt. He moved past Xiumin to the fridge and grabbed a water bottle for himself. He leaned against the counter across from Xiumin and opened his water bottle, swallowing some back as he eyed Xiumin.

"What?" Xiumin asked, suddenly self conscious. The look Luhan was giving him made him feel uncomfortable. Luhan shrugged and jumped back, sitting on the counter as he swung his legs across the edge.

"Nothing." Luhan drank more from his bottle, eyes still on him. He sighed, tilting his head to the side as he surveyed Luhan.

"Why are you staring at me? If this is about the bet forget it. You're not getting your money back."

Luhan chuckled, his eyes crinkling as he shook his head. Xiumin really didn't know what was so funny. He watched Luhan expectantly, growing frustrated when he didn't reply.

"What?"

"Nothing, really." Luhan smirked at him as he hopped off the counter, leaning across the island as he eyed Xiumin. Xiumin pulled back automatically despite the fact Luhan was nowhere near him. Luhan chuckled under his breath as he quirked his head up at him.

"You're acting weird," Xiumin stated as he pulled his own water bottle to his mouth.

"You're very attractive, you know?"

Xiumin almost choked on his water but managed to swallow it before gaping at Luhan. His face smirked up at Xiumin, hand holding his chin up as he leaned over the counter. Xiumin coughed a little before turning to Luhan.

"What the hell?"

"What," Luhan questioned. His eyes passed over Xiumin's body before returning to his face. " It's true. Why are you freaking out?"

"Because when your friend randomly says something like that it's weird," he spat out, looking away awkwardly as he chugged back some of his water. He heard Luhan chuckle as he pulled himself to stand up straight.

"Don't be so bashful, Xiumin. There's nothing wrong with a friend complimenting another friend. Friends do all sorts of things for each other." He winked at Xiumin before turning around and leaving.

What. The. Fuck. Did Luhan just hit on him? The wink and emphasis on his words definitely seemed off from his regular self. Why would Luhan hit on him, though? He must have been over thinking the situation. Clearly he was just high strung and needed a proper rest. He shook his head to clear his mind before exiting the kitchen.

Sehun was still surrounded by the other members. He still looked a little uncomfortable but was clearly glad to be back with everyone. Xiumin didn't disturb him and went straight to the bathroom. He really needed a hot shower right now. He wanted nothing more than to shower and fall into bed (preferably with Sehun though he knew that was impossible right now.)

He stripped quickly, throwing himself under the soothing stream of hot water. He hadn't even realized how tense he was until he felt himself loosen up under the water. As relieved as he was for Sehun to be back his muscles still carried the strain of his worry. He threw his head back, basking in the relaxing feel as the shower cascaded down his body.

He was too focused on the water to hear the quiet noises of the door being opened and closed once again. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Luhan pulled the curtain back, climbing into the tub.

"Got room for one more?" He joked as he sidled up to Xiumin.


	24. 3.6.5.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luhan is being weird and Sehun is just happy to be home.

"What the fuck, Luhan?" Xiumin glared at him as he shoved Xiumin out of the spray of water and took his place. Luhan smirked at him as he reached over for his shampoo.

"What? I didn't shower yet." He shrugged and continued to wash his hair, closing his eyes and throwing his head back under the stream. The hell is up with him? 

"I was in the middle of trying to wash my  _own_ hair, you know." Xiumin sighed in defeat as Luhan ignored him and began shampooing his own hair. "Whatever, hurry up. I'm tired and wanna go to bed."

He wasn't in the mood for Luhan's games right now. He should have known the prospect of a relaxing shower by himself was too good to be true, especially with how many members shared their one bathroom. When no one had followed him in initially he had assumed he'd gotten lucky. Alas, apparently not.

Luhan chuckled at him as he stepped out from the water, bowing slightly and holding his arms out in presentation. Xiumin rolled his eyes, lips twitching up to smile before he stopped himself. Luhan noticed, of course, and his answering smirk was wide. Xiumin poked his shoulder playfully as he took his (rightful) place under the water.

"You're still annoying," he stated as he began rinsing his hair. Just because Luhan could make him laugh didn't mean he wasn't a little shit while doing it.

"I never said otherwise," Luhan chimed from behind him. He didn't bother responding. It would only encourage Luhan further. He tuned him out entirely as he let his mind wander.

After the brutal practice it was a nice surprise to have Sehun back, not just for him but for everyone. Despite how much everyone teased him for being so loud and obnoxious, the dorm wasn't the same without him. Xiumin saw his absence everywhere he looked from the couch where Sehun had kissed him for the second time to the bathroom where Xiumin had given in.

He had been set on ignoring his feelings and keeping things normal between them but then Sehun had been licking and biting his lips and he was right  _there_ and when he leaned in to kiss Xiumin his reservations flew out the window.  _He_ had initiated the kiss so clearly Xiumin wasn't the only one thinking about someone else's lips. There was no way he was gonna let the opportunity slip through his fingers.

Looking back, he was glad Sehun had the courage to cross that line first. He had wanted to but he didn't want to feel like he was taking advantage of the boy. What if he had misinterpreted something and kissed him and Sehun rejected him? In the end it had worked out, though, and he couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips.

He was interrupted from his thoughts by a hand snapping next to his ear. He flinched, spinning around to see an annoyed look on Luhan's face.

"Quit hogging all the hot water."

"Oh," he said, looking sheepish as he moved to allow Luhan to pass by him. 

"Why are you so out of it?" Xiumin quickly turned around to hide his blush as he popped the lid of his body wash open.

"Nothing," he mumbled. "Just tired from practice." Luhan snorted and when he turned around he cocked an eyebrow up as he regarded Xiumin skeptically. "What? Don't tell me you're not tired."

"I am, I just don't think that was what was going through your mind just now. It's definitely not why you're blushing." 

Xiumin's hand flew to his cheek instinctively. He grimaced when he realized it was the hand he'd put his body wash into. Luhan cackled at him as he wiped the gooey substance off his cheeks. At least now he had a valid reason to blush.

"Shut up," he bit out as he wiped the excess body wash from his cheek onto his arm. "I was not blushing. My skin's just red from the hot water."

Luhan gave him a look like that was the stupidest excuse he could've come up with and, okay, it  _was_ stupid but he wasn't going to admit that. He avoided Luhan's eyes as he washed himself but he could feel them. It was unsettling, to say the least.

"Stop it," he muttered, still not making eye contact.

"Stop what? Washing my hair?" 

"No, stop staring at me. You're being weird today. I should be asking what's up with  _you."_

He did look up now that he was done. Luhan smirked at him, tilting his head back under the spray once more to remove any leftover shampoo. He moved out of the water and Xiumin moved to take his place. Luhan stopped when they were shoulder to shoulder, looking down at Xiumin. To anyone who didn't know him they would assume his smile to be innocent but Xiumin knew better. 

"Nothing's  _up_ with me. At least, not right now. Are you offering to change that?" Xiumin stared at Luhan, face frozen in a mix of confusion and shock. Luhan winked at him before slipping out of the tub, closing the curtain behind him. 

"What the...?" He stared at the curtain as it settled. He was positive Luhan was hiding something from him. He was acting too strange. It was probably one of his games; It had to be. Luhan was bored and was fucking with him to amuse himself.

"Seriously, something is wrong with you," he called through the curtain as he stood under the shower. He heard a faint chuckle and then the sound of the door opening and closing.

 

 

* * *

 

 

***Sehun's POV***

 

It felt good to be back. After the doctor had told him he was good to go he'd wanted to jump for joy. He would have if he hadn't been in the middle of receiving his cast. The nurse had given him an annoyed look when he kept fidgeting but how could he expected to sit still? 

He had been expecting the chaos back at the dorm when he made his surprise return so he was prepared for it when he was herded into the couch and asked question after question. He was just glad to be able to see everyone again and happily answered them as best as he could. They seemed relieved he was doing so much better. Sehun was, too. He had resolved to be much more careful with his wrist this time and take care of himself better. 

He asked how practice was going and what he'd missed. Apparently it wasn't so bad and they'd done pretty well so far, getting a third of the songs done in the first day.

"Really? Wow," he breathed out. Maybe he hadn't messed things up that bad after all. 

"We're starting the voice rearrangement tomorrow. You should come!" 

The others murmured their agreement, claiming he had to be there to help them since it was  _his_ parts they had to learn. He couldn't argue with that. He did owe them and besides, he'd jump at the chance to help them after all the trouble he caused. 

"The chance to boss you guys around? I'm in." He snickered at the scowl on Chanyeol's face, sticking his tongue out at him. 

"Aish, you haven't even been back an hour and already you're disrespecting your hyungs. What to do?"

Ah, he had missed this. To be back at the dorm with everyone eased an ache in his heart he didn't even realise was there. He would never admit it to them but being without them made him feel lonely. Being an idol meant spending all your time on schedules, practicing or traveling. Being cut off from everything was only made bearable because you weren't alone. You formed close bonds with your group. Since their debut Exo had become Sehun's family.  

There was still one member who hadn't spoken to him since he'd returned. He glanced around for Kai but he was nowhere to be found. Did he feel so guilty he couldn't face him? This was ridiculous. It wasn't Kai's fault. If anything it was  _his_ own fault. He had ignored his wrist knowingly. 

"Hey, I gotta go do something. I'll see you guys tomorrow." Those still waiting for the shower nodded at Sehun as he made his way down the hallway. 

He hesitated at the door to Kai and D.O.'s room. What was he supposed to say? He knew Kai was stubborn. If he actually felt responsible he wouldn't be talked out of it easily. Sehun just had to hope Kai would take his sincerity as it was.

He knocked lightly. There was shuffling on the other side of the door before it opened and D.O. stood before him. He gave him a tight lipped smile as he peered around him into the room.

"Hey, is Kai here?" There was a moment of silence before D.O. nodded, opening the door wider to allow him entry. He nodded his thanks as he entered their bedroom. D.O. looked from Sehun to Kai on the bed once before he slipped out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Kai was laying on the bed, facing the wall and making no move to turn towards him. Sehun stood there awkwardly for a moment, rocking on his heels before he realized Kai wasn't going to move. He sighed in frustration as he made up his mind. If Kai wouldn't face him then  _he_ would face  _Kai._

"Kai." The older boy remained still as he faced the wall. Sehun would have thought he was sleeping if he hadn't seen Kai's fist clench when he spoke. "Seriously Kai, this is ridiculous. Can you turn around?"

When Kai made no effort to comply to his request he gave up being nice. He marched up to Kai's bed and ripped his blanket off, throwing it onto the floor. 

"Kai! What the hell? Are you pissed off at me?"

Kai whipped around so quickly he flinched back. Kai's eyes were slightly bloodshot and he definitely looked worse for wear. He glared up at Sehun, fists tightly clenched at his side.

"Of course I'm not mad at you," he spat, almost quivering is his anger. He certainly  _seemed_ mad.

"If you're not mad at me why are you acting like this? You didn't even come talk to me when I got back." He couldn't hide the hurt in his voice. He knew Kai felt guilty but he'd been hoping to receive more than a look once he returned. Kai frowned, looking down at the bed, fingers playing with a loose thread from his blanket.

"I felt bad," he mumbled. "It was my fault you went to the hospital again."

Sehun sat down on he edge of the bed and placed his hand on Kai's arm. Kai flinched back a bit but didn't push Sehun away. He looked more upset than Sehun had seen him before. Clearly he really thought this was his fault. 

"It's not because of you," Sehun spoke softly. "I knew it was bad for my wrist but I didn't care. Besides, if I hadn't gone they wouldn't have found my stomach problem in time and I probably would have had to have another surgery so really it was a good thing." His grin did nothing to change Kai's face; in fact it seemed to darken. 

"Still, I hurt you. What happened to your wrist is  _my_ fault. I wasn't thinking and forgot about it. I cared more for myself in that moment and that's unacceptable."

He looked so upset is almost broke Sehun's heart. Curled up like he was, he looked smaller and more childlike. Even though Kai was older, Sehun felt like the elder brother who needed to comfort his sibling.

He shifted in the bed so he was sitting against the wall, pulling Kai onto his lap. Kai objected for a moment before he let Sehun pull him closer. His head rested against Sehun's thigh as his hand slowly wrapped around Sehun's waist. He couldn't use his left arm at all so Sehun settled with gripping Kai's shoulder with his right.

"Stop being so upset. I'm fine now. Just stop beating yourself up. I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to." 

"That's the thing," Kai whispered into him. "You  _knew_ it was bad for you and you kept going. Of course you would keep going.  _I_ should have known better. You're the type to never stop giving and I know that. I should have known you would disregard your own safety."

"You make me sound like some type of drama character," Sehun chuckled. He could have sworn he saw Kai blush before he was turning his face away, burying it into Sehun's leg. 

"Not like that," he mumbled into Sehun's jeans. "Just that you think too much of us and not enough about yourself." His grip tightened around Sehun's waist as he said the last part. 

"Okay, I'm sorry. I've already promised to take better care of myself from now on so stop worrying. You should focus more on the tour. You need to be well rested. I should go."

He slipped out of Kai's grip, grinning down at him as he stood next to the bed. Kai still looked upset but maybe moderately less so? It was a win enough in Sehun's books to see the hint of a smile on his friends lips. 

"Rest well and work hard tomorrow! Fighting!" Kai chuckled lightly at him as he turned to leave.

"Wait." 

Sehun turned around to see Kai sitting up, fidgeting under the blanket.

"You really don't think it's my fault?" He resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his hyung.

"Of course not! Now go to sleep. I'm meeting you guys tomorrow for vocal rearrangements and if you're tired I'll know!" He motioned he was watching Kai and was relieved when the boy laughed, even though it was small. He nodded his head before slipping out of the room.

D.O. was in the living room playing on his phone so he didn't notice Sehun until he'd plopped down next to him. He gave him an expectant look before returning to his game. 

"It's good, I think. He probably still feels guilty but I think I eased his mind a bit."

"I bet you did." D.O. quirked his eyebrows up as he said it, smirking at his phone. Sehun smacked his arm, cringing when D.O. automatically gave him a death stare. He was the only person that could actually scare Sehun. He was probably the only member that could scare anyone.

"I'm sorry; I take it back!" 

D.O. rolled his eyes before closing the app on his phone. He got up, shaking his head once at Sehun before leaving for bed. Well, at least he hadn't decided on revenge tonight. Sehun could say he was lucky.

He followed D.O.'s lead, quietly slipping into his own room. Suho was already asleep so Sehun took the utmost care not to wake him. Maybe he should sleep in the living room or something until they left for tour so he wouldn't disturb the leader. He carefully removed his shirt and pants before he crawled into bed. He'd have to get used to baggy clothes for a while. Skinny jeans weren't easy to take off with one hand. Trust him. He'd tried.

He checked the time on his phone, sighing when he saw it was only 11 pm. All this extra practice was going to wreak havoc on his sleeping schedule. He was tired but didn't feel like he could fall asleep yet. He scrolled through his phone apps to find something to entertain himself but they all seemed boring. His finger hovered over his text app. Would Xiumin be sleeping? Probably. Maybe not though. It couldn't hurt to check.

**11:13 pm**

_sorry to disturb u. u up?_

**11:13 pm**

_yeah wats up?_

**11:13 pm**

_nothing, just can't sleep_

**11:14 pm**

_your ok tho right??_

**11:14 pm**

_I'm fine. Just, idk, I miss u_

**11:15 pm**

_I miss u too but I'm glad u r back :)_

**11:15 pm**

_me too :)_

_I wish I'd gotten more time to talk to u today_

**11:16 pm**

_same. but you'll be here all day tomorrow. I promise to find time to talk to u in person. now go to sleep. you need rest as much as us_

**11:17 pm**

_okay goodnight_

**11:17 pm**

_it really is. sweet dreams._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose 3.6.5 as the song to signify a change in the tone of the story. Expect a bit more upbeat from now on!


	25. Hide and Seek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun takes desperate steps to ensure his health but he's still clumsy AF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update! Sorry it took so long!

 The sun was too bright in the room. He grumbled as he pulled the blanket over his eyes in an effort to block the light flooding through his closed eyelids. He tossed and turned for a bit before he realised going back to sleep wasn't gonna happen. Sighing in disappointment, he pulled the blanket off his face and blinked the sleep from his eyes. 

_Ah, sleeping in my own bed is nice._

 Looking over at Suho's bed he wasn't surprised to see it empty. It was nearing afternoon judging from the light filtering through the blinds. Everyone had probably left for practice hours ago. _Shit! The vocal rearrangements!_ He grabbed his cell phone to see a message from Suho.

**9:52 am**

_We're doing the vocal rearrangements at 1 PM. If you feel up to it you can come by but don't push yourself!_

 It was just after noon now. He hadn't slept through it. He breathed a sigh of relief and fired off a quick response.

**12:07 pm**

_i'll b there!_

 He decided to take a shower before meeting them. He hadn't had one in... Sehun counted the days on his fingers. He hadn't had a shower in three days. Not since after him and Xiumin had... No, nope, not going there. He ignored the blood flowing to his nether regions at the memory of sex with Xiumin. Instead, he thought about what the vocal rearrangements would entail. He didn't have that many parts overall. It would probably be easy to split them up between the members.

 He stopped in the kitchen to grab a plastic bag. He'd been serious when he said he was gonna take care of himself. He was absolutely done with hospitals. He would take any and all measures to ensure he didn't have to go back unnecessarily. 

 Once in the bathroom he began the shower before wrapping the bag over his cast. When he was satisfied it was tied securely enough to prevent any water leaking through it to his cast (but not enough to cut off his circulation) he smiled in accomplishment. He wasn't totally helpless, after all.

 He shimmied out of his boxers and stepped into the tub. He immediately felt the tension in his body lessen some as the hot water hit him. As much as he wanted to bask in the feel of his first hot shower in days, his arm was getting tired from holding his wrist up and away from the stream of water. He resolved to shower quickly for now and maybe take a hot bath later, purely for relaxation purposes.

 It wasn't hard to open the shampoo bottle but getting the shampoo into his hand was a different story. He had to lay it down on the edge of the tub and use his knee to squeeze some into his waiting hand. _If only the members could see me now,_ he thought.

 The conditioner was the same story. At least with the body wash he could just squirt some onto his chest without having to do the awkward knee/tub thing. He washed as quickly as he was capable in his debilitated state. He couldn't quite reach his left side properly despite his long arms. He gave up after a while and made a mental note to buy himself one of those loofahs on a stick. Turning the water off, he gripped onto the towel bar to steady himself as he stepped out of the tub. He wasn't gonna let himself slip and bang his wrist again.

 Wrapping the towel around himself, he stood in front of the sink and wiped his hand across the steamed up mirror. He looked the same as always but somehow the reflection staring back at him was unfamiliar. The dark circles beneath his eyes had lessened some but there was no denying the slight purple tinge still lingering. He could probably cover it easily with some BB cream. At least his skin was starting to look healthier, less pale than it had been the past week. He'd have to be sure to eat well if he wanted to recover quickly.

 Grabbing his boxers off the floor, he walked barefoot to his room, leaving little droplets of water behind on the carpet. He threw his dirty boxers in the hamper and unwrapped the towel from his waist to dry off. Hearing a slight crinkling, he realised he hadn't taken the bag off. Fingers carefully untying the knot, he slid his arm out. Much to his satisfaction his cast was dry as a bone.

 He dried himself off completely before rummaging through his drawers for something to wear. He grabbed the baggiest shirt he had (which wasn't even that big) and pulled it carefully over his head. He'd have to go shopping for some looser clothes sometime this week. His tendency to wear tighter fitting clothing had come back to bite him in the ass. 

 He slipped on a clean pair of boxers and searched for some pants. The only clean thing he had that didn't require buckling or zipping was an old pair of sweats. He didn't wear them much because they hung a bit too loose on his hips and they didn't have drawstrings to tighten them. It was that or skinny jeans, though, and he was not going through that he'll again. He tugged them on and pulled his shirt hem over the waistband. It's not like he would be practicing dance or anything.

 He grabbed his phone from the stand and checked the time. He still had 10 minutes before he had to be downstairs. He probably should have left right away but he wanted to eat something first. The members would understand if he was a couple minutes late. In fact, he was pretty sure they'd me more pissed if he skipped out on breakfast.

 Making his way to the kitchen, he stopped in the laundry room to throw his towel into the pile of others before beginning his quest for food. Doing a quick once over of the fridge, he realized his options were pretty limited. He couldn't properly prepare anything but all the quick stuff was too unhealthy. Until he was better he was committed to only eating good things for his body. He was gonna cram himself so full of vitamins and nutrients that he'd give Suho a run for his money.

 The doctor had given him a sheet full of _do's and don't's_ for his stomach and he compared it mentally to what he had in the fridge. There were a lot of things from the  _do's_ list in here. He briefly debated what would taste the best before grabbing it all. What could it hurt? The more good stuff, the faster he'd get better, right? 

  _For your health,_ he told himself as he crammed the blender full of an array of fruits, vegetables and other miscellaneous things.  _For your health,_ he repeated when the blades kicked into gear, churning everything up into a pale green sludge. He kept the blender on until all the chunks had been thoroughly pureed. Flicking the switch off, he grabbed a water bottle from the cupboard so he could take it with him. His stomach did a small flip as he watched it ooze into the cup.  _For your health._

 He rinsed the blender out before he left because Suho would rip his head off if he came back to find dried on goop on it anywhere. He was about to leave when he remembered the small bottle of pills on his bedside table. Almost smacking himself for his stupidity, he shuffled back to his room. The doctor had given him the pills and a list of things he couldn't eat for a month before sending him off. He had explained how to take them too but the little sticker on the side of the bottle saying "Take with food" was enough for him. He popped one into his mouth and swallowed it back with a sip from his smoothie.

 He recoiled at the taste but persevered and managed to swallow it back. Doubling back to the kitchen he grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. He wasn't leaving without something to wash that down. In fact maybe he'd bring his toothbrush too, for when he was done. He threw everything but his smoothie into his backpack and zipped it up, slinging it over his shoulder. 

 Exiting the dorm with his drink in hand he made his way to the practice room. He got into the elevator and pressed the button for the floor the training rooms were on. Checking his phone he was relieved to see he was only a couple minutes late. Sipping on his fruit concoction he leaned back against the wall and waited. When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, he stepped forward only to almost collide with someone. Jumping back reflexively and holding his arm back, he blinked in surprise when the persons identity registered with him.

 "Donghae?"

 There was a moment of shock on the other boys face before it split wide in a smile and he moved forward, pulling Sehun out of the elevator and into a hug. Sehun held his arms out awkwardly, keeping his cast away and the other hand still holding his drink. 

 "Hello," was all Sehun could think to say. The arms around him pulled back to settle on his shoulders as Donghae gave him a once over. When no one got back on, the elevator doors closed as it began its return to the lobby. Donghae paid it no attention.

"Sehun! I've been wanting to stop by and see how you're doing but I just haven't had the time yet."

"I'm doing well. Thanks for your concern." Donghae rolled his eyes but let his hands drop from Sehun's shoulders.

"Stop talking formerly! So you're really okay? Where are you going, anyways?" He glanced down at Sehun's old and worn sweats and make-up free face. "You're not going out, are you?" Sehun chuckled at him and shook his head. He'd forgotten how unkempt he must look. He hadn't even bothered to blow dry his hair before he left, only doing a hasty job with his towel.

 "No, I'm going to the practice room." Sehun didn't miss Donghae's eyes widen ever so slightly.

 "The practice room? Shouldn't you be resting?" He frowned at Sehun, eyes looking over him again more critically.

"No," Sehun corrected, embarrassment creeping up his cheeks under the elder's gaze. "I'm just going to help with the vocal rearrangements for tour. My parts have to go to others now." 

 Donghae nodded, his brows unfurrowing and a smile returning to his face.

"Good," he said. "You shouldn't push yourself too hard. Everyone's wishing you a speedy recovery. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call!" He bowed, earning an annoyed look from Donghae before he was pulled into another hug.

  "Seriously," Donghae continued, tightening his arms around Sehun once before letting go. "Anything at all. Everyone back at the dorm has been wanting to see how you were doing. You've had the whole company so worried." 

 He laughed as he said it, clearly meaning it as a joke but it left a dull ache in Sehun's side. His guilt began rearing its head once again, eager to swallow him up. He pushed it down for now, smiling and laughing along with Donghae. Now was not the time, not when he was around others. They would only fuss about him and be more worried, kick start the cycle again.

 "Yes, I'm sorry. I'm doing well now. I'll be recovered very soon. I'm late for practice so I have to go. It was nice seeing you, hyung."

 Donghae waved goodbye and Sehun returned it, plastering a smile on his face as he turned away and down the hall. He kept it on, knocking before opening the door to their practice room. He shuffled in, bowing to their voice coach and manager in apology for being late. Thankfully they were understanding, calling for a quick break.

 When he came to the group, he noticed more worried faces than upset stares.

 "Sorry I'm late." Suho stepped over, lips quirked into a frown as he regarded Sehun's appearance.

 "Your hair's wet. Did you shower?" Sehun nodded, hand coming automatically to push his bangs out of his face. Suho sighed, walking over to the bench and grabbing a towel before handing it to Sehun. "You should have dried your hair off properly. You're gonna get sick." Sehun resisted the urge to roll his eyes at his hyung. Suho was only trying to take care of him.

 "Sorry, hyung! I will next time." Suho looked like he was gonna reach out and ruffle Sehun's hair but, eyeing the wet locks, thought better of it.

 "What that, Sehunnie?" Baekhyun came up behind him and placed his chin and Sehun's shoulder. He was pointing down to Sehun's drink.

 "Oh, this?" Sehun grinned, popping the lid off and passing it back to Baekhyun. "Try it. I made a smoothie this morning."

 Baekhyun sniffed at the rim, regarding Sehun somewhat skeptically. When Sehun's face betrayed nothing, he brought the bottle to his lips, tilting it back. Sehun snickered, Baekhyun's eyes darting to him but it was too late. His face scrunched up and he pulled the bottle away from his mouth, swallowing and making 'Ack!' sounds.

 "What is that," Baekhyun choked out, sticking his tongue out at the taste. Sehun couldn't help but laugh and neither could the members, though they had no idea what was going on. Still, seeing Baekhyun in such discomfort was funny regardless of the reason.

 "It's a smoothie, Baekhyun. What else?" Baekhyun's glare only made him laugh harder. He felt a little bad but only a little. Baekhyun made a face, drinking from his water to cleanse his mouth.

 "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted! What did you  _put_ in there!?" Sehun looked up in thought, counting the ingredients off on his fingers as he said them.

 "Green tea, yogurt, Kale, coconut juice, garlic, onions, bananas, apples," he trailed off as he tried to remember the last thing he added. "Oh yeah! Cranberry juice!" 

 His grin faltered when the members stared at him, mouths hanging open in shock or disgust.

 "Why would you make a drink out of that?" Chanyeol asked with wide eyes as he moved over to rub Baekhyun's back, the latter continuing to gag. 

 "It's all stuff that's good for my stomach, plus Kale is also good for your bones and blood clotting. It's gross but I'll get better faster." He took a sip before making a face himself. 

 "Why did you have to offer it to me?" Baekhyun whined at him. 

 "Okay, that was kind of cruel. I'm sorry Baekhyun." He unzipped his backpack and fished out the pack of gum. He handed it to Baekhyun, watching as he popped three pieces into his mouth at once. 

 "Is it really that bad?" Luhan looked over, peeking into the bottle. 

 "Yes," Baekhyun rasped. 

 "Let me try," Luhan said as he reached for the bottle. Sehun held it back, eyeing him warily.

 "You sure?" Luhan rolled his eyes and held his hand out. "Fine, but I didn't make you."

 Sehun handed him the bottle and he brought it straight to his lips, taking a rather large sip. He managed to hand the bottle back to Sehun and swallow it down before reacting. He coughed, bring a hand up to wipe at his mouth.

 "Okay, that's disgusting." He ripped the gum packet from Baekhyun's hands, popping a piece into his mouth. 

 "Told you," he shrugged at Luhan. 

 "Well I'm proud of you Sehun," Suho announced and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "You're taking care of yourself well. All of us should learn a thing or two from his dedication."

 "Stop it, Hyung. It's not that big of a deal." His ears felt warm and he was glad his hair was long enough to cover them. He peeked quickly at Xiumin out of the corner his eye, not for longer than a second. It was still enough time to see the smile and subtle thumbs up the elder had given him.

 The break ended and they resumed their work, Sehun included this time. It was lucky Sehun wasn't one of the main vocals. Since he didn't have that many parts it was pretty easily split up among the group. Chanyeol, Tao and Kris took over his rapping parts and the few singing lines he had were divided between everyone else. In less than an hour they had everything organized and had begun practicing. 

 They didn't really need help with their parts so Sehun just watched from the side. His back was to the mirror, head resting on the cool glass as he watched them. It was kind of funny; they seemed to be getting along so well without him. He wondered if they even needed him at all. Chanyeol had always been able to rap so naturally. When Sehun rapped it never had the same flow as him. He'd never been an amazing singer either; that was reserved for Chen, Baekhyun and D.O. He was an alright dancer but with Kai and Lay they didn't really need anyone else. He sort of floated in the middle, never at the top but never at the bottom either. 

 He wasn't sure if it was his mind playing tricks on him but everyone seemed to do Sehun's parts better than him. They flowed so seamlessly through the transitions despite them just starting today. He couldn't help but feel a small amount of jealousy bubble up in his chest. The vocal coach barely corrected them, and rarely more than once. They were all so naturally talented, on a level above him. He sipped his drink in silence, just watching.

 Xiumin shot him quick reassuring glances every so often as if he could read Sehun's mind. It didn't totally quell his thoughts but it at least helped distract him. Instead of focusing on his shortcomings he focused on Xiumin. Aside from thew few times he looked at Sehun he was completely focused. Sehun found himself noticing little things about Xiumin he never had before, like the way his eyebrows would furrow slightly when he concentrated or how he'd nod his head whenever the coach gave him pointers. It was adorable.

 Sehun had finished his (disaster) smoothie. Since they didn't seem to need him he figured he could probably leave. He pushed himself up with his right hand, unconsciously holding his right to his waist. At least he was being careful now. 

 Not wanting to disturb the members he went to their manager, quietly asking if he could leave. He was fine with it seeing as they "didn't need Sehun right now." Swallowing back the unease that statement caused he nodded, another question lingering in his mind. He still need some new clothes and his evening was apparently free.

 The manager was reluctant to let him go, especially since he hadn't been out in public since the accident. After some quiet begging and pointing out it would look suspicious if Sehun didn't leave the dorm at all he finally relented, on one condition: one of the members had to go with him. It would help publicity if he was with another member, not making him look cut off from them right now. Sehun agreed easily, just glad he could get some more comfortable clothes. The manager called Kai forward, explaining the situation. Since Kai was farthest ahead with the new choreography he was the most logical choice to take a day off. After he had notified the group the two left, Kai buzzing with excitement.

 "It's nice to get out of here. The dorms been suffocating recently."

 Sehun tried not to take it personally. _Tr_ _ied._ He still knew if he hadn't gotten ill things would be normal right now and they'd be on tour already. 

 "Yeah, I bet," was all he said as they made their way back to the dorms.

 Kai went to take a shower as Sehun got ready to go out. He had a dilemma. He couldn't wear a ratty pair of sweats out for his first public appearance in so long but he also wasn't keen on the idea of tight pants. Wherever he went to try stuff on would mean needing to take said tight pants off and that could be troublesome. What to do?

 Knowing the managers would skin him alive if he went out looking frumpy he grudgingly pulled on a pair of skinnies. It took him a couple minutes to actually get them on properly but then the worst was over. He didn't bother changing his shirt, slipping into a sweatshirt before grabbing a snap back. Good enough. 

 He needed to start his make-up but Kai was still in the bathroom. He rapped on the door, waiting in the hall for an answer. It took a second but then Kai opened the door, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

 "What," he asked with no real bite. Sehun shoved past him to the mirror, wiping it with his hand.

 "Need to do my make-up." 

 Kai hmphed but said nothing as he exited the room to get dressed. Sehun began applying his make-up, having to wipe the mirror off again in between. He wasn't sure if it was the lighting, fog on the mirror or if he really looked that pale. His foundation wasn't matching his skin tone as well as normal. He blended his make-up well though, to the point you couldn't even tell he hadn't been feeling well. It was strange. He'd been used to wearing make-up for so long since they debuted but now that he'd gone a week without it it felt weird. When he was done he sat down on the couch in the living room, waiting for Kai. 

 When Kai  _finally_ emerged from his room Sehun pulled himself off the couch, yawning into his hand. He was used to Kai taking forever but he'd been so tired recently he was sure he could fall asleep anywhere at this point. He sniffled as he slipped on his shoes, almost about to wipe at his eyes before he remembered his make-up.

 "You look like you were asleep," Kai noted as he slipped his own shoes on. Sehun shook his head. 

 ""I wasn't asleep. You just take forever. "

 Kai snorted but didn't reply as they left the dorm. Sehun's energy was returning at the thought of leaving the dorm. He hadn't been anywhere but here and the hospital in so long he felt like he had cabin fever. The thought of actually going out on his own had him rocking back and forth on his feet in the elevator. 

 "That's more energy than you had two minutes ago," Kai remarked.

 "I've been nowhere but the dorm and hospital for over a week. You'd be excited to." Kai nodded in response, turning back to the doors when they opened.

One of the managers was waiting at their van to escort them. Sehun crawled into the middle seat, bouncing up and down in anticipation. Kai was giving him a funny look but he didn't care. He needed to get out, to go somewhere, anywhere but the dorm.

 They decided going to a mall was a bad idea. It would probably be too crowded and hard to control. Their manager called ahead to a store they frequented some times. The store agreed to close off for them, allowing them some privacy. 

 Sehun was no stranger to Seoul but he couldn't stop staring out the window, watching the city life pass by. He hadn't realised how cooped up he'd felt until he was allowed to leave. He loved spending time at the dorm but between that and the hospital he'd grown bored. He hadn't realised how often their schedules required then to move around until he was left behind. 

 They pulled up to the clothing store and Sehun practically ripped his seat belt off before Kai held his wrist. He looked back at the elder, confused. Kai was smiling at him but his eyes looked wary.

 "Calm down. It's your first trip out in a while; we should be careful. Even though they closed the shop I'm sure fans will end up showing up. Take it easy, okay?"

 Sehun nodded, taking a deep breath before tugging the sleeve of his sweater over his cast. He pulled his hat down, covering his face more as he exited the van. They wasted no time entering the shop, their manager trailing behind them. The owner greeted them and told them to take their time. 

 Sehun and Kai began looking through the racks while their manager waited by the door, keeping an eye on the outside. Sehun thought he was being a bit paranoid but whatever, at least he wasn't bothering Sehun. Kai and Sehun stood across from each other, looking through opposite sides of the rack.

 "So why exactly are we clothes shopping?" 

 "Because my clothes suck for a disabled person," Sehun stated. He wanted to stick to his style but most of the things are too complicated for him right now. He really just needs some baggy shirts and a couple pairs of loose bottoms. It shouldn't be too hard. 

 "So we're looking for things you can put on one handed?"

  "Yup."

 He found a couple of things that looked like they would work. He was heading to the changing room when Kai stopped him, adding a small stack to his pile. 

 "Trust me," Kai says. "These things will work."

 Sehun gave him a look before entering the changing room. As predicted his pants were annoying but he managed well enough. He tried everything on carefully, throwing anything with difficulty off to he side. 

 Everything Kai had given him was easy to change in and out of but it was mostly tank tops and sweats. Sehun could have guessed as much himself. Still, they were comfortable and that's what's he was looking for.

 He grabbed his choices and exited the changing room. Nodding to Kai he dropped the pile at the front register. The owner smiled at him as she began ringing through his purchases. She stopped for a moment when she saw his cast, Sehun having forgotten to put his sweater back on.

 "I hope you heal fast. You're too cute to be hurt."

 Sehun blushed at the compliment, turning away as he dug his wallet out. Handing her his card he waited as the payment finished. He placed his card back in his wallet and thanked her as he grabbed the bags from her, or rather, tried. He grabbed one but Kai grabbed the rest before Sehun could reach them. He didn't bother arguing. They were shopping bags not weights. If Kai wanted to carry them he could.  

 There was a small group outside the shop now, mostly girls as they peered through the windows. Word must have spread they were here. Whatever, they were going straight to their van and Sehun didn't look deathly ill or anything. 

 He followed Kai out, ignoring the screams piercing the air. He smiled at the fans, hoping he looked as good as he felt. He was too focused on the fans; he wasn't looking where he was going. He tripped over his own feet, stumbling until Kai caught him. Kai righted him, grinning down at him as Sehun's cheeks reddened in embarrassment. He quickly retreated into the van, pulling his hat down to cover his face as Kai followed him.

 "Ugh," Sehun grunted as the van pulled away. "My first appearance and I trip over my feet. Please tell me this is a dream."

 Kai chuckled, dropping the bags between their seats. There was enough clothing he should be fine so long as he did laundry every couple days.

 "It's not a dream. Don't stress, though. I'm sure they thought it was cute."

 "I don't wanna be cute," Sehun groaned. 

 "Too bad, that's your lot in life."

 Sehun wondered if the fans would miss Kai if he happened to 'get rid of him.' 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by ASTRO!


	26. Love Toxic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baekhyun is sassy as ever and poor Lay is just curious.

 Sehun felt refreshed after their little shopping trip. It was barely over an hour but that hour was a proverbial life preserver thrown his way. Being out and actually  _doing_ something, even if it was as trivial as buying new clothes, washed away the tension from his body that had been growing steadily since he'd been injured. 

 They were used to rushing from place to place, going from interviews to the airport to rehearsal to performances. Even when they weren't preparing a comeback they still had individual activities among other schedules. It had become routine to spend days, sometimes weeks away from the dorm. Having been cooped up there made him appreciate the time they had away, even if it became unbearably exhausting sometimes. He didn't have to worry for much longer,though. They were leaving for tour in four days. It would be tiring, more so for the members actually  _performing_ but at least it promised a change of scenery for him.

 They got back to the dorm and Sehun went straight to his room to change. He had a sneaking suspicion that his tripping earlier had more to do with his pants than his feet. Either way, he'd be more comfortable in pants he didn't have to pull back up every five minutes. He spilled the bag out on his bed, rifling through the pile of clothes until he found some shorts. He was in the midst of pulling them on when he saw Kai at the door.

 "Yeah?" He kicked his sweats off to the side, too lazy to throw them in the hamper. He'd do it later. For now he had other, more important things to do. His stomach rumbled unceremoniously as if to remind him he hadn't eaten anything today asides from his 'smoothie.'

 "Uh, just wondering what you wanted for supper?"

 He turned back to Kai, chewing thoughtfully on his lip. Nobody was back from practice yet but they would be hungry when they did return.  Whatever him and Kai did they should make sure there was enough for the others. He didn't really feel like getting take out; it was too unhealthy. 

 "We could cook," Sehun piped up. "Make something for everyone for when they get back."

 "Us? Cook?" Kai looked at him incredulously.

 "Oh come on, we're not  _that_ bad," he said as he side stepped Kai into the hall. "Besides, we got to go out while everyone else had to keep practicing. The least we can do is get supper ready."

 "Well yeah, but what's wrong with, like, pizza?" Kai followed him into the kitchen, eyeing Sehun warily when he started pulling cooking utensils out.

 "If that's what you really want, go ahead, but I'm not eating takeout so I'm gonna be cooking anyways. I'll just make it then."

 It wasn't that hard anyway. He wasn't really a world class chef (okay he was horrible) but the members would at least appreciate the effort, right? Kai heaved a tired sigh and came around the counter, rolling his eyes at Sehun.

 "Okay, fine. Let's cook."

 "It's fine, if you don't want to I can just-"

 "If you think I'm letting you cook a meal for 11 people by yourself with  _that_ hand you're dead wrong." The look Kai gave him told him the conversation was over. 

 "Aish, I'm not helpless but okay then. Let's cook!" He ignored Kai's scoff when he said 'not helpless' and opted instead to pull two sets of aprons out of the drawer. When he handed one to Kai he was met with an unimpressed grimace.

 "There's no way I'm wearing that," Kai deadpanned. 

 "Don't be stubborn, just wear it. You'll ruin your clothes otherwise." 

 "But it's  _frilly_ ," he objected. Seriously, so stubborn. 

 "Fine,  _I'll_ wear the frilly one. Just put an apron on," he snapped, tossing Kai the less frilly, striped apron in place of the blue  _frilly_ one. Kai made an appreciative noise and tied his own apron around his waist. Why was he so hung up on which damn apron he wore? Looking down at it, it was a perfectly fine apron. So it had a  _bit_ of a white trim around it that could  _possibly_ be seen as having  _frill like tendencies_. Who was going to see it anyways? It was just the two of them home.

  Doning his apron proudly, he turned to Kai. He had the urge to clap his hands in front of him but thought better of it, throwing them into the air instead.

 "So what are we gonna make?" He hadn't really considered this, to be honest. The extent of his own cooking went to ramyun or dry noodles and Kai's wasn't much better. 

 "You didn't have anything in mind?" 

 "Uh, not really," he admitted. He'd wanted to do something for everyone but hadn't gotten as far as to decide what. Kyungsoo was the cook among them, not him. He rifled through the drawers for a cookbook or something but there was nothing. 

 "So pull it out of our ass?" 

 "Yup," he nodded back to Kai with more enthusiasm than necessary.

 They set to work going through the fridge and cupboard to decide their menu. The dorm was by no means understocked but Kai and Sehun's cooking prowess only went so far. They were relying on their experiences watching their moms and D.O. cook. Neither could remember a solid recipe so they decided to just create something themselves.

 A vegetable/meat stir fry sounded safe. Kai began cutting the vegetables and Sehun fried the meat. Frying was easy to do one handed so he picked out some spices in the meantime. They were pretty much going off of intuition but everything  _seemed_ like it would taste good together. While Kai got some noodles ready Sehun added the spices to the meat. He hoped he didn't over or under do it but he wouldn't know until it was done.

 This was the first time him and Kai had spent together since Sehun's last hospital visit and he was relieved when they returned to their normal banter. Sehun insulted Kai's skills, Kai snapped back pointing out Sehun's equally, if not worse skills. It was almost like their normal selves again. It gave him hope that maybe things would return to normal soon. He didn't enjoy being seen as such a victim lately. 

 They were almost done everything when the front door opened. The members filed in, tired and sweaty. He peeked his head out of the kitchen, grinning at them as they entered the living room. 

 "You're back! Me and Kai made supper!" 

 He wasnt offended by the dubious stares directed his way. He didn't have a great track record for cooking in the past.

 "Cooking? You two?" D.O. dropped his bag on the couch, sniffing the air to the kitchen as he passed by Sehun. 

 "Yeah, and we've outdone ourselves!" Sehun moved back to the stove, adding the meat into the pot already full of noodles and veggies. It looked damn good if he did say so himself. It was better than he'd expected, at least. It looked and smelled good and nothing was burnt; a success in his books. D.O. sniffed at it cautiously, poking the contents with the spoon. 

 "Well, it _looks_ edible. We'll see what it actually tastes like." Although it sounded standoffish that was actually a big compliment from D.O. Well, for the two of them at least. It was enough to put a smile on Sehun's face as he shooed D.O. out of the kitchen. 

 "You guys just sit down. We'll bring the food to you." He ignored the apprehensive looks he got in favor of sparing Xiumin a glance. He was almost postitive he saw a momentary grimace but then Xiumin was grinning at him with that beautifully gummy smile and his eyes were full of warmth and Sehun was smiling back. 

 "Yah, what's with the dress?" His head snapped to Chanyeol as the older boy plopped down in a free spot on the couch. He suddenly remembered the perhaps-more-feminine-than-he'd-thought apron and was embarrassed. He'd meant to take it off before the others got back. He probably looked ridiculous.

 "It's not a dress, it's an apron and you'd know that if you ever stepped foot in a kitchen!" Maybe Sehun was being a bit unfair and taking his embarrassment out on Chanyeol but also maybe he didn't care because the patronizing laugh the older boy let out only made him more annoyed. "Keep this up and you'll be the only one to not have supper!"

 Chanyeol swallowed and turned to Kris, obviously expecting back up. He wasn't expecting Kris to click his tongue and shake his head.

 "What do you expect? They made it. Their call." There was laughter and Sehun stuck his tongue out, point made, before turning around and stomping back to the kitchen. He tugged the apron off and threw it on the counter. Stupid apron. Stupid Chanyeol.

 Part of him wondered if seeing him in an apron had made Xiumin picture them together in a little house, maybe something out in the country but close enough to the city for Xiumin to be able to commute to work, and Sehun getting supper ready for him when he got home because his work was very stressful an-

 Stop. What the hell? Did he just imagine himself as a  _house-wife_? What the  _hell_ was Xiumin doing to him!?

  He shook the thoughts away because Kai was looking at him and the members were waiting for food and he could not deal with a mental crisis right now. Instead, he went to help Kai. He had managed to get almost everything ready, working on plating it at this point. Sehun grabbed one before he could object and left for the living room, placing the plate in front of Kris. He smacked Kris's hand away when he went to reach for it.

 "Wait! You can't start until everyone has a plate." Kris raised his eyebrows but made no move to reach for the plate again, amused. Satisfied, Sehun went back to the kitchen and grabbed another, giving it to Suho this time. He was a bit slow since he could only do one plate at a time but Kai soon finished and helped hand the food out. 

 "Enjoy," Kai grinned when he handed the last plate to Chanyeol (who had reluctantly apologized when surrounded with the scent of a home cooked meal). "We worked hard! It's the Sekai special!"

 Kai chuckled at himself, not noticing the murderous look Sehun shot him. He was about to curse at him before he remembered Suho sitting across the table and thought better of it.

 "Seriously," he questioned instead into his water, ignoring the scattered coughs and laughter from the others. Last thing he needed was to acknowledge that. He'd always found their 'ships' extremely uncomfortable, despite the company encouraging them to  _keep them alive_ by interacting with everyone equally. Well, they'd never straight up said it but everyone knew. At least, he'd thought so but apparently not because Lay looked up from his food to stare questioningly at them.

 "Sekai?"

 The laughter was a bit louder now and Sehun wanted nothing more than to shove his face into his plate and avoid this.

  "It's their ship name," Baekhyun giggled from across the table and maybe Baekhyun didn't value his life because he showed no reaction to Sehun's death glare.

 "Ship? What?"

 Sehun groaned through his mouthful of noodles, looking down to avoid the _looks_ he was getting.

 "That what fans call it when they put us into  _relationships_ ," Baekhyun said with a waggle of his eyebrows and he was  _definitely_ in trouble. Lay looked around, absorbing what Baekhyun had said until his eyebrows widened in apparent realization.

 "Wait, you mean  _romantic_ relationships? They  _do_ that?"

 The loudest burst of laughter yet filled the room and Sehun wasn't sure who he felt worse for: Lay and his naivety or himself for being at the center of this. He had to avert this crisis before it happened. He cleared his throat, motioning to their plates.

 "Let's eat, yeah? We worked hard on this. Don't let it get cold."

 For a blissful minute the room was silent as they dug in and Sehun was pleasantly surprised to find that the general consensus was that it was good, albeit a little bland. Considering him and Kai's abilities that was practically the equivalent of a gold medal in their books. 

 The silence was broken when Lay went from chewing on his food quietly to turning to Baekhyun with a thoughtful expression.

 "Do people ship me with someone?"  _And there goes our peace and quiet._ Baekhyun grinned mischievously and Sehun just _knew_ he wasn't gonna like where this was going. 

 "Oh boy, do they  _ever._ " Sehun cringed at the low notes in his voice. Poor Lay just widened his eyes a bit, food forgotten as a blush dusted his cheeks. Baekhyun apparently wasn't done tormenting the boy because he continued.

 "Mostly M members. They tend to stick with the same subgroup most of the time. People like you and Luhan a lot. Kris too but not as much as Chen." 

 Those aforementioned reacted to Baekhyun's comments in different ways. Chen choked on his mouthful of noodles, coughing violently while Xiumin clapped his back, Luhan shot Baekhyun an annoyed look but didn't seem overall bothered and Kris... Kris shot Baekhyun a glare so harsh even Sehun got chills. Lay just looked at him, expression frozen in shock or embarrassment; Sehun wasn't sure which. Baekhyun paled slightly when he met Kris's eyes but the smug smile remained on his face, albeit maybe a little smaller than before.

 "Why do you do this to him, Baek? You know he's innocent to that stuff," Chanyeol hissed quietly into the trouble maker's ear except it wasn't that quiet and practically everyone heard it except maybe for Chen who was still coughing violently. 

  "He asked. Besides, what's the big deal? Don't tell me you guys haven't been the  _slightest_ bit curious before to see what the fans wrote."

 Sehun felt his cheeks heat up a little but shoved his mouth full to avoid answering. He'd never looked any up, that was true but _maybe_ he'd been just the _slightest_ bitcurious lately whether fans ever wrote about him and Xiumin. In his defense, he'd been stuck in the hospital a fair bit lately with nothing but his phone to entertain him. Had he been pathetic enough to look up pictures of Xiumin because he missed seeing the older boy's smile? Of course not. Totally not. Not. Yes. Had he ended up wondering about fanfiction of them? Of course not. Totally not. Not. Yes. He just didn't have the nerve to look any up. 

 Sparing a glance at the others he guessed he wasn't the only one who at least considered looking something up. Almost everyone was blushing, save for Kris who was still giving Baekhyun a death glare and Luhan who seemed to find the entire situation as amusing as Baekhyun as they kept making eye contact and giggling. 

 "But seriously guys," Baekhyun breathed out, grinning at them lazily with a faint hint of smugness from earlier. "Why are you acting like that? It's not a big deal. It's just fans being fans. You should be used to it by now." He turned to Kai and gave him a pointed look.

 "You're the one who brought the damn subject up in the first place!" Kai seemed to be regretting that very much at this point. If he pushed himself any further into the couch it would probably swallow him whole.

 "Yah, whatever." It had no real bite to it and Baekhyun shrugged it off easily. 

 "The point is fans do this all the time so you might as well get used to it, at least enough to talk about it without becoming a tomato." 

  "Well would you be so cool about it if we were talking about you?" Chen seemed to have recovered, at least enough to insult Baekhyun. He could do that half-dead though, so maybe not. 

 "Why not? It's no big deal. I'm not ashamed. Actually, I'm one of the most popular ships, I'll have you know. Me and Chanyeol." He grinned widely and slapped Chanyeol's back as he said it, earning a sputter from Chanyeol before he hastily downed some water.

 "Excuse me?" 

 "Don't be shy Chanyeol, be proud! People love us!" Either Baekhyun was just being a dick (which was  _definitely_ plausible and most likely the truth) or he really didn't understand why they should be uncomfortable about this, which could also be true for him because he was a different breed. A loud, devilish, sly breed that was working it's way to extinction pretty quick at this rate. Lay was at least slightly less shocked now, able to close his mouth. Progress was progress.

 "How do you even know all this?" 

Baekhyun turned to Chen, eyes shining in the way they did when he knew he had managed to ruffle somebody's feathers, and smirked.

 "I like to keep tabs on our Exo-L's and let me tell you: they are  _creative_."

 The silence was laced with the implications of his words and Baekhyun was absolutely delighted about it, the jerk. If he didn't know he'd have to clean up the mess up Sehun would dump his plate right onto Baekhyun's face, just to wipe the smug smile off of it. Instead he sighed because when had the fans sexual fantasies about them become dinner talk? He'd regret that later as Baekhyun's eyes snapped to him.

 "What are you moaning about? Don't tell me you're uncomfortable with this, too? Am I the only one who isn't?"

 "Yes," everyone said at the same time, minus Luhan who was watching the exchange with a very amused expression. Baekhyun shook his head and clicked his tongue, picking his neglected plate back up.

 "You guys are such babies." 

 Sehun was pretty sure every normal person would be uncomfortable with the thought of thousands, maybe millions, of people putting then into fake relationships with their best friends. Uncomfortable was a normal reaction. 

 Nobody spoke up after that, just ate their food quietly between darting eyes and blushes. Maybe it  _was_ a little pathetic just how uncomfortable they were but no way was he going to let Baekhyun think he was right, not after the stunt he'd just pulled. 

 He was finishing the last couple bites of his food when it started up again. 

 "So who are the most popular ones then?" Everyone turned to Lay but he was looking at Baekhyun. "Ships or whatever."

 Everyone froze. Sehun heard an intake of breath but didn't know who it was from because suddenly his ears were ringing and did Lay just ask what the  _most popular ships were_? Baekhyun grinned smugly into his plate, keeping his eyes down and wrapping some noodles around his fork.

 "There's a few," he said nonchalantly and it was obvious he had won because despite the discomfort among them there was a lingering curiosity in the air. Of course they were curious who was most popular. They might be friends and all but on stage it was always a competition to outdo the others. It was like a running joke among them, who could make the fans go most crazy. 

 "But which ones," Lay persisted, oblivious to the sudden tension in the air. "Which are the  _most_ popular?"

 Baekhyun finally looked up, an evil glint in his eye as he slowly put his plate on the coffee table. He leaned back, watching the others as he spoke.

 "Hmm, well I guess there's a couple that are more popular than others. You already heard one, Sehun and Kai." 

 Aaaaand Sehun's blush was back. Baekhyun continued, rattling off a list like a teacher reading off homework.

 "Some others are D.O. and Kai, Luhan and Xiumin, Luhan and Sehun, D.O. and Chanyeol (believe it or not), Tao and Sehun, Tao and Kris, oooh Kris and Suho too." 

 Lay frowned, looking at the other members.

 "You guys are so popular. Sehun's in three of those!"

 Sehun never thought innocent, naive, sweet Lay would make him wanna smother him with a pillow. His cheeks burned and he was sure everyone could see it. What had he done to deserve this? _What_? He drank some of his water to avoid responding and Lay continued.

 "And most of those are Exo-K. Don't they like us too?" His pouted into his food, dragging his fork across the near empty plate. He looked so dejected and sad that the annoyance washed (mostly) off of Sehun. He was just Lay; he didn't get things the same way all the time. Poor, sweet Lay who was more upset he wasn't as popular than the fact that he was being shipped with his friends. He really was one of a kind.

 "Don't worry Lay," Baekhyun spoke. "Those that write about you are  _very_ dedicated. Lay fans will not take any shit from anyone. You're their little unicorn."

 It was half cheering up sad Lay and half mocking him but because he was  _Lay_ , and saw the world as this wonderful place, he looked up, slightly hopeful.

 "Really?" 

 "Totally. They love you."

 This seemed to brighten him up a bit, dimples creasing his cheeks as he grinned.

 "Can we please stop talking about this now?" It was Tao who spoke this time, face scrunched up in discomfort from his spot on the floor. 

 "Why? Jealous you weren't number one?" Baekhyun teased. 

 If someone didn't know Tao they'd be frightened from the look he shot Baekhyun but they  _did_ know him. He seemed scary when you met him but in reality he was all bark and no bite and Baekhyun took advantage of that maybe more than he should. 

 Sehun was waiting for the snappy comeback but it didn't happen. Instead, Baekhyun actually seemed to look almost  _guilty_ as he spoke.

 "Sorry, got carried away," he muttered. 

 On the list of things Sehun never expected to happen, Baekhyun apologizing for a joke was probably directly after Leonardo DiCaprio winning an Oscar. 

 The other members were apparently just as shocked because it was silent after Baekhyun spoke. He shrugged at them, saying nothing else as he got up to bring his plate to the kitchen. They turned to stare at each other, in awe of the fact Byun Baekhyun just  _apologized_.

 "Well, that happened. It did, right?" Chen looked from the kitchen to Tao, to his plate. "Maybe the food was spiked." 

 Sehun giggled, covering his mouth because maybe the tension had frayed his nerves and Baekhyun never apologized and he wasn't sure how to process this. Chen grinned at him, laughing too and soon they were all laughing and maybe he _had_ somehow spiked their food.

 Baekhyun returned and rolled his eyes at them but said nothing and it only caused them all to laugh harder. Baekhyun was trying to keep his face blank but the beginning of a smile was there. It took a grand total of five seconds before he was laughing too. 

 Perhaps it was exhaustion or maybe stress that kept them laughing but it didn't really matter because for the first time in a week they let it all go. They just laughed until they were blue in the face and out of breath. Then they laughed some more because everyone looked ridiculous and it was hard to stop. They were performers almost 24/7 but in these  _few_ moments they were just a group of friends laughing over nothing and every thing at the same time. 

 When the laughter finally started to fade and there were tears rolling down their cheeks Suho spoke up. 

 "These moments are what we need to remember. Things have been hard lately but when it comes down to it we can get through anything because we have each other. We keep each other strong and I've never been more proud in my life than to be part of this group. We're more than friends; we're family."

 It was so cheesy it almost made Sehun sick but still he couldn't help but smile. Yes, it was cheesy but it was also true. They  _were_ a family. Through everything they had each others backs. You couldn't choose family but Sehun had been blessed with his.

 "Yah, whatever. Stop with the speeches and let's just get a photo already." 

 Baekhyun pulled his phone out, holding it up and motioning everyone closer. Sehun scooted over to sit by his legs, internally shouting for joy because Xiumin had taken the spot next to him and his happiness meter was about to burst. They had to squish together to fit in the frame and he could feel Xiumin's skin against his and it was  _so_ good. 

 His smile was completely genuine as Baekhyun took the photo. Suho got it right. Through the ups and downs they always had each other to balance things out. He didn't just have Xiumin's love, he had everyone's and they had his. 

 

* * *

 

 

Bonus:

 

 Sehun was sitting on the couch, playing a mobile game when it happened. There was a loud screech and a door slamming open and suddenly Tao was stomping down the hallway.

 "BYUN BAEKHYUN, I HOPE YOU HAVE YOUR WILL FINALIZED BECAUSE I'M GOING TO  _KILL_ YOU!"

 Tao entered the living room, seething, and his eyes settled on Sehun.

 "Did you know about this!?" He marched over to him, glowering and, okay, this was much scarier than the look he'd given Baekhyun before.

 "Know about what?" He flinched when Tao thrusted something into his face. His eyes adjusted to the screen of Tao's phone enough to see what was on it. His eyes widened and he looked up at Tao in shock.

 "Baekhyun did this, I  _know_ it!" He was still kinda yelling and honestly Sehun had never seen Tao so upset, although it was justified if what he said was true.

 "What's all the noise about?" Suho padded into the living room, Kris following. Suho must have been almost asleep because he was rubbing at his eyes and his hair was all mussed up. 

 "Baekhyun crossed a damn line, that's what this is about!" 

 Tao looked like he was about to storm past the leaders and exact his revenge on Baekhyun. They must have noticed because Suho seemed fully alert at his point and Kris was stepping forward. 

 "What's wrong?"

 Some of the others had appeared in the hall now, the commotion rousing them from their sleep.

 "Baekhyun asked to borrow my phone to find his and now I have to kill him."

 The only person not in the hallway or living room was Baekhyun. That was most likely in his best interests. When Suho and Kris found out what happened they would probably assist Tao in skinning him alive. 

 "Calm down Tao." Kris was taking slow, deliberate steps toward him like he was a wounded animal that would lash out. That was a pretty good representation of him at this point.

 "Calm down? CALM DOWN? My phone has been blowing up for the past twenty minutes! I'M the one who's gonna be in trouble when the managers call, which should be any minute!"

 It was kind of funny to him, seeing as he was the only one who knew what was going on. Everyone else probably thought Tao was having a mental breakdown. Maybe he was but at the very least it was justified. Suho was watching Kris and Tao hesitantly, unsure of whether or not to interrupt. It was best he didn't.

 Kris definitely seemed like his patience was wearing thin, which meant something because he'd always been most tolerant of Tao. If he was getting pissed then it was serious. Sort of.

 "Dammit Tao, will you just tell us what happened?"

 "BAEKHYUN WENT ONTO MY WEIBO AND LIKED A TAOHUN FANFICTION!"

 It was quiet, save for the members intake of breath. The only sound to be heard was a barking laughter from down the hallway. Baekhyun was  _so_ dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAD to include the Taohun fic part XD
> 
> Anyway sorry it too so long again
> 
> (Add me on tumblr if you want, same name, same game. I'm tired okay)


	27. Falling Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun takes the next step(?) with Xiumin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy writers block. I'm sorry.

 After Baekhyun's little stunt there was no time for Xiumin and Sehun to talk, save for some texts. Suho and Kris had the dorm on lock down while they tried to calm the manager down. 

 They couldn't admit Baekhyun had done it as a prank because that would open all sorts of doors they wanted very much to keep closed. Eventually they settled on acting like it was an accident and Tao had stumbled on it through a link and meant to back out but hit the wrong button. It wasn't a very good excuse and Sehun was sure that the fans wouldn't let it go but there wasn't much else for them to do. He'd be more worried about it if he wasn't so distracted.

 His phone buzzed in his hands and he opened the text immediately.

**1:13 am**

_well i guess i culdnt make good on my promise to talk after all :/_

**1:14 am**

_its not ur fault, howevr wen i get my hands on baek..._

**1:14 am**

_get in line ( >人<)_

**1:15 am**

_it wuld hav been funny if it hadnt involved me ಠ_ಥ_

**1:15 am**

_yea, and not w/ tao._

**1:16 am**

_is that jealousy im sensing? (¬‿¬)_

**1:17 am**

_myb a little. but also concern for ur well being nd all that_

**1:17 am**

_ah, protecting my honor n such?_

**1:18 am**

_n such :)_

**1:19 am**

_well i suppose thx r in order then ಠ‿↼_

**1:20 am**

_go to bed sehun :/_

**1:20 am**

_but hyuuunnng..._

**1:20 am**

_dont make me come over there ಠ_ಠ_

**1:21 am**

_please do (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)_

**1:21 am**

_your like an adorable little child (ᵔᴥᵔ)_

**1:22 am**

_says the guy using a teddi emoji. also, doesnt that make u a pedophile?_

**1:23 am**

_OMG sehun go to bed ( >ლ)_

**1:23 am**

_only if u promise me sumthing (´・ω・`)_  

**1:24 am**

_wat is it sehun?_

 Well, here goes nothing (except everything.)

**1:25 am**

_take me on a date..._

 He sent it before he could back out. His heart was hammering against his ribs wildly as he looked down, eyes glued to their text screen. He was nervous as all hell. It felt like there was a weight in the pit of his stomach, pushing him further and further into his bed. He  _really_ liked Xiumin. It was honestly terrifying when he thought about just how much his heart fluttered when he saw the older boy.

 He'd never been a 'puppies and hearts' kind of guy but everything he _used_ to be was changing faster than he could process. All he knew for sure was that he was falling for Xiumin and couldn't get him out of his mind. He wanted to go out on dates and watch cheesy romantic movies while they held hands in the popcorn, maybe go out for ice cream after and giggle as they smeared it across each others noses. Later they'd sit together on a park bench, snuggling together to stave off the chilly evening air as they watched the sunset. No, he'd never been a 'puppies and hearts' guy but Xiumin was turning him into one. 

 He was jolted out of his thoughts when his phone vibrated again. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and stared at it. It had locked in the 30+ seconds it had taken for a response. The words across the screen tore his breath right back out.

_**1 New Message** _

 Behind this lock screen sat his answer, if he could just get up the courage to open it. He knew he was being ridiculous. Xiumin made it clear he liked him so what was the worry? Maybe it was the fact it was the most official confirmation of their relationship they'd yet discussed. Xiumin had admitted he cared for Sehun but that still didn't definitively say anything about what they were.

 _Fuck, get a grip Sehun_. It was just one text message.

 So why did it feel like the most important one he would ever read?

  With hands slightly shaking, he swiped across the screen. He took a deep breath and looked down.

**1:26 am**

_i would love to take you out on a date, oh sehun :)_

 Oh. Okay. Good. That's good.

 He burst into a giddy smile and before he knew it he was rolling around in the bed and squealing into his blanket. He stopped, blinking at the ceiling at his unusual outburst. Whatever, he decided a moment later and returned to making his muffled noises. Everything was changing anyways; he might as well roll with it. His phone vibrated again from where it lay abandoned on the sheets and he scrambled for it, realizing he hadn't replied. 

**1:29 am**

_sehun? is that a yes?_

He hurriedly typed out a reply, staring down at his phone like a fool in love. 

_I guess I sort of am._

**1:29 am**

_yes yes sorry but yes_

**1:30 am**

_good (─‿‿─) now go to sleep!_

**1:30 am**

_okay hyung :)_

 

* * *

 

 

 It would be pretty accurate to say Sehun got almost none to very little sleep. How was he expected to? Xiumin had agreed to go on an actual  _date_. The fact he'd managed any sleep at all was an absolute miracle. He wasn't tired, though, because _Xiumin was gonna go on a date with him_. He woke up before anyone else but he couldn't get back to sleep because every time his eyes closed they opened right back up because _Xiumin_.

 He decided to make some breakfast for everyone (Xiumin included). Nothing fancy and something they could eat quickly before they rushed off to practice. He had 20 minutes before everyone was supposed to get up so quick really was his only option. He started boiling some rice before beginning on the eggs. Years of living and working together made it easy to remember how everyone liked them.

 By the time people started sleepily making their way out of their rooms Sehun had everything just about ready and set up on the table.

 "Morning," he chimed at a yawning Lay and a grumpy Chen. 

 "Why are you up so early?" Chen sat down and began scraping food onto his plate, knowing from experience he'd only be grumpier if he didn't eat before practice. Lay joined him at the table, poking at the food before smiling up at Sehun. 

 "Sehun, did you make this for us?"

 "Yup. Now eat before Tao comes along and eats it all himself."

 "I heard that," a voice grumbled. Tao trudged up and joined the others at the table. 

 "I meant you to," Sehun said as he watched Tao load his plate with at least a quarter of the rice. "Save some for the others!" Tao muttered but grudgingly returned some of the rice to the pot.

  He left to clean up his mess while the others slowly made their way to the living room. He was almost done placing the dishes in the sink when a hand came out from behind him to grab his wrist. He jumped and spun, dropping the dish and it shattered on the floor.

 "Shit, sorry," Kai apologized quickly. "I didn't mean to scare you."

 "It's fine," he muttered, bending down to pick up the shards.

 "No, it's okay, I'll do it!"

 "Kai, it's fine. I'm an adu-" He broke off when he knicked his finger on the edge of a plate, pulling his hand away sharply in reaction. He brought his finger up to inspect the cut. It was barely anything at all. It just surprised him.

"Yah, see! You need to be careful!" 

"Kai, I'm fine, really." His protests were ignored as Kai dragged him back to the sink, running his finger under the tap. 

 "Really Kai, it's nothing. I can handle it." 

 He pulled his hand from Kai's grip, giving him a semi-annoyed look. He stepped carefully around the plate fragments and went to rummage through their supply closet.

 "Here," he handed Kai a dustpan and brush. "Can you sweep this up?"

 He didn't wait for an answer and left for the bathroom. It really wasn't much of a cut at all but he should probably still put a band-aid on. Better safe that sorry was becoming his new motto. 

  He stifled a yawn as he pushed open the bathroom door. Maybe he would go back and nap after everyone left but he doubted it because  _Xiumin._ That boy was gonna be the death of him. A very sexy death, but still. 

 He rummaged through the first aid kit, looking for a band-aid when suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder. He yelped and dropped the kit, spilling the contents across the tiled floor. He looked up and suddenly felt very silly when his eyes met with Xiumin's. 

 "Are you okay?" Xiumin's eyes flicked to his wrist immediately. 

 "I'm fine. Don't worry, really," he muttered sheepishly. "Just don't understand why everyone's sneaking up on me today."

  He began picking everything up and putting it back in the box, blushing when Xiumin stooped down to help. He took the box from Sehun's hands, despite his objections. When everything was back in the box he picked himself back up, brushing his knees off, and set the box back on the counter. 

 "Sorry if I scared you. I thought you heard me." Now Xiumin was the one looking kind of sheepish. Sehun smiled at the sight. Sometimes he forgot how small and adorable the elder was but it didn't take long to remember in situations like this. 

 "Don't apologize. I just wasn't paying attention." 

 "But why are you using the first aid kit?" Xiumin looked at his wrist again worriedly before moving over the rest of him, assessing. Sehun held his finger up.

 "Just a little cut. I was looking for a band-aid." He went back to the box, finally finding what he was looking for. He grabbed one out of the small box but stopped.

 "What?"

  He turned to Xiumin, brows furrowed in thought as he stared at the package.

 "How do I open it?"

  Xiumin chuckled, a gentle and light sound, as he took the band-aid from Sehun. He pulled the ends apart, taking it out and peeling the bits off the sticky sides.

 "Hand," he ordered. Sehun obliged, feeling ridiculous but also kind of happy because Xiumin was touching his hand and putting the band-aid on him like a boyfriend would and his euphoria was starting to bubble back up to the surface. He wasn't tired anymore, definitely awake and buzzing. 

 Xiumin carefully placed the band-aid over the cut, pushing the sticky parts onto his skin as his fingers pulled across Sehun's. God, how Sehun had missed those hands on him. They were as soft as he remembered. Now that they were touching Sehun's skin was buzzing for a whole other reason. 

 Xiumin looked up at him, chuckling again because Sehun was probably quite red in the face right now and breathing perhaps a bit harder than he should. Xiumin shook his head and muttered something quietly, looking up at Sehun again through his lashes. He was smiling, a small playful one and Sehun's breath hitched in his throat. 

 He finished with the band-aid but his hands lingered on Sehun's. Xiumin looked up properly now to meet his eyes. The electricity between them was almost palpable. Sehun was glad he was leaning against the sink because his knees were turning to jelly.

 It only lasted a second and then Xiumin was pulling his hands away, giving him a smile as he packed up the first aid kit. Sehun didn't move, couldn't move for fear he might stumble so he just watched. 

 "Thank you." His voice was so quiet it was almost a whisper. He cleared his throat and said it again, louder this time. Xiumin put the kit back in the drawer and turned to him, smiling gummily.

 "It was no problem."

 Standing there, looking every bit as beautiful as always, Xiumin was a sight to behold. His hair sticking out a little on the side and his eyes were still slightly puffy from sleep. His mouth was held in a smile but Sehun wanted it to be held between his lips instead. He wanted to cross the distance and kiss the boy who was always taking care of him and made him feel these things he never had before. 

 He pushed himself off the sink and took a step forward. Xiumin tilted his head a bit and watched as Sehun broke the distance between them. Maybe it was a bit reckless because anyone could walk into the bathroom and see them but he decided he didn't care. It had been too long since he'd had time with Xiumin and dreams of soft lips were nothing compared to the real deal.

 He leaned in, wrapping his hand around Xiumin's back as he gently pulled him closer. He tilted his head and touched his lips to Xiumin's, sighing in delight when Xiumin did the same. The feel of Xiumin's plump lips beneath his made his heart speed up, beating so fast it threatened to break through his ribs.

 Xiumin's arm wound it's way around his lower back and pulled him closer, their bodies pressed flush together. Sehun deepened the kiss, walking Xiumin back until he was against the wall. He held Xiumin there, not hungrily or with force but tenderly, as if it was their first kiss all over again. There were no lips needily pushing and pulling at each other. It was soft and light, pace slow but sure.

 Xiumin's other hand came to the nape of his neck, intertwining with the little hairs there as he pulled Sehun closer. Sehun had to lean down to reach Xiumin's face but he didn't care. All that mattered in that moment was those silky lips on his and the knowledge that this was only the first of many more kisses just like it. He pulled back, looking down at Xiumin contently.

 "Missed you too," the older boy breathed, eyes crinkling as he split into his trademark gummy smile. He didn't remove his hands though, kept them on Sehun's back as they breathed in each other.

 Sehun felt something in that moment he hadn't before. His thing with Xiumin had always been mostly based on this attraction he couldn't quite put his finger on. He had liked him,  _very_ much, but it had been different somehow. He had still been Sehun and Xiumin had still been Xiumin. Now that didn't feel right. It didn't feel right because he was pretty sure Xiumin was a part of him and he couldn't be Sehun without Xiumin.

 His mind was a little muddled, though, due to Xiumin's incredibly distracting face still three inches from his own so maybe his explanation didn't actually make sense because of that. Even now his eyes were still stuck on that face, taking it in as if it was the last time he'd see it and he had to get every detail _just_ right.

 "What are you thinking?" Xiumin's voice was soft, his breath dusting over Sehun's face as he spoke. 

 "You," Sehun replied honestly. He saw the beginnings of a blush across the elder's face as he ducked his head a bit. Sehun chuckled, leaning his forehead down to Xiumin's.

 "You don't have to be embarrassed anymore, you know that right?" He parroted Xiumin's words back to him teasingly, his hand sliding down Xiumin's side to rest on his hip. Xiumin rolled his eyes but smiled anyways. 

 "I don't know if I should be annoyed you're mocking me or flattered you remember." Sehun grinned at him before leaning down to give him another chaste peck on the lips.

 "Definitely flattered," he mumbled against Xiumin's lips, drawing back with a grin. Xiumin's laughter was better than music to his ears. 

 "Well then I'm flattered. However," he dragged the last word out as he looked down at their bodies, still semi-intertwined. "We need to move before someone walks in and see us." 

 He made to push Sehun away but the younger boy moved quicker as he wrapped his arms tighter around him. He pulled Xiumin in for hug, breathing him in for a moment before reluctantly letting him go.

 "I know. Let's go before we get caught." 

 

* * *

 

 

 Sehun went with everyone to practice. He didn't have anything to do at home anyway and he missed everyone. He hadn't actually spent much time with them lately and with the tour starting soon things would only get more hectic.

 Their first show was in four days but they were leaving a day early to prepare. They were going to be doing shows all across Asia and Europe and between constant sound checks, flights, schedules... Well, it was probably fair to say they would have little to no free time. Better enjoy the time they had left. 

 Sehun hadn't watched them in dance practice since his injury so he was shocked to see just how hard they were working. Of course he knew they wouldn't half-ass it but he was still surprised at the degree of energy and focus in the room. Everyone was in point with their moves. If even one of them made a mistake they restarted the whole thing. After half an hour of watching he could already see that his worries had been for nothing.

 There was no way they wouldn't be ready. They had learned all the new choreography for every song and had them down perfectly save for a misstep here or there. Even Chanyeol was blazing through it. Out of the mistakes made, none were Chanyeol's which was honestly a miracle. If they had to pick a dancing black hole it would be him. He wasn't bad but just out of them he was the worst. To see him powering through his moves so successfully was quite a sight. When they finally called a break Sehun jumped to his feet to congratulate them.

 "Wow guys! Looks like you don't need me after all. Should I just go pack my bags?" He gestured a thumb back to the door, pretending to take a step back. 

 "Then who would we get to make the managers buy us beef?"

 "Luhan's the one who does that Baekhyun," he replied feeling unimpressed. The boy cocked his head at him and pursed his lips.

 "Oh, well then you're free to go." Baekhyun looked away and shooed him with his hand.

 "Yah, why are you so mean?" He stuck his tongue out but Baekhyun still wasn't looking. He pouted further at the scattered laughter from the group aimed at him. "You're all mean. To think I _was_ considering buying beef to congratulate you guys." He clicked his tongue in disapproval. 

 A chorus of whines filled the room while everyone fixed him with death glares.

 "Way to go, Baekhyun."

 "Yah, messing with my Weibo wasn't enough? Now you take my beef?"

 "Aish, I really want beef."

 Baekhyun whined and complained it wasn't his fault and on it went, playful bickering between them until their break was over and they resumed practice.

 Sehun watched from the side. He'd be lying if he said his eyes  _didn't_ land on Xiumin the most. He was just so captivating. The way he rolled his body into the movements like it required zero effort. Xiumin was never mentioned whenever people asked about best dancers but that was obviously a mistake.

 Also it was really hard to focus on anybody else when Xiumin was wearing a tank top. Thankfully he made it through the ordeal with no incidents, except for the smirks Xiumin shot his way when he caught him staring through the mirror. 

 They ordered in takeout for lunch and sat together on the floor as they ate. Sehun had brought some leftover rice and eggs to eat and, accompanied with the salad that Suho had kindly ordered him, had a delicious lunch. 

 "So, on a scale of one to ten how badly do you still wanna murder Baekhyun, Tao?" 

 "Eleven."

 Baekhyun glared at Chen but kept his mouth shut, not wanting to provoke Tao any further. Apparently the reaming out he got from Suho and Kris, the managers and even a couple words from the company president had put him in his place. The only reason he got away with it so easily was because of the sheer amount of people talking about Exo the next day. It had worked out in their favor(sort of) this time so punishment was left at stern lectures.

 Of course the primary people to be affected were Tao and Sehun. Tao got the brunt of it but Sehun's SNS had also blown up with people questioning him over it. He responded to none of it. Tao's explanation was all they were gonna get.

 Tao was still (understandably) pissed at Baekhyun over the whole thing. Sehun wasn't worried, though, because give it a couple days and Baekhyun buying him a designer something-or-other and it would blow over. True, Baekhyun might have to buy him a whole outfit this time but it was worth it to not have Tao pissed at you. He could take any of them down with ease if he wanted to.

 They went straight to vocal practice after lunch. It was even easier than dance practice and this time no one made a mistake. The manager signed off on them and agrees they didn't need to go to practice anymore. They still had to work on it in their free time where possible but it was one less official practice to go to. Then it was back to dance practice to watch everyone kick ass once again. 

 By the time they got to go home Sehun was in high hopes for the tour. Everything would work out fine if today was anything to go by. 

 He was as tired as the members when they finally reached the dorm, albeit for different reasons. His lack of sleep was catching up with him as he collapsed onto the couch. It was late and he should probably go to bed but was hoping to find some alone time with Xiumin still.

 Those that weren't first for showers joined him in the living room. Lay flipped to some Chinese variety show and everyone was too tired to argue. 

 Kai took the spot next to Sehun, leaning against his side as he rubbed his eyes blearily. Sehun gave him a smile and a pat on the back before turning back to the TV. He leaned against the armrest, laying his head on it. Kai moved to drape himself further across Sehun's side before yawning loudly. It was contagious, Sehun following suit. 

 He snuggled closer into the couch, eyelids heavy as he tried to focus on the TV. The comfort of the couch and warmth Kai provided was a deadly combination. He struggled to stay awake and wait for Xiumin to finish his shower but it was just so  _hard_. Maybe he'd close his eyes for a bit, just until Xiumin was done. 

 Closing his eyes willingly and just relaxing felt so good. Before he realized it he was out cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova


	28. All of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xiumin takes Sehun on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The temperature is in Celsius not Fahrenheit.

***Xiumin's POV***

 

 Xiumin was not impressed; in fact he was a little pissed off. He’d left the shower to find Sehun and Kai asleep together on the couch. Seeing Sehun’s head poking out just past the armrest, bangs covering his face as he slept, was, in fact adorable. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was Kai laying practically on top of him, also asleep and arms curled around Sehun’s middle. It almost made Xiumin’s blood boil and he was _not_  the type whose blood boiled. He wasn’t upset that Sehun had fallen asleep with Kai but rather the reverse.

  
 Kai liked Sehun. It was obvious with the way he gravitated towards the younger. He was pretty sure most of the members thought something along the same lines if the smirks directed at his sleeping form meant anything. It seemed just about everyone had noticed except Sehun.

  
 Which was exactly why he was not okay with this. For Sehun it was nothing more than sleeping but Kai went into this with ulterior motives. He wanted to be close to Sehun, and really, Xiumin couldn’t blame him for that; He understood that feeling very well. However, Sehun had no idea about Kai’s feelings. He wouldn’t push Kai away when he got close. He would let Kai hold his hand or sit with him on the couch, completely unaware that his best friend was thinking very different thoughts about it. Xiumin didn’t like the thought of Sehun being fantasized about that way. He’d have to do something. He wasn’t sure what but something.

  
 Xiumin couldn’t sleep after that. He had woken both Kai and Sehun up to send them to their rooms, not missing the slight pout on Kai’s lips and the small twinkle in Sehun’s eye when he opened his eyes and saw Xiumin. It was that twinkle that had him up all night, gears moving in his brain as he came up with an idea. Tomorrow was going to be an amazing day.

 

* * *

 

***Sehun's POV***

 

 Sehun was bored. The members were off at their last practice, more of a trial run before they left tomorrow. The dorm was empty and quiet and it was driving him insane. He’d spent too much time alone lately. He wanted people and conversation. The TV did little to distract him, a variety show on in the background while he played on his phone.

  
 He’d been told not to make any statements on his SNS before but his managers had finally given him the okay this morning. His selfie had already gotten 4k+ likes and he only posted it two minutes ago. He tagged it with a simple “Thank you all for supporting me! I am doing well so please don’t worry. I’m sorry this had to happen but I will work hard to show you a better side when I return to the stage.” He tacked on some smile emojis because they ate that stuff up and because he honestly was happy. The fans commented words of encouragement, “ _Fighting_!” and “ _Please take care of yourself_ ” posts dominating his feed.

  
 Of course there were bad comments too. “ _Exo will perform better without you kekeke_ ,” “ _youre so clumsy how did you ever become an idol?_ ” He tried not to let it get to him but every one he read felt like a dagger shoved into his chest, twisting inside him until he wanted to throw up. Despite his own self-doubt, he'd tried to tell himself that he was just as important a member as everyone else. He was a part of the team and did his own part. He couldn't help but consider the truth behind those comments now.

  He was about to lock his phone (and possibly throw it off the couch) when he got a text.

**11:27 am**

_we just finished practice :) we get the rest of the day off. get ready, we're going somewhere_

Going somewhere? Like leaving the dorm? What was Xiumin talking about? They couldn’t actually leave, could they? 

 Excitement and nervousness swirled in him as he rushed to his room to change out of his sleep clothes. Was this the date? Were him and Xiumin actually going to go out together? Where were they going? What should he wear? He had no idea what to expect so maybe casual? 

 He quickly went through his options, carefully considering them. Nothing screamed "first date" to him but then again it wasn't a typical first date anyways. Bearing that in mind he just threw on some of the comfy clothes he'd bought with Kai, one of the nicer cotton shirts and a pair of harem pants. It wasn't fancy but it was close to his style and suitable enough to go out in. He hastily applied some make-up to cover the circles under his eyes and bring some more colour to his face. It wasn't as good as it would be if one of their artists did it but it was good enough.

He heard the front door open and his heart started to race. He made his way casually (as if his heart wasn't hammering it's way out of his chest) down the hallway to the living room. 

He leaned against the wall and shoved his hand in his pocket to hide the tremor of excitement that ran through him when he saw Xiumin. He was looking down, kicking his shoes off. From this angle Sehun could see the muscles in his neck straining beneath his skin and the delicious curve of his collarbone where his shirt dipped down. He had the sudden urge to lick the drops of sweat collecting there. He looked away sheepishly when Xiumin caught him staring but not before he saw the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips. He ignored him and cleared his throat. 

 "How was the last practice?"

 "Good. We're ready." He returned Suho's smile. He was glad they were doing well. He wanted them to succeed no matter what, his own insecurity aside. 

 "Good."

 He glanced back at Xiumin, curiosity bubbling inside as he waited. Xiumin just smiled at him and mouthed "wait" before leaving to his room. 

 He joined those waiting for their shower turn in the living room as he waited. He was trying to participate in their conversation but he was just a bit too preoccupied to focus. It felt like forever before he got another text.

**12:07 pm**

_meet me at the elevators_

He didn't need to be told twice. He slipped his phone into his pocket and left, not bothering to grab a jacket as he closed the door.

 He could see Xiumin down the hall, a backpack around his shoulders and a smile on his face when Sehun approached him. He'd changed into a black cardigan and jeans and he looked  _damn_ good. Sehun suddenly felt self conscious about his thrown together outfit. 

 "Hey," he beamed at Sehun. He leaned over and pressed the elevator button, smiling wider at Sehun's timid "hi" in response. 

 "So, uh, where are we going?" He had tried to figure out Xiumin's plan while he waited but the elder hadn't given him any clues he could use. 

 Xiumin shook his head, lips pressed together in a small smile. "You'll just have to wait and see."

 He considered whining. Maybe pouting would break him down but before he could try the familiar ding of the elevator sounded and the doors slid open. Xiumin held his arm out, motioning Sehun in. There was an undeniable bounce to his steps as he followed after Sehun. Instead of pressing the lobby button, like Sehun had expected, Xiumin hit the button for the top floor. Sehun turned to him, question on his lips but Xiumin just shook his head again, smile a tiny bit wider.

 "Just wait." 

 He hated not knowing what was going on normally but this time he found that replaced with happy anticipation. He was excited to know what Xiumin had planned but also nervous as all hell. He wasn't used to this kind of flirty behavior after years of being locked away from the opposite sex. The company didn't want to encourage time together because they didn't want them to date. If only they knew what that had ended up causing. It was funny, really.

 He watched the lights on the panel slowly make their way up the floors, giving Xiumin sidelong glances every couple floors. He was nervous. He shouldn't be nervous. This was Xiumin, after all. He'd given his virginity to the guy. 

 _And loved every minute of it_ , his brain unhelpfully added. 

 No, now was not the time to think like that. Not when he was trapped in a small space with the object of his desire and a camera in the corner ready to capture every moment. He needed to rid himself of those thoughts.

 He turned back to Xiumin as they elevator neared the top. "Will you tell me now?"

 Xiumin bit his lip, pretending to think about it before shaking his head. He chuckled at Sehun's frustrated noise and reached up to ruffle his hair. Sehun made another noise but it was half-hearted. He hadn't felt Xiumin's hands in his hair for a while and the way those fingertips rubbed across his scalp felt too good to avoid. It only lasted a second and then Xiumin pulled his hand back, grinning up at him in a knowing way. Maybe he wasn't the only one who had missed the physical contact.

 He was startled out of his reverie by the sound of the elevator reaching the top floor. The doors slid quietly open and Xiumin stepped out, readjusting the straps of his backpack before he turned to look at Sehun. "You coming?" 

 Sehun scrambled out to follow him, confused about why they were here. This floor was mostly just used for press conferences and interviews. When there was nothing scheduled, like today, it sat empty. What was the point of coming up here? Xiumin led him through the hallways, away from press rooms and past the janitor closet to a white door marked  **ROOF ACCESS**.

"Xiu-" He was shushed with a finger to his mouth. He blinked in surprise as Xiumin unzipped his pack, rifling through it, finger still held to Sehun's lips. He pulled out a black strip of fabric and looked back up at Sehun. 

 "Turn around." 

 He blinked again, looking down at the fabric to Xiumin and back to the fabric. "Uh, what is that?"

 "Just trust me. Turn around."

 He did trust Xiumin but this was just kind of weird. He eyed him warily but Xiumin didn't seem bothered. He just sighed and smiled, placing his hands on Sehun's shoulders and spinning him around. Sehun would have huffed at the indignity of it if not for those hands squeezing his shoulders softly after.

 "Trust me. It's fine, I promise," he heard from behind him.

 Xiumin's hands came into his vision before the fabric covered his eyes and everything stayed black. He could feel Xiumin tying the fabric behind his head, fingers deftly pulling it into a secure knot. He idly wondered if Xiumin practiced tying things up a lot before there was a small hand at his back, pushing him forward. He heard a quiet click and then he was being guided up a set of stairs, Xiumin's hands on his arms to steady him.

 There was another click but this time he could feel a change in the air. He heard the sounds of the city around him as cars made their way past and people chattered on the street. There was a breeze brushing against his skin and he felt goosebumps rise on his arms. 

 Xiumin was leading him again, carefully walking him forward on what he assumed was now the buildings rooftop. Xiumin gripped his arms and pulled him to a stop. Sehun’s hand went to his blindfold but Xiumin stopped him, fingers brushing his forearm gently.

 "Not yet," he whispered. It sent shivers down Sehun's spine that had little to do with the cool breeze. The hands pulled away softly, leaving him standing there nervously.

 He waited patiently for Xiumin to do whatever it was he needed to do, taking in the sound of Seoul around him. It was a constant chorus of voices and cars and machinery. It was familiar and helped his heart rate slow a little, keep his brain from over thinking. 

 Finally there were noises close by again and then fingers tugging at the knot. Xiumin's hands replaced the blindfold. Sehun could feel Xiumin pressed against him from behind, probably on his tip toes which he imagined looked adorable. 

 "Ready?" Xiumin's voice was soft next to his ear, a little breathy and perhaps tinted with nervousness of his own.

 "Yes," he replied.

 Xiumin's hands slid away and he opened his eyes, blinking at the bright light. As his eyes adjusted he started to see what Xiumin had been busy doing.

 They were indeed on the rooftop of the building. In front of them was what was once a greenhouse but didn't seem to have been tended to recently. There were half dead plants on the shelves inside and the panels were smudged with dirt so thick you could barely see through it.

 Except they were standing in the doorway so he  _could_ see inside. He could see the blanket laid out across the ground, surrounded by flower petals (where had Xiumin even  _gotten_ those from?) and the bottle of what appeared to be champagne, along with two glasses. There was a MP3 player and portable speakers set up on one of the shelves and even a plate full of apple slices and cut bananas, complete with a candle burning brightly next to it.

 "Oh," he breathed.

 Xiumin walked past him into the shed, rubbing at the back of his neck as he turned back to Sehun. Even in the dim light he could see Xiumin's cheeks were flushed pink.

 "You said you wanted me to take you on a date but we can't really leave and we don't have much time before the tour and then we definitely won't have time so I thought I'd take you out on one super date."

 He was in awe. When he'd asked Xiumin to take him out he'd been expecting going to a theme park or museum or something; a place where they'd still have to keep their distance because they were in public.

 This... This was much better. Not only could they actually touch and feel each other without people watching but this was actually super adorable on Xiumin's part. He didn't know the elder had it in him. Xiumin was watching him nervously, rocking back and forth on his heels.

 "When did you have the time to do this?" 

 Xiumin shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. "It was no big deal. It didn't take very long at all." Sehun took a step forward, taking in the scene around him. 

  "It is a big deal. This is amazing." He looked down at the bottle on the ground, reading the words that curved across it elegantly. "Sparkling apple juice?" 

 "Uh, yeah." Xiumin looked down at this shoe, dragging it through the dirt on the ground as he spoke. "Well I wanted to get wine but I know you can't drink with your pills so..." 

 Sehun marched right up to Xiumin, taking his face in his hands so the older boy was forced to look at him. "Stop it. You're acting like you did something wrong and you didn't. This is the most perfect date I've ever had the pleasure to go on and it hasn't even started yet. So snap out of it and woo me."

 Xiumin was taken back for a moment, blinking once before his face lit up with a smile and he chuckled. "Okay," he agreed. They leaned in at the same time, lips meeting softly for a chaste kiss before Xiumin pulled away. Sehun would never tire of the lingering taste of blueberries when they kissed. They were fast becoming his favourite taste.

 Xiumin led him to the blanket, sitting him down before fiddling with the MP3 player. The air was filled with the soft notes of ballads, a man singing of love and loneliness. It was an older song but definitely a classic. 

 Xiumin took a seat next to him on the blanket, crossing his legs in front of him, rummaging through his backpack again. "What else have you got in there," he joked. Xiumin grinned at him sheepishly before returning to his search.

 "Just wanted to be prepared," he mumbled. He pulled out a small blanket, unfolding it and laying it across their laps. Sehun pursed his lips at him, reveling in his embarrassment as he blushed.

 "This is cute hyung but it's, like, 20 degrees in here." 

 "Oh, right." Xiumin laughed at himself, pulling the blanket off and shoving it back into his backpack. 

 "So what next? You're the man with the plan." 

 Xiumin reached out, sliding his hands into Sehun's and intertwining their fingers. "Whatever you want," he said as he gave Sehun's hand a small squeeze. Sehun smirked, cocking an eyebrow up. 

 "Anything?" He asked suggestively. Xiumin rolled his eyes and gave him a stern look.

 "Come on."

 "That's what I'm trying to do." Xiumin made a shocked noise and smacked him in the arm but he also giggled in response.

 "Oh Sehun behave!" 

 "Only if you make me." 

 Xiumin ruffled his hair, ignoring his comment entirely before grabbing the bottle of apple juice. He opened it and poured them both a glass. He handed one to Sehun and held his up.

 "Cheers to first dates?" Sehun laughed but clinked their glasses together anyways. "Man, I'm really cheesy, aren't I?"

 "Yes, but I think it's cute." 

 "That's just because you've been corrupted by the world." 

 Sehun made a point of looking Xiumin up and down slowly, tongue darting out to wet his lips as he spoke. "The only thing I've been corrupted by is you." Xiumin groaned, dropping his head into his head.

 "You are too much." 

 "That's not what you said last time."

 Xiumin shook his head, looking back at Sehun with a resigned look. "I really have corrupted you." Sehun smacked his lips after downing his glass, placing it on the ground next to the blanket.

 "Yup." He turned back to Xiumin, a little more serious now as he grabbed his hand. "Thank you. For all this. To be honest I was kind of scared you wouldn't wanna, ya know, actually go out with me." 

 He swallowed nervously after he said it. Realistically he knew there was never any reason to be scared but when did people ever listen to reason? It was a scary thought, being rejected by Xiumin even if he didn't think it would happen. Still, the reassurance went a long way.

 Xiumin squeezed his hand, looking at him intently, all traces of the humor gone from his face now. "Of course I want to go out with you. You're the most amazing person I've ever met."

 His heart lept so high out of his body that he was sure it was in air space. The way that Xiumin was looking at him echoed exactly how Sehun felt. It was clear that this was not one-sided like he'd feared. Xiumin loved him. Xiumin loved him too and that one fact changed everything. Whatever residual fear that had been lurking in the back of his mind and heart melted away. He was sure now. He was so sure he wanted to scream it from the rooftops. He whispered it instead. "I love you." 

 Xiumin's eyes were full of so much warmth he could almost feel it. He leaned forward, resting his forehead against Sehun's and holding their intertwined hands up to his chest. "I love you too," he whispered back. They stayed like that, their hands held to Xiumin's chest as his thumb rubbed small circles on Sehun's palm. He could feel Xiumin's heartbeat against his hand, soft and steady just like Xiumin. It was better than any ballad.

 He pulled back, just enough to look into Xiumin's eyes. "Can we do this? Can we be together and still be part of Exo?"

 "If it comes down to choosing the answer's easy." Xiumin's hand squeezed his tighter. It was a wonder he could manage to look into Xiumin's eyes without getting lost in them. They were so intense and yet so soft. It was like he could look right through you, see all the good and the bad and still didn't judge you. How he could see the good in everything all the time, Sehun didn't understand but it was one of the reasons he loved him.

 There were a lot of reasons he loved him, too many to count. It would be easier to count the things he didn't love about Xiumin. Zero. There wasn't a thing Sehun could think about that didn't bring a smile to his face or a jolt to his heart. It shouldn't be possible to love someone so much but Xiumin made it so. If he could spend the rest of his life just like they were in this moment he would be happy. 

  Except there was something still to make it better.

 He leaned in, pressing his lips softly to Xiumin's. He kissed him slow, enjoying every moment. He wanted to remember every detail, like the way their lips seemed to move against each other in perfect harmony without any need for direction or the way their noses brushed against each other slightly every so often. 

 Xiumin put his hand on Sehun's arm, holding him near the crook of his elbow. His touch felt warm and welcome and Sehun pushed into it, wanting to get as close to Xiumin as possible. Xiumin noticed. He uncrossed his legs, arms sliding up to Sehun's shoulders as he carefully lay him down on his back, all without breaking the kiss. Sehun used his good hand to thread into Xiumin's hair, anchoring their mouthes together.

 Their kiss was sending a spark through Sehun's belly and it wasn't just hormones. He wanted Xiumin as close as physically possible and then closer still. The desire to do and feel everything about Xiumin whited out everything else from his brain. None of it mattered.

 Xiumin's hands came up to cup his cheeks as he pulled back, locking eyes with Sehun. His eyes were so full of  _love_ it made him dizzy. 

 "I love you, Oh Sehun," he breathed out. "I love all of you. Your lips." He kissed him, trailing down the side of his mouth. "Your jaw." He placed more gentle kisses there, moving down his neck. "Your collarbones." His pulled Sehun's shirt to the side to pepper his shoulder with small kisses before making his way back up to Sehun's face. "Your nose." Sehun let out a small laugh as Xiumin kissed the side of his nose. He pulled back, regarding Sehun in a way he could only describe as worship. "I'd kiss your laugh too, if I could. All of it. I want all of it."

 "I want all of you too," he answered, pulling Xiumin back down so their lips could meet again. It was as soft as before but there was more passion, if that was possible. 

 He rested his hand on Xiumin's lower back, holding him close. His head was spinning. All he could think was  _more, more, more_. He slid his hand under Xiumin's sweater, running it across the muscled planes of his back. Xiumin pressed himself fully against Sehun, one knee working it's way between his thighs. He pushed his hips up, wanting to feel Xiumin against him.

 He was hard already, leaking precome against his boxers. This wasn't just sex; this was making love. It had him more worked up and hungry for Xiumin than he ever had before. He wanted to feel him inside of him, wanted to show Xiumin how perfectly they fit together. 

 He could feel Xiumin's erection against his thigh and he lifted his hips. Xiumin deepened the kiss in answer, his tongue snaking out to run across Sehun's lower lip. He sucked it into his mouth, hand holding Xiumin tight against him. He pushed his hips up again, slowly this time. Xiumin met him, pushing back against Sehun. He felt delirious with the sensations. 

 He tilted his head to the side, breaking the kiss to look into Xiumin's eyes. "Make love to me." 

"There's nothing I want more," Xiumin replied. He sat up, pulling Sehun with him. They kept their eyes locked as Xiumin pulled his sweater over his head, tossing it to the side. He helped Sehun slide his own shirt off before laying him back down.

  His hands slid across Sehun's stomach, pressing flat to the muscles there. "You're so beautiful," he murmured. Sehun watched with baited breath. His fingertips ran across the trail of hair leading down beneath his pants, hooking into the waistband. Sehun lifted his hips, allowing Xiumin to pull them down. He slid them slowly off his legs, boxers and all, and added them to the pile of discarded clothing growing in the corner.

 He was on his knees above Sehun, eyes sweeping down over Sehun's body. It didn't make him feel uncomfortable. He had nothing to hide from Xiumin. Everything he had and everything he ever would have was Xiumin's. 

He watched as Xiumin undid the buckle of his jeans, pulling his remaining clothing off. Sehun's eyes wandered up the curves of his torso, along the edges of his muscles to the matching trail of hair leading down to his fully erect member. He sat up, pulling Xiumin down for another kiss. 

 "Wait." Xiumin turned around, looking through his backpack. He returned with a condom and bottle of lube. "I wanted to be prepared," he repeated. 

 "I'm glad," Sehun responded, voice husky with pleasure. 

 Xiumin crawled over him again, not wasting a second before kissing into his mouth again. The anticipation was curling in Sehun's body stronger now that he could feel Xiumin skin-to-skin like this. He wanted this so bad he thought he might actually die from the intensity of it.

 "Please Xiumin. I need to feel you." His voice broke when his erection rubbed against Xiumin's thigh. The want was so strong he couldn't wait any longer. Xiumin hummed, hands working at something he couldn't see beside him. He heard the flick of the lube being opened and sighed in relief. He was done waiting.

 After a moment Xiumin's hands were nudging Sehun's legs apart. He complied happily. He half-gasped when he felt a finger pressed against his entrance. It hadnt been that long but he was yearning to be filled by Xiumin again. When the finger slipped in he did gasp. He took a deep breath, exhaling slowly as he willed his tight ring of muscles to relax. 

 Xiumin knew just what he needed, kissing him sweetly. His chest rose and fell softly between them, his body relaxing automatically against Xiumin. He felt Xiumin push into him more but kept focused on the kiss. When Xiumin's finger was all the way inside he pulled back, adding another. He was slow and careful, scissoring Sehun open gently. His fingers brushed against Sehun’s prostate making him jerk beneath him. "Sorry," he muttered against his lips.

 "Don't apologize," Sehun breathed. He bit his lip when Xiumin brushed it again, fingers lingering for a moment. "Hurry," he added, voice rough with want.

 He felt a third finger at his entrance and exhaled as it entered him. It stung for a bit but soon his body stretched to accommodate it. Xiumin prepared him diligently, make sure he could move his fingers without hurting Sehun before pulling them out.

 He wiped his hand off, looking back down at Sehun with a world of emotion hidden behind those eyes. "Ready?" Sehun nodded.

 "I've been ready for longer than you know." They stayed looking like that, just taking each other in. They didn't wanna rush this moment. 

 "Wait, this song is familiar." Sehun turned to the MP3 player, cocking his head to the side as he wracked his brain. Xiumin grinned, a gummy and content one.

 "I was singing it when you came into the bathroom that night."

 Sehun turned back to him, realization dawning on him. "It's the song that started everything," he whispered. Xiumin brought his hand up to touch Sehun's cheek, thumb tracing over his cheekbone as he smiled down at Sehun.

 "This song has done a lot for us."

 "Yeah, it has," he agreed. If there was such a thing as fate it was making itself clear to them now. Sehun pulled Xiumin down, pressing their lips firmly together to try to convey the feeling. 

 Xiumin reached over for the condom but Sehun stopped him. He gave Sehun a questioning look.

 "Don't. Don't use one. I wanna feel  _you_."

 It was silent as Xiumin absorbed what he'd said. He nodded, grabbing the bottle of lube. He slicked himself up, applying extra lube to Sehun’s rim before tossing the bottle back off to the side. 

 Sehun spread his legs so Xiumin could get between them, positioning himself near his entrance. They exchanged another look, full of words and promises they didn't need to say. Xiumin's tip pressed to his entrance, very slowly pushing in. When his head was in Xiumin moved down so his elbows were holding him up on either side of Sehun's head.  "I want you to know how much you mean to me. You're it, Sehun. There'll never be anyone else. There couldn't be."

 He took in a shaky breath, running his hand up Xiumin's arm to thread into his hair. "Before you I didn't think I could feel this way; I didn't think I was capable of it. It's scary but I know it will be okay so long as your at my side. Thank you, for making me a person."

 Their lips met as Xiumin began to slowly sink himself inside of Sehun. Xiumin exhaled aginst his mouth, bringing a hand to Sehun’s head to stroke his forehead. It was more of a stretch than Xiumin's fingers but Sehun wasn't in pain; couldn't be in pain, not when he was this close with Xiumin. Instead he swiped his tongue out across Xiumin's lips, sweeping along the shape of them before pushing in. Xiumin's lips parted and their tongues brushed each other as Xiumin finally inserted himself fully.

 When Sehun was okay he pushed his hips up a fraction, feet planted firmly on either side of the man between them. Gently Xiumin pulled back, pushing forward at the same pace. He pushed his hips up to meet Xiumin's thrusts, matching his pace. 

 It was so much better than before. Every movement sent shudders through his body. Their lips stayed locked as they moved, Xiumin thrusting slowly but gracefully. His hips never failed to send Sehun crazy. It was simultaneously just enough and not enough. 

 He hooked a leg around Xiumin's as his hand roamed across his naked back. He traced the muscles with his finger, running between the dip of his shoulders and making Xiumin shiver. He deepened the kiss, holding Sehun as close as he could. 

 He quickened his pace a bit but just a bit. It was still slow and sensual but the mood was building quickly. Sehun broke the kiss to mouth at Xiumin's neck, tongue running across the very dip he'd been fantasizing about earlier. He tasted delicious and Sehun sucked the skin into his mouth. Xiumin's hand tightened in his hair as he ground his hips down harder and Sehun moaned. His hand snaked under Xiumin's arm to hold his shoulder as they crushed their bodies together, grinding against each other exquisitely.

 He brought his mouth back to Xiumin's, biting gently on his lower lip. Xiumin made a soft noise of approval, tilting his head to give him better access to Sehun's mouth. His tongue skillfully flicked against Sehun's lips, running across them in a way that drove Sehun crazy. He sucked it into his mouth, pushing harder against Xiumin's thrusts as a familiar heat began to form in his belly.

 Xiumin pulled back, eyes traveling across his face lovingly. "I can't get enough of you. I love you so much."

  "I love you too, so fucking much." 

 Xiumin dove down, capturing his mouth with a renewed vigor. He shifted his hips, angling up to hit Sehun’s prostate. Sehun gasped, arching up into him. The kiss turned frantic, the need to just feel each other over shadowing everything else. 

 "God Xiumin, I love you so much."

 "Me too baby," he whispered as he moved to suck softly at his neck.

 He was aching with need, so much need. He never wanted this moment to end. He wanted to feel Xiumin inside of him, loving him, forever. 

 "Cum with me Xiumin. I want to feel you inside me when you let go."

 Xiumin moaned into his ear, both hands coming to cup his face as he thrusted deeper. Their lips met messily, all desire and passion. Sehun felt his release coming near, threatening to come at any moment. He wrapped his legs around Xiumin's waist, pulling him deeper as he clenched his muscles around him. Xiumin groaned against him, whispering Sehun's name against his lips like a prayer.

 His orgasm hit him hard, a searing white light shooting through his body and setting every nerve on fire. He gasped loudly, clutching Xiumin to him like a life line. "Oh Xiumin, oh god, yes, I love you." His legs tightened around Xiumin, holding him inside of him as he reached his own climax.

 "Sehun, yes. Baby, I love you." He crushed his lips to Sehun's, thrusting hard once more as he released himself deeply inside of Sehun. His body grinded against Sehun’s, propelling his orgasm farther.

 He whimpered against Xiumin's mouth, rocking his hips up to ride his orgasm out fully. Xiumin shuddered against him, hips snapping back and forth as Sehun milked him dry. 

 Xiumin's thrust slowed until he reached a stop. Sehun's legs fell from his waist as he breathed in and out rapidly. His body was still extremely sensitive and he couldn't stop the whine that escaped his lips when Xiumin gingerly pulled out. He lay down next to Sehun, head propped up on his hand as he brushed Sehun’s sweaty bangs out of his face. 

 "Are you okay?" Sehun turned his head, looking up at Xiumin in wonder. How could he  _not_ be okay?

 "Very much so. Is making love always that good? I mean our regular sex was good but this... wow."

 Xiumin chuckled leaning down to peck Sehun's forehead. "I wouldn't know. I've never done it before."

 His mouth opened, lips forming an 'O' shape. "Oh, you mean- That was..."

 "Yes Sehun, that was my first time making love." 

 Sehun hadn't been expecting that. He thought he was the inexperienced one and Xiumin wasn't. "Well, I never would have guessed. Wow." He was repeating himself but who cared. He was allowed to be a bit out of it after that. He looked down at himself. He was covered in cum and sweat. He really looked a mess. Felt like it too but in a good way.

 "We should get you cleaned up." Xiumin grabbed a cloth from his backpack and used it to wipe Sehun stomach clean. He used a clean part to dab at Sehun's forehead and collect some of the sweat.  

 Sehun tugged the cloth away, snuggling up to Xiumin's side. He buried his head in Xiumin's chest, sighing contently. "We should do that more often."

 A chuckle above him before lips pressed into his hair. "I agree."

 He was so tired after such vigorous love-making (he was never gonna get tired of saying that.) He pulled Xiumin's arm across him, holding it against his chest. They were both warm and sticky but it didn't diminish the bubbly feeling in Sehun’s heart. In this moment he was absolutely happy and nothing could ruin that. 

 "Sehun," Xiumin began.

 "Hmm?"

 "I'm just curious. Did you know that your lisp comes out when you cum?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song by John Legend  
> This took me three days to write. Yoinks.  
> I really like this chapter and I think it might be my best yet. Please comment and let me know what you thought :)


	29. Betting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember that one time Xiumin thought he could get away with lying to Suho? Yeah, no.

 If anyone noticed Sehun and Xiumin returning to the dorm within five minutes of each other no one mentioned it.

 Sehun went straight to his room. He wanted to shower but didn't wanna draw any extra attention to himself and immediately showering after being gone with his band mate could fall under that criteria. Instead he just buried himself beneath the covers of his bed and smiled.

 He had done it. He told Xiumin he loved him. The thought that had been hovering at the back of his mind and eating him up had finally been voiced. Not only that, but Xiumin had said it  _back._ Finally he could stop dancing around everything and worrying. He had been afraid that Xiumin's feelings weren't as intense as his, that he was just reading into it too much. Now that he knew the truth he was giddy with it.

 If someone had told Sehun a year ago, a month even, that he would be risking his entire career because he'd fallen in love with one of his band mates he would have laughed in their face, maybe even directed them to the nearest hospital because they were certified insane. It was funny how quickly everything had changed. He wasn't exactly sure how this was all going to play out but he didn't wanna worry about it right now. He replayed the date over and over in his head, committing it to memory. 

 With the confirmation of Xiumin's feelings Sehun found himself thinking about what the group would say. This thing with Xiumin was serious; it wasn't just something where they fooled around for a couple months and stopped. It was  _real_ and eventually they were gonna have to say something to them. It made his stomach flip nervously. He hoped they could be accepting. It would obviously be a big shock but if they were truly their friends they would understand, right? He hoped.

 He waited a little while longer before sneaking into the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He was still covered in cum, his own and Xiumin's, the latter's causing a very uncomfortable wet feeling between his cheeks. That's not to say he regretted it, though. It was definitely worth it to have reached that extra level of intimacy with Xiumin. It was a memory he would always cherish. It put a smile on his face as he stepped into the shower and it stayed there for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

 

 That night for dinner everyone ordered takeout and ate together in the living room to celebrate their last day in Korea before the tour. D.O. had even offered to make Sehun something so he wouldn't be left out. They all sat together in the living room, stuffing their faces with delicious food and laughing with each other. Tao still wasn't talking to Baekhyun but he wasn't sending him death glares either so progress. 

 Suho and Kris set an early bedtime (like they were children, come on) that was drawing nearer. Sehun didn't wanna go to sleep yet, didn't want this day to end. He felt like if he went to sleep he'd wake up tomorrow to find today's events were just a dream, something his mind had made up because it couldn't possibly be true. It was too good to be true. His eyes were drawn to Xiumin for the hundredth time that evening and for the hundredth time Xiumin was looking back at him too. His eyes crinkled in the corners when Sehun caught him staring again, not the least bit embarrassed. Sehun had been staring too, after all. It shouldn't have made his heart beat as fast as it did but he was beginning to accept that about the elder. He had a way of making the simplest things have the biggest effect. 

 If they were alone Sehun would have crossed the distance between them, pulling Xiumin up to trap that beautiful smile against his lips. He wasn't alone though, and literally every member of the group was between them right now. He made a mental note to find a moment alone with Xiumin to fulfill that fantasy. Soon.

 He toyed with the food on his plate, very full but not wanting to hurt D.O.'s feeling by letting it go to waste. He'd made it especially for him, something he didn't do often.

 It was probably because of the general excitement and anticipation everyone was feeling for the tour. They had been stuck here because of him but now they were leaving, going to travel all across the continent for their biggest tour yet. They'd only been to a couple of places on this tour but the rest were new to most of them. Really the only time they had to travel was when on tour or for the occasional work thing so he got the excitement. Even though they would have very little time in between shows, driving through the streets of London was a hell of a lot better than driving through the streets of Seoul. Newer, anyways.

  "I'm so full," he found himself whining. Steeling himself for the inevitable stomach ache he was about to cause, he loaded a rather large bite and was about to bring it to his mouth when his fork was taken from his grip. He blinked at his empty hand before looking to the side, where Kai was now closing his lips around the fork, pulling it out with a smack of his lips. He grinned at Sehun through the food in his mouth.

 "Did you just steal my food?" Kai shrugged and gave him another grin, little pieces of food falling out of his mouth. Sehun made a disgusted noise and smacked Kai's arm. "That's mine! D.O. hyuuunnng, Kai's stealing my food!"

 "You said you were full," Kai managed between bites. D.O. just shrugged, going back to cleaning up and leaving the two of them to sort it out themselves. 

 Sehun yanked his plate to the side, shielding it from his thief of a best friend. "So? I still want it!" He reached for his fork but Kai held it back, shaking his head as he swallowed the last of  _his_ food.

 "Sharing is caring, Sehun." 

 He reached for the fork again but Kai just held it back out of reach. "Stealing is a crime, Kai." The chuckles around the table weren't helping either, making Kai smirk at Sehun as he taunted him by dangling the fork just out of his reach. He huffed, glaring at Kai before getting up, taking his plate with him to the kitchen. After grabbing a new fork he stabbed at this food, shooting Kai murderous looks over the island that divided the two rooms. 

 "I can't believe you'd torture a cripple," he mumbled between bites. "That's practically illegal." 

 "You're not a cripple and it's not any more illegal than bothering anyone else," Kai pointed out.

 He was right and that annoyed him even more. He chose not to respond but let his frustrations out on a very unfortunate piece of broccoli, spearing it and tearing it off of his fork with his teeth. He made a point to look Kai in the eyes as he did this, enjoying the way the elder paled slightly. Good. This was  _his_ food. 

 It was almost 8 pm and the leaders began ushering people off to bed. They were getting up at 4 am to get ready for their flight and it wouldn't help if everyone was exhausted out of their minds. There were scattered groans, mostly from Chen, Baekhyun, and Chanyeol, and requests for  _just one more hour, please, please with a cherry on top?_ Sehun didn't know why they bothered. Even if they could make Suho cave there was absolutely no way it would work on Kris. Unless Tao maybe joined in but he was one of the first people to leave for bed so that ship was sailed. 

 He offered to help clean up but was shooed away and into his room with a promise from Suho they would take care of it and he needed to rest up for tomorrow. Sehun wanted to argue that Suho needed it more since he was performing but he was honestly pretty tired. 

 He didn't bother changing into pajamas, just stripped his shirt off and climbed into bed still wearing his shorts. It was warm in the room and the sheets felt cool against his skin as he slipped between them. It felt weird going to bed this early. He had been staying up later than the members lately which meant sleeping in later. Still, it had been a long day full of surprises, mostly from Xiumin (his boyfriend?) What else was he supposed to call him? Band mate that he loved and loved him back and they had sex sometimes but kept it on the down low? Too long. Besides, he liked the idea of calling him his boyfriend. It connected them to each other, making him belong to Xiumin and vice versa. He definitely liked the sound of that.

 

* * *

 

 

***Xiumin's POV***

 

 

  It was adorable to see Sehun in such high spirits. He'd had a smile plastered on his face all day since their rooftop date and Xiumin liked knowing he put it there. It was because of  _him_ that Sehun's eyes were shining so bright and because of  _him_ that Sehun had an extra bounce in his step as he flitted across the dorm, laughing and interacting with everyone so joyously.

 Of course, it had its downsides. It was because of  _him_ that Sehun was sending him ridiculously dopey smiles all evening, eyes lingering on Xiumin a bit longer than they should have. It wasn't a problem for him. He liked seeing Sehun react to him and seek his own smile out. The issue was he wasn't the only one to notice, apparently.

 Suho had seeked him out before he'd left for bed, asking him to "talk." Xiumin's stomach dropped to his feet as Suho followed him to his room. Suho had said nothing and gave no indicators about what he had on his mind but Xiumin could guess.

 He was panicking. He hadn't figured out what to say to Suho about his "crush" after the last talk. Even then he'd been lucky to pull that one off and he'd had  _time_. Now he had been ambushed and caught unaware. He wasn't a good liar. If Suho had noticed the looks him and Sehun had been exchanging over dinner than there was nothing he could say. They had been too obvious. It was stupid. They should have been more careful. They weren't ready to say anything yet.

 His panic gauge was rising steadily as Suho closed the door behind him, pausing to lock it. He turned to Xiumin and watched him, face stoically unreadable.  _Fuck,_ he thought. This was it. This was the moment Suho found him out and kicked them out of the group. Whatever happened Xiumin could not allow Sehun to be punished for this. He had started it, after all. They'd agreed to let it go and act like nothing had happened but then Xiumin had to go and practically proposition Sehun because his willpower was next to zero.  _He'd_ pushed Sehun into this. And now he was about to ruin his career and his life.

 His throat felt too dry to speak, to say the apologies on the tip of his tongue and beg for forgiveness. He swallowed, turning back to sit on the bed before his legs could give out. Suho stayed where he was, staring Xiumin down. Suho often wore a serious face but this...  _this_ was new. And it terrified him so much it broke through the block between his brain and his mouth so that he could utter one,  single word. "What?" It was unsure and croaky but it was a start.

 Suho pursed his lips, inhaling and exhaling deeply before he moved. He took slow, tired steps to the bed and stopped, looking down at Xiumin with crossed arms that made him look disappointed more than angry. He stood there, chewing his lip and staring at Xiumin without saying a word. It made him nervous. His hands shifted in the sheets beneath him, tightening around the fabric like squeezing it would somehow squeeze the words out of Suho. 

 Finally, after what felt like hours but was probably only a couple seconds, Suho dropped his arms and sighed. He sat down on the bed next to Xiumin, turning so he was facing him. "You didn’t tell me the truth, did you?" He didn't look angry or upset, just defeated. Somehow that was worse.

 "What do you mean?" He knew exactly what Suho meant but maybe, just  _maybe,_ he could get out of this is he feigned ignorance. Probably not but it was worth a shot.

 The drop of Suho's eyebrows and crease in his forehead, like that was exactly what he expected to hear, told him he was right. "There's more going on between you and Sehun than what you said, isn't there?" It was the tone of his voice that got Xiumin. He sounded so hurt that Xiumin hadn't been truthful with him. It made him feel guilty, to have made his leader and friend feel that way.

 He chose his words carefully, not wanting to lie any further but not wanting to reveal the truth either, yet. "There's more. It's complicated." He tried to project an aura of nonchalance, shrugging at the end as if it was no big deal when in reality it was very much so. 

"Then uncomplicate it. Tell me what exactly is going on between you two."

 Well that was a fully loaded request. Xiumin bit his lip, tugging it between his teeth. He pretty much had two options. Tell the truth or lie. He doubted he could get away with lying but telling the truth didn't sound desirable either. Suho didn't seem mad but that didn't mean telling the truth wouldn't get them in some serious trouble. He could tell part of the truth but that hadn't worked last time either.

 It was getting harder and harder to hide it from everyone. Spend years living with the same people and you get to know each other very well. You noticed when they changed things or started behaving differently. It had been so crazy lately that no one was paying close attention but things weren't going to be so hectic forever. It would settle down and people would start to notice the looks or the time that both of them would be conveniently missing at the same time. Suho already knew enough; he wouldn't just back down and leave it alone. Even Luhan had been acting weird lately, watching him a little bit too often. 

Resigned to accept the fact that there was no foreseeable way to get out of this by doing anything else, he told the truth. "We're together. There, I said it."

 He expected Suho to look shocked, to ask him to repeat himself, not smile and shake his head. It was closer to a grimace than a smile but still. He froze. His lips felt dry but he was too confused to pay them any attention. What was this about? "Why are you smiling? Shouldn't you be mad? Did I miss something?"

 "No, I did."

 Suho had stopped smiling and looked rather tired now. Everything that had happened lately was taking its toll on him. The bags under his eyes were darker than last time Xiumin noticed and he was starting to break out. Up close Xiumin could see the white and red bumps hidden beneath his make-up. 

 Xiumin was still confused by his comment. What was that supposed to mean? He looked to Suho for elaboration. 

 "I saw you two today. I was watching during dinner. You kept looking at each other." He leaned back, resting his hands on the bed to stare up at the ceiling. "I hadn't been paying attention much since we talked at first. I was gonna let you figure it out on your own. But both of you guys were gone when I looked for you today. I thought it was weird."

 Xiumin wasn't sure if this was the calm before the storm or the storm itself. Was Suho really not that surprised? Or was he just pretending? 

 "So I watched you at dinner. I ended up watching both of you. You kept staring at Sehun. That made sense. You liked him so of course you would, right? But then he was looking at you too. Not in a way that band mates look at each other, either." He looked Xiumin in the eyes. "He looked at you like he loved you." 

 He shook his head again, pushing himself to sit back up. Xiumin didn't move. He sat very still and tried not to have a mental break down because there was no way he was getting out of this. Suho knew and he didn't even have to tell him. On the list of things he expected to happen today this was definitely not on it. 

 "I don't know what to say," he admitted. He began playing with the hem of his shirt, guilty for hiding this and letting it happen in the first place. Not regret, though. He could not bring himself to wish any of it away. Sehun made him happy, the kind of happy you only saw in CF's. That should mean something, right? It was his turn to look at Suho, hoping the leader could see in his eyes exactly how sorry he was for everything. He'd never meant to hurt Suho. He just wanted to protect Sehun. 

 "I don't really either, but I'm trying." Suho drew in a breath, holding it for a couple of seconds before he exhaled. "Look," he continued. "I know what I saw. If you guys are that serious why did you feel the need to lie to me? Were you afraid I'd yell at you?" 

 "Of course not! That's ridiculous. It's just- it's hard to explain..." He sighed in frustration, running his fingers through his hair as he tried to figure out how to explain it. Suho knew so much already there was no point hiding anything anymore. He might as well tell him everything. He deserved as much. 

 "Okay, you remember how nervous you were when they made you a leader?" Suho's eyes were questioning but he nodded so Xiumin continued. "You told me it was the scariest day of your life. Here you were just meeting all of us and now you were told it was your responsibility to take care of us. In the blink of an eye your future changed. It's... that's kind of what it's like for me."

 He brought his legs up onto the bed, holding his knees to his chest so he could stop his hands from shaking. "One day it was like something was telling me I had to take care of Sehun. It came out of nowhere. I saw him lying there, so sick, and a switch went off inside my brain. Suddenly all I wanted to do was protect him. He's my Exo." He paused, chewing the inside of his cheek. "Does that make sense?"

 "Kind of," Suho answered. "I get the protection part but why so quickly? How did a drunken kiss based off a dare do that?" Xiumin felt his cheeks heat up and looked down at the floor to hide it. Too late because Suho was sighing. "There was more to that too, wasn't there?"

 "Yes," he muttered. 

 "Well, no more of that. Start from the beginning and tell me everything. If you want me to help you I need to know."

 What?  _Help him?_ His head snapped up so fast it physically hurt. He winced, rubbing at his neck as he stared at Suho. "What do you mean help?" 

 Suho smiled at him, actually smiled. This time it was bigger, a trace of happiness there, hidden behind the exhaustion. "Like I said: I know what I saw. Between you two... it's more than I expected. I don't think it's my right to get in the way of that."

 To say Xiumin was speechless was an understatement. Not only were words unattainable but he could barely register his own thoughts over his pounding heartbeat. Did he... was he... 

 "You're- You're okay with this," He gaped. 

 Suho shrugged, seemingly resigned to his decision. "I'm not sure what I am regarding this. It's kind of a mess." Xiumin laughed at that, nodding because yes, it was. "But I want to support you as best I can. I care about you and it's obvious you're making each other happy. That's all I want, for everyone to be happy."

 Xiumin looked at Suho,  _really_ looked at him. He had changed so much since they first met. He was no longer the boy who went from being afraid he'd never debut to being thrust into a responsibility he had never asked for. Years of being their leader had shaped him into a strong, reliable friend and a great man, greater than Xiumin had ever known. 

 "Thank you. You have no idea..." Xiumin could not put into words the way he felt. Suho just nodded, smiling a bit brighter. He didn't ask him to elaborate for which he was grateful. He just needed a moment to process this. 

 "However, no more lying to me. I do want to support you but we also have to work together on this. I don't think we should tell the group just yet. Some of them are, well... This could be a big shock." Xiumin laughed at that, burying his face in his knees and shaking his head. "What?"

 He looked at Suho, who was giving him an almost confused and somewhat offended expression. "No, it's just-" He laughed again, wiping a tear away from the corner of his eye. "You know that pretty much everybody thinks Kai likes Sehun, right? I'm pretty sure they're right but yeah, the point is they all think it and haven't said anything."

 Suho furrowed his brow, tilting his head in definite confusion. "That's crazy. Kai is Sehun's best friend." 

 Xiumin laughed, sharper this time, more like a snort. "Yeah, he sure is. Trust me, Kai has feelings for him whether he knows it or not." 

 The Kai issue was still bugging him. He didn't know what to do about him. He didn't want to get into a fight or hurt Kai's feelings but he couldn't just leave it alone either. One way or another Kai was going to get hurt and possibly Sehun too. It was a tricky situation.

 "But what makes you think that?" Suho was leaning forward, curiously awaiting his response. It was weird to gossip with their leader about the group but it was sort of related to the situation with Sehun so he needed to be honest. 

 "It's just something you notice if you watch. I know everyone's close with everyone but it's different with Kai. He just looks at him differently..."

 "Like Sehun looks at you," Suho finished. Xiumin nodded. It was the same look on Kai's face today when Sehun pouted his way to the kitchen as when Sehun had been looking at him. He saw it even though Sehun didn't. 

 Suho licked his lips, tugging the bottom one between his teeth and tsking. "That's definitely complicated. Well, start with you and Sehun and go from there."

 It was nice to have someone to talk to with one hundred percent honesty. Okay, maybe not  _one hundred_ percent. He kept the more intimate details to himself, skirting over the physical aspects of their relationship with vague statements, only admitting they had one. Suho seemed grateful. By the end Suho knew it all.

 "Wow," he breathed. "Go big or go home, hey?"

 Xiumin nodded before resting his chin on the top of his knees. "What now?" 

 "That is a good question. I'm not sure," Suho admitted, chuckling nervously. "We'll figure it out though, okay? I've got your back." 

 He smiled at Suho. He was lucky to have him as a friend. For the first time Xiumin thought maybe he could keep his promise to Sehun after all. Maybe they could be together and be in Exo. Maybe it would all work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this with no clue how the interactions between Suho and Xiumin were gonna go. This is what I ended up with. 
> 
> Also, the fic is drawing to a close. There will be a couple more chapters but it's for sure going to be done soon. Weird to think about after I've spent the last couple months stressing over it and thinking about it constantly XD  
> Anyways that was just a heads up. 
> 
> Song by Infinite


	30. Something Good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exo finally leaves for the tour and the airport brings a surprise Sehun couldn't have expected.

 Sehun had forgotten how hectic travelling was. He'd been cooped up in the dorm so it came as a bit of a shock when they left to see the entire building surrounded by a crowd of people so big they were spilling down the block. He stood frozen for a moment, staring at the fans and reporters all fighting to be at the front of the crowd.

 The fans were shouting, calling everybody's names but what surprised him was the sheer amount of people screaming for  _him._ As soon as he left the building the volume increased drastically and suddenly he could hear people asking how he was feeling or telling him to get better. There were even signs being held up for him. He almost laughed at a giant yellow one that said "Get better, Oppa!" with his face stuck onto a picture of a sick cat. Where did they even get this stuff?

 They were rushed into the waiting vans almost as soon as they were out. The windows were blacked out but Sehun could still see the fans smiling and waving at them through the glass. It warmed his heart to see so many people gathering just to see them off and especially to encourage him specifically. Sure, some fans were absolutely crazy but most of them were just sweet and caring, supporting Exo so passionately.

 He pulled his phone out and started rolling down the window. 

 "What are you doing," Baekhyun hissed at him.

 He ignored him and waved to everyone outside. "Hello! Thank you all for supporting us! We love you and will work very hard to be worthy of your support. May I take a picture of you guys?" As expected a chorus of cheers sounded. Sehun smiled and brought his phone up. "Say cheese!" 

 He snapped the photo and grinned, waving goodbye at everyone else once more before rolling his window up. He looked down at the photo. Everyone was smiling or screaming. You could see the poster with his face on the cat in it and this time he did laugh. 

 "What did you do that for?" 

 He shrugged. "I wanted a photo." Baekhyun rolled his eyes but said nothing, just popped his headphones in and leaned his head on Chanyeol's shoulder. He was asleep in less than two minutes. Sehun shook his head, looking back at his phone. He pulled up his Weibo and uploaded the photo, captioning it much the same as what he had said to the fans earlier. 

 Unlike Baekhyun he'd actually gotten sleep last night so he wasn't tired enough to go back to sleep.Chen and Lay were playing a game in the back. He wasn't sure what it was or how to play but seeing as Lay kept getting hit on the head he wasn't sure he wanted to know anyways. Chanyeol was currently acting as Baekhyun's pillow, although the lack of noise coming from him probably meant he was asleep too. The only other person in the car was Kris but he was in the front seat listening to headphones and Sehun knew better than to disturb him. 

 It was another half an hour at least until they got to the airport. He could play a game or go through his Weibo in the meantime but neither sounded appealing right now.

 He thought about texting Xiumin but he was probably asleep in the other vehicle and he didn't wanna wake him up. He'd looked dead tired this morning which was weird because he told Sehun he was going to bed early last night. Maybe he was getting sick. He made a mental note to check on him later when they had a moment alone. 

 He settled on catching up some on the drama he'd started earlier this month. He put his headphones in and pressed play, leaning his forehead against the cool glass of the window. 

 

* * *

 

 He locked his phone and threw it into his backpack as they pulled into the airport parking lot. They pulled around the corner and Sehun's jaw dropped. If the fans outside of the dorm had been shocking this was almost unimaginable. 

 Lay leaned forward, joining him in open mouthed shock as they stared out the window. "There must be almost a thousand people out there."

 Chen shook Baekhyun's shoulder, ignoring his grumbling and pointing out the window. Baekhyun blinked and rubbed his eyes, looking again and squinting his eyes. "Chanyeol! Chanyeol, wake up!"

 Chanyeol's head whipped up. "I'm up, I'm up," he yawned. "We there yet?"

 "Yeah, and so are, like, half our fans."

 "Huh?" Chanyeol craned his neck around Baekhyun, eyes widening in shock when he took in the sight outside of their van. "What? Why are there so many people?"

 Baekhyun shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "Beats me."

 The crowd was held back by security so that their van could make it to the front doors. The driver pulled up in front of the doors and shut the engine off.

 Kris unbuckled his seat belt and pulled out his phone. He dialed a number and brought the phone to his ear, looking through the rear view mirror at the van that pulled in behind them. A second later someone picked up. Sehun was right behind Kris so he could hear that it was Suho on the other line.

 " _Yeah I see them."_

 _"_ You speak to manager hyung yet?"

 " _He says he spoke to the airport staff and there are some fans inside but they got in under control._ "

  "Good. I don't want a repeat of last time." Sehun's cheeks pinked at that but he said nothing. 

 " _Yeah I know. We'll be careful. Let's go._ "

 Kris hung up the phone and turned around to face them. "There's some fans inside but the airport is taking care of it so we shouldn't have any problems. Let's just do this quick. Come on."

 He nodded at them once before he opened his doors. The shouts immediately became louder. They quickly followed Kris out. Sehun was careful to avoid moving too hastily lest he trip and make a fool of himself again. 

 The other members emerged from the second van. Sehun automatically searched for Xiumin, sighing when he saw the older boy crawl out after Luhan. He sent him a quick smile before allowing Chen to start pushing him towards the doors. They kept their heads down as they made their way to the building. A crowd of this size was dangerous if it got out of control. It was best they make their way fast before anyone got too excited. 

 Thankfully their manager had been right. When they got inside they could see fans lined up along the wall but it was no more than normally saw them off at the airport. They waved, smiling as the fans took photos and videos. This was normal; they were used to this. They simply made their way to their departure gate no differently than they would have otherwise. 

 Being an idol had its privileges. They went through their security and bag check in a private room delegated for VIPs. That way they didn't have to wait in line and they wouldn't cause a scene amongst the fans. After that they waited in a VIP lounge for the plane to begin boarding. They would get on first and then the rest of the plane would board afterwards. 

 The lounge was lavishly decorated, furnished with plush armchairs and it's own bar. It was where government officials or celebrities stayed during layovers or, in their case, waiting to board a plane. Should anyone be bored they could simply start a game of pool or watch something on one of the many flat screen TVs. 

 Sehun didn't wanna watch TV. He sat on one of armchairs, curled up staring out the window. From here he could see the wide, black tarmac of the runway and the staff checking the planes and loading luggage, doing all the pre-flight things you'd expect. That wasn't what he was paying attention too. He was watching the planes take off.

 Ever since he was a little kid he'd had a fascination with watching things fly. Planes were no exception. It was amazing to him that they could take this giant hunk of metal, weighing hundreds of tons, and make it fly. He'd tried to understand the science behind it once but it went right over his head (no pun intended.)

 Besides that felt a little like taking the magic from it. If he didn't know how it worked he could still look at it with the same wonder he did when he was ten. If something that heavy could defy gravity than surely he could surpass his own obstacles. It served as an inspiration for him. Every time he saw one take off it reminded him of the child like wonder that had led him to follow his dreams and taught him that just because it looks impossible you shouldn't give up. One day you would reach the the sky of your dreams. 

 He cringed at his words. This was why he didn't write songs. He'd sound like a total dork.

 The sound of movement next to him made him look to his side. Kai was dropping rather gracefully, considering he was still half asleep, into the seat next to him. He leaned his head back on the chair and looked over at Sehun in a dazed way. The angle was rather unflattering but he chose not to mention it. Sleepy Kai was also a sensitive Kai. He'd rather not spend the entire flight trying to assure Kai he was not in fact unattractive.

 Instead he handed over the bottle of vitamin water that had been slowly warming in his lap. Kai grunted in a way that was probably supposed to be a thank you as he swallowed some of the light blue liquid. He pulled the bottle away, grimacing and wiping his mouth off. "Why'd you get blueberry? Yuck." Kai closed it and threw the bottle back into Sehun's lap. Fortunately he chose to close his eyes so he didn't see the light blush dusting Sehun's cheeks.

 "Why did you stay up all night when you knew we had an early flight?"

 "I found an awesome new anime and it was so good. I couldn't just _stop_ after one episode." 

 "Six?"

 "Seven." Sehun gave him a  _this is why you're a child_ look. Kai groaned and covered his eyes with his elbow. "I have a problem, I know."

 "Admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery."

 Kai glared at him from under his arm. "I'm sorry, who was the one who did a 6 hour marathon of Mario Kart the night before our first overseas concert?"

 "Point made. Still, you can't function on no sleep whereas I managed to out dance all you suckers AND look flawless while doing it." 

 "You sound like Baekhyun." Kai wrinkled his nose as if that was the worst insult imaginable. 

 Sehun shrugged. "The brat's rubbing off on me. What can I say?"

 "He's your hyung! So am I. Show us some respect." 

 "You just insulted him!" 

 "I'm older so I'm allowed to!"

 "By like three months!"

 "Still older!"

 A sudden sigh from behind them made them both turn around. Kris was sitting on a couch a couple feet back, facing away from them. He was shaking his head. Sehun hadn't even noticed him when he sat down.

 "We're all your hyungs so stop arguing and act properly, both of you." 

 Sehun ducked his head, ashamed Kris had heard him acting so childish. " Sorry,  hyung." Kai murmured the same. Kris sighed again and went back to whatever it was he was doing.

 Sehun shot Kai daggers but the (slightly) older boy just shrugged and closed his eyes again. Rolling his, Sehun turned back to the window. He put his chin on the back of his chair and returned his attention the planes taking off outside.

 

* * *

 

 

 Sehun had a thing about having a window seat. Everyone knew he preferred it and most of the group didn't care that much so he never had a problem getting it. The other members would just file in and sit wherever but he  _always_ had the window seat. 

 Watching planes take off was one thing but actually being  _in_ the plane as it went up was totally another. Every time, without fail, he would watch as the planes wheels started moving, the huge metal shell rolling slowly at first but then picking up speed as it went down the runway. They would hit the right speed and the plane began to rise, subtly at first, just an inch or two off the ground. He could feel his stomach tense in anticipation as the distance between the plane and the ground expanded, getting higher and higher until they left it all together. The people got smaller until they weren't people anymore, just specks moving beneath him.

 He could see all of Seoul. Even from this high up it was a blur of activity on the streets, people going to work or heading home or just going from place to place. They never stopped. Everyone was always moving. Nobody took the time to just stop and breathe. For him, this was his time to do that. He would watch the world out of his window and breathe. Only this time, instead of worrying about the tour or stressing over a packed schedule, he was thinking about Xiumin. 

 He didn't know how the boy had done it but he'd made Sehun fall in love with him in such a short period of time. It really shouldn't have been possible. Love was something that took time, time for you to get to know each other and time to grow between people. At least, that's what he'd thought. Of course he'd known Xiumin for years, ever since the group was first told they'd debut, but he hadn't really  _known_ him. 

 He knew Xiumin was the eldest but didn't always act like it. He had a penchant for being very childlike sometimes that would even make Suho roll his eyes. He knew he was shy when you first met but very bubbly once he opened up to you. He knew he loved playing soccer and staying active. He also knew he was incredibly organized and liked to keep things clean. Those things weren't Xiumin, though, not the real him. He was so much more than that.

 He was the sweetest person Sehun had ever met. He was always smiling and always offering to help people. Sehun had never paid enough attention to realize just how hard he worked. He gave 110% during practice and still went out of his way to get the other members water first. He was always taking care of the other members. People always called Suho the mom but Xiumin did all that and more, going unnoticed and unappreciated. 

 Not anymore. Sehun noticed and he was gonna make sure Xiumin never went a day without being thanked for it. 

 It was still sort of shocking to think in such little time everything had changed so much. Sehun went from the straight, energetic maknae of Exo to the definitely not straight, injured youngest member shacking up with the eldest behind the group's backs. It was not a turn of events he'd ever have expected but here he was. 

 He smiled despite himself. Yes, it was all different now but he wouldn't change a thing. 

 

* * *

 

 By the time they landed in Taiwan two hours later everyone was refreshed and ready to go. Those who had been tired slept during the flight and, while a little groggy when first woken up, we're quickly building up energy. They were  _finally_ returning to the tour. 

 Of course the airport was crazy when they left the plane. Fans were screaming and taking photos, yelling "Oppa I missed you!" and such. The fans from other places were always a bit crazier than home, probably because the fans in Seoul had a lot of opportunities to see them compared to the rest. Either way, they had to be quick about getting out. There were security guards holding the fans back but they were having a hard time because of the sheer number of them.

 "Okay guys, let's just be quick and don't draw attention," Kris murmured to them from behind his mask. He straightened his shoulders and began following the PD through the crowd. 

 "Easy for him to say," Luhan rolled his eyes as he said it but followed behind Kris none the less. 

 Sehun smiled behind his own mask and did the same. They walked quickly and efficiently through the crowd. The guards had the fans held back far enough that they had a good 10 ft between them but still he had to stick to the side to avoid their reaching hands. He didn't want a repeat of last time. 

 They were almost at the exit when all hell broke loose. One of the fans managed to get past a security guard and came rushing at them. He turned around to yell at her to stop and that split second was all it took for some more fans to shove past him and the dam broke. Everyone started screaming and ran at them.

 Sehun was frozen in shock. It felt like slow motion as he watched the fans charge him. All he could do was cringe and turn away, hoping he blocked his arm in time. He felt a body connect with his and he moved to shake them off when he felt them lean in. "It's okay, I've got you." He didn't have to turn around to know who's voice that was. Relief flooded through him.

 Xiumin wrapped his arms around Sehun, protecting him from the fans as they crowded the group. He blocked them with his back as he pushed Sehun through the other members, earning a few startled cries. Someone else was beside him, keeping him from hitting the wall as they were pushed and shoved.

 Xiumin didn't ease his grip on Sehun once. His body was warm against Sehun's. He found himself pushing into him, comforted by the feel of Xiumin's chest pressed against his shoulder.

 They were ten feet away from the door now. He could see the vehicle outside waiting, engine running as the driver watched in horror, hand frozen where he'd been readjusting the mirror. Finally they were at the doors and Xiumin was opening them, pushing Sehun out and hurrying him to the van. There were fans out here too but the security had an easier job holding them back because of the railings around the walkway. 

 Xiumin yanked the door handle open and ushered Sehun in with inhuman speed. At least, that's how it felt to Sehun. He was probably still in a little shock after the human stampede they'd just encountered so maybe it wasn't inhuman. It didn't really matter. He scrambled into the van and collapsed on the back seat, breathing heavily and closing his eyes. He heard Xiumin follow him in and take the seat next to him, leaving the door open for the others. 

 He opened his eyes, exhaling as he turned to Xiumin. His face was etched with worry but there was relief in his eyes too, probably that Sehun was okay. "Thanks," he choked out. He swallowed and cleared his throat, looking around for a water bottle or something. Xiumin reached into his bag and pulled out some vitamin water. Sehun took it thankfully. He greedily gulped some water back as the other members began entering the van.

 First came D.O. and then Chanyeol, followed by Kai and Kris. Everyone began talking at once but the moment Kris slammed his door the car went silent. 

 "Drive," he grit out. The driver nodded and slammed his foot onto the accelerator. The tires squealed and then they were moving. Kris turned around and looked right at Sehun. "Are you okay? Did anyone hit your hand?"

 He shook his head. "No, I'm fine. Xiumin kept them away." 

 Kris let out a breath and nodded. "Good." He turned to Xiumin. "You acted fast. Good job. You're on Sehun duty from now on. You guys are rooming together for the remainder of the tour. Everywhere we go, every time we leave you're at his side. Make sure nothing happens, okay?" 

 Sehun's mouth dropped open but Xiumin didn't miss a beat. "Yes sir," he said and saluted Kris. The leader rolled his eyes but turned to the others. "What about you guys? You good?" 

 He was too shocked to pay attention to the conversation. He realized his mouth was still open and closed it. He wanted to argue the fact that he had a baby sitter but he couldn't bring himself to because that baby sitter was Xiumin. Kris had literally just ordered them to spend every second together for the rest of the tour. They were sharing a  _room_ together. 

 He turned to Xiumin, not able to believe this was real. He flashed Sehun a gummy smile, winking so quickly he wasn't sure it was real, and turned back to the group. 

 Sehun blinked, turning back to the group in a daze. He wasn't listening to them, focused instead on what just happened. 1) Xiumin and him were going to be sharing a room, to themselves, with nobody around. 2) They weren't allowed to leave each other sides for the remaining four months of the tour. 3) Kris had just given them the excuse to be together 24/7 with no suspicion. He looked down and pinched his leg. Nope, not a dream. 

 This tour was going to be even better than he'd expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY I TOOK SO LONG. No excuses, just motivation/writers block/busy!
> 
> I just got back from the Got7 concert yesterday so I was busy with that for the past week and before that just a bunch of other stuff. Anyways, it's finally up!!
> 
> Let me know what you think! ♡
> 
> Song by Got7


	31. White Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get back to the hotel and Sehun is torn between being happy because Xiumin but also upset because what's up with Kai? Nothing's ever easy.  
> Although, maybe, just maybe, they were given a break today.

Sehun was still riding his high when they reached the hotel. He’d kept quiet the rest of the ride for fear that he’d open his mouth and some sort of squeal would come out, or some other small woodland animal–like sound. On the other hand Xiumin was quite the opposite. He was chatting happily with Chanyeol and Luhan as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Well, in everybody else’s eyes nothing had, that was true, but for Sehun... Was it cliché to say dreams do come true? (Yes but he pretended it wasn’t because he still had to _live_ with himself.)

 It was like the universe was holding a big, flashing neon sign saying “ ** _Xiumin!!!_** ” right in front of his face. They’d never roomed together before and now, directly when he wanted ( _needed_ ) it there it was! He pinched his leg, and _ow_ , definitely not a dream.

 Soft chuckling drew his eyes up and Xiumin was laughing at him, eyes half crescents and cheeks pulled back in a smile. Of _course_ he had to see Sehun do that, because as amazing as the universe could be it also had a habit of making sure Sehun embarrassed himself at least once a day.  
  
 “What?” He asked with feigned nonchalance, hoping his cheeks weren’t as red as they felt.

 Xiumin’s smile grew a tiny bit wider and he shook his head. “Nothing.”

 

  
  
 As they shuffled into the lobby their manager ran up to them, ignoring Kris and making a beeline for Sehun. “Are you okay? Did they hurt your wrist? Oh no, we can’t afford it taking any longer to heal!”

  
 Sehun shrugged him off and held his arm up, moving it back and forth I’m front of his face. “I’m fine. The members were there. See?” He resisted the urge to make a face. Wasn’t the worry supposed to stop now?

  
 “Oh thank goodness,” he sighed in relief. Turning to the rest of the group, he added “Good job.” Sehun was glad he was looking the other way so his eye rolling went unnoticed.

  
 Their manager began talking to Kris so Sehun used the opportunity to look around a bit. The hotel lobby was nice, with rich mahogany walls and golden trim running along the top and bottom, meeting the artfully rustic wood-panelled floor. There were some paintings on the wall, scenes of autumn forests and rich sunsets. It was an odd design choice for a hotel as grand as this, but paired with the fire crackling in the old stone fireplace, gave it a much more cozy feel.

  
 The other members arrived and immediately fussed over Sehun. Again. The maknae tried to assure them he was fine but eventually gave up, letting a worried Lay drape an arm around him and move him to one of the many soft couches they had adorning the room.

  
 “I’m fine Lay,” he all but whined, wishing the older boy would believe him. “Nobody even touched me!”

  
 “Yes but you should still rest.”

  
 He threw his one usable hand up in exasperation and pouted. “Hyung!” Lay smiled down at him, eyes lidded and shook his head slightly. To Sehun’s outrage he then leaned down and _kissed_ his head. Kissed. His Head. The younger boy's mouth dropped open before he fixed it into a scowl.

  
 Lay laughed at him, further humiliating Sehun by tapping his noise with his pointer finger. “The doctor was very clear: If you wanted to accompany us on tour you need to rest lots and eat well.”

 

“Yeah, I know; I was there too, remember? And I _am_ taking care of myself hyung! I’m not made of glass. I can stand for a few minutes without fainting like some drama character.”

  
 “Ah, do you we need to give you a time out?”

  
 Sehun turned to Baekhyun, who was now leaning across the back of the couch with his chin in his hands, and huffed. “Why do I feel like a child being lectured by his parents for something he didn’t do?”

  
 Baekhyun shrugged, smirking devilishly and humming as he stood. “Because you _are_  a child,” he teased as he ruffled Sehun’s hair.

  
 The maknae batted his hand away, standing up and going the opposite way before Lay could force him to sit down again. Instead he sought refuge from Kai, throwing his arms around the older boy’s shoulder and pouting. “Hyung, they’re being mean to me,” he whined.

  
 Kai started, making a small, surprised noise at Sehun’s sudden arrival. He half turned, just enough to look at Sehun. In that split second his eyes seemed to flash with something Sehun couldn’t quite describe before it was gone and Kai was shrugging him off. “They’re just telling you to take care of yourself. They’re right; go sit down and relax.”

  
 “Why is no one on my side?” He whined again, and when he saw that it was getting him nowhere he turned and left to find Xiumin. He would definitely give in to Sehun’s aegyo. Probably. Maybe.

  
 He didn’t have to go far. Xiumin was off to the side, talking with Kris and Suho. Their manager was on the phone next to them, making a lot of odd noises and occasionally moving his head. He was weird. 

  
 Sehun hesitated, unsure of whether he should disturb them, when the older boy turned and met his eyes. “Ah, Sehun. We were just talking about you.”

 At Xiumin’s words Suho and Kris turned to him and for some reason he was reminded of that goat they lowered into the T-Rex cage during Jurassic Park. “You were?” Suho nodded, beckoning him over with his hand. He swallowed his discomfort and made his way the final few feet to the group.

  
 “We were just discussing the room arrangements and such,” Suho said, tossing an arm around Sehun’s shoulder once he joined them. “More specifically, our schedule. I agree with Kris, you should have someone keep an eye on you. Not a babysitter,” he added when Sehun tried to interrupt. “More like a bodyguard, someone to make sure someone else doesn’t make a careless mistake and undo all your hard work. Xiumin seems to have proved himself quite capable so far.”

  
 The leader’s eyes were shining like he’d just told one of his really terrible jokes that he thought were really good, and he might have actually thought that; Sehun didn’t really understand his humor half the time.

 

 Sehun wasn’t going to argue with him, not when it meant 24/7 with Xiumin, but he also couldn’t just let it go with no complaints. That was very un-Sehun like. “But I feel like a child,” he whined and then realized whining only proved the point further. That was good, right?

  
 “They have a point though,” came Xiumin’s reply. “You have been taking care of yourself but not everyone is going to think about it and you really need to make sure you heal properly so you can come back as soon as possible. If it bothers you having a member I’m sure they could hire someone?”

  
 He phrased it like a question, and it sounded quite valid, but Sehun knew it was as much for show as his own objections. He turned inquiringly towards Kris but Sehun was quick to stop him, lest the leader actually _agree._ “No! It’s fine. It’ll be fine.”

  
 Xiumin’s smile was blinding, Suho echoing it next to him. Kris nodded, a tight lipped smile as the manager got off the phone.

  
 He slipped his phone back into his pocket and smiled as he turned to the youngest. “Sehun, I’m assuming they spoke to you a bit?” Sehun nodded. “Good. I’m glad they came up with the idea. Can’t have you out of commission for too long, right? So everything’s all sorted. The interview has been pushed until tomorrow.”

  
 “What? Why?”

  
 “After the fiasco at the airport the company decided it would be best to stay at the hotel for today, just until the press dies down a little.”

  
 “Does the rest of the group know?”

  
 “We’re going to tell them now.”

  
 Sehun laughed, throwing his own arm around Suho and squeezing his shoulder. “Tao was talking all day about how excited he was to go shopping. Good luck.”

  
  
 The members took it reasonably well. Most of them were too tired to go out anyway. Tao was, of course, noticeably upset but more surprising was Kai’s reaction; He looked like he’d just sucked a lemon throughout the whole thing. He hadn’t mentioned anything he wanted to do when they landed but there must have been something he was looking forward to.

  
 They made the sleeping arrangements but Sehun didn’t pay attention since he already knew who his roommate was. He was looking around at the members tired faces, lack of energy and just general change in attitude. Sehun was fine now but when he hadn’t been the members had spent so much time worrying and looking after him, not to mention the amount of extra practice they’d had to put in, that they looked so worn out. It broke his heart, guilt gnawing at him.

  
 It wasn’t an entirely physical thing, although the bags under their eyes were definitely noticeable, but the way they held themselves was just not the same. Sure, they were laughing and smiling but it didn’t really reach their eyes. The laughter was just a bit too hollow for his liking. He needed to do something; he owed it to them all to return the favor of their care and right now was the perfect time.

  
 They started grabbing their luggage and moving to leave and Sehun came up with an idea. “Hey guys, since we’re stuck here anyways why don’t we hit up the pool?”

  
 “I’m pretty tired. I think I’m just gonna shower and go to bed.”

  
 “Same.”

  
 “Awh, come on guys! Starting tomorrow the schedule is gonna be so packed there won’t be more than a moment to relax and now we didn’t just get the day off, we were literally commanded!”

  
The response was not as good as he hoped. Luckily, his Knight in shining armor chose to step in. “Well if he wants to go, guess I am too,” Xiumin said from behind him. “Luhan?”

  
 “Sure,” the other agreed with a shrug. “Why not? I’m not going to bed anytime soon anyway.”

  
 Sehun turned (hopefully) back to the other members. “Please? You’re okay with it, right Manager–hyung?”

  
 He nodded minutely. “So long as you’re careful you can do whatever you want, provided you stay in the hotel.”

  
 It took a bit more convincing than Sehun had thought it would but eventually he, along with Xiumin, got everyone to agree, including pouty Tao and Kai. Whatever was up with the latter was a mystery. He went to his room to change before Sehun could ask him.

  
 The manager had given everyone a key to their room, one per pair, and held onto the other himself “in case of emergencies.” What possible emergencies there could be (considering Sehun was no longer an issue and the other members hadn’t showed a tendency for hurting/hospitalizing themselves) he had no idea. Not that he really cared, since he was literally going to be with Xiumin all the time, but he felt the other members complaints were justified. He had a sneaking suspicion it was just so the members couldn’t go off on their own. If that was really what their manager thought then he had no idea how sneaky and determined some of them could be. Himself included, he guessed, given recent events.

  
 They were on the top floor, which was actually only the tenth but it still had a nice view of the city at night. As soon as they walked through the door to their room Sehun felt the heat. He supposed a toasty, comfortable atmosphere was something they aimed for to help relax their guests but with his body temperature running as high as it normally did at night he was anticipating some serious sweats. He pushed the worries away however, as he had more important matters to attend to.

  
 He left his suitcase by the bed and turned around, barely giving Xiumin time to close the door behind him before the maknae pulled him into a bone shattering hug. His arms wrapped around Sehun’s lower back automatically and he chuckled into the younger’s shoulder. “I missed you too,” he breathed out, so quietly Sehun wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t literally pressed to him.

  
 Sehun held him tighter, not wanting to let go. “Thank you for saving me. You’re literally there every time I need you, even if I haven’t realized I need you yet.” He pulled back enough to look down at Xiumin’s face, smirking at the blush there. “You really earned that Knight title.”

  
 Xiumin pursed his lips playfully. He stretched up to kiss Sehun, short and sweet, before dropping back down. “You should start paying me overtime.”

  
 “I’m not paying you at all.”

  
 “You’re right. I’m so under appreciated.” He slipped out of Sehun’s arms with a smile and pulled his luggage to the bed.

  
 Sehun followed suit, snorting haughtily. “What about me? You think it’s easy to constantly be in danger?” He straightened up, giving the elder a tired look. “It’s exhausting. I really should retire.”

  
 Xiumin peeked up from his behind his suitcase, eyes crinkling in laughter. “Oh, but then how would I live?”

  
 “You could rescue kittens from trees and stop bullies from stealing lunch money. I bet it’s very lucrative.” He tossed a shirt at Sehun, laughing when it landed on the maknae’s face.

  
 It was easy for them, Sehun realized. They were so different and yet for all their own little quirks there were fifty more reasons they fit together. He thought of puzzle pieces but decided that wasn’t a good metaphor, implying too much that they were linked when it was more like they were intertwined. Sehun was a tree and Xiumin was like ivy that had grown around him, covering him but not suffocating him, living in perfect harmony with him like they were one and the same, growing together. No matter what came at Sehun he felt safe because Xiumin was always there to protect him. He made things prettier for Sehun, made the world look just a little less horrible, and even when he wasn’t there he was still a comfort to Sehun because the maknae knew he would be back and take his place around Sehun again.

  
 So maybe his smile was a little bit wider as they made their way down to the pool to meet the others. Maybe Xiumin’s was too. He allowed himself this. They had earned it, after all. And so with goofy smiles on their faces they entered the pool hall, having just raced each other down the hall. Sehun’s longer legs had given him an edge, and he teased Xiumin for his short height, even though they both knew Sehun thought he was perfect. Well, Sehun _hoped_ he knew that. He would remind Xiumin later, just in case.

   
 The others were scattered about, some in the pool and some sitting in the chairs off to the side. They joined the latter group, tossing their things on the table, Sehun teasingly asking if Xiumin needed help reaching.

  
 “Yah, respect your hyung!” Xiumin was pointing threateningly but he was also smiling which put the intimidation factor at zero for Sehun.

  
 “What are you guys on and where can I get some?” Chen cleverly avoided Kris’s finger flick by choosing that moment to jump into the pool. He swam up, pushing his bangs off his forehead and winked at them before swimming off to join D.O., Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Lay, seemingly involved in a game of chicken? Sehun laughed as Chanyeol knocked Baekhyun off of Lay’s shoulders and the smaller boy fell back into the water, pulling a shocked Lay with him.

  
 “You could say he was Baek-done.” The amount of judgemental stares burning holes into him made him (slightly ) regretful, but really he was still glad because then they were laughing and this is what he had wanted all along.

  
 It took a while but slowly the members started to loosen up. Sehun watched from the edge of the pool, legs kicking in the water, and was extremely thankful for this opportunity. Yeah, they got it because of a sort-of disaster but still it was exactly what the doctor ordered. He definitely did not laugh at his own joke and Tao definitely did not give him the _look_ from beside him.

  
 The one damper on his evening was Kai. He didn’t have a clue why the other boy looked like someone has just killed one of his dogs (Although realistically Kai would be off pulling some serious Rambo shit if that happened) but it was still bugging him.

  
 Kai had always opened up to him before, whether it be small or big stuff, and now he seemed much more withdrawn and sulky. It was a complete 180 and Sehun was left wondering what had happened in the short time to affect the boy so much. He had ignored Sehun’s smiles and waves previously. Short of calling the boy out in front of everyone the maknae was out of ideas. Well, _good_  ones, anyway.

  
 He kicked his legs out, aiming for Kai but missing and hitting Kris instead. The leader looked around, water dripping down his face. “Who did that?” Sehun, not one to let a good moment pass by, pointed to Tao.

  
 Despite Tao’s protests the leader grabbed him and pulled him into the water. Sehun watched happily as Kris dunked Tao under water, grinning like a fool. Tao burst up from the surface, sputtering and flailing about like a cat as he scrambled for the edge of the pool. “My hair,” he whined, trying to pull himself out. He hadn’t even gotten close before Kris was dragging him back to the middle of the pool, laughing as the younger wailed.

  
 Sehun watched with a smile, and occasional laughter, as an all-out water fight began. He was safe on the side thanks to his cast so he was free to watch his bandmates suffer at each other’s hands. They all looked so genuinely happy. It had been a long time since they all let go, completely worry free and even longer since they laughed and played around like this. He wasn’t even disappointed he couldn’t join in; watching it was much more gratifying.

 

  
 Much later, and with very pruny fingers, they got out and dried off. Sehun might have imagined that everyone seemed a bit lighter but he was really hoping he wasn’t. It wasn’t much and it didn’t fix everything but he had learned lately that he had to take the little victories where he could. It was a start.

  
 He smiled, watching his bandmates and feeling the change on the horizon. He just hoped it was all for the best.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So three months, hey.... Worst. Ever.  
> I'm so sorry guys! Lots of shit happened and now I'm finally able to work on this properly (As before, after the bingo, I couldn't write much without feeling stressed.)
> 
> Basically, no more SUPER long waits before updates! Also, I have a sort of outline for this story to end but no definitive chapter amounts. Because this chapter was supposed to be twice as long (with what will be chapter 32) but then life happened and I decided to update with two shortish chapters instead. (Just so y'all know I haven't, like, forgotten about this XD)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this little bit of fillerish stuff!


	32. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luhan gets a bit too close to the truth.

 Hunger was inevitable. Not long after they had dried off, the scent of chlorine still strong in their nostrils and fresh on their bodies, their stomachs began to growl. The fact that the manager had forbade them from leaving the hotel was not popular at the moment. Luhan had taken it upon himself to “rectify the injustice committed against them” and had left some five minutes ago to beg the manager to “release them from their bonds”. He had been watching way too many dramas, in Sehun’s opinion, a notion only strengthened by the very suggestive wink that had followed his words. Not that he cared, so long as it worked. He’d put up with a thousand suggestive jokes if it meant real food (None of that _gourmet_ hotel food that came in portions so small even his six year old cousin would still be starving). Ten minutes later they found themselves leaving the hotel lobby, manager in tow as they headed to a nearby restaurant.

  
 He tried, he really _tried_ not steal glances at Xiumin but the elder was walking right next to him and looking far too adorable. His hair was still slightly damp from the pool and stuck to his forehead, a little curl in the center of his forehead reminding Sehun of Superman; Except the man of steel could never compare to the perfection that was Xiumin. _D_ _id that make him Lois Lane??_ He imagined Xiumin swooping in, wearing a ridiculous spandex suit and saving him from some thugs. The idea was so silly he couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

  
 The restaurant wasn’t anything fancy, just a mom and pop style noodle joint, but the smell coming from the open door was enough to make Sehun’s mouth water. They hadn’t eaten anything but airline snacks in hours and his stomach wasn’t the only thing reminding him of the fact; On his left Chanyeol made a noise halfway between a whine and a grunt while on his other side Tao’s strides got just a little bit longer as he broke ahead of the group.

  
 Kris grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back (gently, of course, because Tao might call himself the Kung Fu Panda but he still bruised like a peach) and gave him the patented _Stay in line, you little shit_ look. “No going ahead. We need to stay together as a group. We don’t need anyone getting lost.”

  
 Crossing his arms and pouting Tao nodded, mumbling something in mandarin under his breath when Kris looked away. It was probably a curse word judging from the reproachful look Lay gave him. Chen snickered from behind them and yup, definitely a curse word.

  
 Inside the restaurant they were greeted by a very nice ahjumma who led them to a small room in the back reserved for larger groups. It was a little cramped and they had to sit hip to hip around the table but they managed well enough. He was sandwiched between Luhan and Xiumin but at least the latter was being careful not to knock his hand against the younger’s. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy the feeling of Xiumin pressed to his side, inconvenient as it might be to eat. He still got butterflies. He would probably never stop, not when every time they touched felt like an exciting adventure and going home at the same time.

  
 Since no one could agree on what to get they ordered a variety of different dishes to share amongst them. He was excited to try everything. The benefit of it being such a small restaurant was that everything was hand made: no artificial preservatives or colorings, at least he hoped. He asked the ahjumma just in case. He was worried it would sound rude but she soothed his fears with a kind smile and reassured him it was all fresh.

  
 And wow, Sehun was very happy they went out for dinner. The food brought to them smelled like absolute _heaven_. It tasted even better. The moment the noodles entered his mouth a sound between a whimper and moan left his mouth. He would have been embarrassed if he hadn’t heard the same thing from Tao and Baekhyun. He dug in, eating as quickly as he could without upsetting his stomach.

  
 Kai was sat directly across from him. Sehun smiled at him but he turned to begin a conversation with Chanyeol. Sehun frowned. Had he not seen or..? He _had_ been acting sort of pouty all day; Was something up with him?

  
 “Ya! Earth to Sehun?”

  
 “Huh?” He blinked at the hand waving in his face.

  
 Luhan was looking expectantly at him. “I asked you a question. You okay, Sehun?” He seemed concerned but there was a glint of something dangerous in his eye, something they only ever saw when Luhan was at his most mischievous.

  
 “No, just hungry,” he said casually. The best thing to do now was not play into it. Once Luhan had you on a hook you were there until he let you off. “What was it you asked?”

  
 “The new photos of Miranda Kerr. Have you seen them?” He shoved his phone into Sehun’s face, filling his field of vision with a whole lot of skin and a very little bit of fabric.

  
 He was acutely aware of Xiumin sitting right next to him, so close their knees were brushing. “Ah, yes. It was a very good shoot.” He moved to push the phone away but Luhan ignored him and waved it in front of his face.

  
 “A _good_ shoot? It was an _AMAZING_ shoot! I don’t think they’ve ever put her in such tiny pieces," Luhan said, staring wistfully at the screen.

  
 “Ah, that...” He swallowed dryly. “Yeah, she looks hot.” Luhan was looking at him like he had three heads.

  
 “Hot? Your future wife in her most revealing shoot yet and all you have to say is ‘hot’? Are you sure you’re okay?” Luhan leaned in, examining his face through narrowed eyes. The sudden scrutiny made him nervous. He knew that Luhan wouldn’t be able to tell anything from just his face but he’d rather the older boy didn’t snoop around at all.

  
 “You’re overreacting. I just saw them already. I have email alerts on. Duh.” He pushed Luhan away with a finger to his forehead, smirking at him and hoping the informal behaviour would distract him enough to change the topic of conversation.

  
 Luhan didn’t take the bait. “That doesn’t make sense. You know, you’ve been acting weird lately.”

  
Alarm bells were starting to go off in Sehun’s  head. _T_ _OO CLOSE,_ they screamed. “What are you talking about hyung? I haven’t.” His hands clenched beneath the table.

  
 Luhan put his elbow on the table, resting his cheek in his open hand as he continued staring at Sehun. “No, you definitely have. There’s something... _different_ about you.”

  
 The alarm bells changed to sirens now. Sehun laughed nervously. _Play it off_. “Of course I’ve been different, Luhan. I shattered my wrist, found out I had a rare bone infection, was awake during surgery, and went into shock and vomited blood, all in the span of like two weeks. Do you expect me to act normal?”

  
 Luhan shook his head, squinting at him and tapping his chin with his pointer finger. “No, it’s nothing like that. Hmm, what is it that is so different about our Sehunnie?”

  
 Sehun was incredibly relieved that no one else was paying them attention because he was freaking out internally. Did Luhan know something? Had him and Xiumin been that obvious? He couldn’t risk looking at the elder now for that would be as good as an invitation for Luhan to snoop between them.

  
 Come to think of it, Luhan had been acting weird lately, too... Sometimes the way he looked at Sehun made the maknae uncomfortable, as if he knew something Sehun didn’t and took great joy in the fact. Sehun had assumed it was just Luhan being Luhan, bored and messing with people for entertainment. Now, though, he wasn’t so sure.

  
 He swallowed, turning back to his plate and trying to look bored. “Whatever you say hyung. I still don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  
 “Mkay,” Luhan drew the word out and shook his head as he pulled away from the maknae. “If you say so.” He went back to his own food, chewing with a smile on his face and humming.

  
 Sehun found it hard to swallow his food past the lump now in his throat. He looked down at his plate, a second helping barely touched. Suddenly he wasn’t so hungry. His heart was beating a mile a minute and he was pretty sure he might throw up.

  
 “Uh, I don’t feel so well. I think I ate too fast.”

  
 Suho looked up from his plate with concern. “Are you okay? Do you want to see a doctor?” At the mention of a doctor some of the members looked up, watching curiously between the maknae and the leader. The last thing he had wanted was more attention on him. His stomach lurched again.

  
 “No, nothing like that. I think I just need to go lay down.” He didn’t have to fake the nauseous look on his face; he was sixty seconds away from throwing up.

  
 Kris nodded. “Xiumin, go with him. He shouldn’t be alone.”

  
 “I’m fine hyung,” he argued but even to his own ears it sounded weak. He pushed his chair away from the table and got up. He wasn’t sure if the pounding in his ears was his imagination or the sound of the members threatening to break down the door to the truth about him and the eldest.

  
 Xiumin followed him out, nodding goodbye to the ahjumma as they exited the building. As soon as they were clear of the windows Xiumin pulled him around the corner and into a small alley between the buildings. He held Sehun’s shoulders and looked up at him, eyes calm. “It’s alright. I know what you’re thinking here’s no need to worry, okay?”

  
 “But he knows _something_ is up!” His stomach was doing flips on a very long tightrope and the ground was a long way down.

  
 Xiumin moved to cup Sehun’s cheeks. His eyes were so sincere as he spoke, it almost calmed the storm raging inside him. “He doesn’t, Sehun. He doesn’t know anything about us.”

  
 “But what if he does?” Flashes of images went through his mind: of the members looking at them with disgust, SM cancelling their contracts and kicking them onto the street, of the fans calling Xiumin horrible things all across the world... The very thought of people treating Xiumin, sweet, caring and selfless Xiumin, like that made him sick.

  
 He twisted out of the elder’s hold and doubled over, throwing up all over the cracked asphalt. Xiumin placed his hand gently on Sehun’s hip and rubbed his back with the other, telling him it was okay and everything would be fine.

  
 He wanted to believe it, he wanted to _so bad_ , but he was afraid. He’d thought they could just sneak off behind everyone’s backs and that it would all be okay, that no one would know and they could keep it all a secret. He never really thought about what would happen if they _were_ caught, not seriously enough. Everything Xiumin worked so hard for... it would all be gone. It was too dangerous. They had to-

  
 “Everything okay here?” His entire body froze as fear turned his veins into ice.

  
 “It’s okay,” Xiumin said as Sehun held the building and turned around. “He’s fine. I’ve got him.”

  
 Kai was watching from the mouth of the alley. The streetlight behind him made it hard to see, just a shadow watching Sehun fall apart. He let go of the wall to wipe his mouth. “I’m fine,” he croaked. “Just indigestion.”

  
 Even hard to see as he was, Kai was obviously not happy. “Of course,” he muttered between clenched teeth. Without another word he turned on his heels and went back to the restaurant, leaving Sehun and Xiumin alone in the alley.

 “I should go after him,” Sehun said, voice hoarse and gravely. Xiumin held him back. “What?”

  
 “You need to get back to the hotel. You can speak to him later. Okay?”

  
 “But he’s upset and- Fuck. What if he heard us?” Sehun staggered back, leaning against the wall for support as a fresh wave of nausea hit him.

  
 “He didn’t.” Xiumin’s hand held his and he squeezed softly in reassurance.

  
 “But-“

  
 Xiumin cut him off with a shake of his head. He looked at Sehun with a small smile. “Can you trust me?” The maknae didn’t hesitate to nod ‘yes’. “Good. Then trust me right now. You need to go back to the hotel. Everything will be fine, okay?”

  
 He pursed his lips but nodded again, allowing Xiumin to pull him forward and begin their walk back to their room. The elder intertwined their hands, despite the fact Sehun had wiped the sick from his mouth, and they walked leisurely through the quiet streets.

  
 Neither said a word on their way back but just the elder’s presence was like a soothing balm for the maknae. His stomach stopped churning and the tension he’d been holding in his shoulders lessened. By the time they reached the hotel the anxiety was gone, replaced with exhaustion from the days events.

  
 Xiumin pushed him straight to the bathroom once they got back. “I’m drawing you a bath. Just sit down and relax.” He busied himself with running the water and checking it’s temperature while Sehun brushed his teeth. The taste of vomit was not on his list of preferred flavors.

  
 He rinsed his mouth, spitting the water and toothpaste into the sink and taking a deep breath. “Much better,” he sighed. He caught Xiumin’s eyes in the mirror. The elder was leaning against the wall, having finished drawing the bath, hands casually tucked into his pockets and a grin on his lips. Sehun wiggled his hips, drawing the elder’s eyes down below his waist. “Like what you see old man?”

  
 “Very much so,” Xiumin laughed, returning his gaze in the mirror, “but I’d like seeing it in that bath right now more.”

  
 “Ooh, kinky. I didn’t know you were into bathtub sex.” He turned around, smirking playfully at the elder.

  
 “Oh Sehun, you don’t actually think we’re going to have sex after you threw up all over the street, do you?”

  
 His face fell. “Oh... yeah. I’m probably gross. Nevermind.” He looked down at the ground as Xiumin stepped forward to wrap his arms around the maknae’s waist.

  
 “Don’t be ridiculous,” he admonished. Going up on his tip toes he drew Sehun in for a kiss, running his tongue along the younger’s lips. When he pulled back he was smiling. “You’re not gross but you _are_ a bit flushed and definitely not in good condition right now. You need a bath and to relax for the evening. Get some rest and then we’ll talk tiger.” He winked exaggeratedly and Sehun found himself giggling.

  
 “Okay,” he laughed. “Will you be joining me?”  
He ran a hand through Sehun’s hair, brushing it away from his eyes as he spoke. “No, I need to quickly go do something. I’ll be right back, though, so don’t think about getting out of that bath before I tell you to. Okay?”

  
 “Yes sir,” Sehun responded with a salute. Xiumin shook his head and laughed, leaning up to kiss Sehun once more before pulling away.

  
 “Get in there mister.”

  
 He didn’t need to be told twice. The thought of a hot bath was almost ( _almost_ but not quite) better than sex right now. He stripped his clothes and climbed in. The hot water had an immediate effect, relaxing his muscles and he sighed contently.

  
 He heard the front door open and close and wondered what Xiumin was up to. He was probably calling Suho or Kris to let them know Sehun was okay. At the thought of the other members some of his anxiety returned, not in full force, just enough to remind him they needed to come up with a solution. Xiumin was right; Luhan and Kai probably didn’t know anything and he was just being paranoid. However, that didn’t mean they couldn’t come up with a plan in case they got caught.

  
 He lost track of time and before he knew it Xiumin was knocking on the door to the bathroom. “Come in.”

  
 The elder peeked in, smiling at him as he opened the door. “How are you feeling?”

  
 “Better,” Sehun grinned up at him.

  
 “Good,” he said, grabbing a towel and holding it open for Sehun. “Then get out.”

  
 “So no bathtub sexy time then?”

  
 Xiumin looked down at him, unimpressed, and shook his head. “You’ve been spending too much time with Baekhyun. I don’t approve.”

  
 “Actually,” Sehun began as he stepped out, moving into the towel as the elder wrapped it around him, “that was Chen.”

  
 “Either way, I’m gonna have a serious talk with them about polluting our maknae’s innocent mind.”

  
 “As if hyung,” he laughed. “You’re the one having sex with me.”

  
 Xiumin looked scandalized. “Yes, but... well....”

  
 He ruffled Xiumin’s hair. “Nice try. It’s okay hyung; I _like_ the way you corrupt me.”

  
 “Down boy,” Xiumin grinned as he flicked the younger’s forehead playfully.

  
 He started drying Sehun off, rubbing the towel across his arms and chest. It was one of the many ways Xiumin had started taking care of him and he felt his cheeks flush.

  
 “I can dry myself off hyung.”

  
 “I know,” Xiumin said with a smile, “but I like doing it. It reminds me of the first time.”

  
 Sehun’s cheeks got even warmer but he smiled none the less. “You’re a sap.”

  
 Xiumin laughed. “That’s the pot calling the kettle black,” he said. “Besides, don’t you like it?” He stuck his lips out and puffed out his cheeks.

  
 “Of course I do,” Sehun responded. “I like all of you, but especially when you pout.” Sehun pinched the elder’s cheeks and the look of indignation on the latter’s face made him laugh.

  
 The elder drew his eyebrows up with mock outrage. “I am your hyung, you know.

  
 Sehun leaned his head down, wet bangs on Xiumin’s forehead. “Yes, you are; _my_ hyung.”

  
 Xiumin leaned up and pecked his lips, pulling back with a smile. “Sap,” he repeated.

  
 “Closet romantic,” Sehun countered. Xiumin stuck his tongue out, pulling the towel back and handing Sehun a pair of sweatpants.

  
 Sehun plopped down on the bed with a tired sigh. Today had been too long and he was grateful he could just cuddle with Xiumin now. Speaking of...

  
 “Hyung, there is a distinct lack of touching happening right now.” He turned his head to come face to face with his own reflection. “Huh?” He looked away from the tray and up at Xiumin.

  
 “Sit up.” The elder held the tray until Sehun was readjusted and set it down in front of him. “You need to eat, since the last thing you ate you threw right back up.” He lifted the lid to reveal two steaming hot bowls of soup. It smelled really good and he had to admit he was pretty hungry after vomiting the only food he’d had in hours.

  
 They sat and ate, mostly in silence. It was nice that they could just sit together without feeling the need to fill the space with words. It was a type of comfort he’d never shared with anyone else. He was glad he could share it with Xiumin now.

  
 Once the soup was gone and Sehun’s belly was full, they lay together under the covers. What happened at dinner was still bugging him and he couldn’t ignore it any longer. “Xiumin,” he began, pausing for a response.

  
 “Yes?”

  
 He wasn’t sure how to start or what to say. He tugged his lip between his teeth as he searched for the right words. “At dinner, the stuff that happened....” Thankfully, his voice was stronger than he’d been expecting, even if he couldn’t necessarily finish his sentence.

  
 Xiumin knew his thoughts, as he often did. “Don’t worry too much. Luhan is just being Luhan.”

  
 “But-“ He took a deep breath and tried again. “But what if he’s not?”

  
 A hand in his hair and a kiss to his forehead were his only answers for a few minutes. When Xiumin finally spoke Sehun’s eyelids had begun growing heavier. “You don’t have to worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

  
 Sehun wanted to say that it wasn’t _himself_ he was worried about but then Xiumin was stroking his hair and holding him tight and he decided now wasn’t the time. Instead Sehun held him tight, cheek resting just above the elder’s pec and beneath his collarbone. “I can’t believe we get to spend every night together,” he whispered.

  
 Xiumin nuzzled his cheek against Sehun’s head and pressed a kiss into his hair. “I know. It worked out perfectly, just like you said that day in my room.”

  
 He thought back to it and smiled. “Maybe I’m magic.”

  
 “Yes,” the elder agreed. “You are.”  
Sehun’s glad no one else has seen him like this as he’s sure he’d be embarrassed for the rest of his life if one of the members saw this side of him.

  
 “But what if someone comes in and sees us,” the maknae asked as he looked up. There was just enough light spilling through the curtains to see the curve of Xiumin’s jaw and the shine of his eyes as he met Sehun’s gaze.

  
 “Only the managers have extra sets of keys. They won’t just burst in, don’t worry.” Sehun nodded, chewing on his lip and not entirely convinced but he found himself unable to care that much when right now was so perfect.

  
 He sighed, leaning up to kiss Xiumin’s chin. “Thanks again hyung. You’re always taking care of me.”

  
 The older boy squeezed him tighter, leaning down to return a kiss to Sehun’s forehead. “I promised, didn’t I?”

  
 Sehun’s heart thumped and he nodded against Xiumin’s chest, grinning sheepishly into the skin. “Yeah, you did.”

  
 They lay in silence, the slow evening of their breath the only sound in the room. Xiumin’s arms felt like they were made to wrap around him and the anxiety of the day easily faded away, leaving nothing but a pleasant hum in his veins. He was tuned into Xiumin’s frequency in such a way that the elder’s slow breaths lulled him into a peaceful slumber. The last thing that went through his mind before he fell asleep was Xiumin’s voice, whispering into his ear.

  
_“I won’t ever let anything hurt you. Promise.”_

 

* * *

 

 Kai lay awake in bed, unable to sleep, replaying what he saw and heard, over and over.

  
  _“But he knows something is up!”_

  
_“He doesn’t, Sehun. He doesn’t know anything about us.”_

  
_“But what if he does?”_

  
 He wanted it to mean anything but what he was afraid it did. There had to be some other explanation. He went through every scenario and every event of the past two weeks.

  
 He thought of the time Sehun had asked for Xiumin at the hospital when they’d never even been that close. Sehun and Kai were closer, at least they used to be... Now he didn’t even know who Sehun was anymore. _Xiumin_ knew.

  
 He felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to scream and break things. He wanted to burst into Sehun’s room and have the younger tell him he was wrong, that there was nothing between him and Xiumin, that he hadn’t lied to Kai...

  
 He wanted to know _why_ he wanted to take Sehun away from Xiumin, towards him.

  
 He wanted to know _why_ he _wanted_ things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm horrible. I know.  
> We just moved to a new place and I have no internet and my life is a mess right now so pls forgive T_T
> 
> Basically I wanted to update so I sat in my room and grinded this out. I'm using my boyfriend's phone to upload but soon we'll have internet again! (YAY)
> 
> Things are officially progressing to the end of the story.
> 
> Thank you all for reading! ^-^


	33. Somebody Else

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Sehun thinks everything might actually be okay, it goes horribly wrong.

Something warm pressed into Sehun’s temple. In his sleep hazy state he wasn’t sure what it was until he felt an accompanying puff of equally warm air on his skin. He blinked his eyes open, grinning sleepily up at the sight of Xiumin’s forehead as the elder’s lips pressed against his skin. “Morning,” he greeted.

  
“Morning,” he mumbled into Sehun’s hair. He pulled back, stopping to peck at Sehun’s lips before sitting back above him. “Did you sleep well?”

  
“Mmm, mhm.” Sehun yawned widely and stretched his arms above his head, rolling over to face the elder. “What time is it?

  
“About 7:30,” Xiumin said casually, meanwhile his gaze was devouring Sehun’s bare torso in a way that was anything _but_ casual.

  
“Hey,” Sehun gasped in mock outrage, “my eyes are up here. When will the objectification of idols stop?” He yanked the blanket up and held it protectively to his chest.

  
The elder laughed and reached down, tickling at his sides through the blanket. Sehun burst into a fit of giggles as he tried and failed to remove Xiumin’s hands from his side. “Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Idol. Are you ticklish?”

  
“Stop,” Sehun panted breathlessly. “Stop stop you win!” He gasped for breath between his laughter and squirmed away from the other.

  
Xiumin let up and wrapped his arms around Sehun instead, resting his chin on Sehun’s shoulder and looking up at him with big eyes. “I know I do.”

  
Sehun gave him an exasperated look, well aware Xiumin was again referencing the fact that he returned the elder’s feelings. “Yes, yes, I love you too. Now shouldn’t we be getting up?”

  
“I’ve been up for almost an hour already, but yes, it’s time for _you_ to get up, too.” Xiumin released him and pushed himself up, offering a hand for the younger. He took it and stood from the bed, yawning once more as he allowed the elder to pull him towards the bathroom.

  
Xiumin waited for him as he brushed his teeth and washed his face, the elder having done it already when he first got up. He regaled Sehun with the dream he’d had last night, which had involved him playing multiple roles in a zombie apocalypse, one involving time travel. Sehun had laughed so hard he almost choked when Xiumin had mentioned the thirteen year old bandits who had tried to steal his supplies with an “extremely threatening” shitzu. The sad thing was he could see Xiumin actually handing over the supplies, just to be nice. Such a sweet soul. He was lucky he had Sehun to protect him from the evil thirteen year olds of the world. Sure, voicing that thought had earned him a slap to the arm and an extreme pout, but the blush on Xiumin’s cheeks had been worth it.

  
They spent the rest of the time before they had to leave cuddling under the covers. Xiumin’s dream had led to them going back and forth, discussing their strangest dreams and nightmares. Sehun told him about the time he’d run from the Pharaoh of the Mummy movies alongside the Scooby-Doo gang, trying to escape as all the ground around them collapsed into sand. He’d thought he’d won until Xiumin pulled out a heavy hitter.

  
“Okay, so me and Chen were running around this park, trapped somehow, when a ton of Magikarp start flopping down at us. We were gonna try to catch one but suddenly a Gyrados came out and started attacking us. We kept jumping around, dodging between trees made of balloons, and the Gyrados comes straight for me. Armed with a meat cleaver I had to evade this thing, while Chen fought off thousands of Magikarp with a samurai sword.”

  
“I-I’m not even sure how to respond to that.” Sehun twisted around in Xiumin’s grip to stare at him. “What kind of drugs are you on?”

  
Xiumin laughed and flicked Sehun’s forehead. “Says the newest member of the Scooby-Doo gang. Is the Scorpion King next?”

  
He blushed, retreating back into Xiumin’s side. “Point,” he muttered.

  
He wasn’t that embarrassed, not really, because no matter how ridiculous he could be, Xiumin probably had him beat. He was incredibly dorky once you got to know him, and Sehun had gotten to know him _very_ well. It was cute in his opinion, and it made him want to squeeze the elder’s cheeks. So he did. To his credit, Xiumin didn’t do anything other than blush himself and push Sehun away. It was a nice, lazy way to spend the morning, but something had been creeping slowly closer to the front of Sehun’s mind, a rain cloud coming closer the more he thought of it. Luhan.

  
His behavior the night before had been strange, for sure, but now that Sehun had gotten over the anxiety of the moment, he had a hard time deciphering the meaning behind it. Luhan had always been a little shit, with a habit of doing things just to mess with the members whenever he got bored. Sehun wasn’t sure if that was the case this time or if he _actually_ knew something. He could actually know something and _still_ be messing with them, you could never tell with him... Xiumin was _probably_ right, and Luhan knew nothing, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep an eye on him, anyway.

  
He didn’t want to ruin the current moment though, so he kept his thoughts to himself. There was no sense in worrying Xiumin more than necessary when he was already doing his best to calm Sehun. The other boy was far too sweet for his own good, and if he admitted his thoughts, Xiumin would probably agonize over every little thing that happened for fear of Sehun’s well being. It wasn’t like he was lying _perse_ , more just keeping his suspicions to himself for now. He still felt a little guilty but he rationalized that this was for Xiumin’s well being and that was enough to get him past it.

  
Eventually it came time for them to meet the others and they _had_ to get out of bed. Sehun resisted the urge to pout, mainly because he wasn’t sure if Xiumin would _actually_ cave and let them stay back and, as much as he sort of _did_ want it, that wasn’t _really_ what he wanted. He’d been enough of an interruption on this tour. He wasn’t about to disappoint anyone, not the fans or members, not anymore.

  
When they met the rest of the group downstairs Sehun’s eyes immediately searched for Luhan. He was laughing as he said something to Lay and he didn’t seem to notice the younger. He ignored the slight twist of his gut, still worried about that situation but resolving to watch and wait, and moved on to finding Kai. He was harder to spot, hunched over in one of the arm chairs behind the others. He looked tired, and the maknae immediately began to feel sorry for him. Had he had another nightmare? Sehun wanted to go to him and ask but the manager called them all together before he could.

  
They had a fan signing first, followed by a radio interview before the concert that night. He was actually pretty excited for the fan sign because this was the first official event he would be able to participate in since that last, fateful variety show. He was anxious to get back to the fans directly and show them he was okay. If he was being honest, he was sort of sick of being sick. He wanted to go back to the way things had been before, when they’d just had fun with each other and the fans.

  
And so with excitement bubbling up from his core, he followed the manager and the rest of the group to the vehicles. Xiumin was still at his side, carefully assuring no one got to close and helping the maknae into the back seat of the van. It meant Sehun’s plan of trying to sit next to Kai was kaput though, as the dancer made his way to the other vehicle. Well, he’d have to catch him later.

  
The fan meet went phenomenally well. Sehun had been right when he guessed the first thing fans would do would be to hurl a barrage of questions at him about his health, and he was lucky his manager had helped him with a list of phrases that would put their minds at ease. The last thing he wanted was to upset them by saying he was still in pain.

  
After the fan meet, which flew by much faster than he had expected, they left directly for the radio show. It was going to be a relatively short interview, about half an hour long, so Sehun allowed his mind to wander a bit.

  
He felt on the edge of being overwhelmed by everything around him, and the only thing that kept him from tipping over was Xiumin’s hand on his as he rubbed subtle circles into Sehun’s skin. Yes, he knew there were a lot of things to deal with still, including whatever was going on with Luhan and the eventual need to reveal their relationship to the group, but it was easy to forget about those things when Xiumin was so close. He was a soothing balm to Sehun, and his mere presence calmed the maknae. They could deal with their problems later, once they’d had a chance to discuss a plan and figure out the best time to do so.

  
Sehun was riding a high that left him very chipper when they finally arrived at the recording station. He hopped out and followed the other members through the building, practically humming his delight. It was hard to suppress his current joy, so he decided not to. The members seemed to take it as excitement to return to activities once again anyway, so he was in the clear as far as explanations went.

  
It wasn’t until he was waiting for his makeup to be done that he noticed Kai was watching him. He waved once, only to be disappointed when Kai immediately turned away. He couldn’t help but frown, because something was off with the other boy. He couldn’t dwell on it too much because he was called up then, but he resolved to make good on his promise yet and talk to the boy to ensure he was okay. So he sat, somewhat impatiently, as the artist did his makeup, just waiting for it to be over. His behavior was once again attributed to energy and excitement, which he quickly agreed with. He just wanted to be done so he could talk to Kai.

  
When the artist finally finished he almost jumped out of the chair, bowing at her once before scampering off to find his friend. He didn’t have to look for long. Kai was in an adjacent wardrobe room, pacing nervously. Sehun quietly shut the door behind him, wincing when it made Kai jump.

  
“Sorry,” he stage whispered. He tentatively walked across the room, carefully so as not to spook Kai when he seemed so high strung already. “Are you okay?”

  
Kai let out an uncharacteristically derisive snort. “Just peachy,” he muttered.

  
“You don’t sound like it,” Sehun laughed carefully. He was shocked to find Kai glaring at him in response. What was going on?

  
“Well I guess we’re all full of surprises, aren’t we?”

  
“Uh... Sure?” Part of Sehun was very confused at Kai’s behavior, and the rest of him was shouting out that this was dangerous. He couldn’t help but worry that the elder’s action had something to do with him and Xiumin, and as such he was on guard. “What’s up, Kai?”

  
The look Kai gave him was the scariest thing he’d ever seen from the other boy, because it was positively dripping rage. “What’s up is you’ve been fucking a member behind our backs!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm literally the worst person ever. Almost six months without update. I'm so so so sorry. I just got so busy with a million things, and I'm awful and yes. 
> 
> This is a super short update, but it's to remind you guys I haven't forgotten this, and as soon as I finish my taegi bingo fics I will get this done! 
> 
> (But yeah, shit is going to get very real soon, trust me)
> 
> Love you all! Thanks for sticking with me :3
> 
> Song by The 1975


	34. Rumor (Has It)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The bomb had been dropped, leaving a shell shocked Sehun to deal with the after effects.

Sehun had always heard that your life flashed before your eyes when you were about to die. He didn’t know the science behind it exactly, though he had tried looking it up once. Mostly it had been vague scientific statements that although he read through twice, he just couldn’t follow. It was called “Life Review Experiences,” which was, in his opinion, quite a boring name for something so spectacular. His (limited) understanding of it was that your body began to pump adrenaline through itself high speeds, and your brain was suddenly pushed into overdrive. This allowed you to process more things at once, and quicker than you would normally be able to do. Something about being in danger seemed to flip a switch in most people’s brains that made them remember all of the good things in their life, the things they were about to lose. Whether it was true or not, he had never known.

  
Now though, standing in front of Kai and hearing those words leave his lips, he thought it just might be. Somehow Kai had found out about him and Xiumin, and he was clearly pissed.

  
Memories flooded his mind in a matter of seconds. Every chaste kiss (and the ones that were anything but), the first date they’d had on the roof that somehow felt like it had been long ago rather than just a few days, and the way the world seemed to disappear when they held each other, leaving just them and their thoughts in a world devoid of anything else. Even the little things came to him, like the way Xiumin’s smile felt just a little brighter when he looked at Sehun, and how they could communicate with only looks and quirks of their brows.

  
From the very first kiss, they had been destined. The love between them had grown so quickly, so intensely, that there had really only been two ways it could have gone. It could have been that once in a lifetime love, the kind they made movies about where two people just understood each other so well that they defied all logic, falling utterly and irrevocably in love in a single night.

  
Or it could have been so fierce it grew beyond them and consumed them both, burning them up until it left nothing but ashes in it’s wake. Sehun was glad it was the former, because a world without Xiumin felt like not much of a world at all, now that he’d gotten to know the elder so intimately.

  
But now... All of the things that they had overcome were about to be wiped away and erased, swept up in the tumultuous waves that would come with the truth being exposed.

  
For a moment he said nothing. He was aware that Kai was looking at him expectantly but he just couldn’t seem to focus his brain enough to formulate a response. The situation was too delicate to speak carelessly. It was too soon for the members to find out now. Neither him nor Xiumin had decided how to handle this, having both thought they would be able to do so on their own terms, when they were ready. Sehun wasn’t prepared to do this on his own. The only acceptable course of action right now was to stall, to try to convince Kai he had misunderstood something, that he was wrong.

  
“Wh-What are you talking about, Kai?” He attempted to laugh, but the sound fell flat even to his own ears. “Are you a comedian now? Real nice.”

  
“Cut it out Sehun,” Kai scoffed. Even as he spoke his eyes were glued to a spot on the floor between the two of them, refusing to meet Sehun’s gaze. Whether it was because he was upset or angry, or even disgusted by the thought of Sehun being with another man, the maknae didn’t know, but his heart clenched painfully in his chest either way.

  
“Cut what out? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  
“Bullshit. I know. I know about you and-“ Kai hesitated, drawing in a deep breath and holding it. Despite his lips being pressed tightly together, the slight quiver of his bottom one was unmistakable. When he eventually breathed out again it was with an air of defeat, his shoulders falling and staying down with the exhale and his head hanging ever so slightly.

  
As much as he was panicking inside, it wasn’t nearly enough to stop him from feeling concerned for Kai. To see his friend so upset, so… almost _broken_ , broke him too. Whether he knew the truth or not, whatever he _thought_ he knew was clearly causing him pain. That was not something he had ever wanted to come from his relationship with Xiumin, to hurt the friends he loved so much with secrets. He took a step forward as he spoke the other’s name softly, hoping to soothe him somewhat. It seemed this was entirely the wrong choice, as Kai flinched and took a half step back.

  
“Don’t come near me.”

  
Sehun stilled, his hand hovering in front of him.

  
“Kai?”

  
“Don’t. Don’t just-“ The older boy cut himself off with a frustrated sigh. His hand came up to run through his hair, mussing it up and ruining the work the stylist had done just a few minutes prior.

  
“Don’t what?”

  
“Don’t anything!”

  
His head snapped up to finally look at Sehun and all he saw was anger. It flashed in his eyes and radiated from his body, and suddenly Sehun didn’t recognize him anymore. He was looking right at Kai, but it didn’t look like his friend staring back. Someone else had taken his place, someone born of hurt and frustration, of misunderstanding and confusion, and it was utterly heartbreaking to see. Whatever parts of Sehun that had been holding onto his own self preservation let go, and instead he reached out for his friend.

  
“Please, Kai, talk to me. Whatever this is all about, we can sort it out together. Just tell me wha-“

  
“No! I don’t want to. I _can’t_ right now. I need to-“ He broke off to sigh heavily again. “I need to think. Just go, please.”

  
Sehun opened his mouth to argue but Kai shook his head and turned away before he could speak.

  
“We’ll… We’ll talk later,” he mumbled. “Please.”

  
He hated the way Kai’s voice cracked at the end. His heart was screaming at him not to go, but his logical mind told him that if Kai wanted time, that was what he needed to give his friend. Trying to push would only bring him so far before he brought Kai to the edge and over.

  
“Okay. I’ll- I’ll go, but I’m not far, alright? Whenever you’re ready… Talk to me. Please,” he added quietly. Kai just nodded at the wall and Sehun took that as his cue. He left and closed the door silently behind him.

  
Rather than return to the other members just yet he took a second, leaning against the wall for support, as his legs had suddenly begun to feel weak. He lay his forehead against the smooth surface, being careful not to mess his hair up as well. It would draw too much attention both him and Kai returned with messy hair and had to be restyled.

  
There were too many things he had wanted to say and keep to himself at the same time. A swirl of emotions were running through him at the moment, predominantly those of confusion and fear. Of course he was worried that his and Xiumin’s relationship was in danger now, but so was his and Kai’s, even with his other bandmates and friends; anything could happen next, and Sehun was not prepared for any of it. That notion was terrifying enough, let alone adding into account whatever was happening to Kai’s emotional wellbeing.

  
It was too much to deal with in the fifteen minutes before their interview was meant to begin. Somehow, Sehun would have to pull it together and act as if nothing had happened, and so would Kai. The question was, would Kai be able to? He had been so angry, almost angrier than Sehun had ever seen him.

  
There had been sadness, too. In fact, Sehun had a feeling that sadness had been the only thing that had kept his anger from escalating even further. But was that due to Sehun and Xiumin lying about their relationship, or was it perhaps because he was uncomfortable with the idea of two men, especially two men that were so close with him, both physically and emotionally? There were too many variables, too many things that have could been the source of Kai’s pain, and without any explanations, Sehun could not know.

  
Knowing he couldn’t put it off any longer, Sehun made his way back to the waiting room, trying to get his emotions under control on the walk. The most important thing right now was to get through their schedule without anyone noticing. Once they were back at the hotel, Sehun could hopefully speak to Kai in private and figure something out. Until then, he would have to act as if nothing had happened. Xiumin would probably see right through it, but he wouldn’t confront Sehun about it in the midst of a schedule, so as long as they could get through the next few hours things would (hopefully) work out.

  
_One step at a time._

  
By the time he reached the door to the waiting room, he was able to wear a smile rather than a grimace, even if it was not a real one. It worked well enough, and no one questioned where he had been. Xiumin’s gaze was watchful on him, like he was trying to assess what state Sehun was in. He spared his boyfriend a small smile, and saw the other man’s eyes widen slightly, some type of understanding there, but he was smart enough not to act on it right now. Sehun would have to explain yet but for now there were too many people around, and too little time before they were required to begin the radio show.

  
They waited to be called in, the stylists fiddling with last minute changes on their clothes and hair. Kai had slipped in sometime ago but Sehun had barely looked his way. The last thing he needed was to pressure him in front of all the members. A radio station was not a place he wanted his secrets to be revealed in. For now he needed to play it safe and hope Kai wouldn’t let even any hints escape.

  
When the producer finally motioned for them to enter they filed in, sitting down in the available seats. Rather than sit next to Xiumin like he wanted, Sehun chose a seat between D.O. and Tao. It was also a few seats down from Kai, in a way that meant Sehun would have to lean forward to see past the rest of the members, and likewise for the other. There was a fleeting moment of confusion in Xiumin’s eyes before he nodded imperceptibly and took a seat between Chen and Baekhyun. As much as Sehun was craving his support right now, distancing themselves for now was their best option, at least for Kai’s sake.

  
The first half of the interview went smoothly. Kai had managed to table his issues for the meanwhile, joking and laughing with the rest of the members. Sehun hoped he was the only one that noticed he did not interact where Sehun or Xiumin already had.

  
It wasn’t until the interviewer brought up their last concert that things became troubling.

  
“Sehun, you performed at the last concert. You even managed to do a solo performance with Kai that had fans going crazy. Were either of you aware you two were trending worldwide after that?”

  
From the very corner of his eyes he saw the other boy stiffen, but Sehun had been expecting a reaction from him when the DJ began speaking of them. Before anyone could notice, he made a shocked noise and drew the attention back.

  
“Really? I had no idea!” Which wasn’t actually a lie, because he had not paid attention to social media at all, aside from the message he’d left his fans when he had returned from the hospital.

  
“Have you not been on your social media much since you were injured?”

  
“Not much. None of us have. We’ve all been very focused on the tour,” Sehun answered carefully. He didn’t want to start some weird rumor about his health just because he didn’t update his Weibo.

  
“We’ve been working very hard to show our fans the best side of us,” Suho interjected. “Sehun, as well, has been at every practice with us, cheering us on and giving us courage. Together, we’ve made a great show for our Exo-L’s."

  
Bless Suho, _so much_. As always he had the words that needed to be heard, that both reassured the audience and drew attention away from Kai. Thankfully the DJ took the bait, asking about their rehearsals and shifting the conversation back to the more active members. Sehun could have kissed him, although that would probably not be smartest thing to voice with Kai near.

  
They were approaching the end of the interview and it was time for them to perform a song to end it with a bang. Sehun listened as the members performed acoustically, trying not to let his emotions from earlier resurface in the process. Hearing the lyrics about love, especially coming from Kai and Xiumin, was definitely messing with his head and heart a little. Maybe he was imagining the new layer of pain in Kai’s voice as he sang, eyes closed and fingers wrapped tightly around the mic stand. Whether it was in his head or not, it was beautiful.

  
Then there was Xiumin. It couldn’t have been just in Sehun’s head that the eldest had changed, because even the DJ made an appreciative noise next to him when Xiumin sang his part. He hadn’t been particularly shy before, but he had lacked a certain… confidence that you would expect to find in the eldest of a group. Perhaps it had just been his soft-spoken nature. Xiumin was an old soul born into a very loud world. Where others would blabber on, a few words were enough on his part. There wasn’t anything wrong with that of course. Sehun respected that about Xiumin. In fact, the moments they spent together in silence were some of Sehun’s favorites. He felt at peace with the elder, and the quiet between them had never felt very quiet to Sehun at all.

  
Now though… wow. Xiumin didn’t seem to be holding back any more. His voice practically exploded in the small recording room. It was as if he sucked up all the air around them and replaced it with the song. It enveloped Sehun and set his heart pounding. As much as he tried to watch all the members of the group equally, his attention remained mostly on Xiumin. Thankfully they only performed one song, and before long Sehun was rescued by the DJ applauding enthusiastically. He joined in, giving the whole of the group two thumbs up. After that it was a quick wrap up and a goodbye for them before they left the recording session.

  
Kai was shuffling slowly at the back of the group, clearly wanting to keep distance between both him and Xiumin, who was walking just in front of Sehun. It was all he could do not to turn his head and look back at his friend, but he was desperately trying to respect Kai’s wishes. So instead he participated in the weightless conversations of his other band members, allowing them to distract him from what he was feeling. It didn’t do much but it kept him from occupied on the ride to the concert venue.

  
From then on out it was easy to stay distracted. Their day’s schedule had left little time for relaxation, and they reached the arena with barely enough time to use the bathroom before sound check began. Sehun watched from the floor in front of the stage, humming along to the music and miming some of the dance moves. Potential Life Destroying Drama aside, he couldn’t deny the rush of energy performances brought with them, even if he wouldn’t be on stage himself. This was it, the reason they were all here. Singing and dancing in front of thousands of fans, hearing them chant the lyrics back at them and call their names, it was every trainees dream. Sehun would never forget the moment SM told him he was going to debut. Every stage he stood on and every award they won, it always brought him back to the same thought.

  
This time it was different though, because for the first time he saw the possibility of it suddenly ending. If word got out, it wouldn’t just ruin him and Xiumin. A rumor, even a whisper of the truth, would cause chaos, a scandal the likes of which the Korean entertainment scene had never witnessed. Exo and SM’s names would be dragged so far down into the mud that it wouldn’t matter whether the other members knew or not, their reputations would be tainted forever.

  
God, they had _really_ messed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No excuses or explanations, just an apology for being a shitty human and an even worse author. 
> 
> I've made a promise not to work on any other stories until I complete this, so (hopefully) I'll just be able to get it done in a month or so.
> 
> Okay, maybe ONE explanation:  
> I have fallen very out of touch with this story. I've reached a point where it's hard to connect with it again, and it makes writing it difficult. I'm trying very hard not to half ass it because the beautiful fans I have deserve much more. So I'm doing my best to complete it. (Writing this has probably taken a combined six or seven hours and it's only 2k-ish words.)
> 
> So if you've stuck with me so far, thank you. 
> 
> Over and out.


	35. Close My Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sehun has to make a decision about what to do next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explanation for being a shitty author-nim at the end.

Although Sehun was not allowed to perform along side the members on stage, he had been given the green light to go up and take part in the between -song activities. That way the fans could see that he was doing well and on the road to a full recovery, and Sehun could still participate in the tour in as much as possible. That last thing anybody wanted was for people to believe that he was dying, or at odds with the group members, both of which had been theories that popped up on the fan forums recently. Neither were true (ignoring the situation with Kai and even still that was not quite the case). Sehun wanted to squash the rumors in the bud before they could grow any serious momentum.

  
He had been unsure of what wardrobe had been planned for him. Since he wouldn’t be performing it was hardly necessary for him to be as dolled up as the others, but he was still an idol and so he would need to look presentable as a member of Exo. Luckily the stylist had understood this. Instead of sequined lapels on designer jackets, he wore a simple grey suit vest atop a loose navy button-up. Along with a loose fitting pair of dark slacks and loafers, he looked every bit as stylish as the rest of the group, only in a more reserved way. At least he didn’t stick out like a sore thumb.

  
His hair and makeup was even simpler. Aside from the layer of foundation the artist had applied, only a little eyeliner and few touches of eyeshadow were added, more to make him look rosy and healthy than showy. By the time everything was done, he looked just like everyone else getting ready to go on stage, minus the brace around his wrist and hand. Although he had debated taking it off, perhaps a little worried of drawing attention to the injury, his manager had pointed out it was important the fans see he was being treated properly. It made sense, as it could look like he was neglecting his recovery if he didn’t have something covering and supporting his injury. Besides, there was still a noticeable wound, and though it was healing, he didn’t want to risk that by covering it with makeup.

  
As it neared show time the backstage grew louder, words overlapping everywhere as the staff hurried about to make sure they were ready. Sehun waited for an assistant to clip his mic on properly and then peeked out at the crowd from behind a heavy, black curtain. The flashes of light sticks were everywhere, zipping back and forth in the hands of their excited owners. Chants of the members names filled the arena as well, and it was all so familiar to him that he felt his body relax a little. Sure, there were still a lot of things he needed to deal with and his troubles were far from over, but none of that could keep him down when he was here. If the knowledge of his and Xiumin’s relationship got out, even just to SM, then there was a chance this could be his last concert, and he was dammed if he wasn’t going to make the most of it, even if he couldn’t actually perform.

  
He just wanted to take it all in and commit it to memory: the stands full of people there just for _them_ , to hear them sing and watch them dance, the staff whose sole purpose was to make it happen, and them. His bandmates were his friends, his family, and his future. It was all of their dream’s coming true on the stage, night after night, working together to be the Exo their fans loved. It would be heartbreaking if it came to the end, but they would always have this, these moments that proved they had succeeded. They had achieved their dreams and made bigger ones, and then achieved those ones too. If the worst _was_ to happen, it wouldn’t _really_ be the worst thing. As long as he still had Xiumin, he felt he could deal with anything. Maybe it was false confidence bred in the moment but for now he wanted to believe. He sort of had to.

  
“Five minutes everyone,” the stage manager called out. The staff bustled around even quicker as they triple and quadruple checked everything was running properly. Their own manager gathered them around for a last minute speech.

  
“Alright boys, here we go. The fans have been waiting to see you back in action and now it’s time to show them. Remember, Sehun might not be able to perform but that just means you all have to work 10% harder to show the fans a good stage. Now, you think you can do that?”

  
“Yes,” they screamed in unison. Sehun screamed too because he knew they could.

  
He continued chanting and yelling encouragements as the members ran off to take their places for the opening song. Hell, he was screaming louder than the fans, not that you could hear it over the collective uproar from the stadium as the overhead lights dimmed and the stage beams zapped to life. As the music began and Chen’s voice filled the arena, the cheers reached their peek, becoming the kind of shrill shriek only a fan girl was capable of making.

  
He had never watched them perform live before and not been a part of it. There had been a select few times he couldn’t perform for whatever reason (as there had been with every member once or twice), but those reasons always kept him from being there entirely. There had never been a reason he could be there and _not_ be performing. The experience was surreal. He could see everyone in a whole new light (pun not intended) as they stood below those giant stage lights.

  
The first song was amazing. The guys hit every note beautifully and every dance move was perfectly timed to the beat. If Sehun hadn’t known just what all went in to preparing this, he would almost think it had been choreographed like this originally. Nobody tripped over their lines or even hesitated. They _owned_ it.

  
After the song was finished Sehun waited patiently for the members’ cues to join them on stage. Kris began making the regular thank you’s and hello’s to the crowd, smiling at the fans while he rubbed his neck down with a towel to remove some of the sweat.

  
“1,2- Wait,” Suho stopped midway to introducing themselves. The members feigned confusion as they looked around.

  
“What’s up?” Chanyeol questioned from beside the leader.

  
“Well I wanted to do the greeting, but something seems off. Don’t you think so guys?” Suho looked around searchingly at the members. The theatricality of it made Sehun laugh, and he watched with mirth as he waited for the right moment.  
Lay hummed. “Yes, it does,” he nodded.

“It feels like we’re missing something, don’t you guys think?” A murmur of agreement echoed through the group.

  
“I definitely showered before we got here,” Baekhyun joked .

  
“We’re all wearing our clothes,” Tao added, blushing when the crowd booed playfully.

  
“What could it be then guys?” The crowd screamed, and Sehun realized it was his name they were screaming. “What’s that?” Suho asked them. They screamed Sehun’s name again, louder this time, and that was as good a time as any.

  
He jogged onto the stage, waving with his good hand as the crowd erupted into cheers and applause. As he got closer he saw that a few of the signs in the crowd were for him, saying encouraging things and wishing him a quick recovery. It reaffirmed what he had thought earlier, about how thankful he was for everything they had achieved.

  
“Hello,” he chirped happily into his mic, continuing to smile and wave at the crowd.

  
“Ah, Sehun! Now that you’re here, we can introduce ourselves!” Everyone turned straight towards the crowd, waiting as Kris counted down.

  
“1,2. WE ARE ONE! Hello, we are Exo!”  
There were very few moments in his life that Sehun thought of as the “big” one’s, but he decided then that this would be one of them. The way the crowd cheered so happily, and the way the member’s smiles were so wide as they all looked at each other then: it was something that would stay ingrained in his memory for as long as he lived. He knew it.

  
“Hello everyone! I’ve missed you so much. Have you missed me as well?” The increase in applause answered his question, and he smiled down gratefully at the audience.

  
“Ah, you got a better response than all of us,” Luhan commented. “They must have really missed you.”

  
“Of course,” Chen piped up from next to Sehun, throwing his arm around the maknae and squeezing his shoulder. “Our Sehunnie is so wonderful.”

  
Sehun did not have to fake his blush entirely, giving the members and their audience a shy smile. “Ah, why are they being so nice? They’re all so wonderful as well! Thanks to them all I've been recovering well!"

  
A combination of laughter and cooing came from the crowd, making Sehun’s smile widen. And so it went as they joked around, the crowd oohing and ahhing, laughing at their dialogue. It didn’t last for long before the members needed to perform again, and so Sehun said goodbye for now to the fans, trying to take a lighthearted approach to the disappointed noises they made. It had been nice to be up there with the guys, laughing and joking ad they had all done before Sehun’s accident. It was good, normal, and had been sorely missed by the maknae.

  
He watched from the side of the stage as the members carried on performing. To keep Sehun more involved a camera would broadcast his reactions on screen every so often, mixed in between the close ups of the members: a shot of him laughing at the fan service the members displayed during some of the sillier choreographies, him lip-syncing to his own parts. In between songs, when the members would answer questions and play mini games, Sehun would join them. He didn’t take part in any of the games, rather he was the joint MC with one of the other members as they alternated who played and didn’t.

  
By the time the concert was growing to a close, Sehun felt fairly exhausted. It wasn’t that he had been moving around a lot and felt physically drained exactly, but it had been a busier day than he was used to lately. Adding on top of the somewhat busy schedule, the revelations with Kai had happened upon left him feeling drained. As much as he wanted to savor the joyous moments of the concert the dread of what would happen after was beginning to build. For now he pushed it as far away as he could, plastering a smile on his face that wasn’t entirely fake but was definitely exaggerated, and joined the members on stage as they said their goodbyes.

  
Fans had been discouraged from throwing things on stage at the beginning of the show specifically to avoid anything hitting Sehun, but he ducked back to the side of the stage so that they could still throw things out for the rest of the members. A flurry of stuffed toys bombarded the stage, hitting the members and making them laugh. Chanyeol and Baekhyun scrambled over each other to grab a Pikachu thrown at their feet, and Chen lifted up a little penguin to compare to D.O.’s face. There were more plushies than usual, which might have had to do with the fans being worried for Sehun. Since his mic was still on, he called out to the other members.

  
“Yah, don’t I get any?”

  
Their response made Sehun giggle as several members started bustling around to find a stuffed animal that he would like the most as if it was some type of competition.

  
Tao presented him with a little pink Llama, a bow of ribbon around its neck. Chen brought him the Pikachu he had stolen from Chanyeol when he wasn’t looking, and Baekhyun gave him a teddy bear sized turtle wearing sunglasses that almost won, would have won, when Lay placed a sparkly blue unicorn into his arms.

  
“He can borrow my healing magic until you’re better,” he chirped happily. The genuine sweetness of the moment made Sehun’s cheeks heat up while the cheesiness made him duck his head, laughing while the crowd freaked out over the cute little interaction.

  
“Seriously? Ah, I can’t believe you. Well, that definitely wins!” The audience cheered alongside the members, some of them grumbling that Lay had cheated. It was all in good fun though, and the members smiled as they said their final goodbye and walked off stage. Sehun held all of his prizes firmly under his arm, making sure he didn’t drop any behind him as he left.

  
Everyone had chosen at least one stuffed animal to take with them, sometimes two or three (with the exception of the beagles, whose arms were overflowing with the toys). The staff met them backstage, collecting the toys into different piles so the members could go get cleaned up. Sehun left his there as well, with the exception of his unicorn. It couldn’t very well heal him if it wasn’t with him, could it? Tucking it carefully at his side, he followed the members back to the dressing room.

  
Naturally he couldn’t help but to glance over at Kai. Throughout the entire concert the second youngest member had not spoken to him once. Whether it had been a coincidence that it had gone unnoticed by everyone else or clever misdirection by the other, Sehun didn’t know, but it obvious either way that it was what Kai had wanted. Now that they were offstage and not under thousands of watchful eyes, he took the moment to study his friend.

  
Kai was not ignoring the other members like he had Sehun. Well, correction. He was not ignoring any other members apart from Xiumin. Sehun watched quietly throughout their entire time backstage and Xiumin was the only other person Kai did not acknowledge in some way. That could only mean Kai really did know about their relationship at least somewhat. It was definitely worrying that Kai was on the right track. Sehun would either have to lie to him outright, which he hadn’t really had to do so far since his and Xiumin’s relationship had remained secretive enough so far to avoid such questions, or he would have to tell Kai the truth.

  
The truth.

  
It was… terrifying. Of course him and Xiumin would want to tell the other members yet, but this soon? And without having any time to properly discuss it and get their stories straight, this could end… undesirably. Hell, it could destroy every single member’s career. That was not something Sehun wanted to take lightly, something he would rather have worked out with Xiumin as a partner equally first. However, it seemed that Kai wasn’t leaving him any choice in the matter.

  
He was going to talk to Kai about it.

  
 _Tonight_.

  
He could only hope that the foundations of their friendship were strong enough for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have literally no excuses for being a shit author. Well, not like valid ones. I'm sorry. I've just been struggling a lot lately, and every time I sit down and try to work on this, it feels shitty and awful and I don't like any of what I get down.
> 
> I have an outline for the ending of this story, and I want to do it justice. But my dumb brain will. not. write. it.
> 
> So I decided to post what I had of this chapter so far, to remind people I am actually not dead and plan to finish this. Some time. 
> 
> I'm sorry for not doing my duty as an author! >.<
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this little bit maybe?


	36. Universe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat comes out of the bag in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, not doing it: No excuses.
> 
> I want to have this finished by the 22nd because then it will be two years...  
> -Your friendly local Procrastinauthor

The ride back to the hotel was not quiet but he felt like Kai’s silence toward him was deafening. It was unbearable. Sehun just wanted his friend back. Everything had spiraled so unbelievably out of control lately. Had it really only been a few days ago that everything had been fine? If Sehun wasn’t living it he wouldn’t think it was possible for such chaos to throw his life into the air like this. 

They were almost back and he still had no idea what to do. He wanted to talk things over with Xiumin first but maybe there wasn’t time. Kai had seemed… volatile. He could blow the lid off their secret any second. Not that Sehun thought he would, but it was a real (and terrifying) possibility. But Kai was his friend; his very close friend. They should be able to sit down and talk honestly without things getting out of control. 

Right? 

Overthinking it wasn’t going to help, he decided. It was time for him to take action, rather than let everything just happen around him. He’d been doing that the whole time and it wasn’t working out particularly well for him. (Not including the outcome with Xiumin, because he did not regret his boyfriend making the first moves there.) Slipping his phone out of his pocket, he sent off a quick text.

 

**To: 3 Month Hyung~**

We need to talk tonight. Please just hear me out.

 

Kai was sitting in the front next to the driver but all Sehun could see was the back of the seat. He saw the reflection of Kai’s phone in the passenger side window when it lit up from his message, but Kai hadn’t answered him despite having read it. 

**To: 3 Month Hyung~**

Please hyung.

 

The reflection left the window as Kai moved his phone so Sehun just waited. 

And waited. 

When he felt the vibration of his own phone in his hand he nearly jumped out of his skin. He hastily swiped his screen and read the reply. 

 

**From: 3 Month Hyung~**

Meet me in the basement workout room. 

 

It wasn’t much in the way of starting a conversation but it was something. 

 

**To: 3 Month Hyung~**

Thank you!! 

**From: 3 Month Hyung~**

Don’t thank me yet. 

 

Well, that was foreboding. 

 

 

The basement was eerily empty as Sehun made his way through the twisting halls. Despite looking nothing like those creepy hallways in horror movies, they still gave off the same feeling to him. It was the feeling that he was walking to his doom, and he couldn’t shake it. He couldn’t help but wish Xiumin was at his side to calm his nerves. Of course, that would be like bringing a can of gas with you to douse a fire; it would only make things worse. 

All he had been able to tell the elder was he was meeting Kai for a private talk. Any other excuse would have made Xiumin want to accompany him. It was completely true but it also wasn’t nearly the whole story. Sehun would have to fill his boyfriend in later; there just wasn’t time now. Kai’s van had gotten there a little ahead of theirs because of traffic, so he was probably already waiting for Sehun. It definitely made it harder to push open the workout room door, knowing that whatever was about to happen was not going to be easy, but he did it anyways and walked into the room. 

At this time of night it was completely empty, the few who might use the facility’s equipment more likely to use the main room upstairs. That made it easy to instantly spot Kai, sitting on a bench between two machines near the back of the room. 

“Hyung,” Sehun greeted as he made his way through the treadmills and bikes that stood between them. He did his best not to let his unease show. Much. 

Kai looked up sharply, having not heard the door before he spoke. He stood up but didn’t move from his spot, instead allowing Sehun to come to him. The air was thick with the tension of unsaid words on both sides, although Sehun resolved to do his best to break it. 

“Hyung,” he said again. “Thank you for meeting me.” 

Kai just nodded, eyes not leaving Sehun’s. The younger waited for him to speak but he remained silent, so he cleared his throat and spoke again. “I know you were upset with me before, but can we please just talk openly and honestly now?” 

At the mention of their previous conversation Kai gulped, whether from guilt or disgust or anger, Sehun wasn’t sure. That’s why they needed to talk now; Sehun needed to know what Kai knew and how he felt. He had no clue what was going on in the elder’s mind and rather than make assumptions, he wanted the truth straight from Kai himself. 

“I wasn’t- I mean I was- am upset, but not- Shit.” Kai ran his hand through his hair and released a frustrated sigh. “I’m not sure what I feel.” 

 _Right there with you Kai_ _..._  

“Well how about we start with what you were talking about? That was a very… specific thing you said.”  

“Well it’s true, isn’t it?” His sharp glare pinned Sehun to the spot. 

“That, well… It’s complicated. I don’t know what you think you know-“ 

“What I know,” Kai cut him off as he began to pace, “is that you and Xiumin are… are… what, casually fucking? No, that’s not right. Dating?” Sehun opened his mouth to reply but Kai cut him off again. “Don’t bother lying to me about it; I heard you too.” Now it was his turn to gulp, trying to keep his cool but Kai’s words shook him. 

“Heard us what?” 

“Talking about, about whatever it is you guys are!” He gestured into the air randomly and continued. “At the restaurant that night, you told Xiumin you were worried about if people found out about you two. It wasn’t really that hard to piece together. And then I remembered the time you asked for him at the hospital which was really weird. I thought then maybe you just wanted him there since he was the oldest and you thought he’d have some sort of advice to comfort you or something, but now it makes so much more sense. He was so worried about you when you were hurt too; I should have seen the signs then.” 

“So? You were worried about me too,” Sehun argued.  

Kai paused and stopped his pacing for a moment, his back to Sehun. “We all were.” 

“Yeah, but you nearly punched a hole in the drywall.” 

Kai slowly turned to look at him with wide eyes. “You know about that?” 

Sehun nearly rolled his eyes but resisted the urge. “You think the guys would forget that little bit of information? Of course I know.” 

“It was nothing,” Kai scoffed. “I was just amped up from practice. All that adrenaline had to go somewhere.” 

“Okay. Well, either way, it’s really not that strange for a member to be worried for one of us.” 

“So you’re denying it?” Sehun hesitated, and Kai nodded. “Alright then. That’s a yes.” 

“Try to understand hyung. It’s a confusing situation-“ 

“What’s confusing about him sucking your dick? Or sorry, do you suck his?” Sehun could only stand there in shock at what was coming out of his friends mouth. Emboldened by his silence, Kai continued. “You guys are gay, and you’ve been hiding it from everyone, from me. You’ve been lying to us this whole time!” 

“It’s not like that,” Sehun finally snapped back. “You don’t know what you’re talking about Kai!” 

“Then enlighten me, because I feel like I don’t even know you anymore!”  

Sehun had had enough of this. He wasn’t going to let his friend treat him like this, to say these things about him and Xiumin.  

“Listen to me,” he demanded, taking a few steps closer so he was directly in front of Kai. “Yes, it’s true. Me and Xiumin are more than friends, but we haven’t been lying to you like you think! We wanted to tell everyone, but-“ 

“But what?” 

“But we didn’t know what to say!” Sehun sighed in irritation, raising a hand to his forehead and ruffling his bangs in frustration. “It only just happened. We’re still figuring it all out.” 

“So it’s not serious then?” 

“It is…” 

It was hard to tell what exactly the look on Kai’s face was. Perhaps disappointment was the best word.  

“Look, I’m sorry you had to find out this way. We never intended for it to happen; it sort of just did. I understand if it changes how you see us... or makes you uncomfortable. If you need time I understand too. Just please don’t pull away from me. You’re still one of my best friends, Kai.” 

“Of course I am,” Kai laughed. “I’m your best friend, right? We’re just a couple of pals.” 

“I’d like to think so,” Sehun spoke carefully, unsure of what Kai was getting at. There was a moment of tense silence. Sehun, rather than say something that would upset Kai, waited for the elder to respond.  

“When we were training you were one of the first people I really got close to,” Kai softly spoke. “The year before you got there was hard for me, because I was mostly by myself. Then you showed up and we got along so well. We became best friends.” 

“We still are,” Sehun interrupted. “Nothing has changed!” 

“It has. We can’t go back to that again. I can’t-“ 

“Why not?” 

“Because I’m jealous!” Kai yelled back.  

“Because I’m spending more time with Xiumin? I’ll make more time for you too!” 

“Dammit Sehun!” 

Kai stepped forward and grabbed his arms, twisting him around and pushing him against the wall. Before the maknae could question his actions, the elder’s lips were pressing into his. Kai kissed him with a wild abandon, the type of kiss where you gave everything you had. His mouth parted in shock and Kai took advantage, tracing the inside of his mouth with his tongue. The salty taste of sweat filled Sehun’s mouth, and his ears were ringing with the sounds of their lips together. 

He pushed Kai sharply off of him. The elder stumbled backwards, hand flying out to catch himself on one of the machines.  

“What the FUCK KAI?!” He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and it came back wet. “What are you doing?” 

Kai stood there, breathing heavy and labored and eyes locked with Sehun. He didn’t respond, and Sehun found that he didn’t know what the other man was thinking. 

“Was that some type of statement? Are you trying to say I’m a slut for being with Xiumin?” At this the elder’s mouth dropped open. 

“What? No, of course I don’t think that!” 

“Then what was that all about!”  

Kai’s eyes looked down at the floor. “I told you,” he whispered. “I’m  _jealous_.” 

It took a moment for Sehun to realize what he meant. When he did, he felt his legs wobble in shock. He slid down the wall, falling to the ground as he realized  _why_  Kai was angry with him. 

He liked Sehun. 

“But-“ He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to believe either. 

“Guess all our secrets are out now, huh?”  

Kai dropped to the ground in front of him as well. They just sat there for a few minutes, allowing the silence to grow and grow while they each tried to get their thoughts in order. 

This completely blindsided him. He had known something was different about Kai, but he had never expected  _this_. It was so much to absorb in one day. 

“Kai, I don’t-“ 

“Like me like that. I know.” 

He remained quiet, staring at the floor between him and his friend.  

“I know you don’t. I can tell. You want him, not me.”  

Kai pushed himself up off the ground. He then offered a hand down to Sehun, which the younger took after a moment. When they were both standing Kai took a step back, leaving some distance between them. He didn’t look as angry anymore so much as defeated. 

“I’m sorry Sehun. I don’t- I don’t know why I did that. I shouldn’t have done it at all. It was wrong, I know that. But my feelings took me by surprise lately too. It all happened so fast- It was too much.” 

“I understand ‘too much’,” Sehun agreed.  

“Kissing you like that was selfish,” he continued. “I know you don’t feel the same about me. I guess I just wanted… wanted one moment with you.” 

Sehun shook his head.

“How did things end up like this? A month ago we were all friends and no one was hurt and the tour was going well. I seem to have fucked everything up…” 

“No,” Kai quickly said. He took a step forward but stopped. There was sadness in his eyes and written on his face, but he gave a small smile. “You didn’t Sehun. I think I always felt part of it; I didn’t realize before though. Honestly, even if you don’t feel the same way, I feel better now that it’s out in the open between us.” 

“I think,” began Sehun as he rubbed at his forehead. “I think I need to go lay down. I just need some time. I’m sure you do too. We just need to get some rest and… and figure out tomorrow as it comes.” 

Kai exhaled and nodded, thankfully agreeing. Sehun took a few steps towards the door before he turned back. 

“I do love you Kai, as my friend, and I don’t want to lose you.” The elder smiled again, and it was still laced with pain but there was sincerity in it. 

“I know, and you won’t. Let’s just press pause for now and talk again later. And Sehun, I’m sorry for how I acted…” 

“We sure do have our shit together, hey?” Sehun smiled back as best he could.  

“Yeah, we do.” 

They exchanged one last glance, full of too many emotions to name on both sides, and Sehun left. He went through the door, up the elevator, and straight to his room, all the while struggling to come to terms with it all. 

 

When he opened the door and saw Xiumin sitting on the bed staring at the TV he let out the breath he’d been holding in. The elder looked up as Sehun came in, closing the door and immediately heading towards him. 

“Hey, everything okay? I got your text but-“ 

Sehun dropped onto the bed and into Xiumin’s lap, wrapping his arm around the other and burrowing as far into his chest as he could. As if on reflex arms wrapped tightly around him, pulling him closer right away. 

“Sehunnie? What’s wrong?” He pressed soft kisses into Sehun’s hair, humming softly. 

“Kai. He- Oh my god. He told me he-“ 

Xiumin’s arms tightened around him. “What did he say?” 

“He knows about us.”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Titled after Universe, which is this but more heart wrenching? idk


End file.
